Perchance to Dream
by Florencia7
Summary: Post 3x22. As Elena struggles with the decision whether to complete the transition, she finds herself questioning the choices she has already made. Damon/Elena
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** First of all, thank you for taking the time to stop by and give this story a chance despite the blandest summary ever lol Secondly… I've been suffering from the severe lack of time for a long time now, but (un)fortunately the plot bunny (hope Stefan doesn't eat these…) proved stronger, so here is a multi-chapter DE story that takes off when the S3 finale landed. It will probably have 22 chapters (hehe) and I'm planning on updating it twice a week. The goal is to finish this story before the show returns :)

Fair warning: this IS a Damon/Elena story (lol) that is very much a wish-fulfillment/post-S3 finale therapy/ship-driven fic that doesn't aspire to be unbiased ;)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to LJ Smith & CW, and of course _"perchance to dream"_ comes from Hamlet & belongs to William Shakespeare :)

**Summary:** Post 3x22. As Elena struggles with the decision whether to complete the transition, she finds herself questioning the choices she has already made.

_"To die, to sleep;_

_To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;_

_For in that sleep of death what dreams may come_

_When we have shuffled off this mortal coil (…)"_

**William Shakespeare, **_**Hamlet**_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Damon nearly lost control of the car taking yet another sharp turn. Each thought hurt and the pain only increased every time he tried to put together the chain of events and make sense of what had happened.

"_She needed my help."_ Meredith's words echoed dully is his head. _"I helped her."_

He drove along the dusky roads and across the dimly lit intersections without paying attention to the traffic lights. Green, white, red – they were all only colorless shades looming in the darkness, flickering meaninglessly like bleak reminders of the world that had ceased to exist.

They had already left the hospital when he had gotten there, so without asking any further questions, in a daze, he had returned to his car and headed straight to the boarding house.

He could not think about what Meredith's words meant other than that they seemed to repeatedly cut through him - and heal all the wounds at the same time.

Minutes ago he had thought they had said their ultimate good-byes. Hope was dead and he was going to die. Or was it the other way around? She had made her choice and dead or undead he should have chosen to leave the scene. He had been set free.

Set free to die – and that was probably the only acceptable context. But he had not died.

She had.

He clutched the steering wheel tighter, tiers screeching.

Perhaps he should return the favor and set her free. Let her finally be free of him. Forever.

"_I will never... leave you... again."_

The boarding house was dark save for the light in the parlor, and Damon walked in with difficulty, fearing what he was about to see.

The fire was dying down, crackling quietly, yet the sound was perfectly audible in the room full of people who were all silent.

Stefan was sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning forward with his eyes wide-open and fixed on the indefinite point outside the tall windows. Jeremy, with his head in his hands was clenching his fists so hard his knuckles were white, almost as white as Caroline's face. Matt was the only one who immediately looked up with his tired, red-rimmed eyes.

"Where is she." Damon's voice was rough and toneless and surprisingly steady.

He suddenly realized he was angry. Maybe at what had happened, maybe at them, maybe at the sudden, guilt-ridden realization that despite the sinking feeling of despair he could also not get rid of the feeling of rekindled hope. Just when he had lost the final game someone tossed all the cards into the air and here he was, grasping at another chance that was all thorns and misery but nonetheless it _was_.

Or maybe he was quite simply worried. Maybe he was just pathetically worried despite being a superfluous addition to the people who were all here for a reason - unlike him. No one wanted him here. No one needed for him to be here.

He should choose to leave. Perhaps now more than ever.

"She's upstairs." Stefan's voice was hollow, it trembled and broke like a string, but it was not until he laboriously shifted his gaze to Damon that the sense of something ominous filled the air.

Damon looked between all of them with his brows furrowed. He did not know – he _refused_ to know – what it was but there was something written on their faces that made him inwardly fall apart.

He held his breath and turned toward the stairs.

"Don't."

He shuddered involuntarily at the words that immediately reminded him of those rare, foolish moments when he thought that if he risked his heart, his mind, his sanity, if he surrendered _everything_, something wonderful would happen because that is how it ought to be. So many books bore witness to that.

He turned around, irritated. He should leave, he knew he should leave but his own awareness was one thing, and being told to do so by somebody else was quite another.

"She wants to be alone," Stefan said in that odd, ominously resigned voice again.

Damon tilted his head to the side and blinked in confusion, but soon the confusion was swept away by the incomprehensible realization that rushed across his mind like a hurricane and then stopped dead in its tracks transformed into the feeling of all-knowing compassion, deep, pure, silent, and calm, and for a moment he was in complete agreement with it, for a moment it was an instant communion.

But the moment passed, and the feeling started to hiss and boil, and he started feeling so cold that it burned him inside out, head to toe, this feeling that was only fear, only horror, only pain, and _he did not care_.

"She's chosen not to complete the transition." Stefan said what Damon had already guessed.

Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut at Stefan's words that were whispered with finality, with enviable confidence that made Damon feel as if he was being pushed toward the door with thousands of invisible needles. His presence was unnecessary. All the choices had been made. He should leave.

Luckily, he never did what he should.

He did not know where the strength came from but it came, like a wave of light and heat, the strength to, once again, do the wrong thing, because all the right paths were already taken, and because none of them led where he was headed anyway.

With a dull sense of amazement that his eyes did not give away the truth, that no one in the room was able to see that he could change everything about him - except his inability to give up, and he could allow her to make every choice - except this one, he mumbled some nonsense about a goodbye and climbed up the stairs.

Without knocking, he pushed the door open. The lock made a grinding noise when it broke, startling Elena who turned around, eyes wild from crying.

The room was filled with faint lights and shadows. She was standing near the window caught between the darkness and the moonlight. He knew she was smarter than them. She knew he would put up a fight, and so he expected her to start listing her ridiculous reasons and arguing, but she did not.

"I should choose not to complete the transition," she said at last in a voice that sounded like tears that were now streaming down her face, the tears of self-loathing, regret and shame that she was letting everyone down, that she was disappointing everyone, including herself. Everyone - but him.

It always came to this, no matter how many times she would endeavor to stab him with _care_. In the end it was always down to how much he loved her and how much she needed to be loved like that to survive.

"No, _Elena_." Damon grabbed her, almost losing his breath at the sensation of her being real under his touch. He looked her straight in the eye. "What you _should_ do is to do what you _want_ to do, and what you want to do is complete the transition and_ not die_."

She shook her head. "Don't you see? I did this. I did all of this! This is all my fault!" Her feverish voice oscillated between a whisper and a cry. "Nothing bad would've ever happened if it was not for me!" Elena's face contorted, her vision blurred by tears. "If it wasn't for me Klaus would've _never_ come to Mystic Falls. Jenna would still be alive, and Alaric!... Bonnie's mom wouldn't be a vampire. Stefan wouldn't have killed Andie and all those people he killed when Klaus forced him to leave town with him," she spoke very quickly, choking on the words, especially those that at some abstract level still seemed false to her. "None of it would've happened. None of it!" She shouted in a sobbing, nearly hysterical voice.

"Elena." Damon tried to make her look at him but she seemed delirious and he noticed that she was getting weaker and agitation could only make her lose her strength faster.

Time was running out.

She freed herself from his embrace and took a few steps back.

"My parents wouldn't have died if I hadn't called them to pick me up," she continued brokenly, staring at some point beyond as if all of her thoughts and memories were rushing to her and she was now, finally, able to see everything clearly. "This is all my fault. If I caused so much damage as a human I can only cause more damage as a vampire." Elena's eyes darted to Damon and he realized she actually meant and was conscious of every single word she was saying.

"_Elena_." He muttered her name with all the force of a threat. "None of that was your fault and _you know it_. You've been caught in the middle of this just like everyone else."

There was a glimpse in her eyes – only a glimpse, but it registered and stuck in his mind like a solitary road sign – a glimpse of desire to believe in his words, a glimpse of desire to be saved.

"Stop trying to save everyone, Elena. For once think about yourself. Bad things had been happening long before you were born and bad things will keep happening regardless of whether you live or not. But if you die-" His voice cracked and he grimaced, searching for something better to say than what he was about to say but to no avail. "Besides," he started a new train of thought, resorting to the simplest argument. "You knew I wouldn't let you do that," he said in a voice stylized to make it sound like he was calling her a bluff. "You _know_ I won't let you die." He said, squinting. "I will _never_ let you die."

For a moment she just looked at him without a smile, but with light, with what looked like hope in her eyes that seemed to defy all the dark wildness that had initially been there.

But then the light faded and her lips twitched into a sad, bitter grimace. "After what I said to you?"

He drew a breath and swallowed, but then regained his composure at light-speed, and putting on his best, crooked smile he said with as much nonchalance as he could muster. "Well, the signal was weak. I didn't actually hear much of what you said."

The remnants of tears sprung from her eyes when she chuckled, shaking her head at him with a broken smile.

"So..." He risked taking a step toward her, his eyes boring into hers. "Do you want to go downstairs and spend the next four hours chit-chatting and group-hugging _or_ do you want to go out and have it over with?"

* * *

"What is he doing there for so long?" Caroline asked, shooting a glare toward the stairs, unable to stay quiet any longer. The silence was making it too easy for her to get lost in her thoughts, to think about Elena, to think about Tyler, to think about everyone she had already lost, everyone she was yet going to lose.

"Trying to change her mind," Matt replied glancing at her and then at Stefan whose face was unreadable.

"I hope he will," Jeremy blurted out, angrily blinking back the tears.

Stefan shifted his eyes to him. "Do you think I didn't try to change her mind?" He asked barely above a whisper.

Jeremy looked at him and then looked away saying nothing.

"But I can't force her to do it," Stefan continued with grim intensity, his eyes ablaze with grief. "She never wanted to be a vampire. If there is anything I can understand really well, it's this."

"I can understand that too," Caroline said quietly, biting her lip, and trying not to burst into tears. "Even if I would give _everything_ for her to choose differently."

Stefan looked at her and nodded imperceptibly. "I can't take that choice away from her," he continued, moving his gaze back to Jeremy. "The least we can do for her is to respect-"

The sound of breaking glass made everyone jump in their seats. They looked at one another and after a second of silent dismay they scurried to their feet and ran up the stairs to the room where Elena was.

When they rushed inside there was only the dark curtain billowing in the broken window frame.

The room was empty.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the beautiful reviews! :)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to LJ Smith & CW.

**Chapter 2**

Elena was sitting motionlessly in the passenger's seat, staring through the windshield into the night. The world would look the same if she was not here. She tried to find reasonable consolation in the thought, but it made her sad instead.

Very slowly, she drew a breath and let go of it. Then she raised her hand and after looking at her outstretched fingers for a moment, placed her open palm on her heart.

The driver's door was pulled open and Elena's hand quickly slid off her chest landing with her other hand in her lap. Damon got into the car and slammed the door shut.

"I couldn't get in," he said, squinting. "It looks like..." he stopped for a second before uttering the name in a slightly lower voice, "Ric provided the Council with the up-to-date undead residents list. The hospital is guarded." He surveyed her face, waiting for her reaction but she was looking straight ahead. "We don't have enough time to drive to another one."

"I miss him," Elena said barely above a whisper.

Damon looked away from her. "Me too," he said under his breath, starting the engine, his words almost drowned by the noise.

Elena thought that it must have been a vampire thing that she was able to tell what he looked like right, how he felt, and what he was thinking, even though she did not look at him.

But then she remembered she was not a vampire yet.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked, dragging herself back into the present, hoping that somehow Damon would say something else than what she expected him to say.

"I'm afraid it means we'll have to do this a traditional way."

Elena's mouth twitched and she quickly turned toward the window willing herself not to start crying again. "I can't," she whispered shakily. It was a childish thing to say, and she did not even want to say it, but somehow she needed to say it, if only to hear his answer.

"Of course you can." Damon said dismissively, the certainty in his voice wrapping itself around her like a warm blanket. "You're not going to _kill_ anyone, Elena," he continued with his eyes fixed on the road. "You'll just drink a little bit of blood and then the lucky stranger will be back on his or her merry way with not a single unpleasant memory." He glanced at her hoping to see a flicker of a smile, but sadness was written all over her face, and it was clear that fake lightheartedness was not going to work.

Elena leaned her head against the car seat and squeezed her eyes shut. Damon looked between her and the road. He doubted it was the best time but then again no moment would be good for telling her about that...

"Speaking of memories."

Elena opened her eyes and looked at the dark road ahead of them.

"When you complete the transition you may- you will remember... things that you were compelled to forget." Damon's voice was slightly strained but this alone was not alarming enough.

"I know. But I don't think I've ever been compelled," Elena said slowly in a blank voice.

Damon looked at her out of the corner of his eye, but she seemed to consider the subject as dealt with.

"I might have compelled you to forget something once... or twice."

Elena stiffened, and quickly turned her head to look at him. "You what?"

"Don't get your hopes up too high. I didn't _do_ anything," he tried turning it into a joke, but Elena's expression did not encourage that at all. "I just compelled you to forget... some stuff I was saying."

"_I want you to get everything you're looking for."_

"Why?" Elena asked in a voice that was almost her regular voice that she used on a regular basis when she was regularly angry with him. It was almost a relief to hear her use that voice again. He would rather have her angry than sad.

"_I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it."_

"Do we _really_ have to discuss that right now?" Damon asked, rolling his eyes at her. "You will judge for yourself once you remember it," he added under his breath.

Elena stared at him, taken aback by the revelation, but she felt too tired to demand an explanation right now. Not to mention that he was right. She would soon remember it herself anyway. She could get back at him for this then. _If he would still deserve it_, she thought with a sigh.

Damon shot her an assessing glance and when she shuddered he began taking off his jacket while driving, and she was about to tell him to pay attention to the road but the words froze on her lips. There was no point.

They were dead.

She was dead.

Staring into the darkness in front of them, Elena all of a sudden contemplated the concept with detached serenity. She had so much time now. Whatever conclusion she would draw, it did not matter. Nothing was final. She could not undo what had happened, but _everything_ could happen in the future. She could still refuse to complete the transition but she was scared to let go. She had time, but she did not have a choice. Because she did not _want_ to let go.

"Wear it," Damon dropped his jacket onto her lap, and Elena shifted her eyes to it as if she saw it for the first time.

"I'm not cold." Elena straightened slightly in her seat, drawing her hands from under his jacket and placing them on top of it. _Not yet. _"I don't think I can do this, Damon." Stubbornly, the words kept coming back to her, like the last shreds of something she was familiar with, last shreds of what she could actually understand.

"So don't think, Elena," Damon said, glancing at her hands that were now clutching the jacket in her lap. "Just do what I tell you. It will be over before you know it," he attempted a small smile but her face remained pale and still.

His forehead wrinkled in a quick spasm of compassion. Maybe he could make it easier for her; maybe he could make it less terrifying, less repulsive, less atrocious, less lonely, less dangerous. But he could not make it seem right to her.

"Have you ever imagined this?" Elena's voice was quiet and toneless. She was not looking at him.

Instinctively, Damon wanted to pretend he did not understand her question but he did, and if they shared one secret it was that they never lied to one another.

"I have," he said, his eyes darting from one side of the road to the other. He could feel her eyes move to his face but he did not turn his head to look at her.

"How did you imagine it?"

He tried to guess why she was asking him about that. Maybe she wanted to relate to something. However, relating to his reveries seemed like a particularly poor choice.

"I've never imagined you to go through this against your will," he said hoping that this would end the discussion.

And it did. Elena sank into her seat hugging the jacket to her.

"You should wear it," he repeated. "It will be cold outside."

She glanced at her short-sleeved dark green t-shirt and at last flung Damon's jacket over her shoulders, wiggling her hands into the long sleeves. She wanted to ask him if now she would not feel cold anymore. But she decided the question was stupid.

"It's not _quite_ against my will," she said instead, looking through the window to her right.

"Yes, well. You know what I mean," he said brusquely, taking a sharp turn into an empty, desolate road that led into the forest, and after a minute he stopped the car and turned the lights off.

Elena drew a hasty breath and exhaled quickly. The tears gathered in her eyes despite the fact that she had spent the last few minutes willing herself not to cry.

She almost lost her breath altogether when leaning toward her Damon propped her chin with his hand.

"Everything is going to be alright. Stay in the car and wait for me." He let go of her chin. "You will be fine, Elena. And no one will get hurt," he said, picking up on the lingering fear in her eyes.

"How do you know?" she asked immediately in a faltering voice, proving all his suspicions right. "What if I won't know when to stop?"

"I will tell you when to stop."

"What if I won't listen to you?"

"You will listen to me, Elena."

"What if I won't?"

"You will."

"What if I won't be able to stop? What if-"

"Then _I_ will stop you, Elena," he cut in, the tone of his voice acquiring that note of insistence that always terrorized her into agreement but now served as the source of comfort. "I will be there with you. I will tell you when to start and when to stop, and if you won't be able to stop, I will make you stop. You won't hurt anyone. I promise," his mouth twitched into a faint smile and she made an effort to return it.

He drew back when she nodded and got out of the car.

She watched him walk toward the road, away from the car. There was something so painfully familiar about the image of him walking away. It seemed embedded in her memory like a scar. She thought back to all those moments when she had seen him walking away and she was surprised by how many times it must have had something to do with him feeling like he had no reason to stay, like no one wanted him to stay.

The forest was dark and soon his silhouette disappeared between the trees. Wrapping her arms around her, and sliding deeper into her seat Elena looked intently at the darkness in front of her waiting for him to come back.

* * *

"Maybe she did change her mind," Caroline argued, trying to call Elena for the tenth time, but then Matt handed her Elena's cell phone and Caroline threw back her head with an exasperated sigh. "Of course. Why should she take her phone. It's not like she could expect me to worry about her. It's not like I worry about people."

"At least you know she isn't ignoring your calls," Matt observed with a humorless smile.

"They are probably still in Mystic Falls." Stefan grabbed his car keys and headed for the door, but to his surprise Jeremy blocked his way.

"I don't care if she changed her mind or not," Jeremy said under his breath, looking intently between everyone.

Caroline and Matt exchanged a look.

"Jeremy-" Stefan took another step but Jeremy did not move.

"I don't want her to die," Jeremy said, his voice and eyes filled with such intense, sad sincerity that it seemed strong enough to resist anything. He looked at all of them as if they did not understand something very simple.

"I know," Stefan said soundlessly, taking another step. "But she is already dead, Jeremy," he said so gently and quietly that the words were barely audible. It all felt surreal. It was as if the past was happening all over again. Looking into Jeremy's eyes filled with grief he did not know how to explain to him that he understood him better than anyone, that it was because he understood that he did not want this to happen. Again. He did not want to do to Elena what he had done to Damon. If she did not want to complete the transition, he would not make her. He would not commit such a selfish iniquity again.

Jeremy quickly closed his eyes but the tears managed to escape from under his eyelids anyway. He angrily wiped them off with his sleeve. "But she doesn't have to _leave_," he said, opening his eyes.

"Jeremy, it's not up to us to decide," Caroline said carefully. "You know I tried to convince my dad to complete the transition," she said with a grimace. "I wanted him to complete the transition _so much_ but I couldn't _make_ him do it," she said in a faltering voice, her eyes shining with tears. "If Elena doesn't want this..."

Stefan looked from Caroline to Jeremy whose face twitched but after a moment of silence he just shook his head.

"Yes, yes, exactly. You _couldn't_ make your father do it," Jeremy hesitated for a split second fearing that his words would hurt them or at least not be understood the way he meant them, but then he continued, overtaken by grim hope ignited by Elena's disappearance. "But maybe Damon can make Elena do it, and if he can make her do it, I want him to do it, because I don't want to lose her." He looked between Stefan, Caroline, and Matt, challenging them to interrupt him, but they listened to him in silence. "I don't want to lose her more than I hate the fact that vampires ever came to Mystic Falls." He said in a loud voice strained with tears, accusing and apologizing to them at the same time. Stefan looked at him unblinkingly and Caroline thrust up her chin, trying not to cry. Jeremy grimaced and added, his voice low and shaking: "I don't want to lose her more than I hate her becoming a vampire." He abruptly turned around and ran out of the boarding house.

"I don't want to lose her either," Caroline said in a frail whisper and started to cry when Matt pulled her into a hug, his eyes fixed on Stefan, who shifted his eyes from them to the car keys in his hand, and after a moment of staring at them, dropped them onto the table.

* * *

Elena's breath caught in her throat when she saw Damon walking back toward the car. A moment ago she had prayed for him to come back immediately but now, knowing what the sight of him meant, she wished she could just stay alone in the car, in this dark silence forever.

Damon opened her door and held out his hand. Elena did not move but instead of telling her to hurry he just waited, with his open palm extended toward her and his eyes fixed on her.

"It's not like I'm going to grow old while waiting for you," he said with a ghost of a crooked smile flickering across his face.

She smiled tiredly, and for a moment she just looked at his hand, following the lines with her eyes, each line reminding her of all the roads that were going to be closed for her. She would never age. She would never be a mother.

She would never die.

With all its amazing possibilities, there was such an inconsolable sadness to eternity, and she doubted it would ever leave her.

Reluctantly, Elena put her hand in Damon's, and got out of the car. He shut the door after her and squeezed her hand. She looked up at him.

His hand was astonishingly warm around hers and somehow it made her mind conjure up an image of all those closed, dead-end roads blend into one, long, scintillating path that actually led somewhere.

Just like she had thought earlier, the world would have looked the same if she had died. But even if she did not mean much to the world it was alright - as long as there was someone to whom she meant the world.

"It's your choice, Elena," Damon said, looking straight into her eyes, his voice intense and sincere but the grip on her hand suddenly became much stronger, contradicting the effort he had made by uttering the words.

With what was almost a smile she nodded, even though she knew he would not let her do anything else anyway.

And she doubted she would ever admit it to him or to anyone, but it was an immeasurable relief to be certain of that.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm truly overwhelmed by all of your amazing reviews! Thank you so much! :):):)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 3**

The road was dark, eerily quiet, and despite wearing Damon's jacket Elena could still feel the cold wind on her face. She thought that it was a reminder that there was always going to be a part of her that would not be able to hide from the algid reality of it all.

Standing in front of a motionless stranger, she was shaking from dismay and disgust. If he would not have been compelled to stay still and silent she was certain he would have had been shaking in dismay and disgust at the sight of her.

The man was standing next to his car, staring at her but not appearing to see her. There was already a cut on his throat. She could see a thin stream of blood startlingly red against his skin that looked devastatingly pale in the faint moonlight. She did not even need to bite him. Just drink. Drink his blood. Drink human blood and complete her transition to become a vampire.

Panic circulated in her veins like scalding sand. She gritted her teeth, trying not to faint. She could not even tell if the pain was physical or just in her head. Every time she imagined herself leaning down toward the stranger's neck a surge of hideousness would immobilize her and bring fresh, hot tears to her eyes. She felt very cold and feverish at the same time.

"I can't do this, Damon," she repeated, bringing her hands to her face and moaning under her breath when her fingertips brushed against the veins that had appeared under her eyes. Or at least she thought they appeared there. She did not know if they were meant to appear just now. And she did not want to know. She did not want to know anything about that.

She swirled around, hiding her face in her hands and stifling a sob.

"Elena."

Damon's hands landed heavily on her shoulders, but he did not try to make her turn around. She waited for him to speak again. His voice made her feel... less dead.

"_You must be Elena."_

His voice reminded her of the past. But her name sounded foreign to her.

"He's compelled," Damon whispered into her ear. "He won't feel any pain, and he won't remember that it happened. Elena." His tone was softer now, and she could feel his lips almost touching her cheek. "You have to... you just have to-"

"I know," she cut him off, taking her hands away from her face, and slightly turning her head. "But I can't. I don't know if I can... if I can stand... if I can stand the taste..." she stammered at last, not recognizing her own voice, not understanding the words she was saying.

Was it really her, was it really Elena Gilbert standing now in the middle of an empty road on the outskirts of Mystic Falls _where nothing bad ever happened_, about to drink human blood to complete the transition and become a vampire? She could not repeat the words in her head enough times for them to actually start making sense to her. She could not think that it was really happening. She could not allow herself to think that it was really happening. It could not be real. If only she could wake up and start all over again!... But it would not do, it would not do. She had no idea where she would have to start. When everything had gone wrong? If it was all her fault, she would have arrived at this road, on this night no matter how far back in time she would have gone.

Fault... fault... The word sounded false. She struggled to find a better word.

"Imagine it's the blood of someone you know."

She heard Damon say the words but for a moment she was not able to grasp their meaning. "What?" she asked mechanically, shivering when a gust of wind passed across her face.

"_Why not?"_

Very abruptly she turned around to escape the memory brought by the wind.

"_Elena."_

_Choice, not fault_, she thought absently.

"Imagine it's the blood of someone you like. It shouldn't seem that disgusting to you then." Damon was trying to speak in the most reasonable manner but she was hardly listening to him at all.

It was when he rephrased the same advice for the third time that she finally nodded, and clenching her fists, carefully turned around toward the stranger.

Each step felt like a thousand miles to her. Each step was heavier than the previous one. When she stopped right in front of the compelled _victim_ she was choking on her tears again.

Damon appeared near her and she glanced at him before shifting her eyes to the blood. She drew a deep breath, and for the first time allowed the sight, the _scent_ of it slowly wash over her and cloud her mind in what felt like a sickening mixture of abhorrence and exhilaration.

With a stifled cry caused by the frightening, repulsive, tingling sensation in her mouth that caught her off guard, she awkwardly, unnecessarily sank her teeth into the stranger's throat.

The time stopped.

In her ears, she could hear her heart beating louder and louder, the sound replacing the ticking of the clock in her head.

Time was gone.

She was still where she was.

She did not know how much time had passed before she felt Damon pulling her away. She did not resist at all, and in the back of her mind blinked a thought that it was a good sign, that maybe she could control herself. But the thought was too abstract to contemplate. It required for her to actually _know_ what was happening and she did not know anything right now.

It felt like being underwater and drowning.

"I didn't need to bite him," she muttered in a hollow voice. This time, she could have just drunk, there was no reason to bite. It was another thought she could not afford to have. Not now. Not yet.

She felt like she was drowning all the while when Damon carried her to the car, ushered her inside and vanished for a mere second or two before returning to her.

When he came back, she was standing next to the car, having gotten out of it in the meantime, shaking and crying and rubbing her mouth with the back of her hand with forlorn determination.

"Elena."

Damon tried to get hold of her but she kept wiggling herself out of his embrace, muttering something over and over again.

He hoped she was just blaming him for making her do this, but when he finally discerned the words she was repeating they made his heart clench.

She had never thought that of anyone. Not of Damon, not of Stefan or Caroline. Not of Isobel. But when she was thinking about herself now, only such words seemed appropriate. _She_ was a monster.

"You're not a monster, _Elena_." Damon tugged her toward him, his hands closing around her forearms, making it impossible for her to move. "You are still yourself. You don't have to be anyone else. It doesn't have to be that way. You can still be you. It's your choice and you _are_ strong enough to remain yourself."

Elena's eyes were wandering around before settling on his face.

She looked more miserable than he had ever seen her. He tried to convince himself that he was just trying to get his meaning across, make her feel better, that it was not selfish or pathetic. Or maybe it was, but he did not care either way, he could not care anymore because now it was not merely _right now_ that was at stake, but an _eternity_, and he could not spend eternity away from her.

It was the first kiss that did not catch her off guard or happened in a frenzy or a fever. The night was silent and they were dead, but his lips against hers felt more real than ever.

She kissed him back, unhurriedly but without hesitation, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and he subconsciously marveled at that.

Gently, he broke the kiss and cupped her face in his hands. She looked so exhausted, so fragile, so sad. "Elena." _I love you. I love you. I love you._

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He brushed the tears off her face with his thumbs and embraced her. To his amazement, she fell into the hug immediately, clinging to him and burying her face into his chest.

She burst out crying but he could not help feeling overwhelmed by relief. She had made it through. She would not die. She would not die. She would never die.

Drawing back and propping her chin with his hand he said seriously. "I give you thirty seconds to cry, and then we get the hell out of here."

She tried to smile at that, but the tears kept streaming down her face and she shook her head with a grimace. He pulled her into his arms again, leaned his cheek against the top of her head, and closed his eyes.

"Forty five," he muttered into her hair.

She hastily drew back and looked at him like he had always wanted her to look at him, breathless from determination to utter the words.

Only the words she said were not exactly the words he had always imagined her to say when she would have looked at him the way she was looking at him now:

"Let's get the hell out of here already."

But they were good enough.

For now.

* * *

Matt wanted to follow Jeremy, but Caroline insisted they should give him some time. Time to grieve, or to hope, or whatever he felt he needed to do.

She then sat down, looking dejected.

Stefan had gone up to his room a while ago, and Matt rather thought they should go home, but Caroline seemed intent on staying. She looked dejected but not despondent. He knew that look. She was a general, the boarding house became her accidental headquarters, and she would not go anywhere until she worked out a plan.

Caroline's phone rang, and she grabbed the phone from the couch, almost automatically going to accept the call.

But when her eyes noticed the caller's name she froze. Matt gave her a questioning look.

Very slowly, she looked up at him and whispered: "It's Tyler."

* * *

It seemed to Elena that the car was not moving, and that it was the dark trees that kept running to her right and to her left – away from her.

She felt drowsy and she knew that soon she would fall asleep. And when she would wake up…

She tried to convince herself that she was not a vampire yet. That even though she completed the transition she still had time. That she still had an hour or two. A minute. Half a second. She was not a vampire yet. She needed to fall asleep, and wake up, and only then... For some reason it calmed her down, ridiculously pushing away the thought for as long as it was possible. Even if it was not possible.

Because that was just something too unimaginable to accept that easily. Elena Gilbert. A vampire. She was not quite sure why it seemed so impossible, so odd to her. What made her being a vampire more bizarre than Caroline being a vampire? Or Bonnie being a witch? It made no sense – or at least she felt that there was something wrong with her thinking that.

"When I'll start remembering what I was compelled to forget?" she asked to get away from her thoughts, hoping that speaking out loud could be a useful distraction - even if speaking made her remember the kiss that still lingered on her lips.

Damon glanced at her, his brows furrowed. She was looking out of her window, her head pressed into the headrest, eyes following the monotonous landscape obscured by the night.

"Any time now," he replied in a low voice that sounded amazingly clear to her. For a moment she could not remember her own question. The more she concentrated on his voice the clearer it sounded. She closed her eyes and imagined drowning in it. "But it will most likely come to you in a dream when you fall asleep now."

With a visible effort, Elena slightly raised and turned her head. Pressing the other side of it against the headrest, she made her eyes focus on Damon's face. "Why did you choose to become a vampire?"

He looked at her and his heart clenched at the sight of her eyes glowing with tears, with exhaustion, with hopeless wish to remain open because closing them meant crossing the ultimate border, letting go of the past, plummeting into the unknown.

"You know that story, Elena," he said evasively.

"I know you did it for Katherine. But why?"

He neither liked nor understood the question. "What do you mean _why_?"

"I mean _why_."

He gave her a sidelong glance. "Because... I wanted to be with her _forever_," he admitted at last in a self-mocking tone, avoiding the expression that was off limits now in all the contexts except for one.

Elena's gaze drifted past his face and into the night. "It _never_ occurred to me to become a vampire before," she said barely above a whisper with a hint of wonder and guilt in her voice.

At first he did not know what she meant at all... but then it dawned on him.

"How could it never occur to me," Elena whispered rhythmically in a detached voice, as if she was recalling some abstract song lyrics.

"Yet you eventually chose to become one," Damon said with empty lightheartedness, valorously trying to imply the opposite of what she- of what _he_ wanted to infer.

She closed her eyes for a second but then opened them, fighting the drowsiness that was falling over her like blankets upon blankets of snow. "You know that story, Damon."

He double-checked the faint smile that flickered across her face.

Before he had a chance to answer, she was asleep.

His phone began to ring.

Shaking off the stardust of the moment, Damon produced the phone out of his pocket to check the caller's name.

_Of course._


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you so much for your amazing comments! :D

& From this chapter on, the story is going to be much better ^^ because of the wonderful **arabian** beta-ing the story :) Thank you so much! *hugs*

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 4**

He should probably tell Stefan that if he could not handle his own blood issues, he should not even entertain the possibility of taking care of a new-born vampire who may or may not have blood issues, but since he was feeling gracious, Damon limited himself to saying that it would be best if Elena could adjust to the new situation in a neutral setting and without people smothering her with irrelevant affections.

"Irrelevant to whom?" Stefan asked levelly.

Damon rolled his eyes. "Irrelevant to the situation, _Stefan_. If you want to do something useful, have Bonnie start on a daylight ring for Elena."

"Is it Elena's decision to stay away for some time?" Stefan asked in a low voice.

"Of course it isn't. That's why I gagged her, blindfolded her, tied her up, and put her in the trunk." It was clear from the perfect silence on the other side that Stefan did not appreciate the joke, so Damon added. "Everything is OK."

Stefan grimaced humorlessly. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

Damon glanced at Elena's sleeping form snuggled into the car seat. Breathing. _Not dead._ Next to him.

"I don't believe that, Stefan. I know it. I hope you can work that out with yourself too," he muttered.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I hope you won't be projecting your bunny-eating guilt-ridden tendencies on other people."

"Ah." Stefan's voice acquired a note of irritation. "So you think it will be better for Elena to feed on human blood. She never wanted to be a vampire, Damon. You know that. Don't you think it would be best to make her experience being a vampire as little as possible?"

Damon snorted dryly. "So you _were_ planning on projecting _you_ on her. Do you even hear what you're saying, Stefan? She's not trying out some costume that she will take off after Halloween. She is going to be a vampire _forever_. If all you can do is make her feel bad about it-"

"And you will make her feel _good_ about it. Do you think _that_ is what is best for her?"

"How about letting her decide for herself?" Damon said brusquely.

"Yes, you're clearly an expert on letting her make her own choices. Having kidnapped her and all. Where are you going?" he added in a lower, more intense voice.

"Well, if I told you it wouldn't count as kidnapping anymore."

Damon squinted into the darkness in front of him, one hand on the steering wheel, the other holding the phone. He glanced at Elena again. She looked tired but peaceful. Like she would if they were coming back from a summer home in the mountains, several years from now, in a parallel universe that did not exist.

"_It's always going to be Stefan."_

"Pennsylvania," Damon said tonelessly after a longer moment of silence.

A loud, unpleasant sound pierced the night, accompanied by flashing lights and Damon glanced into the mirror.

"Really?" Hitting the brakes he shrugged, but then smirked to himself.

"What's going on?" Stefan asked.

"Nothing," Damon said, stopping the car. "I'll call you later. Play nicely and don't stay up late."

Stefan looked at the phone and shook his head when Damon abruptly ended the conversation.

"We weren't going _that_ fast," Damon said conversationally, flashing a smile at the police officer who appeared to his left.

But the officer was far from smiling, and simply requested his driver's license and registration instead, giving Elena's sleeping form a wary look.

Then he looked at Damon. Nothing else was needed.

* * *

"What's going on here?" Stefan asked, entering the living room, and looked between Tyler, Matt and Caroline.

Caroline practically leaped toward him, looking absolutely petrified. "This is not Tyler," she said under her breath, her lips barely moving.

Stefan's eyebrows knitted in confusion as he shifted his eyes to Tyler who smiled, a very slow, very familiar smile - but not Tyler's smile.

"Well, I'm not exactly enjoying this either," Klaus said in Tyler's voice, glancing into the mirror at what was Tyler's body.

"What did you do to him?" Caroline shouted, tears springing out of her eyes.

Stefan gently caught her arms to keep her from doing something reckless.

"If you don't mind, love, I'll rather come straight to the point. Your ex-beau isn't very high on my list of priorities right now," Klaus said with a sour smile. Caroline clenched her fists, shuddering at the sight of Klaus looking through Tyler's eyes, speaking in Tyler's voice... She bit her lip so hard she could taste blood. "I'm here to tell you that I give you a _week_ to turn Elena back into a human," Klaus said stiffly, his eyes burning into Stefan's.

Matt raised his eyebrows in bafflement. Caroline gave Klaus an incredulous look.

"Oh, I'm afraid you'll rather have to find yourself some other hobby than making hybrids," Stefan said somewhat nonchalantly.

Klaus smiled, entirely not amused. "In case I didn't make myself clear." He took a few steps toward Stefan without breaking the eye-contact with him. "As a vampire, she's of no use to me," he said, stopping right in front Stefan. "So if you won't find a spell that turns her back into someone whose blood _is_ useful to me..." he trailed off and then added in a low, dark voice, "_I will stake her myself_."

* * *

Despite the darkness of the night, a small, white cottage seemed to glimmer in the moonlight.

"Thank you, Mrs. Flowers" Damon said to the elderly lady who handed him the key, while glancing over her shoulder at the bushes of red roses surrounding low steps leading to the door, as if making sure they looked presentable.

"I thought you'd never take me up on my offer," Mrs. Flowers said with a chuckle.

Damon smiled, not correcting, for now, the lady's assumption that he and the sleeping vampire girl were going to live here happily ever after for the rest of eternity.

"I _request_ that you visit me in a few days or weeks. Whatever suits you." Mrs. Flowers opened the door of her small, green car and turned to Damon. "I want to meet your Elena when she'll be able to meet me," she smiled.

"Of course. I'm sorry once again for waking you at such an ungodly hour and thank you for inviting us in."

"Nonsense!" Mrs. Flowers laughed, patting Damon on the shoulder and getting into her car. "Good night!" Mrs. Flowers exclaimed. "I mean good morning. It's 5am!" The elderly lady laughed, and having shut her car door, started the engine and drove off.

Damon followed her with his eyes until the car disappeared on the small road between the trees. Then the expression on his face fell slightly as he slowly made his way back into the house. _"Your Elena."_

He locked the front door and back door, and walked around the house making sure that all the curtains were drawn and that all interiors were dark. He turned on several lamps in the house. After that, he went to the room where Elena has been sleeping.

Soundlessly, he approached the bed and carefully sat down on the edge of it. He reached out, brushed her hair off her face, and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers.

When she shifted in her sleep, he drew back his hand and just looked at her. For a moment she was perfectly still again but then, all of a sudden, her breath seemed to catch in her throat and tears escaped from under her closed eyelids. With a strangled sigh she sat up and opened her eyes.

Damon straightened up, but did not move from the bed. He quietly called her name and she looked at him, wide-eyed.

"Damon," Elena breathed in genuine dismay.

Hearing his name from her lips made the amount of dismay in his mind decrease significantly, even if the tone of her voice was not exactly reassuring.

"It was you." Elena took her head in her hands and stared at the bed cover with unseeing eyes. "_You_."

"Elena?"

"You." She looked up at him. "It was _you_." There was a hint of something strange in her voice, something akin to anguish but not quite. "I met you before the accident," she said more to herself than to him. "I met you-" The sudden accusation was so searing in her voice that he did not know what to make of it. "Why did you make me forget that?"

"I didn't want anyone to know that I was in town at that time," Damon answered with a frown, rather giving up on the idea that she would not make a big deal of being compelled those mere two times.

She seemed outraged by the simplicity of his explanation. "You could have made me remember that later! At some point," she looked around the room, blinking and breathing unevenly.

"I guess it just didn't cross my mind that you might be willing to die just to gain the invaluable insight provided by these memories," Damon said wryly.

Elena's eyes darted to him. "You know what I mean. You could have _told_ me."

"Yeah." Damon regarded her carefully. "Maybe." He did not expect her to be happy about him compelling her, but there was something _off_ about her reaction, and he wondered if it was only because of the transition. "I didn't think it was all that important."

"_I want you to get everything you're looking for."_

"You didn't think it was important?" Elena's eyes were wide, her voice strained with disbelief. She snorted bitterly, her forehead wrinkling as if she was going to burst into tears, but she did not, and just kept shaking her head instead. "You didn't think it was important that you... that you _actually_ compelled me-" She stopped abruptly in mid-sentence and just stared at him. "You asked me-" she continued after a pause, rushing to follow another train of thought. "When I told you that maybe if we've had met first," she gave him an incredulous frown, "you didn't even _mention_ it then. You just let me get away with that ridiculous answer," she said not knowing if she was more angry with herself or with him.

He tilted his head to the side, searching for the right words. "What I was supposed to say, Elena? It didn't seem important during a "death_phone"_ conversation," he said without thinking and then, noticing a look on her face quickly added. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, you're right," she said, biting her lip with a humorless grimace. "I didn't mean to talk about that on the phone then either, but... there was just no time-"

"Elena," he said intensely, and she shifted her eyes to him. "I know," he said with a small smile, holding her gaze. "We don't have to talk about that."

"And that other time, it also wasn't important?" Elena asked in a low voice, her eyes fixed on him.

"_God, I wish you wouldn't have to forget this. But you do."_

"It wouldn't have changed anything," Damon said with a small shrug, averting his eyes from her.

"If it wouldn't have changed anything why did you make me forget it?"

He looked back at her, a smile flickering across his face. "I just had to say it. I didn't want to bother you with it."

"Why do you keep sabotaging yourself, Damon?" His mouth twitched at her question, but he did not say anything. She leaned toward him. "And you're lying anyway," she said with deliberate sternness. "I '_needed to hear it'_ too. You wanted me to know it without me realizing that I knew it. How fair is that?"

"Really, Elena? Is that _really_ your main concern at the moment? Me stating the obvious half a year ago?"

She opened her mouth to retort, because he was purposefully avoiding giving her an answer, but then the realization dawned on her. He was right.

Everything came back to her at once, and she suddenly felt surrounded by shadows. Her main concern should be the fact that she was a vampire – she was a vampire!... She needed to drink blood, she needed a daylight ring to be able to walk around in the sun, she would have to be invited in to her own home, and all her personality traits and emotions were going to be augmented-

She froze, giving Damon another dismayed look. Then she threw herself against the headboard in an abrupt attempt to put some distance between them. There was electricity in the air that made it hard for her to breathe, to sit calmly, and pretend that she did not feel his voice ghost across her skin, that the color of his eyes did not seem more intense, that when she looked at him he did not seem to be so close to her that it would be enough to reach out to draw the outline of his lips with her fingertips-

"Where are we?" she asked, glancing right and left, trying to calm her breathing.

"A friend's house," Damon replied, studying her face with concern. She seemed very much disturbed by something. "I thought we could stay here for a couple of days before-"

"Are we here alone?" Her eyes shifted back to him, and there was a hint of panic in her voice.

Damon cautiously confirmed that indeed they were here alone. "But we may compel a dozen of neighbors and throw a party if you want," he added with a lop-sided smile that she did not return, so his expression became more serious again. "Would you rather go home?"

Elena sighed. She would not. But she should. She was not ready to go back and face everyone, but staying here was a very bad idea. Perhaps dealing with everyone would be much easier anyway. Easier than dealing with Damon... or herself... or both of them... here... alone...

"Oh _God_," Elena whispered, pushing the bed cover off her, and trying to get out of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Damon asked, and without thinking twice about it he grasped her hand to keep her attention. "Elena!"

She yelped and he let go off her, raising his hands in an apologetic gesture.

She frantically scrambled to her feet, and for a moment just stood motionlessly next to the bed gaping at him with a half-accusing, half-_indescribable_ look in her eyes.

Damon slowly rose to his feet. "Elena," he started cautiously, his voice laced with concern. "I know you must be feeling strange right now, but it is important for you to tell me what seems wrong to you _exactly_. You need to start controlling what you're feeling. All your emotions will be heightened now, so-"

"Oh, you don't need to tell me that!" Elena cut in sarcastically, leaping to pace around the room.

Without a warning, Damon appeared in front of her and grabbed her hands to keep her still and calm her down. She tried to snatch her hands free, and he allowed her to do so, but then cupped her face in his hands instead.

This had a strange effect on her: she stopped writhing, but her eyes became very dark and frightened.

"You need to tell me what you want, what you need, Elena. You need to _name_ it," Damon spoke to her in what he hoped was a steady, matter-of-fact voice. She was most likely hungry, but she needed to _accept_ that first. She was still struggling with the idea itself, and because of that the blood was controlling her instead of her controlling-

All his very responsible vampire tutoring was cut short when she crashed her lips against his and started kissing him so ravenously that for a moment he not only doubted if it was really her, but also that it was him whom she was kissing.

It did not cross his mind _not_ to kiss her back, but he did make an effort to break the kiss and try to find a rational explanation for what was happening.

"Elena," he whispered against her lips when they were both fighting for breath. "Elena-"

Clearly she did not want to talk about it, because she continued kissing him. Pushing his shirt off his shoulders, she dragged her mouth along his neck before she began trailing open-mouthed kisses on his chest.

He felt as if someone suddenly unplugged his common sense. He could not resort to one coherent thought, only subconsciously realizing that his hands were under her shirt and he was pressing kisses to whatever inch of her skin his mouth could reach.

Somewhere in the back of his mind an alarm set itself off and was ringing – dully but persistently, but he was trying to ignore the sound.

He knew he could handle her blood issues, even extremely severe ones – if it turned out that she had them. He was prepared for that. He was prepared for her to lash out, be unable to control her thirst for blood, pick up fights, attack people, demonstrate homicidal tendencies, do everything he could imagine that a new vampire might do, but this, _this_ he could not handle.

He knew something was wrong, something was _off_… something beside her shirt and his shirt and her jeans and-

Like a secret password the phrase sprung to his mind, and he could not ignore the obvious answer to his question about what was going on. With the burning remnants of self-control he tried to draw back and talk to her but she was determined to ignore his every attempt at putting any distance between them.

It was becoming increasingly harder to remember why they should stop. With his hand tangled in her hair he dragged his mouth along her collarbones before bringing it back to her lips, kissing her feverishly.

They had kissed before. He was trying to convince himself that he was not crossing any forbidden borders. Another kiss would not change anything. And another one. And one more.

Stealing another thorough kiss from her, he swept her into his arms and carried her to the bathroom.

He was not very familiar with the house, and it was not easy to navigate his way around while holding her and kissing her, but somehow he managed to kick the shower door open and gently put her down while suddenly breaking the kiss and turning on water.

She screamed, so loudly that the entire house seemed to shudder. Losing her footing on the slippery floor she almost fell down but he caught her.

"What are you doing?" she gasped through her teeth, trying to catch her breath, and staring at him in bewilderment.

He slumped to the floor with her, staying out of the shower stall but leaning toward her and getting soaked himself in the process.

Cupping her face in his hands he looked straight into her astonished eyes. "Your emotions are _heightened_, Elena. You know that, right?" She still looked baffled but he could see a glimmer of understanding in her eyes. "You need to calmdown," he said gently, water falling over their heads, almost drowning the sound of his voice that was becoming quieter. "Everything you felt as a human is now stronger. You just need to get a hang of how to control what you're feeling." He hoped to sound encouraging but from the expression on her face he could tell he was not successful.

Elena stared at him, slowly translating to herself what he was saying. It was Denver all over, only it was thrice as overwhelming. From now on she would have to deal with the triple Denver effect on a daily basis. For the rest of her life. _Forever._

Damon gave her a faint smile interpreting her lack of response as understanding of the situation. He brushed some wet strands of her hair off her face and withdrew from the shower cabin, leaning his head against one of its walls and closing his eyes. Only then did he feel like he was beginning to breathe again.

Elena was sitting motionlessly inside the shower, and if someone asked her if the water that was falling over her was hot or cold she would not be able to tell.

"I can't do that." Her blank voice sounded above the humming of the water. "I can't control it."

She could not wrap her mind around her thoughts and feelings. She was sitting in a shower, wearing only her underwear, making the most ridiculous statements. It all felt like a disjointed part of a picture she could not see. She drew a sharp breath remembering what she had been doing mere moments ago. She did not feel embarrassed. He never made her feel embarrassed. But she felt guilty and angry with herself. To make the matters worse, the more angry with herself she felt, the more she wanted to resume what they had been doing. The vicious circle of it all was making her dizzy.

Damon snorted. "Well, you _have to_, Elena, because it's the last time I'm giving you a chance to reconsider." He sounded breathless and she covered her ears to stop hearing his voice. If she would continued listening to his voice, she did not trust herself not to jump out of the cabin and _beg_ him-

With a groan, she pulled the stall door close and started to cry, hot tears running down her face along with cold water.

* * *

Caroline was so shaken by Klaus' visit that she didn't even feel like demanding that many answers from Bonnie when she finally showed up. She merely listened to Bonnie explain what had happened, Stefan's unenthusiastic responses, and Matt, who was the first to bring up Klaus' request, pointing out that Klaus was being strangely presumptuous about it.

At this point Bonnie thrust up her chin, looked at Matt, and said: "I've already found that spell."

The words torn Caroline out of her reverie immediately. Matt's eyes widened almost to the point of no return.

"Does Klaus know you found it?" Stefan asked, struck by the thought.

Bonnie shrugged. "How could he know?" she asked, looking at Stefan who did not seem convinced by the impossibility of Klaus knowing about it.

"You know how to turn us back into humans?" Caroline cut in as soon as Bonnie's words finally registered in her mind. "Were you waiting for some special occasion to tell us? Like... after we graduate?"

Bonnie narrowed her eyes at Caroline. "Of course not. And I said I _found_ it. Not that I know how to do it. Or whether I want to do it."

"Why?" Stefan asked, wrinkling his forehead.

"It's a geminate spell," Bonnie replied unsmilingly.

"What does that mean?" Caroline asked impatiently.

Bonnie sighed. "It means that to turn one vampire into a human… another human has to die."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is what I call a controversial chapter... OK, it's nothing really bad (& it's not like I take any responsibility anyway, since this story, like all stories, is pretty much writing itself lol), but I'm just not sure how you'll feel about it... that's why I'm posting it on my Birthday, so hopefully no one will feel like bashing it too much haha The same goes for this chapter being a little belated ;)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 5**

He could hear her cry despite the noise of the running water, and the sound was unbearable. He called her name and after a moment she turned the water off, drowning them both in sudden silence.

Getting up from the floor and grabbing a towel, for a split second Damon drifted away in his thoughts to a world where there was a mirror she had picked, heart-shaped soap bars, and her lipsticks scattered all over the vanity top.

A spray of cold water hit his face as soon as he pulled the shower door open, but it did not last for long, and when he blinked the water out of his eyes, he met Elena's grim gaze. She put the shower head away without breaking the eye contact with him. With a wry, inward smile he thought that it was almost as if she could read his thoughts.

Damon squatted down, tilting his head to the side. "Well-deserved, and yet not really," he said with a small smile that quickly turned into a frown because of the sad look on her face – and because how difficult it was for him to focus on her face when she was hardly wearing anything at all.

He stood up, and unfolded the towel for her, but she propped her head on her hand and looked away. For a few more moments he waited, but then hanged the towel near the stall so she could reach it, and made to leave the bathroom.

"I'm not upset with _you_." Her voice reached him before he walked out of the door. "I'm just-"

"I know, Elena," he cut her off in a low voice, taking a few steps backwards to look at her. She closed her eyes for a second before shifting her eyes to him too. "I know," he repeated holding her gaze. "I'll go fix some breakfast and you can... get dressed and all. Not that you have to get dressed if you don't want to," he added on his way out, and it made a flicker of a smile pass across her face, even though she still felt like crying.

Reluctantly, she pulled herself upwards and walked out of the shower. It had not struck her as such at first, but when she started brushing her hair it occurred to her that _breakfast_ could only mean something ominous.

Very slowly, she put the brush away and looked at herself in the mirror. When she closed her eyes she could still feel his lips on her skin, and the memory was so vivid it made her shiver. She opened her eyes, grabbed the towel, and wrapped it tightly, so tightly that it almost hurt, around herself.

Turning away from the mirror, she leaned her back against the counter top, trying to catch her breath. Did he really think taking a shower was going to help? She snorted humorlessly under her breath. She still felt overcome. She was still shivering. She was still a vampire.

_No._ She paused in her thoughts. No. That was not it.

"…_and most importantly..."_

She was still _Elena_. She was still herself and _that_ was the problem.

Dragging her feet across the slippery floor Elena paused at the door, peering into the adjacent bedroom. It was empty. From further away, she could hear the clinking of glasses, ordinary sounds that reminded her of home. _Home._ Home was life and light and warmth, and she was dead, and everything was going to be dark and cold.

She rested her head against the door frame, and tried to guess what Damon was doing in the kitchen. _"I like you. You know how to laugh." _She walked across the bedroom, and a cluttered but charmingly furnished living room, looking at the elaborately embroidered pillows and a collection of small music boxes with curiosity. Maybe it was not dark and cold, but it should be, she thought guiltily, not knowing why flowery patterns on the curtains were making her feel like she was doing something wrong.

When she walked into the kitchen Damon was standing with her back to her. Noiselessly, she slipped into a chair and crossed her arms over her chest to keep the towel in place. She should have probably gotten dressed.

"I see you opted for the classic morning attire," Damon said, turning around, and she realized he had known exactly when she had come in.

"I just don't know where you threw my shirt," Elena retorted, even though she had not even looked for it.

He smiled briefly, and she did not know how, but she _knew_ that he was just glad she was at least trying to put herself in a better mood.

Placing a glass pitcher on the table, he headed out of the kitchen. A second earlier, Elena had thought she had managed to calm down completely. But as he was walking past her, his unbuttoned shirt brushed lightly against her bare arm, and it made her take such a sharp intake of breath that for a moment there she thought she would faint.

Damon stopped, and shot her a concerned look, but when she muttered through her clenched teeth that she was OK, he left without further inquiries.

Elena shook her head, snorting incredulously at herself. This could not possibly be so ridiculous. Determined to get herself together, she reached for the glass pitcher and poured some blood into a cup in front of her.

Only when she put the pitcher away she realized what it was. She stared at the liquid in silent dismay, caught off guard by how _real_ it looked, how real it _was_.

"Here you go." Damon returned to the kitchen, gently placing her jeans and her shirt on an empty chair next to her. "We'll go shopping later, so you won't have to wear these all the time."

She wanted to ask for how long he meant for them to stay here, but for some reason the question seemed irrelevant. "Shopping," she echoed without really making it sound like a question. She reached out for her clothes and put them in her lap.

"_Grocery_ shopping too."

Her eyes darted from her clothes to his face. He was smirking, but the look of concern did not quite disappear from his face yet, and soon it overshadowed the smirk completely. "How are you feeling?" he asked in a low voice. "Elena?"

If only he limited himself to asking the question!... She dug her fingernails in her jeans. She wished he would stop saying her name. Or at least stop saying her name in this voice of his that ignited everything she tried to extinguish.

"I'll go get dressed," she said abruptly, storming to her feet, and leaving the kitchen so fast that Damon thought it would be very easy to teach her how to move at blinding speed.

* * *

"You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want," Stefan said with a small smile, when after Bonnie had left, Caroline slumped down in an armchair, and did not seem to think about going anywhere.

"We should go get Elena," she said, glancing around the room with unseeing eyes. "It's not safe for her to be away from here and from us. Alone. With Damon only," she amended, to be fair, but then added after some reconsideration. "Especially with Damon."

"Especially with Damon only," Matt offered with a small smile.

Caroline silently widened her eyes at him, but Matt returned the look as if he did not know what she meant. Caroline rolled her eyes, glancing at Stefan, who shifted his eyes to the window with a pensive expression on his face.

"I think we should go home," Caroline said at last, suddenly realizing that they had just gotten through a sleepless night.

Stefan walked them to the door, but when he opened it for them, they recoiled at the sight.

"Caroline."

"What do you want?" Caroline asked with a grimace, irritation clear in her voice. She crossed her arms over her chest, and glared at Klaus; she _tried_ to look past Tyler's face and actually glare at _Klaus_. "Did you change your mind? So what now, do you want us to turn Elena into a werewolf? Or maybe half-werewolf, half-mermaid?"

Tyler glanced at Stefan who was looking at him in a similar way Caroline was. He looked at Matt but his expression was serious and grim.

Tyler exhaled with difficulty. "Caroline, it's _me_," he said, taking a few steps toward her.

She took as many steps backwards. "Stay away from me!"

Matt stepped in between them. Tyler shot him a sidelong glance.

"Caroline!"

There was something so sincerely hurt in Tyler's expression that for a moment Caroline lost all sense of being certain of anything.

"Are you saying you are actually you?" Matt asked cautiously, squinting.

Caroline shot Matt a dismayed look and then looked at Stefan whose eyes were fixed on Tyler.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying," Tyler said, exasperated, giving Matt such an irritated look that Matt had no doubt it was indeed Tyler. "It's me." He hesitated before continuing in a lower voice. "At least... at least at the moment," he added dejectedly.

* * *

Elena stubbornly looked at the glass cup in front of her feeling utterly stupid for being near tears at the memory of cereal.

"At least appreciate the fact that I'm serving you breakfast instead of sending you to get it yourself." Damon clinked his own glass cup against hers with what Elena considered a very irritating smile, and leaned back in his chair, taking a sip.

Gathering her courage, Elena looked up at him, and watched him for a second and then closed her eyes before opening them again, going back to staring at her own cup. Her cup that was filled with blood. With _blood_. With _human blood_.

Although for the first time it occurred to her that dealing with blood was going to be easier than dealing with _him_.

Damon nudged her under the table by lightly hitting her foot with his but she kicked him rather hard in response. "He didn't even _notice_ he had lost such insignificant amount of it, _Elena_. Would you rather drain dry some cute little bunny?" He did his best bunny face and Elena could not help letting herself chuckle a little.

Damon gave her a lop-sided smile. "Now drink," he said seriously. "I won't be able to teach you any tricks if you won't," he wiggled his eyebrows but Elena's face grew serious again as she surveyed the glass in front of her.

Taking a deep breath she took the glass in both hands and gulped down half of its contents in one go.

"It doesn't taste as bad as before," she said, glancing at Damon.

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it? You shouldn't think about it as blood anymore. Now it's _food_."

"It's human blood, Damon," she said in a no-nonsense voice, but then drank the rest of the blood in her cup and put it away with a stifled groan. "What do we do now?" she asked in a determined voice, collecting her wits and shaking off the overpowering sense of disgust. She doubted it would ever go away. A part of her did not want it to ever go away. Being disgusted by being a vampire made her feel human. She just wanted to hold on to this lie for a little while.

"At dusk we'll go outside."

"At dusk? It's," Elena glanced at the clock,"8am. What are we going to do until dusk?"

Damon smirked and she tilted her head to the side narrowing her eyes at him in mock exasperation. He shrugged his shoulders and stood up.

"You need to practice how to feed. We'll start with that." He collected the empty cups and carried them to the sink.

Elena looked right and left, and after a moment of consideration stood up and went to him.

"What do you mean practice to feed?" She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him suspiciously.

Her eyes shifted to his hands, and she watched him, _mesmerized_, as he rinsed the cups and put them away.

"I mean practice to feed, Elena." Damon leaned against the counter mirroring her pose, and she hurriedly lifted her gaze to his face. "How do you suppose to survive otherwise? By stealing blood bags from hospitals all over the country?" Elena cringed inwardly, the idea making her feel nauseous. Oddly, it made her feel more nauseous than, how had he called it? A _traditional way_. "This might do from time to time, but you can't rely on that completely."

"I know." She exhaled slowly." But you said that we won't be going anywhere until dusk," she quickly jumped at the opportunity to change the direction of the conversation. To push away whatever was going to happen.

Damon looked at her intently for a second. "I said practice, not feed," he said without breaking eye contact with her.

She looked back at him, a small frown appearing on her forehead. "What do you-" she trailed off, her eyes widening. "_No._"

Damon rolled his eyes. "Elena, I thought you said you didn't want to hurt anyone, so if you're still concerned about that you should learn how to bite." There was a hint of lightheartedness in his voice that somehow made her heart clench... or beat furiously in her chest, she was not sure which. "Once you drink more blood you will be able to use compulsion, but even that is only good for pain. If you don't want to leave someone with a torn neck that takes months to heal you should practice biting."

She could not deny he sounded reasonable but for some reason the fact that they were _reasonably_ discussing that particular subject made her feel dizzy.

"I can't just bite you!" Elena exclaimed helplessly, her expression miserable.

"Sure you can." Damon pushed himself away from the counter and walked toward her.

"You said I didn't want to hurt anyone, but you think I'm going to hurt you? Do you think I'm fine with hurting you?" she spoke quickly, walking backwards but soon she hit the wall and could not step away when he stopped in front of her.

"No, _no_, Elena. I don't think that. Besides, I can turn it off, so there is no reason in the _world_ why you should worry about that."

His smile faded when confronted with acute insight twinkling in her eyes. He was not going to turn anything off and she knew it.

"Which is _my_ choice, and not _your_ problem," Damon replied to what neither of them had said out loud. He tugged her closer by the shoulders and held her gaze. "Bite me."

She swallowed, trying to focus on his words that were overwhelming enough, and not on the fact that he was touching her, his hands burning her shoulders through the fabric of her shirt. She was trying to understand what he was doing. Whatever it was that he was doing, she decided that stalling was going to work best. "I want you to do it first."

He blinked, confused, but understanding dawned on him when Elena gathered all of her damp hair, pushing it over one of her shoulders and tilting her head to the side.

"Are you _mad_, Elena?" he asked angrily, abruptly sliding his hands off her. "Why would I do that?"

"Mikael fed on vampires," Elena answered without thinking, not really knowing how she suddenly remembered about that, but quite grateful to her mind that she did. Otherwise there would really be no excuse for her to come up with such a ridiculous proposition. "Why don't vampires feed on vampires anyway?" she asked, actually struck by the idea, and therefore sounding almost legitimately curious.

"Because no vampire would allow another vampire to feed on them," Damon answered through his teeth.

"Well," Elena slightly thrust up her chin as much as it was possible with her head tilted to one side. "Here is one."

"_Elena_."

"Show me how," she said, undeterred by his eyes practically glaring daggers at her. She did not know what she was doing anymore than she knew what he was trying to do. But for reasons she could not quite comprehend it felt right. It seemed strangely logical, and she just followed blindly an inner voice that insisted that she carried on.

Damon brought his face closer to hers. "You know how."

"You just told me that I don't. You were the one who said I should practice."

His mouth twitched. "Why do you want me to do it?" He tried one more approach, looking almost miserable, but not entirely sincere, and it was not helping that he knew she could not answer this question sincerely either.

She just looked at him, so with a stifled groan of defeat he cupped the side of her face and sneaked his other arm around her waist. They locked eyes, and he shuddered at the intensity of her gaze. Lowering his mouth to her neck he felt her tremble violently, but when he wanted to draw back, her hand found anchor on his shoulder grasping it so hard that he did not dare to move away.

It felt like fog, like a soft whisper wrapping itself around her mind. The twinge of pain she felt was only a string of letters she used when she was thinking about it, because she could not actually feel any pain. She did not think she had turned anything off (she subconsciously acknowledged that he had not even suggested for her to do that). She felt his fangs sank into her skin but instead of the sharp, unpleasant sensation she expected, there was only warmth that washed over her and brightness behind her closed eyelids.

It must not have lasted for long. It seemed to her that he drew back very quickly, looking up at her in apprehension, concern, and something else, something she could not stand because she felt it too.

In order not to give him time to say anything, she leaned forward, keeping one hand on his shoulder, the other seizing his forearm as she inched her mouth closer to his neck. She was certain it was not the scent of blood that was drawing her in. She was heady with the scent of his skin, but she could not allow herself to think about that. It was easier to find an excuse, and since the excuse was easy to find she made herself believe, if only for a second, that she was only practicing how to feed, that she was only a vampire, and not Elena, that it wasn't Damon, that she didn't want him, that she didn't want this, that it wasn't happening. Lightly brushing his skin with her lips she closed her eyes and concentrated, feeling her fangs protrude out of her mouth.

She was so lost in what she was doing that she almost did not hear a sound he made when she bit him.

"Look for a vein, Elena," he whispered in a voice as amused as circumstances allowed.

Her eyes snapped open. Closing her eyes when she was biting into someone's skin was clearly not a good idea.

"I'm sorry," she muttered and then sank her teeth into his skin again. _I'm sorry... I'm sorry..._

* * *

Bonnie was sitting on the floor in her grandmother's room, studying a dark-covered grimoire. Shutting the book closed, she leaned her head against the wall, and sighed.

This was never going to work.

Rising to her feet, Bonnie walked toward the bed, and took her grandmother's photo from the nightstand. _"You're stronger than all of this."_ She was looking at the picture for a long time, and was almost certain that after some time her grandmother started smiling back at her.

Or maybe this was going to work, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews! :]

Beta: **arabian** - Thank you so much! :)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 6**

She did not know if she could do this with anyone else. She doubted anyone else would have understood.

Later, they spent an hour in complete silence, sitting in a daze side by side, but not looking at each other. Elena was not sure what exactly had happened, but she felt calmer now, and she was quite certain it had little to do with quenching the thirst for blood. _Blood_. The word seemed so odd to her now. Like a name of a medicine in a foreign language.

"It was your blood Meredith used," she said quietly, breaking the silence.

"Maybe," Damon said in a matching voice after pondering this for a moment, not sure what it meant, if it meant anything at all. "Would it mean anything to you if she did?" There was nothing particularly demanding about his tone but Elena bit her lip with a small frown anyway.

"Yes. No. I don't know." She shifted in her seat, wishing to change the strange mood she was in, but somehow only making it stranger. "I can't imagine what it would mean..."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see his eyes wander up and down her face.

"What _can_ you imagine, Elena?"

She sighed, blinking quickly. She could not imagine _anything_ as long as it had something to do with him. He always did something different, something less, something more, she never knew what to expect, and when she tried to imagine what it would be like… what it would be like to be a part of this unpredictability that surrounded him, to be close enough to be affected - to the core - by every storm, to willingly allow him to exercise that kind of power over her… No, she could not imagine that at all.

"You said you would teach me some tricks." Elena changed the subject with little subtlety. "Is there something we could do inside the house?" She looked at him with as much fortitude as she could muster. His closeness alone was not as terrifying as the sudden familiarity of it.

When she glanced down at the space on the couch between them she noticed that her hand was clasped in his. She could not remember when that had happened.

"Maybe this is all a bad idea. Maybe we should just go back home," she blurted out, beginning to fear that she was forgetting too much. Too easily, she could make herself believe that they were at the end of the world, in the middle of nowhere, far away from everything – but it was an illusion, and although it did not seem so now, all the rules and promises still held true, and if she broke something in this strange, mesmerizing non-reality – it would remain broken, in _the_ reality, forever.

She looked at him, and he was once again wearing that expression that she absolutely loathed, although she could not even describe it properly. She felt like he craved honesty, yet sometimes her honesty seemed to hurt him, and she did not know what to do about that.

"_Maybe that's the problem."_

She doubted he had ever suspected her words to mean that _she_ was at fault, that he should go save himself because she did not think she could save him.

"All you have to do is tell me that you want to go home," he said, and she shot him an exasperated look. She clearly did not know what she had wanted, but he could have spared her.

"I find it hard to believe, seeing how I can't even stand up," she said wryly, slightly raising her hand that was still locked in his.

Very slowly, he began loosening his grip, his eyes fixed on her, and she angrily pulled her hand free and stormed to her feet. He followed her in a flash, and before she had a chance to fully turn around he pinned her against the wall.

Once again, she found herself breathless, any soothing effects the feeding practice (or whatever the hell that was) might have had on her was gone in an instant, and there was only one thought, one feeling, one instinct that replaced everything in her head, that circulated in her veins and made her want to scream and shout and run her nails across his face. The sudden surge of emotion, of _violence_ that for a moment encompassed her like a hurricane frightened her so much that she gasped out loud. She did not want to feel like that. She did not want to have such thoughts.

"What are you doing? Do you even know what you're doing?" she asked through her teeth. "How was drinking your blood going to help? How is any of this going to help?"

The look in his eyes made her heart clench. Hurting him was too easy, and she wanted to shake him, tell him to stop _caring_ so much for what she, for what _anyone_ was saying when they were driven by fear or sadness.

"I don't know, _Elena_," he said with a frown, and she was actually taken aback by the answer. "You're not _exactly_ my average type of problem."

She blinked in disbelief, forgetting all about what she had been thinking a moment ago. "So you think that you _you_ have a problem, and I am _your_ problem?_ I_ am a problem?" she asked, half-realizing that she had no reason to be angry. She was most likely his problem indeed, and all things considered, he might have had a right to throw that in her face.

She expected him to enter into an argument, but he only tilted his head to the side and lifted his hand to stroke her cheek with the backs of his fingers. "You're the biggest problem I've ever had." She wanted to tell him that it was actually the other way around, but he continued. "You need to find a key to this, Elena," he said in a calm, firm voice, seemingly ignoring the fact that she was leaning into his touch.

She looked at him questioningly, her face contorted in a grimace. "Key to what?"

"It's either you trapped inside a vampire, or a vampire trapped inside of you." He cupped her face in his hands, and inched it closer to his. "But it doesn't need to always be a trap. You just have to find a way to control this."

It finally dawned on her what he meant, although she vaguely suspected he was reading her feelings right now all wrong. She looked at his lips. Or maybe he was right, and she was wrong.

The reality began slipping away from her. Then she realized that the point of him holding her face in his hands was not merely something he was doing out of habit, but rather a way of stopping her from kissing him until she figured it out... figured something out... She just did not know what it was.

"Elena."

His voice was gentle, and he looked at her with such tenderness that it would have made her cry if she was not _so_ angry with him for doing that... for not doing what she wanted him to...

"I can't fight it," she whispered through her clenched teeth, tears welling up in her eyes at the sound of her own voice, at how hoarse, how inhuman, yet at the same time too human it sounded.

He smiled at her. Briefly, softly, brushing his thumb across her lower lip. "Elena, I'm not asking you to fight it," he said, looking intently into her eyes. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. "I'm asking you to _control_ it."

She didn't know how long it took her to process his words. For how long they looked into each other's eyes. How much time had passed until he slid his hands off her cheeks and waited for his words to sink in. But when they finally did, she inhaled deeply, and leaned slightly forward only to draw back with half-lidded eyes. He didn't even need to open his eyes to _feel_ her intermittently inching her lips closer and further away from his. He opened his eyes only when she spoke.

"It's not the same, Damon. It's not like the thirst for blood. It's _nothing_ like it."

"But it may seem that way," Damon argued, brushing the tears off her face with his thumbs. "All the emotions might mingle into one, especially in the beginning-"

She cut him off, laughing nervously through her tears. "Don't tell me I can't differentiate between you and a blood-bag. I'm not hungry, and I'm not angry."

"But you can learn to control blood-lust by controlling _this_."

"What if I don't _want_ to control _this_!" she said impatiently. "Maybe I could control it if it was just about... But it's not just about this, Damon, it's about _you_."

He looked like someone who wanted to believe something that was obviously not true. But soon the expression was gone, and he brought himself back to the reality. "Now you _are_ angry."

"You're _making_ me angry!" She said in helpless frustration, feeling as if she was pounding her fists against the wall. She was trying to find her way around that labyrinth in her head, but instead of helping her do so, he was pushing her off the track she was working so hard to uncover.

"Good. Be angry. Make sure you know what it's like to be angry. How it makes you feel. What it makes you do." He looked into her eyes with encouraging intensity. "So it won't catch you one day when you least expect it," he added under his breath, almost tonelessly, and she wanted to grasp at the memories that flickered in his eyes but he buried them fast.

She stared at him in silence for a while and then shook her head. "This is not going to work. I can control blood-lust, but I can't control what I feel-"

"You _think_ you can control it, Elena, but you can't," he said sharply. "Not yet. If you can't control a human emotion, you can't control something like that."

Elena looked at him searchingly. "Do you think that what I feel... By a human emotion do you mean lust?" she asked in a low voice, suddenly realizing it. "Do you think it's that simple?"

For the first time she felt like she suddenly gained access to some strange lucidity. Everything was more overwhelming – but also clearer.

"Elena-"

Or maybe it was simple, but simple in a different way. „I'm scared," she said, drawing a hasty breath, trying to read her own, mostly unintelligible thoughts. "I'm scared… of you."

He blinked. "You're scared of me?" He repeated and the tone of his voice indicated that he was almost taking offense. It made Elena smile despite the tears in her eyes. Damon's eyebrows knitted in further confusion.

"Not in that sense," she started again, beginning to doubt she would be able to carry this confession through. She took a breath and exhaled slowly, making a point of not averting her eyes from him. "I'm scared of what it would mean… of what it would be like-" She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again. "I'm scared of what you would do to me." She laughed humorlessly. "I'm scared that I wouldn't be me anymore," she said after a pause in a low, serious voice. "That I wouldn't be the same. That you wouldn't be the same. That nothing would be the same anymore. And I'm scared of that, Damon."

He looked at her, trying to listen to the words she was saying instead of the ones he wanted to hear. "You're right," he said somberly, studying her face, and a twinge of pain caused by his words made her realize just how much she had wanted him to disagree.

But then his expression changed, and he leaned toward her speaking in a soft, melodic voice: "You're right that nothing would be the same, Elena. But did it ever cross your mind that it wouldn't be worse?" His voice fell to a whisper, eyes glittering. "It could be _better_."

She gazed at him like she would at the starlit sky. No, it had never crossed her mind that it would be for the better. From her experience it seemed like when something changed, it usually changed for the worse. She felt like every step she had ever taken led to a tragedy, so she wanted to remain where she was and keep herself and everyone else safe.

"Think about it," he said, his mouth twitching into a brief smile. He took a step away from her. "But now let's go back to your training, and do something simpler," he said and moved with blinding speed to the other side of the room."Your turn," he said with a wink.

She felt somewhat disappointed that he ended the conversation so abruptly, although it was perhaps for the better. She needed some time to think."That's easy," she said, biting her lip, and trying to pull herself together. Oddly enough, she gladly dived into the reality in which her being a vampire was the main issue. As long as it served as an escape clause she thought she could live with it.

Damon gave her a lop-sided grin. "Impress me."

* * *

"You know I've lost my magic." Abby repeated, and for the tenth time during the last ten minutes Bonnie wondered why she had tried. "I can't help you."

"You may have no magic, but you still have knowledge. Unless," Bonnie paused, "you don't _want_ to help me."

Abby shook her head with a grimace. "You know that's not true."

"I don't know _anything_ when it comes to you," Bonnie said levelly, her eyes fixed on her mother who stared back at her, struck by the words, but not looking as affected by them as Bonnie would have hoped. Although now that Abby was a vampire, her tendency to repress her feelings was probably heightened, so what else could she expect?

"I do want to help you," Abby said unsmilingly, taking a step toward Bonnie. "What are you trying to do?" she asked, wrinkling her forehead, and glancing at the grimoire in Bonnie's hands.

"There is a spell I want to play with."

Abby widened her eyes at her. "You know how dangerous-"

"That's not the part I need your help with," Bonnie cut her off. "I made a deal with Klaus." Abby's face drained of all color. "Or rather that's what he thinks," Bonnie added, squinting. "I _agreed_ for him to take over from time to time. That's the only way to ensure that he won't know what I'm doing," she added noticing a complete lack of understanding on Abby's face. "And this is the only way for me to find out what he's really planning."

"Bonnie! This is... Not even your grandmother would attempt something like this!"

Bonnie stiffened. "How do you know? You missed too many years to be able to tell." They just looked at each other in silence for a while. At last Bonnie drew a breath, and said in a low, controlled voice. "If he gets into my head, I can get into his." Her hands rolled into fists as her grandmother's face flashed across her memory, leaving tears in her eyes. "I _am_ strong enough for this."

* * *

It was a few hours past dawn, and the pale rays of the sun were sneaking from above and in between the curtains in the living room of the boarding house, setting the dust aglow.

"Are you saying that Klaus just... keeps taking over your body from time to time?" Caroline asked, sounding so irritated that Tyler felt like she thought he was to blame.

"It's not my fault, Caroline," he said, looking to Matt for support.

"So where is he, when he is not in you?" Matt asked matter of factly. Tyler looked at him like he had just been stabbed in the back.

"Do you think this is amusing?" Tyler asked, shaking his head at both of them.

"That's actually a good question, Tyler," Caroline said, glancing at Matt who shrugged.

"We have every reason to believe that Klaus' body is currently unavailable to him, so it's no surprise that we're curious," Stefan observed cautiously.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Well, maybe you should double-check about that then. All _I_ know is that he takes over, and then leaves. I can't tell you anything else."

"Maybe you're not the only one he's possessing," Matt said thoughtfully, but Caroline was not in the mood to discuss it any further.

"We have to work out some secret code, then," she said, her forehead wrinkling in thought. Tyler gave her a questioning look. "So we'll know when Klaus takes over."

Tyler's face fell and he stood up and turned away from them. Caroline looked at Stefan and Matt, as if they could explain Tyler's reaction.

"I can't stay here," Tyler said, turning toward her again, his eyes sad as they bore into hers.

"What are you talking about?" Caroline asked with a disbelieving, nervous smile, quickly walking toward him.

"It's not safe, Caroline. What if Klaus is planning something? And of course he is, so... What if you won't notice... it's him? I wouldn't forgive myself if he hurt you, any of you. I have to_ stay away_."

"What are you talking about?" Caroline repeated in agitation. "How could I _possibly_ not notice it's him and not you?"

Tyler smiled at her briefly. "Just a moment ago you thought it was him not me."

"But that's because I didn't know!"

"I need to figure it out on my own," Tyler interrupted her, exchanging a look with Matt who nodded grimly.

Caroline stared at Tyler in disbelief, frozen to the spot as he just walked out of the room, the sound of the door closing behind him sounding to her like the most surreal sound in the world.

* * *

Two vases and a clock were the only casualties in the battle that Elena fought in learning how to move at supernatural speed within furnished interiors.

"Are you sure Mrs. Flowers won't mind?"

Damon smiled. "Just remember to think about the destination rather than the distance," he said, picking up the remaining pieces of a broken vase.

"I'm thirsty," Elena said all of a sudden, dropping down onto the couch, feeling her breath quicken. She was not even sure she was really hungry, but the words just spoke themselves and she followed, subsequently beginning to feel hungry.

Damon's hand froze suspended in the air as he looked up at her. She was clearly making an admirable effort to sound casual.

"Diet or high calorie?" he asked jokingly.

Elena slowly looked up, meeting his gaze.

Making sure not to drop the vase pieces he had collected from the floor, Damon stood up. "Me or the police officer?"

Elena stared at him. She would have scolded him again on the occasion of stealing blood from police officers and serving it to her for breakfast without even telling her about it, but the jest of his offer - that was clearly meant as a joke - made it impossible for her to think about such trifles. Perhaps if she wanted to reconcile with the idea of being a vampire, she should first of all reconcile with the way he made her feel, with the way she wanted him to make her feel, with what she wanted.

And what she wanted was being close to him, and if, for now, (_"it's right... just not right now"_, she blinked and gasped) there was only one way to do it...

"If that'd be alright with you," she said breathlessly, barely recognizing her own voice, and not recognizing at all the thought process that had led her to uttering such words.

Without a word, Damon walked out of the room and she sat very still listening to him throwing the shards of the broken vase away, washing his hands, drying them – she could imagine every gesture without seeing it. He then came back into the room and sauntered toward her.

She did not understand why she wanted to do it again. Why she could not catch her breath when he looked at her; why she trembled at the mere thought of his touch; why she climbed onto his lap when he sat down, and let him hold her while she sank her fangs into his neck; why when she drew back, she wordlessly offered to return the favor; and why, when he whispered huskily, "I'd rather kiss you", she kissed him.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you so much for all the stunning reviews! :D I'm totally overwhelmed by your beautiful comments :]

Beta: **arabian** - Thank you so much! :)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 7**

"Come on, _Elena_," Damon lifted Elena's hand and guided it into his leather jacket's sleeve. "It's almost dusk. We shouldn't be wasting any night hours."

"I don't need a jacket. Where are we going?" Elena asked, reluctantly following him to the door. She had wanted to go out, but now that they were actually going out, she was beginning to think she didn't want to go anywhere, after all.

Damon opened the door for her, and Elena walked outside, taking in her surroundings as is she was looking at a distant planet. It felt different – the ground under her feet, the air on her face, the dark sky above, the tall trees. She felt invisible when compared to them. But she was not invisible. She was dead. The trees were alive. Maybe that was the difference she felt.

"Oh, you know, just run a few errands," Damon noisily closed the door behind them, shaking Elena out of her reverie. "Buy you lingerie, eat out." He said with a lop-sided smile. "And I need bourbon," he added under his breath.

Elena shot him another grim look. "I'm sure _that_ is going to help." With a sigh of exasperation she got into the car and Damon shut the door after her.

They had kissed and now it was weird... in that it wasn't weird at all. Her lips felt hot and sore, and yet he had the nerve to behave like nothing had happened. Maybe nothing had happened. Maybe she should just make room for this in her daily routine. Maybe, at some point between Denver and death, it became their routine.

"Where are we?" Elena asked in a harsher tone than she had intended, struggling with her seat belt that refused to work.

"Do you need the zip code?" Damon asked, leaning over her, and helping her with it, which was anything but helpful.

"Does anyone know where we are?"

He looked at her for a second before drawing back and starting the engine. "_Sans_ the details."

"Like the zip code?"

He smiled a little.

Elena tilted her head toward the window, growing thoughtful while letting herself, for the first time since the transition, think about what awaited her in Mystic Falls- her musings came to a sudden halt when jumped in her seat. "How did you do that?" she asked curiously, turning toward Damon with a smile playing about her lips

Damon gave her an innocent look but she narrowed her eyes at him and he smiled.

"You called my name. I heard your voice. How did you do that?"

"I shouldn't have been able to do that," Damon said, giving shifting his eyes between her and the road. "You should've blocked me."

"How could I block you if I didn't know you would that?"

"Usually, it should only be possible if you were exhausted or hurt. If you're OK, your mind should sense the threat and block the intruder automatically. _Unless..._"

"Unless?" Elena asked, raising her eyebrows.

His mouth twitched into a brief smirk. "Unless you don't consider me a threat."

"I'll have to think about that," Elena said, pressing her head against the headrest. "Can you read my thoughts too?" she asked after a pause with a baffling trace of hope in her voice.

"Ask me about that in three hundred years."

She tilted her head toward him. "Is it that hard to learn?" Elena asked, a little disappointed. She could use someone interpreting her thoughts for her.

He nodded. "And even then you can only do that when someone is asleep."

Elena seemed to ponder this for a while, her eyes wandering around the car. _Three hundred years. _She could not imagine herself three hundred years from now. But it was a reassuring thought that even in three hundred years he would still be around.

"Say something like that again." Elena said with a sigh, closing her eyes.

She had rarely thought about the magical side of being vampire. Maybe it could be alright. Maybe she could avoid all the traps, maneuver her way through the dark, never see anyone die around her. She squeezed her eyes shut in order not to cry over her own stupidity. It was all wishful thinking, she knew. If she let herself believe that, it would come back to stab her in the heart one day. She could not let herself believe that it could be so simple, that she could make eternity only bright.

But it was so tempting to believe that. It was so easy to believe that, if all she had to worry about so far was feeling the relentless need to kiss someone who cared for her.

"What was that?" Elena asked, smiling softly at the words she had heard.

"A poem."

"Whose?"

Damon's eyes lingered on her before he shifted them back to the road.

Elena's eyes widened in surprise. "Is there more?"

"No."

"Damon."

"How about you trying to tell me something now?" he suggested, glancing at her.

"Do you think I can?"

"You can _always_ try, Elena."

Elena looked sideways at the road, her expression becoming thoughtful.

After a few moments her eyes darted to Damon, but before she had time to smile she realized he had not heard anything. "It didn't work, did it?" she asked dejectedly.

"Elena, you've been vampire for _one day_. Regardless of that, you should try everything you want to try. But if it doesn't work the first _or_ the ninety-ninth time around, well, move on and try again later."

She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears, and averting her eyes from him.

Damon waited a moment before asking. "What did you say?"

Elena bit her lip. "Nothing important," she said quietly with a shrug, looking pensively out the window.

* * *

"Hi," Stefan said when Jeremy opened the door, giving him the Gilbert's signature "seriously?" look, the light from inside the house brightening the dark porch.

"Did you hear from Elena?" Jeremy asked, struck by the thought. It seemed his life was made out of bad news, and he braced himself for what he was going to hear now.

Stefan's eyebrows knitted together in a small frown. "No... I mean, I talked to Damon."

"Are they coming back soon?"

"I don't know," Stefan said in a low, hollow voice. "He said they were going to Pennsylvania. It was yesterday. I called today too, but he's been dodging my calls," he added with a brief, humorless smile. "Listen, Jeremy, I just wanted to explain something to you."

Jeremy looked like listening to any explanations was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but after rolling his eyes he said with a sigh. "I don't want to be a part of this."

"Be a part of what?"

"It's Elena's... life," Jeremy swallowed quickly, grimacing. "I just want her to be OK. And happy. I don't want to listen to any explanations. I'm not judging you. I understand-"

"No, you don't," Stefan interrupted him calmly. "I did it before. I had taken that choice away from my brother. I didn't want to take it away from Elena."

Jeremy studied Stefan's face in silence for a moment. "I'm not sure what you mean," he said, slightly narrowing his eyes at him.

Stefan shifted his eyes to the sky before looking back at Jeremy. "When we were turned, Damon didn't want to complete the transition. But I convinced him to. I _made_ him complete the transition, and it took him some time, a long time, to forgive me for it."

Jeremy's expression turned from compassionately understanding to cautiously incredulous. "So... you didn't want Elena to be upset with you, that's why you didn't want her to complete the transition, so you wouldn't have to deal with her, _maybe_, hating you for it?"

Stefan seemed genuinely taken aback by Jeremy's interpretation. "That's not what I was trying to say."

"I know," Jeremy said with a humorless snort. "But maybe that's exactly what happened. I hated Damon for feeding Elena his blood. I'm sure she hated it too. But he didn't care. He just didn't want her to die."

Stefan's mouth twitched in a smile that was both wry and good-natured. "I didn't know you were such a Damon fan."

"That makes two of us," Jeremy replied unsmilingly, shutting the door.

* * *

Elena held her breath at the sight of so many people at the mall, going about their lives - _their lives_ – taking their time, hurrying somewhere. She felt very self-conscious, and asked Damon if it was safe for them to be here. What if she did something reckless?

"How?" Damon asked with a crooked smile, wrapping his arm around Elena's waist.

Elena snorted under her breath. "That's a very sophisticated method to ensure that I won't." She thought she should have said something else, but didn't really know why.

"Not on your own," Damon whispered into her ear, and she felt fireworks spring from her head and rush all the way to the tips of her fingers.

She had never been that aware of her shoulder pressed against someone else's shoulder. It would not have meant anything if it wasn't Damon's shoulder. But it was. The lights around her seemed even brighter than usual. Every color seemed more vivid, and she was beginning to think it was rather fascinating, regardless of the reason. They walked into one of the stores and with a roll of her eyes Elena noted what kind it was.

"I don't think we really need this," Elena muttered, looking between Damon and a bottle of bourbon.

"It's Saturday, darling," Damon said in an almost pleading tone, and out of the corner of her eye Elena saw the cashier smirking at them. "You said that I could drink on the weekends." Damon pressed a quick kiss to Elena's cheek rendering her motionless, and paid for the bottle.

They left the store and walked on.

"At least you're having fun," she muttered under her breath, watching people around her with greedy eyes. She felt like she was separated from them all by an invisible wall. They were different, somehow. They belonged somewhere while she was drifting a few inches above everything, away from everything. Wherever her world was now, it was not here.

"Can't you just play along?" He thought he was walking a fine line between taking advantage of the situation and allowing himself to daydream for a while, and she didn't seem particularly intent on invalidating the daydreaming, so he pulled her even closer to him.

"How?" Elena asked wryly.

"By calling me _darling_?"

She snorted but then when they went into a store to pick a jacket for her she actually used the word _darling_, and she decided it was worth doing just for the sake of seeing his face upon hearing it.

Even though she kept saying that she didn't need a jacket, when he helped her put it on, she smiled. It felt more like a costume, and she wondered if that was the point. Maybe she could only pretend that she was a vampire? For some time.

"I've never said I wanted a new leather jacket," Elena said, glancing at herself in the mirror. "I have one at home."

"I mind-read that you might want another one," Damon said, taking her by the hand as they walked out of the store. "And now that you look presentable and you started with the smiling thing..."

"Whatever you have in mind, the answer is _no_," Elena said, trying to wiggle her hand out of his but he only grasped it tighter in response.

"Don't be such a party breaker, Elena. Don't you feel like _doing_ something tonight?"

"No."

"We could go dancing," he winked with a smirk.

"I don't really feel like dancing."

"Or we could go see a movie," he pointed to the list of the currently running titles when they were passing next to the ticket booths. "_Breaking Dawn_," he added when the general mentioning of seeing a movie did not attract her attention at all.

Elena turned her head to him and squinted. "Very funny, Damon. Really. Hilarious."

He widened his eyes at her. "_Whatever_ do you mean, Elena? I just thought the title was catchy. Do you know what it's about?"

She elbowed him and shook her head in exasperation. It was only then she noticed that their arms were linked. She thought that these days she kept noticing things too late.

"We could go to a bookstore," she said, leaning more heavily on his arm (since their arms were linked already anyway, it didn't seem like an odd thing to do). It reminded her of something, or maybe not. Perhaps it reminded her of something that had never happened.

"Sounds like a wild night," Damon said, and Elena looked away from him and bit back a smile.

"If we are going to stay in that house for a while I need some entertainment. Beside your company."

Damon smirked. "You have yet to take full advantage of that."

"Well-" she started but trailed off when Damon suddenly pulled her with him into a small compartment. "What are you doing?" She glanced around quickly realizing there were in a photo booth. "_No._"

"_Yes. _Sit here." He tugged on her hand until she sat down next to him.

"I always look horrible in these," Elena said resignedly.

"I promise I won't plaster them all over Mystic Falls," Damon replied with a smile inserting coins into the slots.

He then sat back and draped his arm around Elena's shoulders. "Now _smile_, Elena."

* * *

Bonnie opened her eyes and smiled at the ring in her hand. She hoped Elena would like the ring they had picked with Caroline. Taking a small box from her shelf, she placed the ring inside-

She froze.

_Not now not now not now..._

The chanting in her head faded away.

Bonnie stood rigidly staring at the ring. She tilted her head to the side and after a moment of consideration took the ring out of the box again, and looked at it against the lamplight.

"What do you think, Bonnie?" Bonnie said out loud. "Shall we add a special feature to this lovely little thing?"

* * *

Elena grinning (_"See? You can."_), Damon pretending to bite her (_"Stop drooling over my new jacket. Literally."_), their cheeks pressed together (_"I can't smile when you're squashing my face."_), wearing sunglasses (_"When did you get these?"_), pouting (_"Seriously?"_), kissing (_"Damon, don't-"_), showing off their fangs.

"I don't want to look at them," Elena said with a grimace, glancing at Damon who narrowed his eyes at her. She snorted to herself. "Of course. That's the point."

She had no idea how he had eventually talked her into doing that, but strangely enough, when she looked at these pictures, the sight she had been dreading all along, no longer terrified or disgusted her. She was a vampire. Vampires had fangs. She had fangs. They looked more funny than ugly anyway, at least in the pictures. She couldn't really say the same thing about the veins around her eyes, but perhaps she would get there too... eventually.

Damon tilted his head to the side, watching Elena closely as she looked at the pictures in her hands. "Ready for another photoshoot?"

Elena shifted her eyes to him. "Do you think…" she hesitated. "Does this change the way you feel about me?" she asked in a slightly strained voice, finding it difficult to find the right words. "I mean, does it matter to you that I'm a vampire? Does it make me a different person in your eyes?"

"_In my eyes_," he repeated the phrase with a small, amused smile, even though his eyes remained serious. "You are _Elena_. Not a human Elena or a vampire Elena. Elena. You."

"But I _am_ different. Or I may become different," she argued, looking away, her forehead wrinkling in thought. "It has to matter."

"You make it sound like there were some expectations to which you would have to live up," he said, and she held her breath at the memory the words brought. "There aren't and you don't."

"What if there are?" she pressed, thinking that maybe she was not different indeed. Her emotions were heightened but they were still her emotions.

"Not between us, Elena," he said seriously, before leaning toward her, and adding in a lower voice. "I like you just the way you are," he winked.

She smiled, and decided to follow down the memory lane.

"As for not living up to anyone's expectations," she said, slightly thrusting up her chin, as if she was about to make an official announcement. "I want you to know that you have always, eventually, lived up to mine." He wanted to interrupt her, but she silenced him with her hand over his. "Not because you wanted to or because I wanted you to but because that's who you are."

Damon blinked quickly, his eyebrows furrowing as if she had just said something worrisome. "Then I'm right and there are no expectations," he said at last, regaining his composure, and a lighter tone. "You just make them up as we go." Elena shook her head with a huff of exasperation. "You said _eventually_," Damon added to defend his interpretation.

"OK," Elena said, straightening up. "Keep arguing otherwise. I know the truth anyway."

Damon rolled his eyes. "And what is the truth, Elena?" he asked in a humorously sarcastic tone. "That underneath this cold, gruesome exterior I'm your knight-errant with a heart of gold?"

Elena smiled, and he assumed she shared the sarcastic sentiment, but then her expression changed, she leaned toward him, and with as much sincere confusion in her voice as she could muster she asked. "What cold, gruesome exterior?"

When he stopped smiling, she laughed and went out of the photo booth. After frowning and blinking some more, Damon quickly rose to his feet, and followed.

"For how long will we be staying here?" Elena asked when Damon maneuvered them into the nearest boutique, all of her words still resonating in his head.

"It's rather careless of you to be leaving the choice to me," he said with a smile, watching her looking casually through the dresses as she seemed to be thinking about something else. When she finished her scrutiny, and her hands dropped to the side, he reached out and interlaced his fingers with hers. He glanced up at her, and her eyes darted from their hands to his face, but she did not say anything.

"So for how long will we be staying here?" she repeated the question under her breath, and he was not sure if she really wanted him to answer it so much, or whether she forgot she had already asked the question.

"Long enough for you start wearing _colors_, Elena," he replied, feeling giddy from holding her hand, from her letting him hold her hand like it was _OK_.

Elena widened her eyes at him. "Are you criticizing my style? I didn't know you were also my stylist now."

"I hate to break it to you, Elena, but you have no style. Doesn't take a stylist to see that."

They were still arguing over her wardrobe when they reached the bookstore.

"Young adult is over there," Damon offered helpfully, pointing to a nearby alley. "I have to find something and will be right back," he countered Elena's artificially annoyed expression with a smile.

"Make sure to pick up Self-control for Dummies on your way back," Elena retorted.

"Sure. Do you want paperback or hardcover?"

She narrowed her eyes at him as he sauntered away with a smile.

Laughing to herself, Elena headed toward the fiction section and spent maybe a few minutes alone there before Damon was indeed back, an elaborately embroidered, thick journal in his hand. She looked sincerely surprised when he handed it to her.

"I almost forgot about my journal," she said thoughtfully, taking the journal from him and holding it in both hands, staring at the cover.

"It's the best time to start a new one," Damon suggested cautiously. "Or just write a story."

Her eyes darted to him, bright and wary. "How did you know? I've never told you that. That before- that I wanted to be a writer," she added when he seemed to look nonplussed.

He shrugged, his mouth twitching into a small smile. "I guess you've just got that aspiring writer look about you."

She smiled. "Oh really? And what is that? Wearing boring clothes?"

Damon returned the smile. "No. Smiling like you're smiling right now, and _really_ looking at people."

Elena looked at him in silence for a moment. "Thank you for the journal," she said, hugging the journal to her, not knowing what else to say.

They wandered around the store for a while, picking books, CDs, DVDs as if they were headed to a deserted island for a year. She could not remember when it was the last time that she had spent time like this. It must have been ages ago, before Mystic Falls became such a dangerous place. Before her parents died.

Before she died.

"Here, I found something." Damon waved a DVD in front of her, shaking her out of her reverie.

She looked at the cover expecting to see _Dracula_ or _Interview with the Vampire_, but to her surprise she saw _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_.

She contemplated the title for a moment before looking up at him. She drew a breath and said with some kind of new resolve in her voice: "How about a comedy?"

* * *

Damon put all of their shopping bags into the trunk and turned away from the car.

"I thought we'd be going now," Elena said, her good mood fading at the way Damon looked with wary eyes around the underground parking lot.

"Before we go... It's the perfect occasion for you to try something."

Elena froze and then moved with blinding speed to the passenger's door, hoping to quickly get in and refuse to get out. Unfortunately, Damon was faster, and he blocked her way, waggling a finger at her. She squinted, but he turned her by the shoulders and walked her forward.

"I'll be standing right next to you. All you have to do is try compelling someone."

"You said I couldn't do that yet," Elena argued, dismayed at the prospect, not so much at the prospect of compulsion itself, but at attempting to compel someone - and failing.

"Since when did you start listening to me?" He turned her around, and brushed imaginary dust of her shoulders. "Besides, that was before you started drinking fat instead of skim blood."

She squinted, but didn't have time to respond, because Damon turned her around once again and she saw a man approach a car not too far from them. Other than that, the parking lot was empty.

Reluctantly, she followed Damon, and when they were close enough she asked the stranger if he happened to know where the elevator was, which was the first thing that came to her mind. The man looked up and she concentrated as hard as she could-

"Excuse me, but what are doing, sweetheart?" The stranger gave her an artificially inquiring look and she had barely enough time to realize that something was wrong before he _pounced_.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! :)

Beta: **arabian** – Thank you so much! *hugs*

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW + one line borrowed from Robert Frost ;)

**Chapter 8**

Elena's breath caught in her throat and she uttered a stifled a cry of dismay at the sight of the stranger's face changing in a flash, his fangs extending. But before she was grabbed by him, Damon shoved her aside, and when she looked up she heard a snap, and the stranger fell to the ground. Damon glanced at her over her shoulder.

"A vampire," Elena gasped.

"Too bad it doesn't take one to know one," Damon muttered, stepping over the body. "Let's go before he... _bounces_ back." He gave the stranger one more displeased look before taking Elena by the hand and fast-moving to their car.

"Are you OK?" he asked, glancing at her when they were out in the street, speeding toward the main road.

"Yes," Elena brushed her hair behind her ears. "It was just... unexpected." She exhaled slowly. "Why did he attack us?" she continued, trying to resume a calmer tone. "Couldn't he just say he was a vampire?"

"Attacking us might have actually been his attempt at socializing. Besides," Damon continued after a pause, "some people just get offended when someone tries to compel them, regardless whether they are vampires or not." He looked at Elena. "You were. My favorite slap," he said with a smirk. "Up to date."

Elena glanced at him uncertainly, only after a moment understanding the reference. "I didn't know you tried to _compel_ me then."

"It bothered me later on a little," Damon spoke in a low, melodic voice that blended so well, too well with the dimly lit road outside, with her mood, with _her_. "If you were wearing vervain, then why, for a few seconds, you looked like the compulsion was actually working?"

Snorting under her breath, Elena averted her eyes from him. "I was just confused because of that dream you gave me earlier." She exhaled, thinking back to that night, to that strange sense of trepidation that he had brought into her life, that she had secretly found thrillingly pleasant until she had realized he was playing a game. She had not slapped him because he had tried to kiss her. She had slapped him because he had tried to kiss her for reasons that had nothing to do with her.

"What dream?"

Damon's words made her give him an incredulous look, but she could not tell from the expression on his face whether he was joking or not. He must have been. She could not have possibly dreamed that on her own. Not then, not like that. Turning her head to look away again her eyes widened at what she suddenly saw in front of them-

"Damon, watch out!"

Damon's foot hit the brakes and their car skidded to the side of the road. It was an almost surreal sight, a small bike in the middle of the dark road, but despite horror movies-inspired thoughts they got out of the car hoping that the toddler trying to ride his bike across the road was not an evil ghost.

Moving toward the child in the blink of an eye Damon, swept the toddler off the bike a few moments before a truck coming from the opposite direction smashed it almost completely.

Elena ran to them in a regular way along with a dismayed mother who emerged from a very small, dimly lit road. Damon promptly and gladly handed the terrified child to her, and then both him and Elena listened patiently to exclamations, explanations, the mother having "no idea _how_", and everything else in between, concluded by a heartfelt "_thank you"_ and a late dinner invitation that they politely refused.

"It looks like we're on a roll," Damon said, walking back toward the car.

Elena smiled to herself, following him, and finding the moment strangely bewitching. She looked at the stars above and at his dark silhouette. She felt her heart beating in her chest, and she wondered if it was not evidence good enough that - somehow - she was _alive_.

"This could make living forever matter," Elena said thoughtfully when they were back in the car. "Don't you think?" She turned in her seat and looked at Damon expectantly, but he didn't seem to understand what she meant. "People are afraid of vampires, but if... _we_ would let them see the good that-"

"_Elena_," Damon cut her off, starting the engine. "If you currently have any Batman and Robin ideas running through your head, please throw them out of the window _now_," he said, lowering the window on her side.

Elena's smile turned into a frown. "Don't you think-"

"No."

"Why not?"

He gave her a sidelong glance, and she drew a breath, and hastily turned on the radio. The car drowned in the loud music and Elena slumped deeper into the car seat, crossing her arms over her chest. Damon turned up the volume even more and when her eyes shifted to him, he gave her a smirk to which she reacted by closing her eyes.

Strange as it was, she was struck by how peaceful she suddenly felt, speeding across unfamiliar roads, deafened by the music she didn't like, overwhelmed by everything that had happened – not knowing what was yet to happen.

Except that she could kiss him if she wanted to. She wanted to kiss him _now_ but that would be silly. _Stop the car because I want to kiss you._ She smiled a little, and tilted her head to the side, looking at him out of the corners of her half-lidded eyes.

"_I want you to get everything that you're looking for."_

She pondered the words again. They haunted her. She tried to make sense of that meeting. She tried to make sense of him making her forget.

She tried to make sense of him.

Of them.

In the faint, flickering lights of the cars that were passing them by, she watched his face, his eyes fixed on the road, his mouth set in a concentrated but neutral expression that for some reason scared the hell out of her. She could define herself against his emotions as long as they were extreme, good or bad, it didn't matter. It was something she could imagine, fight, understand.

But the expression that he was wearing right now, that signified no particular mood that was just him – she had no idea what to do with that. If she crossed the line, and let _just her _meet half way with _just him_... what would happen?

Subconsciously, she knew it had always been a little bit that way. She had always been more herself with him, and he had always been more himself with her. A little bit more. _No_. Too much. _Always too much. _And maybe that was the secret, the true appeal. Maybe it was never about the attraction, but it was about the allure of being loved unconditionally. It was not right or just, it did not fit with her system of beliefs. It was possible to love _because_ and _despite_. The concept deprived of some reasons, _any_ reasons – scared her. It scared her to be loved like that.

It scared her even more to love like that.

She did her best to keep this _sane_, to set some rules, to disagree, demand, reward, scold. She found consolation in all the "ifs." But at the end of the day... it was always just him. And it was OK with her.

It wasn't true that she wanted to change him, or turn him into... someone else. All of that wasn't true - one of those rare, unconscious, emotional schemes of hers that he didn't get. What she was trying to do was to make sure that it was the same, that there were obstacles that it mattered what he was doing, what he was saying. Because it _should_. It should matter. It ought to matter. She didn't _know_ the world in which it didn't matter. She didn't _want_ to endorse that kind of reality because it was _wrong_, and fixing things, making them _right_ was all that she had left.

But how could she fix something that was not broken? Something that refused to break despite a thousand and one attempts to break it. It would not break or go away, and maybe, _maybe_, if there was something worth holding on to at all cost it was something as unbreakable, as invincible, as inexplicable, as inevitable as what they had?

_An understanding._

No. _No._ She understood nothing. She would never understand.

"Damon."

She turned off the radio.

"Damon."

He kept shifting his eyes between the road and her, trying to guess what she was going to say.

_Not this time_, she thought, strangely exhilarated by the prospect of saying it out loud, of seeing his face when she would say it, both prospects somehow liberating even if she was not quite able to tell why.

The revelation seemed new and old, so powerful and so fragile. It was a moment to be torn out of time, three words that belonged nowhere but between them. For a second she felt as if the world was about to collapse, but she knew it wouldn't.

"Damon, I-"

She stared at him dumbfounded when he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. Her head was so full of her own thoughts she couldn't even hear the phone ring.

Damon glanced at the phone and then, in a slightly delayed gesture, handed the phone to her. Elena looked down at the screen.

_Stefan._

* * *

It reminded Stefan of a heartbeat, the way in which the phone was ringing in his ear when he waited to hear a voice on the other side. Every moment of silence was a memory, every sound was a ray of hope. If he could only hear her voice, make sure that she was well, that she was safe, that she would be back, it would make him _feel_ that she was alive. The way it was now – she died, and he didn't see her since then.

He should not have let her go like that. He should have gone with her. It had been a mistake; he should have fought for her to change her mind. Jeremy was right. But it was not too late. Bonnie should be able to locate her, and he shouldn't be wasting time calling her instead of going to her.

Putting the phone away Stefan smiled, thinking back to all those moments when Elena had been there for him even when he wasn't there for himself. There was still hope. An eternity of hope. She would be fine. They would be fine. It could be a new start for both of them.

He was going to hold on to that.

* * *

Elena stared at the phone until it stopped buzzing. She then returned the phone to Damon and turned toward the window and away from him. He obeyed her silent command and said nothing.

"We should drive to a hospital. There is one fifteen miles away," Damon said after a longer while, and Elena was not sure why his voice sounded a bit different. "Unless you'd rather... " he glanced at her but her expression was unreadable.

She sighed, drifting away in her thoughts. That was too tempting, too easy, and not fair. She drew a breath suddenly remembering Alaric, struck by the random realization that asking Stefan to save Matt instead of her – that meant signing the death sentence for Alaric. She hadn't made a choice between Matt and herself. Even if the Alaric they knew was gone... She had still made a choice between Matt and Alaric. No matter how much she tried to save them all, she always ended up hurting someone. It seemed almost as if she was being repeatedly punished for some kind of unconscious hypocrisy. It was true she never wanted to die. But it was also true she never wanted to be a vampire. She didn't want to pick up the phone because she felt guilty about Stefan, but she didn't want to pick it up also because she didn't want to talk to him. The contradictions were illusory because they didn't function as contradictions in her head. In her head everything was simultaneously true.

"No," she said out loud, trying to break away from her thoughts. "We can... do it an old-fashioned way." She waved her hand tiredly.

"Elena, if you don't want to-"

"Stop the car."

"What?"

"Stop the car, Damon!"

They stopped and Damon watched Elena storm out of the car. She walked around it and crossed the road. Having glanced right and left she sat down on the asphalt surface.

Knitting his eyebrows, Damon pulled over, and leaving the car on the side of the road walked up to her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking her up and down.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Elena shot back, laying flatly on her back, eyes fixed on the starlit sky.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Damon observed cautiously, sensing the mood she was in.

"Why? Because only you can do it?" She glanced up at him.

He squinted. "Because it's a_ road less traveled_, Elena," he said with a wry smile. "There happens to be no cars on the horizon," he added squinting in both directions.

"I have time," she replied sternly.

Damon crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at her mock-critically. "Are you upset with yourself or with me?"

She frowned. "Why would I be upset?"

"Because Stefan called and you didn't pick up?"

She stiffened and then jumped to her feet in a flash. Damon acknowledged the trick with an impressed smirk but she ignored it.

"You could've taken that call yourself," she said with irritation.

He held her gaze and she blinked quickly. "You can very well call him back," he said, gallantly presenting the phone to her. She wordlessly glared at him, and he tilted his head to the side studying her carefully. "Are you feeling guilty because of Stefan or because you're hungry?"

Elena exhaled quickly and bit her lip, feeling tears well up in her eyes. She didn't quite know if he was right or not, but regardless of that it was frustrating that he tried to explain everything she was doing and feeling by the transition. Everything she was feeling was _real_. She was running out of the motivation to deny that.

"Both," Elena breathed, and for a second she felt relief wash over her. But the sensation was brief because it soon dawned on her that the confession wasn't precise enough. He wouldn't judge her. He wouldn't condemn her. He wouldn't leave her. But it didn't make it any easier for her to actually put into words what she was feeling. "No, no, that's not it." Elena ran her hands through her hair, her eyes wandering around as if she was searching her dark surroundings for help. "I mean," she turned away from Damon, and then back toward him again. "It's not what I feel. It's... how I feel about what I feel."

She looked at him, hoping he understood. He was looking at her, listening to her, and it was only by his quickened breath that she could tell he was listening intently and quietly but not calmly at all. "I like it," she said with a broken smile, her voice laced with tears. "I like being here in the middle of the night. I like being here for the most ridiculous reason I could ever imagine," she snorted bitterly. "I like being here with _you_. I like imagining a life that never ends. I like... kissing you. I like..." she trailed off but his eyes that were so exclusively focused on her encouraged her to resume, "drinking your blood. I like spending time with you. I like... that you love me so much," she whispered breathlessly, choking on the words.

It was such a terrible thing to say. It was terribly selfish, and she shuddered, wishing he would at least point that out or _mind_ or anything at all that would make her actually feel terrible. But of course he would never do that, and so he only tugged her closer to him and hugged her, whispering words into her hair, and kissing the tears off her face.

"I'm not doing this only for you either, Elena." He tried to make her smile but she didn't.

"But it's different."

"No, not really." He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, and she inwardly snorted at herself for ever hoping there was even a slight chance that he would chastise her for being so self-centered.

"I'm sorry about what I said," she said, pressing her forehead against his without even thinking about it. "When you said... and I said it was a problem. I didn't mean it that way."

"I know."

She clutched the labels of his jacket and he looked at her unblinkingly. "No, you don't," she said with mocking authority, and then resumed her soft tone. "I meant that it was a problem, because it was something I couldn't ignore, not when you _said it_, and said it in such a _casual_ way," she smiled a quick, nervous smile.

He sifted her hair through his fingers. "But it's liberating, letting certain things become ordinary," he said thoughtfully.

"Is it?" Elena seemed sincerely fascinated by the possibility. "Isn't it overwhelming? Isn't it terrifying?" Her gaze flickered repeatedly between his face and the sky. "Can something that becomes ordinary remain magical?"

"I think you have it all wrong, Elena," Damon answered with a ghost of a smirk flitting across his face. She held her breath. "It's not magic that becomes ordinary," he spoke in a low voice that sounded as if he was unraveling a mystery. "It's everything else that becomes magical."

He propped her chin with his hand and studied her face for a moment before kissing her, so slowly and gently that she felt more tears gather behind her eyelids, and it hurt _so much_, every movement of his lips against hers. She felt like everything was breaking and burning inside of her; his arm around her, his hand on her cheek, his fingers tangled in her hair – she tried to understand why it hurt like that, hurt like hell even though it felt like _heaven_. She held onto him in abandon, in desperate need to hurt even more, to _feel_ more, to feel _everything_, to fall apart, to _die_... She drew back to look at him and held his face in her hands before inching her lips closer to his again, letting his mouth meet hers half-way.

The pain was fading away, but before it did so completely she understood where it had come from. Everything she had lost, it left her bereaved, and she would grieve for everyone she had lost forever. But she survived. No matter the damage, she survived.

"_We always survive." _That was the only truth and the greatest lie of all. Because now she was crossing the same line that he had already crossed. Together, they would always survive. But neither of them would now survive alone.

* * *

"Bonnie!" Jeremy smiled at the sight of Bonnie when he opened the door.

Bonnie returned the smile. "I just brought you something," she said quickly, breaking the eye contact with him. "Well, it's not for you. It's for Elena." Bonnie handed Jeremy a small box.

Jeremy took it from her, but then looked at her questioningly. "Why don't you give it to her yourself?"

"I figured you'd see her sooner," Bonnie said, holding his gaze, and Jeremy did not like the way she looked at him. It reminded him of something and made his blood ran cold in his veins.

"Bonnie, you're not planning on doing something-" he started suspiciously, but Bonnie cut him off with a strained smile.

"Just give this ring to Elena, OK?"

Jeremy opened his mouth to speak, but Bonnie turned around and quickly walked away.

* * *

"There is a scene like this in that movie you picked," Elena said, twisting her foot, her eyes cast to the sky.

"Only I think they were on a frozen lake" Damon replied sarcastically, still not very happy about Elena's insistence on doing what they were doing right now – laying side by side flat on their backs in the middle of an empty, dark road, waiting for a car to come. But she maintained she was in the mood, and if he wanted her to become a self-sufficient vampire he should take advantage of that.

"It would have been too cold." Elena smiled faintly, playing with the lapels of her leather jacket.

"Only they were in love," Damon said after a pause.

The stars above stared back at Elena, and she felt like she was merely reading the words written in them when she whispered:

"So are we."

The sky crashed down on Damon like a waterfall of lights, all the stars falling down in spades all over him as he stared at the brightest night sky hanging above him.

He turned his head to look at her at the same moment when she turned her head to look at him.

But then he was blinded by the lights of an approaching car.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you so much for your beautiful reviews :]:]:]

Beta: **arabian** – the most amazing & fastest Beta ever! :] Thank you so much! :)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 9**

It turned out not to be difficult at all.

Or at least it wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be. Feeling the wind tugging on her hair, Elena drew a breath, stepping forward like she would into a scene that was made up and not real.

The sight still made her uncomfortable, but there was also a touch of something thrilling to it, although she didn't think there was more than one person to whom she would admit thinking that. For a few moments she actually drifted away in her thoughts imagining telling Damon what she was thinking right now. It caught her off guard, that wish to share her thoughts, to hear what he would say. It wasn't the subject that mattered, but just talking and listening that suddenly felt like the most exciting adventure in the world.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Elena glanced at Damon, and realized that he was deliberately staying one step behind her, leaving it to her to improvise. Even though the physical distance was comparable, she felt a thousand miles away from the people in front of her - and so close to Damon that she was barely able to breathe.

She listened to the tone of her own voice when she was saying _"our car broke down,"_ and was both relieved and mortified by the fact that her voice didn't tremble, didn't sound unusual. There was hardly anything odd about her tone and despite a dull sense of guilt weighing her down, she couldn't help feeling a bit proud that it worked, that her first attempt at compulsion was a successful one.

Damon added something about the tires, and the stranger's girlfriend who had gotten out of the car a moment after her companion was compelled as well. Elena found herself staring at the scene long enough that Damon noticed she was staring. She looked away, wondering what it was she was feeling. It seemed ancient, even if it felt new to her. She used to think that there was only one kind of pain. The pain of losing someone. But there were many more kinds of pain out there, and she might have just allowed them access to her. _I'm jealous_, she thought in surprise, trying to match the real feeling with what she imagined it to be.

Damon moved quickly in front of her, shaking her out of her thoughts.

"What are you doing?" Elena asked a little offended when he scrutinized the stranger with wary eyes, and waved his hand in front of his face.

He smirked at her over his shoulder. "Just making sure we won't get eaten by our own dinner." He turned around and looked at her, his smile imperceptibly dwindling to the level of uncertainty that vanished when she asked.

"Could we... switch the plates?" Her voice sounded strained because of the humor in it that she could not quite afford, but tried to anyway; because of what she was saying, what she was admitting by saying that, because she was speaking in an inappropriately lighthearted way about something serious. And because in the weird world of high school life she was beginning to forget it probably went against Caroline's solidarity of girls rules.

"Sure," Damon said with more light in his eyes than the circumstances warranted, clearly disarmingly gleeful that she was jealous.

Elena drew a breath, suddenly remembering what was about to come next. She kept dividing everything in her head into small, harmless parts, because it was easier to think that one thing didn't necessarily lead to another. Compelling people was one thing. Drinking their blood was another.

The first time it had happened she was exhausted and _dying_. Then it was Damon's blood. Then there was nameless blood served in a tea cup. This, however, was different. She was aware of everything that was happening. _She_ was making it happen. She was a vampire. She _could_ be a vampire. She could _lure_ strangers in the middle of the night into being compelled, and then _feed_ on them.

She realized her hands were trembling when she bent her head and sank her fangs into the human flesh. It tasted almost like water... or rather it didn't taste at all, _because it wasn't Damon's blood_, she thought with a twinge of fear, because it was a dangerous explanation, she knew. But even though the taste was absent, the blood quenched the thirst and hunger that would have been pulsating in her brows, in her veins, everywhere otherwise.

When out of her own accord Elena drew back, and saw Damon standing next to her, she immediately thought that she had drunk too much. Panic surfaced in her eyes but Damon hushed her and tucked an loose lock behind her ear. "Tell them what you want them to remember."

Regardless of Damon reassuring her that she had done everything with utmost vampire perfection, Elena was extremely glad to be back in the car and far away from their _victims_. Even the fact that she had stopped herself without Damon's intervention and that it might mean she wasn't prone to control issues, all of it wasn't able to cheer her up. It wasn't right. Attacking people. Drinking their blood. Taking their memories away. _Being jealous of food_, she could almost hear Damon add. But it was unavoidable, and she wondered if she should put up more of a fight before accepting the fact. The most she could do was try not to ever kill anyone. She squeezed her eyes shut, pushing away the thought that something like that could happen one day. It couldn't happen. It mustn't ever happen. It wouldn't happen. She shifted in her seat feeling rejuvenated by the blood and contemplating how much it annoyed her that she felt rejuvenated because of it.

"Do you think…" Elena started in a low voice, trying to find the right words, "that one day I could… snap for no reason? And kill someone," she added hardly above a whisper, choking on the words.

"There is always a reason," Damon replied in a matching tone, meeting her gaze when she looked at him.

"What is the reason?"

"It's a different reason for everyone."

She wanted to ask him what his reason was, but then thought that she knew. "What do you think my reason would be?" she asked instead.

His brows furrowed in thought. "Whatever drives you most crazy," he said pensively, looking at the road.

Elena raised an eyebrow. "That would be you."

Damon's face lit up in a smile. "No, I mean something negative," he said in a serious tone after a pause. "A negative feeling that you know that it drives you insane. Or not a negative feeling but a feeling that drives you insane in a negative way," he amended. "Disappointment, fear, anger."

Elena leaned her head against the back of her seat, looking at the road, and trying to figure out what it would be.

"You may not even have something like that," he said, glancing at her, his eyes flickering to her lips before returning to her eyes.

She smiled, subconsciously doing the same. "You really believe that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know," he said sincerely. "But it's possible."

Elena smiled to herself thinking how the first part of his answer was the matter-of-fact one, while the second part was his feelings for her speaking. Both were sincere, both were specific to him, but they just contained that grain of the inevitable contradiction that could only cause trouble.

"You know I won't just let you get away with what you said earlier," Damon said suddenly in a low, seemingly calm voice that resonated with intensity that sent shivers up Elena's spine.

She turned her head to look at him, but didn't say anything, didn't smile. He kept glancing at her, his eyes moving between the road and her face. Very slowly, Elena pushed herself more upright and then sat with her back against the door rather than the seat without averting her eyes from Damon even for a moment.

There was a flash of something in his eyes that told her he was beginning to think he had only imagined the meaning of her earlier words, but once again she managed to change the direction of his thoughts.

"I could look at you like that all day," she said in a quiet, thoughtful voice, almost as if she was speaking to herself.

The car stopped so abruptly she stifled a cry of dismay, but then he gathered her into his arms and kissed her, and everything else ceased to matter. She buried her hands in his hair and kissed him back, gasping for air when they drew apart after what simultaneously felt like eternity and a millisecond.

A car passed them on the left, honking repeatedly to signal they were blocking the road for no apparent reason.

Elena laughed, burying her face in Damon's shoulder. He brushed her hair to one side and pressed a kiss to her neck.

"Let's go home," Elena said, straightening up in a voice so clear and radiant that it would've made Damon smile if he didn't give his full attention to the meaning of her words. She smiled, inwardly shaking her head at him, at them, wishing she could find a way to get rid of that recurring glimpse of doubt in his eyes. "Unless you're not in a great hurry to hear me out," she added in the most casual voice she could muster, returning to her seat and hoping that she had made it clear what home she meant.

The pressure caused by Damon starting the engine and making the car reach its final speed within a second, pushed Elena deep into the car seat, and when she looked to her right all she could see in her window was a blur. She laughed and then smiled thinking that she had never felt that young, that alive before.

* * *

"What do you mean you don't want to go?" Caroline crossed her arms over her chest, looking at Bonnie with a mixture of disbelief, fear, hurt, and concern in her eyes. She took it upon herself to organize the perfect trip to bring Elena back home, but the lack of excitement on everyone's part over the phone made her decide to visit everyone in person. That ought to be intimidating enough.

_Apparently it isn't_, Caroline thought, watching Bonnie fluff her pillows in a very annoyingly unhurried manner.

"I didn't say I don't want to go, Caroline," Bonnie said pointedly with a small sigh. "I said I'm not going."

"Well, then I'm obviously stupid, because I don't see how it makes any difference." Caroline hesitated between worry and anger, and at last decided to go with the more manageable emotion. "Bonnie!"

"I'm not going to change my mind," Bonnie said seriously under her breath, straightening up and holding Caroline's gaze for a second before turning away from her. "I gave Jeremy a ring for Elena. Maybe you could take it with you."

"What's going on?" Caroline asked, wrinkling her forehead, and tilting her head to the side, waiting for Bonnie to turn around but she remained standing with her back to her.

"I can't tell you," Bonnie admitted after a longer moment of silence and Caroline froze, her eyes widening. "But I've got it," she said firmly, turning around. "I just really can't go with you," she added with a small grimace… or a reassuring smile, Caroline was too worried to tell.

"OK," she said slowly. "We'll call you when we get there," she added, looking at Bonnie expectantly, hoping she would say something more but Bonnie only shook her head.

"Call me when you get _back_," Bonnie said, holding her gaze.

Caroline nodded slowly, and left.

* * *

When they stopped in front of the house, Elena looked at it as if she saw it for the first time. She hadn't really taken a good look at it before. Her eyes scanned the dim rose bushes, and the white-washed walls gleaming faintly in the moonlight. It wasn't her house, she didn't know it well, didn't spend much time in it, yet walking inside felt like coming home, and she couldn't understand why.

Damon closed the door behind them, and she looked at him when he turned on the lights, his eyebrows furrowed as he glanced around the living room, making sure everything was in order.

Elena started walking toward one of the couches, but Damon stopped her, grabbing two of the shopping bags they had brought from the trunk, and taking a pair of gray sneakers, sweatpants, and a top out of them. "You have ten minutes to change, _Elena_," he said, pushing the clothes into her arms.

She wondered if it would be wise to tell him that he could convince her to do nearly anything only by saying her name the way in which he had just said it. "What are we going to do?" she asked with mock-suspicion.

"You'll _see_," Damon said with a smirk.

"How about you?"

"I'm a tutor. I ought to look formal at all times." He winked at her and went away.

Biting back a smile, Elena went to the bedroom, and managed to get dressed in less than ten minutes but was left with the dilemma of having nothing to tie her hair with. She looked around the room in search of something to use when Damon entered without knocking.

"What if I was indecent?" she asked, squinting.

"I counted on that," he said with a smile, looking her up and down.

She shook her head in pretended exasperation. "I'm ready," she said, placing her hands on her hips. He studied her for a moment before, in a flash, moving to stand behind her. She opened her mouth to speak but fell silent when she felt his fingers comb through her hair and then gently tie them into a ponytail. Only then Elena noticed a mirror on the wall, and when Damon finished tying up her hair, his hands slid to her shoulders, and their eyes met in the reflection in front of them.

"Let's go," Damon said with a brief smile, averting his eyes as if he was afraid to look at the momentary picture for too long.

Elena wanted to say something but he had already turned around, so she just followed him outside - and stared at the ladder that immediately caught her eye. "What's that for?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"Jumping up is harder so we'll be climbing up and practice jumping down first," Damon explained, motioning for her to come closer to the ladder.

Elena blinked, her eyes following the ladder all the way up to where it led. "You mean... jumping down from the roof?"

"Well, you can try jumping _up_ from the roof, although I'm not sure where that would land you," Damon said, smirking.

_Probably in heaven_, Elena thought automatically, almost saying that out loud. She cleared her throat. "Probably on a tree," she said, gathering all of her resolve, and placing her foot on the first step of the ladder. She drew a breath when she felt his hand on her back. "Where you could join me as a crow. By the way," she turned toward him, eyebrows knitted in thought, "how do I change into a crow?"

"Oh no, no, _no,_ _Elena_. You're not there yet. _Definitely_ not there yet."

There was something in his eyes that stopped her from demanding an explanation. The price for the tricks was blood, that much she knew, but if despite his earlier reassurances that she could try anything she wanted to, he was now saying no, it could only mean that the price for that particular trick was too high.

She pushed grim thoughts away. "How about the fog?"

He smiled, and she didn't know exactly why, because there was nothing new about his smile, but suddenly it was as if she flipped a page of the book and a completely new story began, and whenever she tried to look back, all the pages were blank, and no longer could she recall any of her fears or doubts.

* * *

"I want you to keep an eye on Bonnie while we're away," Caroline said in a solemn voice. "If you're not going with us anyway," she added, squinting.

"Who is we?" Matt asked, ignoring the hostile undertones, calmly drying his hands in a small towel, and throwing it on the counter behind him.

Caroline thought the Grill was annoyingly crowded that night, and she wondered when she stopped recognizing everyone's faces. She half-feared some of the guests were Klaus' hybrids. "Stefan and I," she said absently, wrinkling her forehead, and scanning the room with wary eyes.

"You convinced him," Matt observed with a small smile.

"Who? Oh. No. Actually, it was Stefan's idea."

"He's afraid to go alone?"

Caroline's eyes darted to Matt. "Do you know something I don't?" she asked, looking him straight in the eye. She was the one doing all the thinking and trip planning. Yet Tyler was dodging her calls, Bonnie was being cryptic, and now Matt sounded as if he was a better-informed friend.

Matt squinted thoughtfully into the distance before returning his gaze to her. "I may know a few drink recipes you've never heard of." Caroline huffed in exasperation. "I think..." Matt hesitated but then his smile faded into a more serious expression and he looked up at Caroline. "That Elena's more confused about this entire situation than you all give her credit for."

Caroline immediately acquired the friend emergency look that Matt always secretly, or not so secretly admired. "Confused as in... confused, or confused as in _not really_ confused?"

"Yeah," Matt smiled, even though his eyes remained serious. "The latter one."

He then went back to work leaving Caroline to stare after him in silent dismay.

* * *

Elena found jumping off the roof much more pleasurable than she thought it would be. The wind in her hair made her feel like she was on the fastest roller coaster ever.

Jumping up was a little tricky but once she got a hang of it, she stopped falling into Damon's arms half-way up. Although of course he made it _very_ clear he didn't mind.

"You can't think about falling down," he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "It's all in your head. If you won't think about falling down, you won't fall down," he said in a low voice, smiling at her.

He was smiling at her.

It suddenly occurred to her that there was something infinitely precious about _him_ smiling at _her. _She marveled at the certainty that when his eyes were on her he was thinking about her only. And he _liked_ her. She was certain he liked all of her, the good and the bad, the tone of her voice when she was angry and her laughter. And he would never judge any of it. He would completely embrace all the scattered pieces she was made of. She doubted it was how it was supposed to be. It surely was an astounding collection of unhealthy exaggerations and free passes.

Or perhaps it was _exactly_ how it was supposed to be, and _that_ was what scared her most of all. She held her breath. _"You want love that consumes you."_ She felt she could love like that. She could try not to be afraid to love like that.

"_You must be Elena." _

She learned to read his eyes so fast and yet never fast enough. A thousand of wrong first impressions, ill-timed good deeds, lethal grudges and his arms around her when he would carry her to safety over and over and over again.

"Elena?"

She looked at him like she had not seen him in a very long time.

They were standing on top of the house, on the uneven surface of the roof, surrounded by the night, pale moonlight and silence. She tried to pinpoint the moment when his silhouette became the most familiar shape in the world; when it became such a thrilling sight; when she understood that there was something so painfully lonely about it. He scorned the idea of excuses and explanations, and she had made the mistake, less often than anyone else, she believed, but still, of misinterpreting his exits that now broke her heart when she recalled them as a series of missed chances when she could have proved to him that she would always be on his side – like he was on hers.

No, it had not always been him, but it was him now, and she could no longer remember what it had been like before it was him, and him only.

He looked at her, slightly worried, but she was still trying to collect her thoughts well enough to say something. She was soaring above her memories, above the past. She could touch the future with her fingertips. The wind blew loose strands of her hair against her face and she had never felt more alive than now that she was dead – and for the first time she was certain what she wanted.

"Elena?" Damon repeated, and Elena imagined saying the words out loud but they remained silent once again.

"I'm sorry. I was just… I think I'm tired," she stuttered, realizing that she couldn't make it sound more like a blatant excuse if she tried.

"Tired." He studied her face for a second. "We have to make the most of the dark, Elena. As soon as the dawn breaks, we'll have to get inside."

It made her smile that he had made it sound almost like a threat. Or perhaps it was a threat, seeing how he in all likelihood intended to interrogate her on the occasion of what she had almost said three times now.

"Or you could just lend me your daylight ring and stay inside while I went somewhere on my own," she offered in the most serious voice she could muster, and had a brief déjà vu moment when he looked to the side with a lop-sided grin.

"_A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?"_

"That was _almost_ funny, Elena," he said and shifted his eyes back to her.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm eighteen," she argued, recalling the lighthearted bantering long gone; the time when she thought everyone was human, and he was just a rascally older brother of her high school sweetheart.

"Yes, and it means you can drive and get married, and that's about it." He seemed to regret the retort for some reason immediately after he had uttered the words because his expression grew somber slightly before he continued. "We could _try_ with the fog."

She suspected the offer was solely caused by how uncomfortable his own words had made him, but she was not the one to turn the offer down, as it was something that always intrigued her.

She simultaneously tried to understand the source of his discomfort – and a strange effect that his words had on her. It was very much unlike the first mentioning of marriage that she remembered, Matt's awkward plans for their happy future that promptly resulted in her breaking up with him. She paused in her thoughts for a moment mildly baffled by not giving the subject of marriage a single thought ever since. _Happily ever after._ The traditional importance of it derived from childhood stories, family trips, and late night chats with her mom somehow evaporated in the conflagration of tragedies.

But now when Damon had said the word something snapped open and the idea returned to her as she had perceived it years ago, and she was certain it was because in his book the word meant what she had believed it meant when she was a child. She could imagine him in 1864 thinking about proposing to Katherine the second time he had seen her. Maybe he also had not thought about the word ever since, but somehow when he had said it, his 1864 clashed with his present just like her present clashed with her memories.

"Let's try with the fog, then," she said pensively thinking about something else.

He moved to stand right in front of her and she nearly lost her balance.

"Close your eyes," he said, cupping her face in his hands and she looked at him, trying to focus on what he was saying.

"I'm going to fall," she muttered, blindly reaching out to grasp his shirt, the edge of the roof feeling closer the moment she closed her eyes.

"I won't let you," he said and she shivered for his voice hadn't come from where she had expected it; it had flown straight into her ear and then his arms were around her, and he continued whispering in her ear, describing the places, the weather, the feelings he wanted her to imagine.

When she opened her eyes there was only a very thin veil of fog visible around her and she wrinkled her nose. "What did I do wrong?"

"Did you imagine everything I told you to imagine?"

"Ye-" she trailed off and he widened his eyes at her questioningly. Perhaps she should have focused more on the images than on his voice. "I tried," she said defensively, glancing at his lips.

"Let me try," he said, glancing at hers and she dragged her gaze to his eyes; he closed his.

Elena studied his face, taking advantage of his eyes being closed, but soon her attention was diverted to their surroundings, to the white mist rising from the ground, climbing higher and higher until it was on the level of the roof upon which they were standing.

She gasped in amazement, smiling to herself, and watching the fog engulf their feet, their knees. "Damon!" she shook him lightly to make him open his eyes and stop, because she was afraid the fog would soon obscure everything completely.

They were standing in the middle of nowhere now, in the middle of _everywhere_. She couldn't see anything except for the white mist around them and the black sky above. And him, right in front of her.

Damon opened his eyes and glanced around with a coy shrug. Elena smiled, looking right and left at the white sea that looked infinitely magical against the dark, cloudless sky.

"This is-" Elena started but broke off when Damon pulled her very close to him, his lips ghosting above hers.

"I know you must be tired of hearing this from me, but-"

"Don't say that," she cut in with a suddenly feverish smile, as if he had just said the exact words she had been waiting for. "It's not true. It's what's been carrying me through for a very long time now," she said earnestly, holding his gaze. He looked at her unblinkingly. "But how can I say it back if I don't know what it means?" she shook her head with a hopeless smile.

Damon slid his hands into her hair, his eyes narrowing in a faint, warm smile. "You know what it means, Elena," he said in a low, melodic voice. "But you _think_ it _should_ mean something else. Something stable and calm. A safe-house. But love is a tempest, Elena. It isn't safe and it isn't kind. It breaks you, it heals you. It _consumes_ you. _Elena_-"

"What if you're wrong?" she whispered against his lips, their eyes locked. "What if _we_ are wrong, Damon?" she asked breathlessly, her face lightening up in a dismayed, exhilarated smile. "What if love _is_ a safe-house and we're just mad?"

He cupped her face in his hands. The wind picked up and was now tugging on their hair and their clothes. He lowered his mouth to hers.

"Then _tell me_ you're mad, Elena," he whispered through his teeth in a voice that was frantically hopeless and hopeful at the same time.

"I'm mad," she said, clutching his shoulders, smiling and crying, drawing a breath and losing it. "I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I'm completely amazed by all the reviews for this story *_* Thank you so much for your support! :]:]:]

Beta: **arabian** – Thank you so much! *hugs*

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 10**

If she was not in love with him already, she would have fallen in love with him because of the way he looked at her when she had made her confession. It seemed like a shadow was suddenly lifted from his face. She had never seen anyone's face brighten like that. She had never seen anyone look so genuinely, deeply, absolutely happy, and the emotion emanated onto her, making her heart soar. There was not a trace of anything else. It was not a blend of surprise, relief, gratitude or anything else. It was just happiness in his eyes. Happiness that was not an abstract notion. It was the way she felt right now. It was as visible as him, as tangible as his arms around her, it had the scent of the night wind, and the taste of his lips.

She said _"I love you"_ again – it was all she could hear in her head; he whispered them back into her ear, and she lost her breath, lost all of her grim memories and fell into sound of his voice, kissed the words off his lips when he repeated them – over and over again. She could hardly differentiate between the words and the kisses, she was drowning in both, holding on to both, throwing caution to the wind and letting them _consume_ her. The word came back to her like a forgotten dream and she realized she had never really known what it meant until now, until _this_, until _him_.

When the mist dispersed into the night air, they ran away from the dark, and back into the house.

Damon locked the door with one hand, his other arm wrapped around Elena as they continued kissing, moving across the room, tripping over the shopping bags and small, colorful rugs on the floor.

"Would you like to dance, Elena?" Damon asked with exaggerated formality, sliding the hairband off her hair and throwing it over his shoulder.

"Near touch?" she asked in mock-seriousness, gracefully lifting one of her hands, and then the other, but Damon grabbed her hands, kissed them, and then closed her in an embrace.

"No, just the opposite."

They laughed, and sat down on the floor to sift through the CDs they had bought.

"What's your favorite decade?" Elena asked, glancing up at him, her back pressed against his chest.

"Whatever decade it is tonight," Damon replied, trailing kisses across her cheek.

"Not helpful," Elena protested, stifling a smile.

"We can dance to silent songs."

"What's that?"

He propped her chin and kissed her.

"You could've mentioned that before I've wasted a minute and a half looking through these," Elena muttered without opening her eyes, dropping all the CDs she had been holding in her hands to the floor, and returning the kiss with feverish intensity.

She knew it wouldn't last forever – this carefree sense of joy that made her shiver at his every word, every touch. But perhaps it would last long enough to make her believe that if he loved her and she loved him nothing bad could happen. They were immune to all evil because they were in love. That's what he believed, she was sure. He was the first advocate of happily ever after. _"I will always choose you." "I will never leave you again." _No probability theory was good enough. There was only certainty and eternity and _"because I love you"_ that served as the default answer to any question. She didn't know if that was the simpler world, or the more complicated world, but it was where she belonged now.

Damon rolled them over, and they accidentally hit the small table, causing a vase with roses come tumbling down on them.

"If we ruin the entire house the only decent solution will be buying it," Elena said, laughing under her breath as she was brushing the drops of water off her face.

When she opened her eyes she found Damon staring down at her searchingly as if she had just given him a riddle to solve. She pushed the flowers off his head and shoulders and looked at him.

"I wouldn't choose this particular moment to stop kissing me if I were you," she said seriously, eyes sparkling with laughter.

He grimaced more than smiled, ran the tips of his fingers across her cheek and brushed his lips against hers so lightly and slowly she couldn't catch her breath when he drew back.

"You look sad," she whispered with a hint of dismay in her voice, reaching out to caress his face. "Don't look sad, Damon," she said ardently, half-speaking to herself, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.

"Look who's talking," he said kissing the tears off her face.

She shook her head. "This is ridiculous."

"You've just signed up for this, Elena," he said with a small smirk that caused relief to wash over her even if she still felt like bursting into tears from the sheer blissfulness of how close he was, how his voice ghosted over her skin when he spoke.

"I forgot," she said, struck by the thought, rejuvenated by his smile, determined to make the tears go away. She vaguely recalled poems reiterating moments like that, moments that were so beautiful they hurt. But this was not a poem. This was real. They had been adrift on the sea of tragedies, but this was an island, and they weren't going to drown.

She scurried to her feet, glancing around the room, Damon following the suit.

"Where are you going?" There was such sincere hint of fear in his voice that she swirled around and moved in a flash back into his arms.

"I want to change into a dress. I want to dance. You can choose a song in the meantime."

"_Elena-_" He slid his fingers into her hair.

"It's OK," she said firmly, holding onto his shoulders. "We aren't doing anything wrong. This isn't too good to be true. It is what it is," she spoke in a rushed whisper, smiling and frowning, and realized that she was talking more to herself than to him. "It's not a dream we're going to wake up from. _This is real._ I don't want to feel guilty because I _love_ you. I want to be happy. I want _you_ to be happy."

There was a glimpse of premonition somewhere in her words, she thought. But she couldn't quite place it so she pushed it away. She was wrong before. Or rather he was wrong that she was wrong. It was the safest harbor, this tempest. The safest feeling of all. He kissed the tip of her nose and it was a fairy tale. He kissed her forehead and all evil was conquered. He kissed her cheek and nothing bad would ever happen. He kissed her mouth – and they were human, and she would always choose him, and he would never leave her, and no one would ever die.

* * *

"Did you try calling Elena?" Caroline asked brusquely, ignoring Jeremy's question whether she had seen Bonnie lately. She wasn't sure how she could answer that question anyway. Glancing around the Gilberts' kitchen Caroline traveled back in time. They were eight years old, she burnt the cookies, and Elena ate seven to prove they tasted fine.

"Did you?" Jeremy retorted. He double-checked the clock to make sure it was really 4 am.

"Jeremy!" Caroline exclaimed in a scolding voice that came out as desperate more than scolding anyway. "I'm asking if _you_ tried to call her."

"My battery's dead."

Caroline widened her eyes at him. "Your _battery_ is dead? Your _sister_ is dead! And you didn't even try calling her? You should call her right now!"

"Why?"

Caroline stared at him. Jeremy seemed as upset as she was and it made no sense. She thought that maybe it would've made more sense if she'd gotten some sleep instead of pacing around her backyard for three hours.

"Because you worry about her? Because I ask you to? I was also going to ask you to go with us, but I'm under the impression you _might_ have other plans," Caroline added sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I think the time for organizing rescue missions was when Elena didn't want to complete the transition. Not now." Jeremy said, squinting. "Besides, don't you think she'll get back when she wants to get back?"

Caroline drew a sharp breath. "Do you think I'm doing this because I want to? Guess what. I don't. Klaus gave us a _week_ to make that stupid spell work which kind of requires us to contact Elena before we run out of time so she at least _knows_ what's going on-" She checked herself before she blurted out something about Bonnie acting strange. "_Besides_, aren't you at the very least worried about Damon?"

Jeremy raised his eyebrows. "Is he sick?"

Caroline was fuming. "Next time you die make sure not to leave your brain on the other side," she said, and stormed off.

"Caroline, wait." Jeremy caught up with her when she was about to leave the house.

She turned away from the door, and looked at him questioningly.

"It's been just a couple of days," Jeremy said in a low voice. "She's been through hell over and over again. I'd have called her if it was just to ask how she was. But if I called her I'd either have to lie to her or tell her about Klaus and everything would start all over." He looked away with a grimace.

"I _know_, Jeremy," Caroline threw her hands in the air. "Do you really think I don't feel the same way? But what can we do? We can wait two more days to tell her, but this won't make Klaus disappear off the face of the earth."

"She won't do it anyway. You know that, right?" Jeremy said, looking Caroline straight in the eye. She held his gaze. "She won't agree to be turned back into a human if it means someone's death."

"Well, we're yet to work out the details," Caroline said with fake decisiveness, biting her lip. "Obviously." She wondered what Bonnie's plan was. She clearly had a plan and Caroline half-hoped that she was working on a spell that could turn Elena back into a human without sacrificing anyone. Or maybe a spell that could turn Klaus into something squashable. Or both. One could dream. "We'll have plenty of time to talk about that. Stefan and I. That's what road trips are for. Brainstorming and all," she said, trying to sound at least a little bit optimistic.

"You couldn't even convince her not to die," Jeremy scoffed. "Now you think you can convince her to kill someone?"

"How do you-" Caroline started automatically, but trailed off noticing a glimpse of confusion in Jeremy's eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Caroline, what is it?" Jeremy looked at her searchingly.

Caroline sighed in exasperation. "That spell... It's not only that someone has to die. She'd actually have to kill someone herself," she explained hardly above a whisper. "I didn't think you knew."

"I didn't," Jeremy said, shaking his head in annoyance and disbelief. "That's even better, then," he said sarcastically. "You want to convince her to _literally_ kill someone with her own hands."

"No! _No_, Jeremy," Caroline huffed in irritation. "Of course not! But that's not the point. The point is to tell her what's going on and bring her home. Only then will we actually be able to start discussing that at all."

"How do you even know where she is?" Jeremy asked grimly, trying not to think about what he had just heard.

"Bonnie located her," Caroline shrugged.

"You've seen Bonnie?" Jeremy's eyes focused on her again.

"Jeremy, we're late," Caroline said, turning to the door and opening it. "Stefan's waiting in the car. If you're not going with us, we'll talk when we get back."

Jeremy seemed to ponder something for a second. "OK. Wait. I'll try to call her," he said resignedly, pulling the phone out of his pocket. "To warn her about the visitation."

Caroline smiled. "Not so very dead, after all," she said, glancing at the phone before looking back at Jeremy.

"Yeah, just like you," Jeremy said, and smiled a little when she smacked him on the shoulder.

* * *

It was a red, strapless dress that she had added to the pile on the counter exchanging a conspiratorial smile with the store assistant when Damon hadn't been looking.

Elena tilted her head to the side, regarding herself in the mirror critically. She then smiled amused by how serious the expression on her face was.

Having found a pair of earrings in one of the smaller shopping bags, she started putting them on, but her hands were shaking so much she couldn't do it. She laughed soundlessly at herself, giving up on the earrings, and fast-running out of the bedroom.

Back in the living room, she was stopped short by the dim lights, and the sight of all the furniture pushed against the walls, so the middle of the room was all empty except for rose petals scattered on the floor.

"_Sei bellissima, Elena."_

She heard the words in her head, and smiled at Damon who was standing across the room from her. He turned on the CD with Italian songs, sauntered toward her, and extended his hand to her.

Elena placed her hand in his, slid her feet out of her shoes, and stepped on the rose petals. Damon squinted and then kicked off his shoes as well. He gathered her into his arms and they danced in silence for a while, just looking at each other.

At some point there came a song for which Damon proposed they would kiss every time the word _"solare"_ was used and to Elena's amusement it turned out the lyrics pretty much depended on that one word. There was also one energetic song that sent them swirling around the room, but the rest of the songs were calm and quiet. She buried her face in his chest, he rested his cheek on top of her head, and for a long time they didn't speak at all.

The dimly lit room was full of shadows, and after some time they started talking about ghosts. He asked about her parents and she pieced together memories like Christmas ornaments, surprised by how much she remembered. She asked about his mother and he searched for the images and words for a long time before she heard the story. She asked about her- about Isobel and he painted a picture prettier than what she inevitably remembered. She suspected he did it solely for her sake, but somehow she didn't mind. When she closed her eyes she could almost imagine the world in which she would like for her to _be_ her mother. They talked, in torn sentences, about Alaric, and then fell silent again, until Elena recognized the same song she had heard three times already, realizing they must have been dancing for over four hours now.

"What is this one about?" she asked quietly, the Italian lyrics floating softly in the air around them.

"It's about a night at sea," Damon answered in a matching tone, and then leaned down and whispered into her ear. "And the morning after."

They stopped with the slow, dancing steps, and only music went on like before. They looked at each other and a moment later their lips met in a fiery kiss. The rose petals felt like hot coals under her feet. He slid his open palms up and down her back, pressing her so close to him she couldn't catch her breath even when his mouth left hers for a second to trail open-mouthed kisses along her neck.

The sound of the phone ringing caught them so off guard as if it belonged to another world. For a moment they just listened to it, as if they didn't know what to do with it. At last, out of his pocket Damon produced his phone, and Elena watched his face to guess the name of the caller.

"Rose found Mary," Damon said, and she blinked in confusion. "_She lives in Kansas_," he added with mock solemnity, showing her the name that appeared on the screen.

Elena bit back a smile, looking between the phone and his face. Damon waved the phone from side to side, and after another moment of hesitation Elena exhaled heavily, and took the phone from Damon's hand.

"Jeremy."

"Elena!" Jeremy sounded so surprised it made Elena smile. "How are you?" Jeremy asked, smiling to himself and blinking quickly.

"I'm OK," Elena answered, drawing a breath. "It's good to hear you. I'm sorry I didn't call-"

"No, it's alright. I'm just really happy that... that you're OK."

"I _know_."

They both fell silent for a second and then laughed at the same time.

"When are you coming home?" Jeremy asked in a voice as cheerful as he could muster. Caroline slightly shook her head, silently signaling to him that the question wouldn't do.

"I... I don't know, Jeremy," Elena said, suddenly realizing she didn't feel like coming back at all. "I'm not... ready to see everyone yet. I hope you understand," she said tentatively.

Damon took a few steps back, tilting his head to the side, and watching her stand barefooted on the rose petals in the middle of the improvised dance floor. Her hair was falling over her shoulders and she kept tucking it behind her ear in a nervous gesture. He let his gaze travel slowly from her toes to the top of her head, memorizing every detail, engraving the image in his heart. This was real.

"Yeah," Jeremy replied uncertainly. "Sure, Elena." He said firmly after the briefest moment of consideration, something in the tone of her voice striking him as very strange but in an amazingly good way. She sounded like her old self. A very old self. Before the Wickery Bridge had turned their lives upside down. At the same time she sounded like a new person. She sounded simultaneously like someone who had defeated all the demons and survived, and someone to whom nothing bad had ever happened. "Just... do what you feel is right. Do what you want."

Caroline gave Jeremy an incredulous look, and then marched up to him and unceremoniously snatched the phone out of his hand.

"Elena, it's _me_. We have _lots_ of problems here and we _need_ you."

Jeremy glared at Caroline in disbelief but she promptly ignored him, turning her back to him.

"Caroline," Elena straightened up, smiling at the tone of her voice but also fearing it a little. "What's wrong?"

"_Everything_ is wrong, Elena. I haven't even _seen_ you since you became my B_V_FF. I miss you. Everyone misses you. Klaus is back," Caroline proceeded undeterred, ignoring Jeremy's attempts to stop her from flooding Elena with all the revelations. "He wants us to find a spell that Bonnie's already found, but-"

"Wait, Caroline, what do you mean _Klaus_?" Elena cut it, meeting Damon's gaze when she looked up. He walked back toward her, eyebrows furrowed. "He's... dead. I mean, Bonnie put a desiccation spell on him, didn't she?" Elena said with slight impatience, glancing at Damon who was looking at her with a deepening frown on his face.

"It's a long story, Elena," Caroline said with a sigh, propping her hand on her hip. "You better get back home as soon as you can. And actually, you don't even need to do that yourself," she added, trying to make it sound like a proper surprise. "Because we're coming right up."

Elena stiffened, Caroline's words falling over her like icy cold rain. "It's not necessary. We'll drive back, but I don't have a daylight ring," Elena said, grasping at any straws her mind could come up with. "We can't travel during the day. We need to wait until the dusk, and it will be a several hours drive-" she rambled on not even knowing if what she was saying made sense. She felt as if someone was pulling a flying carpet from under her, and in a moment she would start skyrocketing down a hundred miles per second.

"I already have a daylight ring for you," Caroline announced happily, her mood already improved by hearing Elena's voice and knowing that she was fine. "I'll bring it to you. We'll drive all the way to you, tuck you into my car, and take you home. OK?"

"OK," Elena whispered back automatically. "But there is no need," she added hastily, feeling like she suddenly had to fight for minutes and seconds that were being ripped away from her. "Caroline. I mean it. We'll drive back to Mystic Falls on our own."

"No, Elena, it will be better that way. _Trust_ me."

"Caroline-"

When she ended the call, Elena stood motionlessly, looking down at the phone in silence. She wasn't sure how she had even managed to talk in a more or less usual way. It was a call from another planet. The words she had heard made so little sense. She almost didn't understand why she had to do anything right now apart from being where she was.

"How _did_ he get out," Damon muttered with a slightly irritated frown, his eyes wandering around the room as he was analyzing the news.

Elena's eyes darted to him. At least he seemed to understand what was going on. Or perhaps he didn't understand at all. "We have to go back," she said pointedly, as if he didn't get that _that_ was the important part.

He looked at her, and then tugged her toward him. "I'm not going to _snap_ because I'm upset that we have to go back," he said with a small smirk, taking the phone from Elena's hand and putting it away.

She snorted mirthlessly. "Maybe I am."

"_Elena_," he closed her in an embrace, and propped her chin with his hand. "The more scared you're of going back the more you should go back," he said with a grimace of seriousness.

"I'm not scared," she protested, looking him straight in the eye. "And I don't like how you say _going_ _back_ as if it meant something more than it does." She was saying all of that with utmost certainty, yet the phone call somehow flooded her mind with shreds of memories that made her suddenly acutely aware of the fact that three days ago she had insisted on going back in every sense of the word, and that was most likely what everyone else believed and remembered. "Damon."

He cupped her face in his hands and smiled. "I _love_ you."

She smiled back, thinking he always made the words sound so meaningful no matter how many times he said them.

"I love _you_," she returned immediately and he kissed her, doubting he would ever get used to hearing it from her.

"I have something for you," he said enigmatically, holding her gaze. A moment later a small box appeared in the palm of his hand in front of her. "I got it in case you wouldn't like whatever ring Bonnie would spell as a daylight ring for you," he amended, pushing the lid open.

She did not know if the room started spinning around because she blinked so fast or she blinked so fast because the room started spinning around.

The ring was beautiful, white gold with a heart-shaped diamond surrounded by tiny rubies.

"What is that?" she asked, staring at the ring completely befuddled.

"Do you... like it or do you not?" he gave her a question of his own, studying her face with solemn intensity. She wasn't able to form a coherent answer. Damon sighed. "Time's up," he said, snapping the box closed.

"Wait," she gasped, grasping his hand with the ring without thinking and his smirk returned with double-force. She rolled her eyes, snorting under her breath. "No, really," she said, keeping her hands over his. "What is it, Damon?"

He looked as if he'd rather leave the question unanswered. "It _can_ be a daylight ring," he said at last, a smile flickering across his face, even if his eyes remained focused on her, dark and bright at the same time.

"What else can it be?" she asked, trying to sound lighthearted but as she was feeling decidedly lightheaded she couldn't really control her voice that trembled and faltered.

Wordlessly, keeping his eyes fixed on her, he took the ring out of the box, and taking her hand in his, slid the ring onto her finger.

"You're not serious," she whispered, her lips barely moving. She didn't know how she was so certain what was happening but she was.

"I'm dead serious, Elena. Pun intended."

"You're drunk."

"That bottle of bourbon is still on a kitchen counter, untouched."

"You're insane."

"I'm in love. With you."

They both froze at the sound of somebody knocking on the door.

"It can't be Caroline and Jeremy already," Elena muttered, glancing right and left as if she wasn't entirely convinced that it wasn't possible.

They exchanged questioning looks but the knocking continued, so Damon soundlessly moved toward the window with Elena following close behind.

"Who is it?" she whispered when he peered outside from behind the curtain.

When Damon drew back he looked nonplussed if a little surprised. "It's Tyler Lockwood," he said with a shrug.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! :) We're half-way through the story! Yay! ;)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 11**

"Tyler?" Elena wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "I thought he... Never mind." She brushed her tangled memories aside. "What is he doing here? How did he find us?" She couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that everything was suddenly falling apart – or falling into place. Or both. Somewhere on the back of her mind she was beginning to see that she was trying to replace one constant with another, cheat the change, but that wasn't going to work. A change meant things happening. All the time.

"I don't know," Damon said, eyebrows furrowed. She looked at his profile, like she had when he had peered outside in a similar way in that motel room in Denver when she had realized she might have kept winning thousands of battles but the war against what she was feeling was already lost. Only then he had been far. Now when she reached out, her hand touched his forearm. He looked at her, and they shared a smile that lightened up all the dark thoughts swirling around in her mind. "I'll go see what he wants." Damon said, stepping away from the window. "Wait here," he added, heading toward the door.

"I'm going with you," Elena said, somewhat offended, following right behind.

Damon turned around. "_Elena._"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm going with you."

"Wearing this," he said, squinting briefly and looking her up and down with meaningful intensity.

She thought it was decidedly ridiculous that the scrutiny made her feel even more beautiful than she had already felt. She narrowed her eyes at him, snorting inwardly at herself. "I can take it off," she said with a shrug.

He moved in a flash to where she was standing, and stopped so close she almost lost her balance. "_I_ am going to take it off," he said in a voice that sent shivers up her spine. "Later," he smiled. "Now put on something else. Please," he added with a small pout.

Elena rolled her eyes. "I don't even know why I'm listening to you," she muttered, marching into the bedroom, grabbing her leather jacket, and walking out.

"You're _stubborn_," Damon said in a such a way she couldn't tell if it was critique or a compliment, although he clearly wasn't thrilled that the jacket was going to be the only change she was willing to introduce to her attire.

"You're _jealous_," she retorted, making to walk past him, but he wrapped his arms around her from behind, and whispered into her hair.

"Can I be jealous of you?"

There was such quiet, desperate intensity in the question that it made Elena's breath catch in her throat. They stood motionlessly and in silence for a while. She couldn't wrap her mind around the contrast between the overwhelming, uncontrollable whirlwind of his feelings and the astronomical precision of taking her step by step through this madness.

"Yes," she whispered at last, nodding, and turning in his arms. "Yes," she added in a firmer tone, letting go of a breath, letting go of so much more than that. She swallowed. "Can I?"

He wanted to laugh at the question, and he saw it in her eyes that a part of her expected him to laugh, but the other part was waiting for an answer, and understandably so.

"_Yes_," he said, and suddenly realized that only a part of him had wanted to laugh. The other part remained suspended in wordless amazement that she had asked that, that she wanted that.

They kissed, but the knocking interrupted again and they went to open the door.

Because of the sunlight Elena stopped a few steps further than Damon, straightening her fingers and surreptitiously glancing at her ring that could _also_ be a daylight ring. She stifled a smile.

"Hi, Elena."

Elena's eyes met Tyler's intent gaze. "Hi," she said, wondering if she only imagined a slightly ironic look that appeared on his face at the sight of her dress and her jacket.

"You're not going to pretend it's normal you're here, right?" Damon narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over her chest, and leaning against the door frame.

"Bonnie did the locator spell. If that's what you're asking," Tyler said, squinting. "Could I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, shifting his eyes to Elena.

"No," Damon said with a smile.

Tyler's eyes darted to him. "I'm not sired to Klaus anymore!" he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I hope that's not your new pick-up line. Kind of lame, if you care to hear my opinion."

Tyler exhaled heavily. "Elena, can I talk to _you_ for a moment?"

"You could've called," Damon said, before Elena had a chance to answer. "Preferably someone else."

"I wouldn't be here if I could," Tyler retorted in irritation. "Would I?"

Damon tilted his head to the side. "Sorry, but we can't invite you in anyway. We couldn't invite you in even if we wanted to, which we don't, but, well, let's keep this civil."

"If I can't get in maybe both of you can come outside?" Tyler asked, looking at Elena.

"No," Damon answered with artificial patience.

"We have only one daylight ring," Elena explained, feeling bad for treating Tyler like that and ignoring Damon giving her a rather scolding look for being so detailed about their situation.

"So could _you_ come outside and talk to me for a moment?" Tyler insisted, his eyes fixed on Elena while Damon's eyes remained fixed on him. "It's really important," he added, glancing at Damon and withholding his gaze unblinkingly for a moment.

Elena opened her mouth to speak, but Damon cut her off once again. "What's so very important?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"It's about Caroline," Tyler said, looking at Elena again.

Elena's expression changed immediately. "What about her?" she asked concernedly, taking one step forward. Damon gently shoved her back to where she had been standing, glancing at her pointedly. "I just talked to her-"

"You did?" Tyler widened his eyes at her. "And how did she sound?"

Elena felt cold shivers ran down her spine. "She sounded... OK. She sounded... Caroline. Why?"

Tyler sighed, looking as if he wondered if he should say what he was going to say. "I'm worried about her, Elena."

Damon didn't need to look over his shoulder to imagine the expression on Elena's face.

"Three and a half minutes and stay _right_ _here_ in the front yard," he said with a frown, pulling the daylight ring off his finger and taking a step backwards to hand it to Elena who slid it onto her finger with a small smile.

* * *

"Are you going to tell me what you're doing?"

Bonnie jumped to her feet, blinking at the sight of Jeremy standing in the doorway. "How did you find me here?"

"What are you doing, Bonnie?" Jeremy asked, ignoring her question.

Bonnie put the grimoire away, brushing the dust and ashes off her hands. She quickly walked up to Jeremy and looked him straight in the eye. "Stay away from me."

He blinked, looking hurt and it took all of Bonnie's resolve, complete with digging her fingernails into her palms, not to explain.

"Why are you being like this?" Jeremy asked with a grimace of disbelief on his face.

"If I ever stop being like this, _run_."

Jeremy stared at her. "I don't understand," he said uncertainly, his eyes roaming all over her face.

"You don't need to understand," Bonnie said quietly, and turned around.

"Yes, I do," Jeremy said firmly, going after her despite her gesticulating for him to stop. "Tell me what you're doing, Bonnie. Whatever you're doing, you won't be able to do this alone," he said in a tone that couldn't sound more like a bluff if he tried.

"I'm not alone," Bonnie said, thrusting up her chin. "Abby is helping me," she said, pronouncing the name with some difficulty.

Jeremy's huffed in concern. She didn't call him on his first attempt to solicit more information so he risked another one. "Complicated spells never make for a good plan. You know that."

Bonnie gave him a faint smile. "Don't try to guess what I'm doing. And it's not a complicated spell, Jeremy," she said, suddenly defensive, letting her guard down for a moment. "It's a very simple plan. It depends on everyone being who they are. It depends on Klaus being Klaus, Elena being Elena-"

"You being you," Jeremy cut in, his jaw clenched. "You're going to get yourself killed," he whispered through his teeth, walking up to her, but she stopped him at arm's length.

"I'm not as much of a hero as you think I am," she said with a shadow of a smile ghosting across her face. "But I have a better advantage over Klaus. I _know_ us. I trust us. He thinks he can break everyone but that's not true."

Jeremy looked at her with mixture of admiration and dismay. "Do you think it won't break Elena if you make her kill someone so she can be Klaus' blood bag again?"

Bonnie looked away with an unreadable expression on her face, and then looked back at him. "You didn't quite hear what I've just said." Jeremy's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "But I can't tell you anything more." Her eyes lingered on him for a moment before she turned away and went back to where she had been sitting on the floor.

The door behind Jeremy burst open and he looked between it and Bonnie who was watching him out of the corner of her eye. He opened his mouth to speak again but then grimaced, and turned away, slamming the door shut behind him.

"_...And you being you, Jeremy,"_ Bonnie thought, moving her hand over the small pile of ashes on the floor that burst into flames when she narrowed her eyes at it.

* * *

It felt strange, walking in the sun, and Elena was becoming repeatedly distracted by the brightness of her surroundings. The light wasn't as pleasant as she once thought it was. It was a strange thing to realize. She suddenly missed the dim lights, the scent of the dusk, the fog...

"So..." she shook herself out of her reverie, trying to make sense of Tyler's words, but then stopped in mid-sentence when she heard him chuckle oddly under his breath.

When he looked up at her, she froze, her eyes widening at the familiarity of his smile that didn't seem to belong to Tyler at all.

"I really thought you wouldn't buy it this time," 'Tyler' said, struggling to speak while still chuckling.

"Klaus," Elena whispered, and turned around catching Damon's eye as he was still standing slightly behind the doorway watching them.

"Now, I wouldn't act irrationally if I were you," Klaus said, casually hooking his arm around her neck, making it hard for her to breathe. "For now I only need a few drops of blood to get out of this blasted body. The real fun is still a couple of days ahead of us, sweetheart."

Elena couldn't even scream in protest when she saw Damon freeze for just a second before he threw himself over the threshold straight into the searing rays of the sun that immediately began burning his skin with hissing noise she could hear despite the fair distance between them.

Klaus pursed his lips in mock sympathy. "Touching, isn't it?" he sneered into Elena's ear. She shuddered trying to snatch herself free, but despite her increased strength, his grip was still stronger. "I wonder if we should play our little game again?" Klaus thought out loud, while Elena's eyes filled with tears looking at Damon move toward them as fast as he could with the sun abrading his skin wherever it was unclad. Elena was writhing furiously trying to scream but suffocating because of Klaus' steely embrace and her own tears. "Do you remember, love?" Klaus continued in a morbidly lighthearted tone. "When I told Stefan to turn off what he felt for you and _feed_ on you. It was very entertaining, wasn't it? In the gym with the clock and all," he chuckled while Elena's blood froze in her veins at the memory. Klaus widened his eyes at her in mock cheerfulness, as if he suddenly got the best idea ever. "We could try that with Damon too. What do you think?"

Not really concerned whether Tyler would mind, and only a little bit concerned that Caroline would, Elena kicked Klaus as hard as she could. He grimaced and briefly let go of her but before she managed to fast-move anywhere, he grabbed her hand and wrenched Damon's daylight ring off her finger.

She screamed, losing her balance, overwhelmed by the excruciating pain that flooded over her like a wave of fire, the sizzling, nauseating sound of burning flesh filling her ears, and she was only half-consciously able to realize it was the sound of her own skin burning in the sun.

She fell down but didn't hit the ground because Damon caught her in his arms trying to cover as much of her skin as he could with his arms. Thanks to the jacket, it was only her face and legs that were exposed, but the pain was unbearable nonetheless. It made her so weak she couldn't even protest out loud when from under her blistering eyelids she could see Damon pulling off his shirt, and covering her broiling face with it. She choked on the tears that were streaming down her face because of the pain, because of the sight of his chest burning red in the sun like one, enormous, open wound. She couldn't see it anymore when he hid her face from the sun within the folds of his shirt but the image stuck in her mind and hurt as much as her own searing injuries.

She didn't know if it was the pain or something else, but she lost the ability to move, breathe, think… Everything disappeared into the darkness that hurt and hurt and _hurt_ until she lost consciousness.

* * *

She was drowning again. _Three times a charm._ It was dark and cold and she could not breathe. Scrapes of memories billowed in her head like tattered flags. She tried to hold on to them but they were all just out of her reach, and when she finally managed to grasp one of them a wind swept all of her thoughts away, and she sat upright, drawing in a hasty breath.

"You're awake!"

A pleasant voice welcomed her and Elena's eyes focused on the owner of the voice who turned out to be an elderly lady with bright eyes. She blinked in surprise, bringing her hand to her head. It crossed her mind that her entire life was a dream, that none of it had happened, none of it had been real, and for a second she wanted to die so much she couldn't feel anything but fear and panic.

"Do you remember what happened?" The lady asked gently sitting down next to her on the couch.

"No," Elena muttered absently, and then quickly turned around. "Yes! Yes." She ran her hands over her face, and looked at them, half-expecting to find them covered with burnt skin peeling off her face.

"He's alright too, I think," the elderly lady continued, guessing her thoughts when Elena's eyes scanned the room, and then with mixture of fear and relief settled on Damon who was laying nearby. "I'm not sure how this works, but if you woke up already I'd think he should wake up soon too," the lady said with a smile, squinting into the distance as if she was trying to remember a long-forgotten lesson. "It's been several hours anyway." She handed baffled Elena a small cup of steaming liquid.

Elena automatically took the cup from her hands, but then put it away without even sparing it a glance. She slid off the couch and went to Damon. "I'm sorry about the mess," she said, out of the corner of her eye noticing that the furniture was still mostly disarranged, and only the couches were moved a little bit toward the middle of the room. Rose petals, CDs, and shopping bags lay scattered over the imaginary dance floor. Recalling what Damon had told her, Elena recognized Mrs. Flowers, and wasn't really surprised that Mrs. Flowers turned out to know her name as well.

"Oh, that's alright," Mrs. Flowers said good-humoredly, although Elena suspected she wasn't thrilled about the roses.

Squatting down next to the other couch, Elena brushed strands of hair off Damon's forehead. She ran her fingers down his chest to make sure the blisters were gone. It was incredible that wounds that were real and that caused so much pain could disappear just like that, leaving only invisible scars, she thought, shuddering at the memory. At the same time she couldn't help finding it also a little fascinating. Immortality... invincibility... What could've killed her had she still been human was now a transient nightmare that she could survive, that _they_ could survive – and move on.

"But... what happened?" Elena asked, sliding her hand into Damon's, and looking at Mrs. Flowers over her shoulder, suddenly remembering that she didn't actually remember what had happened after she had lost consciousness. "I mean... thank you for helping us-" she said, struck by the idea even if it didn't make much sense.

"Oh, I didn't really do much. You were both unconscious, I think, when I got here," Mrs. Flowers said with a small frown. "I managed to block him long enough to get you inside. I'm rather losing my strength, lately," she added with a sigh.

"You're a witch?" Elena's eyes widened in surprise. Damon had failed to mention that.

Mrs. Flowers laughed briefly under her breath. "I'll never get used to hearing that. My husband used to call me that just to tick me off." She smiled but then her expression acquired a glimpse of grimness. "I rarely ever hear the word anymore since he died," she added softly.

"I'm sorry," Elena said gently, and Mrs. Flowers smiled at her warmly.

"I have something for you. Well, it's actually yours, but I spelled it for you. I hope you don't mind," she said handing Elena the ring she had gotten earlier from Damon. "Now it can also be your daylight ring. I hope," the elderly lady added tentatively. "To be quite honest," she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "I've never done this kind of spell before, so you'll have to check if it actually works," she said with a smile.

"Thank you," Elena said, taking her ring from Mrs. Flowers' hands.

"And I found this in the grass," Mrs. Flowers added, gratified by a happy smile on Elena's face when she saw Damon's ring.

Elena slid the diamond ring on her finger, and Damon's ring on his. Damon stirred.

"I think I heard something outside." Mrs. Flowers glanced toward the window, and excused herself, but Elena was quite certain her exit wasn't primarily caused by any actual noise.

Pulling herself upwards to sit on the edge of the couch, Elena propped herself on her hands and leaned over Damon. When he opened his eyes she smiled down at him.

His eyes remained fixed on her for a second, and then wandered around her face frantically only to widen in concern when in one quick movement he sat upright grasping her shoulders.

"I'm OK," she reassured him quickly. "But I should… I should… _slap_ you," she pressed a quick kiss to his lips at loss for a more appropriate illustration of her words, "for getting out of the house without your ring," she said without moving her lips too far from his. "If it wasn't for Mrs. Flowers, he would've fried us both. Promise me you won't do something like that again," she demanded in all sincerity, even though she already knew what he'd say.

"Sure, Elena" Damon said and for a split second she thought he was serious. "Next time I'll just grab a deck chair and watch."

She narrowed her eyes at him, and he smiled, but then frowned again, and she almost lost her balance when he lifted her foot from the floor. In a gesture that bordered between rough and gentle he slid his hand over her ankle, along her calf, across her knee and stopped on her thigh. She thought it was a miracle she didn't lose consciousness again.

"Is everything healed? Nothing hurts?" he asked matter of factly, but she only stared at him, unable to answer. He looked at her searchingly, but then something in her expression reminded him of when she had first woken up after the transition, and it seemed to her that he understood.

"_Elena._"

A kiss was a token of understanding good enough, even though she thought that had he really understood (that Mrs. Flowers could came back any minute), he would've removed his hand from her thigh instead of pretending to forget that it was there as he continued kissing her.

"I'm sorry but..." Predictably, Mrs. Flowers came back into the room, and they abruptly broke apart. "There is a nice young man and a beautiful young lady out there and they inquire about you. The young lady asked me to tell you," Mrs. Flowers smiled, apparently amused by the words, "that she'll rather eat her Miss Mystic Falls tiara than leaves without you," she said looking at Elena.

"Oh my God," Elena gasped, jumping to her feet.

Without thinking further than the prospect of angry Caroline, Elena ran to the door, her legs nearly giving in as she ran. She stopped near the door, rested her forehead against the cool frame and took a deep breath. If shortly after being almost roasted to death by Klaus all she could think about was Damon's hand on her thigh there must have been something seriously wrong with her. She snorted to herself, straightened up her dress, adjusted her leather jacket, and walked out ready to face Caroline and Jeremy.

As soon as Caroline saw her, she rushed toward her, immediately locking Elena in a hug. Only then, out of the corner of her eye Elena noticed that Caroline's companion wasn't Jeremy. She froze in Caroline's embrace.

"How are you even here?" Caroline asked, drawing back, shifting her eyes between the sun and Elena. With a small smile, Elena showed off her hand, the ring sparkling in the sun so beautifully, that she found herself transfixed by it just as much as Caroline was.

"But I brought you a ring!" Caroline said, pursing her lips and searching her purse. "From Bonnie with love," she said having found the ring and presenting it to Elena. Elena returned her smile, but then Caroline frowned. "How come _my_ ring is not that pretty?" she asked, comparing all the three rings.

"Because you let Bonnie pick yours?" Damon offered, appearing on the porch, and slowly walking down the small steps.

Caroline shot him a mildly annoyed look. "And maybe you picked this one?" she asked sardonically, but then noticed Elena's hand stiffen in hers. Their eyes locked.

Stefan, who was up to then standing wordlessly next to the car, shifted his eyes from Elena to Damon. Since Caroline seemed intent on continuing her opening speech to Elena for a longer while, Stefan walked around the car and toward where Damon was standing.

"I hope my calls didn't bother you too much," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Damon pulled out his phone and looked at it with artificial interest. "Stefan. 80 missed calls." Stefan looked away, a flicker of a smile passing through his face. "Sorry. Must have turned off the sound," Damon said with a mirthless smile, putting the phone away.

Stefan looked up at him again, waiting for Damon's eyes to focus on him too, but to no avail. "How is Elena?" Stefan asked after a pause, his voice utterly serious. Damon's eyebrows furrowed in thought, and he blinked, his gaze fixed on some unidentifiable point in space. Or rather, as Stefan realized after a second, on where Elena and Caroline were standing.

"You can ask her yourself."

"I will. But for now I'm asking you."

Damon shrugged, still not looking at him. "She's OK."

"That's all you have to say?" Stefan asked in a low voice. "She died and became a vampire, and three days later she's _OK_."

"What would you rather hear? That she isn't OK?" Damon grimaced, finally shifting his eyes to his brother.

"What would I rather hear?" Stefan repeated, raising his eyebrows.

Damon snorted humorlessly under his breath. "A hundred years in high school, Stefan, and you still don't get the idea of a _summary_."

Stefan smiled, entirely unamused. "Well, _Damon_, thank you for the summary but maybe you could elaborate?" Damon was about to roll his eyes when Stefan added in a slightly different tone. "Or perhaps you think it's none of my business?"

For the first time during the conversation they looked straight into each other's eyes, but then Caroline broke into the discussion in a happily commanding voice.

"You didn't even say _hi_ to each other yet!"

Elena's eyes darted to Caroline, but Caroline wasn't as fond of subtle hints as Bonnie was, and she ignored the look.

Stefan looked at Elena who continued looking at Caroline even though she was no longer saying anything.

"Would you care for a walk?" Stefan asked with good-humored mock-formality, finally catching Elena's gaze, and giving her a tranquil, warm, tender smile that once upon a time had made her smile and give life another chance.

But now the princess was dead, and Elena couldn't even recall that fairy tale.

Caroline soundlessly clapped her hands. "That's a great idea!" she said with a smile.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thank you so much for your amazing reviews! :)

Beta: **arabian** - Thank you so much! :]

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 12**

"What's going on here?" Caroline asked, crossing her arms over her chest, and turning to Damon after closing the door and shutting off the sight of Stefan and Elena.

A wide-eyed look didn't work, so Damon said with a sour smile. "All quiet on the western front." He glanced at the door made to walk off, but Caroline flashed a few steps ahead from him and blocked his way. He rolled his eyes. "Why _do_ you ask?"

"Well," Caroline tilted her head to the side, glaring at him. "Because I happen to have _eyes_?" she snapped, quite certain that in that short red dress and black leather jacket Elena must look like some stupid ideal vampire girlfriend from his fantasies.

Damon smiled mirthlessly. "You should double check your _voice_,though_,_ because you failed to tell us that Klaus' taken over Tyler. Literally."

Caroline's angry expression faded into panic. "What? How do you know?"

"Because he was here, cruel intentions and all," Damon narrowed his eyes in a brief smile, taking a step to the left so he could see a part of the living room window.

"Oh my God." Caroline stared at him in dismay. "I just... didn't want to worry Elena until... she got... back..." Caroline's eyes shifted right and left. "It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't... spirited her away in the first place!" she exclaimed, remembering that she was upset.

"You're right," Damon allowed with fake compliance. "If I didn't, she would've been _dead_ by now so none of it would've _mattered_," he said with a frown.

"Of course," Caroline snorted. "I knew that'd turn into your number one achievement," she said, annoyed. "What's going on here?" she repeated her initial question in a louder voice.

"Oh, here you are," Mrs. Flowers emerged from the living room, gesticulating for them follow her. "You need to try my apple pie. That's why I stopped by here today, you know," she added to Damon, and Caroline immediately gave up on the unlikely idea that Mrs. Flowers had served as a chaperone here. Right. She snorted at herself for even entertaining the idea. "I know it's not what you… eat, but I imagine it's nice to eat a slice of an apple pie every once in a while even when one doesn't have to," she added, smiling brightly at Caroline who did her best to return the smile.

Walking through the living room, Caroline didn't fail to notice the furniture being pushed against the walls, scattered shopping bags, CDs, and she blinked repeatedly at the rose petals, muttering "seriously, Elena?" under her breath all the way to the kitchen.

* * *

It was very confusing, seeing clear outlines of everything in the sunlight. All the colors were bright and vivid and even the wind seemed to have a color of its own, a peculiar shade of transparency. It was so peaceful here, Elena realized, and felt a twinge of regret at the thought that they were leaving, that this time here was over.

She kept turning the ring around her finger, feeling the small gems under her fingertips. The gesture was helping somewhat, although it wasn't able to really calm her down. Anxiety, a strange type of anxiety she couldn't quite define, was rising within her like the level of water about to reach its critical point.

She didn't know what to say to him, how to look at him. For reasons she couldn't even recall now she was convinced it was Caroline and Jeremy who had been planning on coming here, and so she had banished the thought of talking to Stefan to the back of her mind. She wished she had at least one sentence prepared. The silence was becoming unbearable.

"Elena," Stefan stopped walking and she stopped too.

It had the sound of old photographs and postcards falling onto the dusty attic floor, she thought abstractly, this moment now. She felt like she was failing him somehow - with her lack of words, with the words she was soon to say, with everything. She had told him to hold on to the very line she was about to cut off. It felt cruel and wrong and she was writhing inwardly in the tangled threads of her torn conscience.

"How are you feeling?" Stefan asked in a low voice, studying her face in concern. She was looking around her, and he wondered if it was the first time she was outside after the transition.

"I'm OK," Elena whispered at last, shifting her eyes to him with a small, reassuring smile. "I'm OK, Stefan."

There was a shadow of expression she couldn't name that had passed through his face but it was gone in a blink of an eye, and he smiled carefully. "I'm glad to hear that."

His voice sounded hollow and somewhat bitter. Or perhaps she only imagined the bitterness, because she expected it. She felt guilty. All of her incantations of how there was no reason to feel guilty seemed useless now. The sense of guilt was boiling in her veins and she found it very strange. _"Every time there is a bump in the road-"_ She grimaced, drew a hasty breath, and wrapped her arms around herself, struck by a thought that escaped her before she managed to grasp it. _"Every time-"_

"I tried to call," Stefan said in a low voice, waiting for her to look at him, trying not to think it significant that she kept looking away. "I didn't know if you wanted to see me."

"Why?" Elena asked mechanically, distracted by her thoughts, by a feeling of dryness in her throat. Maybe it was the sun's fault. _Fault_. The word echoed dully in her head. Or maybe she was hungry. The thought comforted her a little, as it at least was the closest to a rational explanation why she was feeling so strange.

"I never wanted this to happen to you," Stefan said in a low, intense voice full of sadness. "_Never_, Elena." She looked at him, remembering that he was talking to her. She wanted to ask him _why_ again, but he continued. "And I didn't want you to… live like that, to _be_ like that. So when you said you didn't want to… I didn't feel like I had a _right_ to make you change your mind."

"You didn't," Elena said softly, and he wasn't sure he understood why there was a glimpse of a smile in her eyes. "I don't blame you for not making me turn, if that's what you think," she said, looking at him searchingly to see if she guessed the reason for his distress correctly.

He nodded, smiling weakly, trying to believe her, she thought. "How did Damon convince you?" he asked in a voice that seemed devoid of any hidden undertones, which didn't make her any less caught off guard by the question.

For a moment she just looked at him, but then glanced around the forest in search of the sincerest answer. "He didn't," she said at last with a shrug. "I guess I just really wasn't ready to die," she said, trying to smile. The answer was true and she hoped it was simple enough, but Stefan looked at her as if she had just struck him. "I don't want to talk about that," she added, wishing to make up for what she realized was a very thoughtless explanation. "It's in the past. I… moved on. I'm a… I'm a vampire, there is no changing that now."

Stefan looked at her, wondering whether it was the right moment to tell her about Klaus' demands and the spell that Bonnie had found. But perhaps there would be a better time for that.

"Elena-"

"When we met... I thought it was fate," she continued suddenly in a determined voice, tucking her hair behind her ear, and Stefan gave her a faint, reassuring smile, relieved that she seemed to be breaking through listlessness and speaking to him. "But fate is not something we can see," she frowned, her eyes fixed on an invisible point in space. "We always only see a part of everything. We only see fragments that we try to put together and pretend that there's nothing else, nothing more because otherwise it would be impossible to believe in anything, it would be impossible... to live in such an incomplete world." She spoke clearly but hurriedly as if she was afraid that the words would escape her and she wouldn't be able to find them again. "But sometimes we find that other part we didn't see before, didn't understand, didn't believe in… and it changes everything."

"I know that." Stefan said clasping her hand in his and her eyes darted to him. "I know that, Elena. I couldn't be happier if you really felt that way."

Elena looked at him, and sighed dismally at his apparent misunderstanding of her words. She scolded herself inwardly for being so inarticulate. "Stefan..."

"I want you to believe that you can be happy as a vampire. If you feel like being a vampire... enhances who you are somehow it's more that I could ever hope for. I'd lie if I said I entirely understand it," he said with a small smile. "But I know it's possible and I do want you to find a way to be happy about it rather than miserable."

She smiled brokenly at the bits and pieces of truth in his words. But it wasn't what she meant. "Stefan-"

He cupped her face in his hands, and leaned toward her but then opened his eyes, glancing in confusion at her hand against his lips. Their eyes locked and a hundred words wouldn't amount to the effect achieved by her fingertips preventing him from kissing her. He felt like the ground started slipping from under his feet.

"Stefan-" Her voice came out as barely audible, and she wanted to start again in a firmer tone by he stopped her.

"Elena, I know what you went through," he said gently, lightly touching her cheek and stroking her hair. "I know how awful, confusing everything must seem to you now." She grimaced, blinking back the tears that gathered in her eyes. "I just want you to know... I love you," he half-smiled, half-grimaced, and she inhaled deeply, her mouth twitching. "You know… you know that even if-" he broke off and tried again, "even if... something happened, I'd let it go," he whispered in a voice that sounded tortured, but his eyes were bright with sincerity.

Elena smiled brokenly and nodded, but the tears that rolled down her cheeks made his heart clench, and he looked at her, waiting for her to say something that would take that cold feeling that came over him away.

"I know you would," she said at last, and for a second everything was back in order. He looked at her with love, with hope, almost smiling, almost crying with her. But then the same thing happened again. Before his lips touched hers she drew back, and whispered the words he _couldn't_ understand. "But Damon wouldn't."

The name seemed out of place, and it sounded so strange, the way she had said it. He couldn't overcome the sense of confusion that made him unable to grasp the meaning of her words. She tilted her head to the side, her face contorted in pain, in… _compassion_. He froze, and just stared at her when she slowly removed his hand from her cheek.

She looked so infinitely sad, yet when her eyes flickered toward the direction of the house he realized she was going to walk away. That was the end of the conversation. That was the end.

"Elena," he caught her hand like he should've when she had sought him in Chicago, like when she had told him that Jeremy was in danger, like when she had said she wasn't going to complete the transition. "What happened?" he couldn't possibly imagine her answer to that. He instinctively searched for something to say, for the nearest memory. "Three days ago- Elena, just three days ago-"

"I thought you were all going to die," she cut in, having guessed the question. "I wanted us to have that final moment together because I believed it was what we _should_ have after everything that had happened, after all those _horrible_ months," her voice quivered and she grimaced through her tears. "I wanted to fix it, if only for that one minute. _That_ was my choice, Stefan. I couldn't go to him, and come back to you, but… I wasn't making _life_ choices then. I couldn't _think_ about more than that one moment. And after everything that happened to us, happened with us, I just needed to say goodbye to you."

"Is this a goodbye too?" he asked in a voice she couldn't recognize. It was distant and cautious, but the pain in his eyes was conspicuous and she felt like she was twisting a dagger into his heart. Her throat was dry, and her entire body felt like it was being scratched by sharp grains of sand. She was on the verge of something she couldn't describe, couldn't understand, couldn't _see_. She didn't want to dwell on it, because she was afraid that if she did, she would topple over and into it.

"I don't know what this is, Stefan," she said tiredly. "All I know is that-" she didn't finish the sentence; she wasn't able to when he looked like her like that. "I never wanted to hurt you," she said with a grimace. "And the last thing I've ever wanted is to drive you and Damon apart." Stefan shuddered inwardly, almost telling her to stop saying the name. "And I feel like I'm doing this right now, and I'm _so_ sorry," Elena trailed off, choking on her tears. She wanted to say so many things, but couldn't find the right words. At the same time she didn't want to say anything at all. "You saved me, in so many ways. Made me happy when I thought I'd never smile again, and I'll always remember that. But… " She wanted to say that what they had had was real, that she wasn't revoking that, or regretting that, even if he felt like she was. "I really thought I wanted to spend a lifetime with you-"

"You _thought_ you wanted a lifetime with me," Stefan interrupted her in a hollow voice, and she stiffened, feeling like she was hurting him no matter how gently, how truthfully she tried to express her thoughts and feelings. "But you _know_ that you want eternity with him," he said, realizing that the primary reason for saying it was to make her tell him that she couldn't think about eternity, that she had died three days ago and couldn't wrap her mind around such abstract concepts yet. But with a sinking heart he acknowledged that she just looked at him in silence, blinking back the tears.

* * *

Caroline was sitting in the kitchen, sipping on a blood bag, listening to Mrs. Flowers and watching Damon tidy up the living room. The sight of him picking up the rose petals was especially hilarious. She refused to believe Elena was buying it. Although she had always been ridiculously gullible when it came to him. Matt was right. She had _lost_ it.

"I'll go pack our stuff," Damon muttered, heading out of the living room.

"What stuff?" Caroline exclaimed more to herself than to Mrs. Flowers who was sitting across from her. "They've been here for the total of two days, and they didn't have any _luggage_."

"Maybe they bought some souvenirs?" Mrs. Flowers said, feeling obligated to say something.

Caroline shifted her eyes to her.

* * *

When Elena reentered the house, it was already looking very orderly. Everything that had been scattered all over the living room was gone. The pillows sat straight on the couches and there was not a trace of rose petals on the floor.

"He went to pack _your_ _stuff_," Caroline announced, looking at Elena expectantly, hoping that the sentence sounded sardonic enough, but Elena didn't seem inclined to answer, and Caroline wasn't sure from afar, but it looked like she had been crying.

When Elena disappeared into the bedroom, Caroline marched up to the window and looked outside, wrinkling her forehead at the sight of Stefan standing motionlessly near the forest line.

* * *

Walking into the bedroom, Elena immediately noticed the shopping bags neatly packed and waiting on the bed, ready to be taken away. The room looked pristine and bright in the sunlight flowing from the half-open window.

"So you either lash out or you tidy up," she said matter of factly, when Damon looked up at her. "Got it."

He wanted to retort but was struck by the traces of tears on her face, and fast-moved to her instead.

"What's happened?" he asked, looking at her searchingly, his eyes wandering anxiously all over her face. "Elena?"

He cupped her face in his hands and she closed her eyes, several tears escaping from under her eyelids when she smiled. "I like when you do that," she said quietly, covering his hands with hers.

"And I don't like when you're crying," he retorted grimly. "Why are you crying, Elena?" he muttered the question, and she opened her eyes, frowning at the expression on his face.

"Stop doubting me," she said through her teeth.

His mouth twitched. "I'm not-" he started, but she cut him off with a kiss, and he wrapped his arms around her, crashing her against him. "_Elena_," he whispered, drawing back, sliding his hands into her hair and looking at her as if she had just been miraculously rescued from the flood and fire combined.

She shook her head at him in mock-exasperation, and kissed him again.

"My, aren't you being subtle about it," Caroline's voice made them break the kiss and Elena looked at Caroline who was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, striving to look judgmental, even if the predominant emotion in her eyes was worry.

Damon looked in the other direction, and brushing a kiss across Elena's cheek turned toward the bed.

"I'll put these into the trunk," he said with a smile, grabbing their bags and heading for the door.

Caroline glared at him meaningfully before letting him pass through the door.

"Thank you," he said in a joyful voice.

"Mood swings much?" Caroline said unsmilingly, slamming the door shut behind him, and turning to Elena. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked in a high-pitched tone, snorting disbelievingly under her breath.

"You don't need to be so mean to him all the time, Caroline," Elena said, taking off the jacket and going to the bathroom.

"What?" Caroline followed her, almost tripping over her own feet. "Tell me I'm hearing things, and you didn't actually tell _me_ to be nice to _him_."

Elena turned on the water, gathered some of it into her open palms, and leaning down, splashed it over her eyes.

"I know you're worried, but you shouldn't be. I'm OK." Elena grabbed a towel and pressed it to her face.

"_How_ are you OK, Elena?" Caroline threw he hands in the air. "You're a vampire. And, by the way, that's what we should be talking about right now, not Damon. Your emotions are heightened. _Everything_ is heightened. I understand that you might want to _bone_ him, but stop behaving like you were freaking in _love_ with him."

Elena put the towel away, and shook her head with a sigh. "I _am_ in love with him," she said quietly, looking straight at Caroline, and then walking past her and out of the bathroom.

Caroline swirled around. "Are you out of your mind?" she asked, genuinely dismayed. "Don't you see what's going on here? Don't you think it's a strange coincidence that you made that _great_ discovery only after you died?"

"It's not like that, Caroline," Elena said defiantly, brushing her hair in front of a small vanity mirror. "It's not emotions that are heightened. It's your awareness of them that is," she said, glancing at Caroline over her shoulder.

Caroline blinked. "How did he brainwash you so thoroughly in just two days?"

Elena put the brush away and slowly turned around. "I _love_ him," she said in a firm voice. "You won't talk me out of this," she added with a faint smile.

Caroline stared at her in silence, and Elena almost thought she understood, but then she asked with a hint of chilling incredulity in her voice. "Do you _actually_ think he _loves_ you?" Elena looked at her as if she had just put to doubt grass being green. Caroline snorted. "He isn't capable of love! And even if he was... Do you really think it's about you, Elena? He just wants somebody to love him. Anyone! You're just _clearly_ the only person that he managed to manipulate into it."

"You can't manipulate someone into falling in love with you," Elena said, beginning to feel annoyed by the conversation.

"Of course you can," Caroline reiterated, undeterred. "_Unless_ you're talking about One True Love that conquers all and never ends," she said sardonically.

Elena seemed rather stunned by the tone of her voice, and Caroline widened her eyes at her. "You are."

"Isn't it always like that?" Elena asked tentatively, "I mean, doesn't everyone believe it is like that?" She hesitated. "Don't you love Tyler like that?"

"Like what?" Caroline wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "He's my _boyfriend_, Elena. Not a Prince Charming or a Romeo. He's not required to worship the ground I walk on or _die_ for me."

Elena averted her eyes from her, adjusted the ring on her finger, and pushed her hair behind her ears. "I think we should go," she said, grabbing her jacket.

"Elena," Caroline said in a softer voice, looking at her with a conciliatory grimace. Elena stopped in her tracks with a sigh and looked at her. "I just don't want you to get hurt," she said quietly, slightly pursing her lips.

Elena tilted her head to the side. "I'm dead, Caroline. How much more hurt I can get?" she said with a small smile.

"Oh, you know what I mean," Caroline said, shaking her head with a grimace. "Can you really imagine a life, well," she rolled her eyes, "living with him?"

"No," Elena said, and then smiled so radiantly Caroline blinked. "I can't imagine that at all. Let's go," she added with a sigh, and Caroline threw her hands in the air in resignation.

"Elena!" she stopped her, suddenly remembering. "What about the ring from Bonnie?" she asked, handing Elena a small, handmade box. "I'm sure she'd feel better if you were wearing this one instead," she drew a breath, "in addition to..." she corrected, waving her hand, and glancing at Elena's ring.

Elena smiled. "I guess I can be wearing two for the time being," she said, slipping the ring from Bonnie onto her other hand, and putting the box away.

Caroline smiled. "Maybe it will protect you," she said with a hint of grim amusement in her voice.

"Yes, two daylight rings must provide a lot of protection," Elena said with a smile.

"No, I mean that the ring from Bonnie will protect you from that other ring. Who knows what kind of weird things it can make you do," she added, glancing meaningfully around the bedroom before heading for the door.

Elena laughed under her breath, and followed her out of the room.

When the door closed behind them, the ring box left on the shelf darkened, and melted into a bloody puddle that burst into a single flame and then disappeared with a hiss.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you so much for your beautiful reviews! They make me SO happy :] (But not necessarily less evil, mind you lol)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 13**

"You've got to be kidding me," Damon said, regarding his car with a frown. Four flat tires seemed a little severe, if not downright pointless. What business could Klaus have in doing that. Damon glanced over his shoulder at Caroline's car and rolled his eyes.

"Looks like you'll need a ride."

Damon blinked a few times before shifting his eyes to Stefan who appeared to his right.

"Livid neighbors?" Stefan's voice was calm and casual, but the layer of brightness on his face with which he had arrived was gone.

"More like livid Klaus," Damon muttered an answer, feeling overwhelmed by the realization that Elena might have actually told Stefan... He had never thought she would've told him so immediately. But when Stefan looked at him, asking how Klaus could have had anything to do with that, as if _that_ was what he was thinking about while looking at him with a piercing glare that seemed to contain all the emotions between anger, fury, sadness, and disappointment, it was clear that Elena had said something more than hello.

Not sure whether to acknowledge the look or ignore it, Damon started telling him about Klaus' visit, but Stefan suddenly cut him off in the middle of the sentence, his voice almost toneless.

"I didn't think you could actually do that. Take advantage of her like that. When she was most vulnerable."

Damon turned toward him, tilting his head to the side. "What?"

"Do you think she won't see through this?" Stefan continued in a low voice. "That she won't realize you made her label her confusion with the meaning it doesn't have?"

"And what would that non-existent meaning _be_?" Damon asked with a hint of irritation in his voice, narrowing his eyes at him.

Stefan froze and then after looking at him unblinkingly for a few seconds punched him. Damon snorted humorlessly under his breath, straightened up, and returned the punch, shoving Stefan against the car.

"Did you think I'd give up on my feelings for her just because things got better between us?" Damon asked with a grimace. Stefan pushed himself away from the car and looked at him darkly. "Did I take advantage of the situation? Of course I did," Damon said through his teeth. "Did I take advantage of being alone with her? Sure I did," he widened his eyes at Stefan and snorted mirthlessly. "Did you think I wouldn't? Did you think I'd take her bunny hunting, wandering around the woods, and reminiscing on your finest accomplishments?" He exhaled heavily. "But I didn't do anything she didn't want as much as I did," he added on an impulse, despite the predictability of Stefan's reaction to that.

Stefan's fist missed Damon's face and hit his shoulder instead, causing him to took a step back, but it wasn't enough to make him lose his balance. It took another series of mutual blows to send them both to the ground.

"What's going on here?" Caroline's voice resounded from the side of the porch, and a moment later both Caroline and Elena appeared next to them. "What are you doing?"

"Stop it!" Elena exclaimed with a grimace.

Damon staggered to his feet, and after a moment of consideration extended his hand to Stefan, who glanced at it, grabbed a stick laying nearby and plunged it right into Damon's hand. Elena widened her eyes at him. He then got up on his own, wiped the blood off his nose with the back of his hand, and wordlessly glancing at Caroline and Elena walked off toward the other car.

"The tires... are flat," Damon said with a twitch of his nose, pulling the stick out of his hand, and throwing it away.

Elena narrowed her eyes at him, slightly shaking her head. Damon shrugged.

"Well, then," Caroline said, thrusting up her chin. "Elena can ride with us, and you," she lingered on the word in mock-consideration, "can run after the car."

"Caroline," Elena shifted her eyes to her.

"It was a _joke_, Elena. _Revive_ your sense of humor," Caroline said, and marched away toward her car.

Damon touched his jaw as if checking if it was still in place. "I know, I know," he said with a roll of his eyes when Elena took a step toward him. "Hitting younger siblings, morally wrong, and all that."

"Did you take everything from the trunk?" Elena asked after a pause, seemingly ignoring the former subject.

"No, not yet," Damon said, not sure what to make of it, but he searched his pocket for the keys, and went to open the trunk.

Elena followed Damon, glancing at Stefan and Caroline who were standing next to the other car, talking.

When Damon opened the trunk, Elena caught his arm, and without a warning pushed him behind the car where they wouldn't be seen. She pressed her lips to his, half-kissing him, half-sucking the blood from the cut on his lip.

"And yes, you shouldn't have," she said quietly when she drew back, taking a step toward the trunk, and grabbing the bags.

Damon pulled her back to him and whispered into her ear. "I won't endure several hours without kissing you."

Elena smiled, cradling his face in her hands. "I have an idea," she said, squinting. "Every time I say the word..." she hesitated, trying to think of a word that was ubiquitous enough, yet unsuspicious, "_maybe_, it will be as if I kissed you. And of course it works the other way around too."

"Not good enough at all," Damon muttered against her skin, brushing his lips across her neck and jawline. "But I guess it'll have to do," he added with a sigh and kissed her.

* * *

"So Tyler isn't the only one that's being possessed by Klaus?" Jeremy asked, leaning over the table. "Do you know who else is?"

Matt smiled. "If I knew I wouldn't be playing Sherlock Holmes now, would I?"

"But it can be anyone," Jeremy observed with a sigh. "Anyone in town."

"I don't think so. If he just needed a body, he would've been satisfied with one. If he's haunting somebody else, he's doing it for a reason."

Jeremy nodded, glancing around the Grill with thoughtful eyes. "It can be anyone," he repeated. "Including you," he said, looking back at Matt.

"Or you," Matt returned with humor in his eyes, but then their expressions became somber again.

"I don't like that Bonnie isn't telling us what she's doing," Jeremy said after a pause.

"Maybe she's worried about the exact same thing," Matt offered. "Revealing what she's doing to anyone equals revealing everything to Klaus, if we don't know whom he's possessing."

"You're probably right. Still..." Jeremy shook his head. "I don't like that she's at it alone."

"Maybe when Elena gets back she'll get it out of her," Matt said reassuringly.

"Yeah," Jeremy agreed without much conviction in his voice. For some time they just ate in silence. "Why didn't you go with Caroline and Stefan?" Jeremy asked after a pause, looking up at Matt. "She told me she'd asked you to go."

"Yes. A pity trip." Matt smiled briefly, mixing vegetables with his fork. "Not really my kind of thing." Jeremy gave him a questioning look. "And the trip back would probably be even worse."

* * *

When they said their goodbyes to Mrs. Flowers, Caroline ushered Elena into the backseat with her.

"_Maybe_ I'll seat in front, then," Damon said, slumping into the passenger's seat.

"_Or_ you can take the free spot in the trunk," Caroline said, shutting the door, while Elena tried very hard to retain an indifferent expression on her face.

Stefan started the engine, and she leaned her head against the window, following the road with her eyes. No one turned on the radio, and they just drove in complete silence for almost two hours. Caroline kept brainstorming with herself, and shifting her eyes between everyone. At last she gave up hope that the mood would change on its own.

"So, Elena," she started, straightening up. "Which blood type is your favorite?" she asked conversationally.

Very slowly, Elena turned her head, giving her a mildly incredulous look. But Caroline looked her straight in the eye, apparently intent on making a casual conversation.

"I don't know," Elena said uncomfortably.

"Every blood bag has a blood type-" Caroline started but then interrupted herself. "Of course. Sorry. No blood bags. Just praying on innocents," she added bitingly, twisting her head to demonstrate she was looking at Damon, who for reasons Caroline didn't want to investigate seemed a little too amused by her words.

"_Maybe_ B?" Elena offered, and Caroline looked at her questioningly.

"Why B?"

"I don't know," Elena shifted in her seat. "_Maybe_ not."

Caroline wrinkled her forehead in confusion while Damon looked very intently out of the window, fighting a smile. Stefan glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

"OK," Caroline tossed her head right and left, and took a deep breath. "_Maybe_ I'll fill you in on the latest events, then," she said, giving Elena a baffled look when she darted her eyes to her with a somewhat upset expression on her face.

"That's a good idea," Elena said quickly, regaining her composure and snorting inwardly at herself.

She found herself trying to listen to Caroline as intently as possible, but she was becoming repeatedly distracted by other thoughts, by catching Stefan watching her in the car mirror, by the pain in his eyes his gaze leaving splinters in her heart that hurt no matter how much she tried to reason with herself. The feeling that had come over her when she had been talking to him, the sense of guilt, began creeping into her mind again, making the more sense the more she considered the past events. He had a right to feel betrayed, and perhaps she wasn't better than Katherine, after all. She thought she could see a glimpse of this very thought in his gaze every time their eyes fleetingly met in the mirror.

"...turn you back into a human," Caroline concluded a part of the story with a sigh, but it wasn't until Damon turned in his seat and looked at Caroline with his brows furrowed that the words registered in Elena's mind.

She widened her eyes at Caroline. "What did you say?"

"That's hardly the worst part of the story," Stefan observed in a low voice, his eyes fixed on the road.

Elena and Damon looked at each other.

Caroline quickly shifted her gaze between them and rolled her eyes. "Well, at least no one is going to be disappointed by how unlikely to happen that is," she added, squinting.

"Why?" Elena looked at her, wondering why the idea suddenly felt like a threat. But then she reminded herself that even if she became human, she could still turn into a vampire again. The thought stunned her even more. A couple of days ago she had considered it an ultimate nightmare, while now she was plotting how, if need be, she could make it happen again.

"Because," Caroline drew a deep breath, "it requires a sacrifice."

"Of course," Damon said with a small, crooked smile, returning his gaze to the road.

"I think you're forgetting it's Klaus who wants it to happen," Caroline observed dryly, glaring at his profile. "A sacrifice makes no difference to him."

"What kind of sacrifice?" Elena asked, beginning to realize that what she thought was over, was still in motion. It was so hard to believe after those two days that seemed more like a dream now. Her eyes skimmed over Damon's shoulder, his neck, his hair. She thought that if she could touch him now, feel his lips on her skin, his arms around her, the dream would go on.

"You'd have to kill someone, and then the spell would seal the re-transition," Caroline said barely above a whisper. "Or whatever it's called."

Elena stared at her in silence.

"Please," Damon said with a mirthless snort.

"Bonnie _is_ working on how to..." Caroline trailed off, remembering she didn't know what exactly Bonnie was doing. "On how to solve this... She's going to find a way around this."

"Around what?" Elena asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "The transition? The sacrifice? Klaus?"

"Everything!" Caroline said at a loss for a better answer. "Anything," she added with less certainty in her voice, when Damon looked at her over his shoulder.

Wordlessly, Stefan pulled into a gas station that appeared to their right, and the conversation came to a halt.

Elena looked around, surprised for a moment that it was already dusk, but then she remembered that after Klaus' attack in the morning they had been unconscious for several hours.

"I'm tired," Elena said in an almost thoughtful tone when Stefan got out of the car to fill up the gas tank. She looked up at the heavy clouds in the sky, wondering why she was feeling tired all of a sudden. Tired. Exhausted. _Drained._

"Me too," Caroline said with a sigh, the words making her realize what she had been promptly ignoring for several days now.

"I'll go get some travel pillows," Damon said, getting out of the car as well, and heading toward the store. Stefan watched him over the roof, his face expressionless.

"Look at that," Caroline muttered sarcastically. "A monster _and_ a gentleman."

Elena shot her an irritated look, and then jumped out of the car, taking a few steps away from it, feeling Stefan's eyes follow her, and hearing Caroline's footsteps behind her.

"Elena!" Caroline caught up with her, grabbing her arm. "I'm sorry. I… It's just…" She huffed in exasperation. "You know this isn't going anywhere," Caroline said, looking at Elena as if she actually expected the confirmation. Elena averted her eyes from her, and made to walk off. "And what about Stefan?" Caroline pressed, following her.

"I assure you I feel guilty enough without being reminded that I should," Elena said with a humorless snort, wrapping her arms around herself and turning toward Caroline.

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm trying to understand," Caroline said defensively.

"Understand what, Caroline? Why I love Damon?" she asked, the words sending hot shivers up her spine and she had to dig her toes into her shoes to keep herself from running to him. The idea echoed in her head like a bell, like the sound of a ticking clock. She should run to him. She should. "I love him because I love him. What is a correct explanation for this? I love him. I like him. I want him. Maybe I could tell you why I like him, but I can't tell you why I love him, Caroline. Don't ask me that."

"Elena-" Caroline made to walk after her, but she stopped her with her hand.

"I need to... freshen up," Elena abstractly waved her hand. "I'll be right back," she said, heading across the parking lot toward the back entrance to the store.

Caroline looked up to the sky with a stifled huff. She shook her head in frustration, and marched back to the car.

* * *

It started out with a twinge of cold.

Elena could recall that moment very well later on. It was a twinge of cold, somewhere near her heart, a sharp pain, as if someone stabbed her with an icicle. Then it spread further and further, like a flood. It slowed down her steps, and she found herself almost gasping for air. It was hard to breathe, and when she looked around she couldn't see much except her immediate surrounding, the darkness, and the echoing thought that no one was going to come, that she was alone - and that thought was most _visible_ sight of all.

But that was also the one thought she could prove wrong. She tried to fight it, remind herself it wasn't true. If there was something that wasn't true, it was this. She wasn't alone. But somehow, despite succeeding at holding on to that thought, the swarm of other thoughts attacked her with a swishing sound she could almost _hear_. She nearly lost her balance, trying to put a stop to all those thoughts, all those _words_ swirling angrily in her head. _"Whatever drives you most insane." _Elena stumbled, and put her face in her hands, trying to calm her breathing.

Everything was OK. Nothing was happening. She felt tired, she felt guilty, she was hungry... and she was guilty... she felt guilty... There was really no reason... it was all in her head. She slid her hands off her face, and looked around, trying to remember the way back to the car. She suddenly realized she had wandered off in the opposite direction, and the store was now further away than a few moments ago. For a while she stared at the ground, trying to figure if she was still walking or standing in one place. The ground was moving under her feet, as if she was standing on a spinning wheel, and she fought a hundred impressions that she was about to fall down.

Very abruptly she turned around, glancing right and left with frantic eyes. She didn't think she could be feeling that thirsty after several hours. How much time exactly?... She couldn't remember, but it didn't matter. She wasn't hungry. She swallowed hard, and her throat was dry, but she wasn't sure what to make of it. She thought of blood, but the idea didn't do anything to her, didn't scare her, didn't soothe her. It was a good a sign. It had to be a good sign.

"_What about... what about..."_ the words reverberated in her head in Caroline's voice at first, then in no one's voice, in a voice, soundlessly... They pulsated in her veins, under her eyes, on the back of her head... She just wanted the sensation gone. She didn't want to feel guilty. Didn't have a reason to feel guilty. _"Don't you see? I did this. I did all of this! This is all my fault! Nothing bad would've ever happened if it wasn't for me!"_ Now it was her own voice, but it changed again, into the words, into the soundless meaning that bit down on the edge of her mind, remained there like a claw, like a thousand of claws pinching her entire body, until it hurt everywhere, until she couldn't remember what she was thinking about. There was only that feeling, that sense of something terrible, something cold, something evil. It was all her fault. She was hurting everyone. She was causing everyone pain. _"If I caused so much damage as a human I can only cause more damage as a vampire." _The truth of the words hit her like a gust of cold wind. She grimaced, closing and opening her eyes, trying to clear her head. She _knew_ these were only half-truths- No... it was the truth, but... there were some answers to these... answers? Different words... countering what she was saying... what she was feeling right now... _Elena_.

_Elena_. For a second everything was swept away and she could draw a steady breath, but then the thoughts fell over her again and she stifled a groan under the pressure of a sudden headache, sudden pain in her chest, in her throat, in her _veins_.

She just wanted the pain to _go away_. How could she make the pain go away? The pain was driving her insane. She couldn't decide if it was hunger or guilt... or was one caused by the other? or did they both exist together, tangled together like a cord... A cord that was wrapping itself around her tighter and tighter and tighter, until she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't remember-

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

She didn't know what had happened. For a moment... one... two... three... four moments she couldn't understand what had happened. But then she looked up and in a flash she knew, without even thinking about it, without recalling anything. It was so ordinary, a moment like thousands of other moments. She could almost feel all such similar moments from the past clash with a hissing sound, shards of memories blank like her mind was when she caught the man's gaze.

She didn't know why all the details registered in her mind so well. His smile when he apologized for bumping into her. His eyes when he said something about buying the wrong coffee flavor. His lips when he tilted his head to the side asking if she was OK.

She didn't know how she could see in the dim lights of the lanterns that he had a green sweater and brown shoes. She might have very well imagined the colors. Maybe she imagined his face too. Maybe it never happened. Maybe it wasn't true.

He offered her his coffee, said something about aspirin, asked if she wanted to call someone. He didn't seem alarmed by the look in her eyes, maybe because the tears blurred her expression, and she just looked like a moderately sad, average girl in an average, empty parking lot.

It began to drizzle.

She knew it made no sense, that there was no connection between the sense of guilt and the stranger in a green sweater. She knew. And she couldn't understand how it could so completely _not_ matter that she knew. The pain was stronger, the urge to quench the pain was stronger, _everything_ was stronger than her. In that one moment she understood. It was a trap. It was a dead-end road. It was an abyss with nothing to keep her from plummeting down into the darkness.

She hadn't drowned. She hadn't died. It was only now that she was dying. It was only now that she was going to die. _"Here lies Elena Gilbert."_

The stranger's eyes were like mirrors, or maybe it was just her feverish imagination playing tricks on her, for she could suddenly see in his eyes her fangs protruding out of her mouth. The mirrors widened and widened, but she didn't look into them anymore.

She thought it so very odd that she could hear him scream, while it was her who was screaming, with every pore of her body, every vein, every strand of her hair, every drop of blood entering her system.

"_Here lies Elena Gilbert." _She stared down at what didn't look like anything she had seen before. She was shaking and soon lost her balance and fell to her knees. Rain, blood, and tears were dripping off her face and she held her hands in the air as if she didn't know what to do with them, as if they didn't belong to her.

She could hear the sound of the rain, she could hear cars passing by in the distance. Everything was real and dark and empty. There was no reason for anything anymore. There was no her anymore. _"Here lies Elena Gilbert." _There were only lifeless eyes staring up at her, a pool of blood, and the excruciating pain of the realization that the girl she thought she was - was dead.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews! :]

I think I'll owe Caroline a written apology after this story lol No, but really, it's the last chapter she's being like this, I promise ;)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 14**

"And now it will rain for who knows how long," the cashier observed with a wry smile, giving the receipt to Damon, who glanced out of the tall glass windows at the darkening sky, murky clouds quickly rolling over it. "Drive safely."

Damon smiled, grabbing the travel pillows, and for Elena a heart-shaped bookmark with a teddy bear trinket that had caught his attention.

Humidity hit him as soon as he exited the store. The air seemed to have changed over the course of a few minutes, and he frowned at what was going to be a very long drive in pouring rain. It was already raining, if only lightly.

Stefan and Caroline were standing next to the car, and he thought he had never felt that unaffected by people glaring daggers at him. There was the sound of Elena's voice in his head, the inerasable touch of her hands on his face, the irremovable memory of her lips on his. He thought he could withstand all the glares in the world, every disaster just by remembering that she loved him. In the back of his mind the words spoken in her voice was on constant repeat, like a song he couldn't stop listening to.

"Where is Elena?" Damon asked with what looked like an almost dreamy smile flickering across his face, and it made Caroline wonder a little. What if he was being genuine? What if he really loved Elena?

"We're waiting for her," Caroline said, forcing herself to imagine including Damon within the circle of people she _had to_ worry about. It was very hard to imagine, but there was no way around it if Elena was being serious, and she was clearly head-over-heels serious, which wasn't the best kind of serious, but it was also an indispensable kind of serious. Caroline sighed. "She went to-" she started again, but was interrupted by a scream that made the three of them freeze in their spots. There were no other cars in close vicinity. People in the store and in the coffee shop didn't seem to hear anything, and Caroline wondered how all of those details even registered in her mind when all she could think about was _the sound_.

Damon dropped everything he was holding in his hands, and ran into the direction where the scream had come from.

The drizzle was turning into the rain, water splashing from under his boots as he ran in flashing movements, his heart still like a broken clock, and he couldn't afford to breathe.

It felt like one of those nightmares in which everything seemed real until the moment of awakening. Only that now they couldn't start awake, because they weren't dreaming.

There was a fraction of a second there, filled with relief, when he saw her, saw that she was breathing, her heartbeat loud in his ears when he focused on the sound. But then the relief was replaced by anguish and dolor emanating from her.

It was a numb, empty feeling that stretched itself over his chest like a cold, stone shield, as he discarded other possible scenarios and was left with the one in front of him. The sight was so surreal, so _cruel_, filled with the indifferent, nagging sound of the rain that seemed to silence and deafen all other sounds. But then she moaned and cried out, making the nightmare real, and the emptiness exploded into pain.

"Elena."

She was sitting on her feet, with her shoulders hunched down, hair obscuring her face. Rain was falling over her, and she looked like her own ghost, her own shadow.

Not very far from her, but far enough to suggest she had tried to run but tripped and couldn't find the strength to stand up again, lay another shadow – dark and motionless.

"_Elena."_

She cringed when Damon put his arms around her, and turned her head to look at him. Tears and raindrops were streaming down her face and her eyes were flooded with grief, with fear, with guilt. They were dark and colorless, but at the same time shining with what looked like an irremovable layer of tears. Rain washed most of the blood off her face, but when she grimaced, there were still traces of it in the corners of her mouth and on her teeth.

"I don't know-" she started in a broken whisper, her voice cracking at every syllable.

"I know," he cut her off, cradling her face in his hands, clenching his jaw so hard he thought it would break. But he couldn't grimace, couldn't scream, couldn't show her that he was crying with her. If he did, she'd think something terrible had happened. For a few moments he couldn't even understand the complete senselessness of the thought. Something terrible had happened. But it couldn't have happened. It wasn't supposed to happen.

He locked her in his embrace while his eyes were wandering around the dark surroundings. He had made himself believe- he had made _her_ believe that it wouldn't have ever happened, that she wouldn't have ever had to go through this. She had been caught off guard because he had never prepared her for what suddenly seemed inevitable. He knew, he had always known it was inevitable, it seemed so clear now, but somehow he had never applied this inevitability to her. It shouldn't have happened to her, because _he _didn't want it to happen to her. His love should've protected her. She should've been safe from all darkness and sadness in the world because he loved her.

He felt her hands clench around the fabric of his shirt, the first movement he could feel while holding her stiff from dread form.

"Oh m-!" Caroline choked on the words, covering her mouth with her hands, tears welling up in her eyes when she stopped near them, staring at the scene in dismay.

Stefan shifted his eyes between the dark shape on the ground and Elena. "What's happened?"

Damon shot him a dark look over his shoulder.

Caroline looked around the back lot, checking if no one was watching them. Someone might have heard the scream, unless it hadn't been as loud as it had seemed to them. She quickly went to Elena, and bent down to her, trying to think of something to say but failing. "Elena..."

Elena didn't look like she had heard. She didn't even seem very aware of their presence, but then she suddenly spoke in a toneless, faltering voice, her words rendering everyone silent.

"He isn't moving."

Stefan and Caroline stared at her with terrified, stunned, sad eyes. Elena looked at Damon and he didn't dare dousing that faint, desperate flicker of hope in her eyes right away. Very slowly he got up and staggered toward the nearby shadow. Elena shuddered, the humid air feeling cold against her skin when she stopped feeling his arms around her. She breathed in, and breathed out, the sound of her own breathing filling her ears along with the sound of the falling rain. Her eyes slid across the ground until they rested on Damon's back, waiting for him to conjure up some other truth, a truth that wouldn't hurt.

Damon squatted down next to the body, and slowly turned it around. Empty eyes stared back at him and he gritted his teeth and glared at the man, as if anger could revive him, as if it mattered, as if the world was not crashing down because he failed he failed he failed he failed her.

"_Where were you, Damon?"_

She was crying now like she had cried then, only then it was just the world around her that was hell - and now the hell was inside her heart and inside her head.

"Is he dead?"

Her broken, dismayed, teary voice filled his ears, pierced through him like a blade. She was choking on the words, crying, and moaning under her breath, guessing the answer, knowing it all along.

"Is he dead?"

He didn't remember her sound like that. She sounded like a child, and her eyes were the eyes of a child even though she was sitting there with blood in her mouth and on her clothes.

"Damon, is he dead?"

For the first time the question sounded as if she really wanted to know, wanted to _hear_ the answer.

But it was still the hardest thing he had ever done, that look over his shoulder that he had to give her, his heart breaking along with hers when he nodded imperceptibly.

Having the last shard of hope shattered, Elena covered her face with her hands, and curled up into a ball, her heart-wrenching sobs muffled by the rain. Damon stood up, his eyes meeting Stefan's horrified expression.

"Is that your definition of _OK_?" Stefan asked in a low, bitter voice, his face contorted in pain, as he looked at Damon with grim derision, and then shifted his eyes to Elena.

Caroline was trying to embrace her but she pushed her away.

Damon stared at them, old patterns creeping back into his consciousness, but before they settled in, before he began to think he might be the last person she wanted near, Elena looked at him, and he threw himself back toward her, gathered her into his arms, and staggered to his feet.

"Isn't it what you were supposed to help her with?" Stefan whispered resentfully, dismayed by what had happened, dismayed by Elena's suffering, by his own words, by her face buried into Damon's chest, by her being a vampire, by her hand finding anchor on Damon's shoulder.

"What do we do now?" Caroline whispered, her eyes flickering to the motionless body, to the horrifying gash on the man's neck, pieces of torn flesh laying scattered in the pool of blood and rain.

"Caroline, bring the car here," Damon said in the most composed voice he could muster.

She dragged her gaze away from the dead stranger, and then nodded wordlessly and flashed toward the gas station.

"What _did_ you help her with?" Stefan continued, distraught, speaking out of helplessness and despair that Damon could hear in his voice, and which kept him from saying back anything at all. "What have you done to her?" Stefan whispered, his lips barely moving. He stood with his eyes fixed on the mutilated stranger. It was impossible to believe she could've done that. Elena couldn't have done that. He couldn't imagine she had done that. "She never wanted this. She never wanted to be a vampire."

Damon looked down at Elena, and she looked up at him. It took a moment for her eyes that were overflown with tears and obscured by strands of her damp hair sticking to her cheeks to focus on him. When they did, it struck him, like the most hurtful blow, that she blamed herself and only herself for what had happened, that she was drowning in the certainty of her guilt.

"Elena-"

"I should've died," she choked out, her voice shrill with tears.

"No," Damon whispered fervently. "_No. _Elena…" He pressed his lips to her cheek, sweet from the rain, bitter from tears. "We'll survive this. We will."

With a grinding noise Caroline stopped the car next to them, and Damon quickly ushered Elena into the backseat, while Stefan, after giving the motionless body a long look, got into the passenger's seat next to Caroline.

"We can't leave him," Elena whispered in a voice that was rough from crying, nigh unintelligible because of the tears. "We can't leave him like that." She looked feverish as she stared out of the car with a frantic look on her face. Her hands were shaking. "We have to… we have to…" she couldn't find the right words, didn't know what she wanted to say, didn't know any words at all.

Caroline looked at Stefan and then over her shoulder at Elena who was looking at Damon, her hand in his.

"We'll bury him in the woods," Damon said, Elena's hand slipping out of his when he started getting out of the car. "Open the trunk," he added, glancing at Caroline who stared at him, and moved her hand to the proper switch only a moment later, but before she did anything, Stefan caught her hand.

"Go," he said, and she blinked in confusion, her eyes flickering to Damon who was lifting the body from the ground a few feet away. She gave Stefan a questioning look, but he repeated. "_Go._"

He spoke the word for the second time in a louder voice, and it reached Elena's ears. For a moment all of her tangled, searing, disarranged thoughts stilled in her head, as she slightly straightened up with a grimace on her face that turned into a look of dismay when she was pushed against the seat by the pressure caused by Caroline starting the engine and driving off.

"What are you doing?" Elena yelped. "Stop!" She tossed herself to the door, and started opening it.

"Stop," Stefan echoed in a forlorn voice, taken aback by Elena's immediate reaction.

Caroline hit the brakes as hard as she could. "Could you all just please make up your minds?" Caroline whispered hysterically, opening the trunk and brushing the tears off her face with her hand, fighting sickening memories that suddenly came back to her, bringing back the dread of that night in the hospital when she had realized- She looked at Elena in the car mirror, feeling so sad that she must be feeling right now like she had been feeling then, regretting with all her heart that they hadn't managed to protect her from that.

Damon placed the body in the trunk, slammed it closed, and got back into the car. "Your car's got some serious ignition issues," he said with a twitch of his nose.

"Oh, shut it," Caroline said impatiently, starting the engine.

"She'd be better off without you here," Stefan said hollowly, looking straight ahead.

Damon's eyes flickered to him, but then Elena took Damon's hand in hers and his eyes darted back to her.

"No, I wouldn't," she whispered through her teeth, drawing a hasty breath, dried tears feeling like a mask on her face when she spoke. "And I want _all_ of you to stop behaving as if you did it," she said, rendering everyone silent and still for a second. "You didn't do it. I did!" she blared, her voice breaking into a stifled moan.

Damon hastily pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her. "I didn't want to do it," Elena said in a faltering voice, clinging to him, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears began flowing down her cheeks.

"We know that, Elena," Caroline said quickly, endowing her voice with as much certainty and warmth as possible.

"It's not your fault." Stefan turned to look at her over his shoulder, but then he abruptly averted his eyes from the sight. It wasn't just the fact that Damon held her in his arms. It was the way in which she held onto him that made him feel like someone was pouring salt into an open wound.

"We know you didn't want to do it," Caroline said earnestly. "We-"

Damon grimaced. "Stop guilt-tripping her."

"What?" Caroline glanced at him in the mirror. "I'm not guilt-tripping her. I'm trying to make her feel better!"

Elena closed her eyes, hot tears burning her eyelids, and she wished she could at least only feel the physical pain. Or no pain at all, she thought dully, and the thought seemed strangely alien, strangely alluring.

"By telling her she did something wrong," Damon said with a frown.

Caroline snorted mirthlessly. "She _did_ something wrong, Damon. We all did. We all do."

"She did what she _had to_ do," Damon said through his teeth. "You can't apply right and wrong to that."

"Yes, I can," Caroline snapped.

"Caroline." Stefan looked to her and slightly shook his head.

Elena grimaced, wishing she could just stop seeing anything, hearing anything, feeling anything at all, at least for a moment.

_Turn it off._

She bolted upright and Damon grasped her shoulders, looking at her worriedly. Caroline and Stefan shot her concerned looks. Elena blinked and grimaced, not sure what it was that she had just heard... thought... heard... She blinked a few times, and then slowly resumed her former position, placing her head on Damon's shoulder, and closing her eyes.

"We need to stop to bury..." Stefan glanced at Caroline who squinted, observing the side of the road with wary eyes, trying to find the right spot for them to park the car, but it was difficult to see anything through the torrents of rain and with the road being only poorly lit.

Elena's eyelids fluttered open, and she stared at Damon's shirt with unseeing eyes, memories coming back to her, cutting through her, burning her from the inside. _Turn... it... off... _She gritted her teeth, the words taking her breath away as she tried to forget them, to stop hearing them, unable to imagine why she was hearing them at all. She tried to think about something else, something brighter and warmer like kissing amidst the fog, dancing barefooted on rose petals. She felt like she was drifting to sleep, only half-aware of what was going on. She tried to focus on Damon's touch, on the way he stroked her hair, brushed his lips against her forehead every once in a while.

"_We'll talk about this later, Elena. When we'll be alone," _she heard his voice in her head, and nodded. A few more tears rolled down her cheek and then she closed her eyes. _"I'll be with you when you wake up."_

She squeezed his hand, trying to free herself of all thoughts and fall asleep, but the images kept coming back to her, hurting her, and she didn't think she'd ever be able to sleep again. _Turn... it... off... _She was pushing the thought away as if it wasn't a thought, but a physical object, like a knife, like a stone, it was both completely abstract and so real she was afraid it could stab her, it could crush her if only she stopped, for a fraction of a second, fighting against it. _Turn it_-

But then the thought was swept away along with all other thoughts, and suddenly she was at sea, water splashing over her as she was sitting in a small boat, watching the waves around her.

It felt so real - she couldn't understand how this could be happening. She looked at the blue sky above her, at the sun, the wind tugging softly on her hair. There was also _music_ and she couldn't fathom where it was coming from. But then she noticing a pillow under her arm and understanding dawned on her. He gave her a dream. She smiled through the tears that were no longer in her eyes but somehow were still lingering somewhere deep inside her. Placing the pillow on the rim of the boat, she rested her cheek against it, and reached out with her hand to touch the crystal water surface. After a while her eyelids fluttered shut and she fell asleep.

Damon brushed the remnants of tears off Elena's face with his thumbs, rested his chin on top of her head and stared out of the window.

The rain was raging outside of the car when they stopped to bury the body, and when they drove along the dark roads in complete silence, all the way to Mystic Falls.

* * *

Caroline turned the engine and the lights off and for a moment just looked at her house in silence.

"I don't feel like explaining everything to Jeremy right now," she said quietly.

Stefan nodded slowly. "That's probably a good idea."

They sat in silence for a longer while, listening to the rain.

"Elena will go home when she feels like it," Caroline said, looking at Elena over her shoulder. She glanced at Damon who has also fallen asleep and she silently marveled at how similar they looked when they were sleeping.

Stefan got out of the car, walked around it, and opened the door, taking Elena into his arms. The movement woke Damon up and he staggered outside, shooting Stefan a grim look that he promptly ignored.

Caroline searched her purse for the key, but before she found it the door opened.

"Do you think I could've gone to sleep after such a message?" Liz asked, appearing in the doorway.

Caroline smiled sadly, entering the house, and asking Stefan to come in. He stepped inside with Elena and followed Caroline into the house. Damon tried to walk in as well, but the invisible barrier stopped him. He rolled his eyes.

Liz opened her mouth to invite him in, but Caroline cut her off. "Mom, don't."

Damon blinked. "You can't do that," he said in a low voice.

"Caroline?" Liz gave her a questioning look.

"Of course I can," Caroline said, marching back toward the door. "It's my house."

"Caroline-" Damon stared at her in disbelief bordering on panic that almost convinced her but she felt tired, and sad, and really thought it was at least partially all his fault.

"When Elena gets back to her house it will be up to her whom she wants to see. But right now, as her friend, I think she should get some rest, and don't be disturbed by _anyone_."

"You have no right to keep me away from her," he said through his teeth.

"Yes, I do. I'm protecting her. You had a chance to help her and you didn't, so now we'll try to help her."

"Here? Klaus can walk into this house whenever he wants to," Damon said, glaring at her.

"Then our houses have something in common," Caroline retorted, squinting.

"So why don't we take Elena to her house?" he tried, losing patience, losing hope Caroline would let him in, and the realization that he wouldn't be there when Elena woke up was suddenly the most terrifying thought in the world.

"Because you'll bother here there and I don't want you to bother her right now."

"I think you should all calm down and leave arguing for tomorrow," Liz broke into the discussion, looking between Damon and Caroline.

"I told Elena I'll be with her when she wakes up," Damon said in a strained voice, feeling as if he was saying something too personal for them to know, but not finding anything else equally convincing to say.

"Well," Caroline thrust up her chin. "Then maybe you shouldn't make promises you can't keep," she said and shut the door in his face.

* * *

Damon was sitting with his back against the tree, his eyes fixed on the dimly lit window above, the contours of the house little unclear in the torrents of rain that just wouldn't stop falling. He wished he could turn back time, not leave her side even for one minute. Then it wouldn't have happened. He couldn't understand how he had missed signs that it was going to happen. There must've been something in her eyes, in her voice. He should've noticed it, should've guessed.

The rain was falling over him from the sky, from the dark bows of the tree, droplets of rain rolling down his face like tears. His clothes were soaked through, the scent of the rain clinging to his skin like a mourning cloth.

"I brought you an umbrella."

Damon looked up. Liz extended her hand with an umbrella to him, but he shook his head, and shifted his gaze to the window again. "How's Elena?" he asked in a low voice.

"She's still sleeping. She was half-awake for a few moments when Caroline and I were helping her with a bath, but she fell asleep again as soon as we tucked her into bed." She watched him thoughtfully for a few seconds before adding. "I'll tell her you're here when she wakes up."

"Thank you," Damon said after a pause, his eyes fixed on the window above.

Liz sighed, and then walked back to the house. She walked across the living room, glancing at Stefan and Caroline who rolled her eyes at her meaningfully. After saying a goodnight to them, before going to her room, Liz went to check up on Elena, and to her surprise found her awake, sitting up in bed, and holding her head in her hands.

"Elena?" She called softly, walking toward her.

Elena looked up, her face as white as Caroline's night dress that she was wearing. She bit her lip, tears appearing in her eyes, brighter than the faint flickers of the nearby lamp. Liz' forehead wrinkled in a compassionate grimace and she sat on the edge of the bed, taking Elena's hands in hers.

"You never cried when you were little. Your mom always said that. She said she didn't know what sleepless nights meant until Jeremy was born."

Elena gave her a faint, rueful smile, blinking back the tears. "Maybe there is a certain amount of tears everyone has to cry, sooner or later," she said quietly, drawing a breath. "Where is Damon?"

* * *

"I'll call Bonnie tomorrow," Caroline said with a frown. "We need to decide what to do. She _needs_ to tell us what she's doing." She glanced at Stefan who was staring at the carpet with unseeing eyes, his expression frozen in sadness and grief. Caroline wanted to say something reassuring, but her attention was diverted to a sudden apparition that ran across the room.

"Elena!" Caroline exclaimed in astonishment, jumping to her feet along with Stefan.

But Elena didn't look into their direction. She went straight to the front door, opened it, and ran barefooted outside and into the rain.

Damon didn't hear the door open, but he suddenly saw the light flooding into the darkness and then he saw her white silhouette. She stopped on the porch for a brief moment before rushing toward him.

He ran to her, and she fell into his arms, closed her eyes when he kissed her mouth, her eyelids, trailed kisses across her cheeks, and then dragged his lips back to hers, kissing her ardently.

It was raining, and there was no car they could take, so Damon cupped her face in his hands, and whispered something into her ear. Elena drew a sharp intake of breath, and nodded.

Stefan and Caroline stared in silence when a pair of crows sprung up from the ground, and disappeared into the night.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews! :]:]:]

Please apply a drop of _licentia poetica_ to my take on the instinct to kill thing ;) (I can provide a long-winded rationale if necessary, but I rather hope you just let me get away with it lol)

Beta: **arabian** – Thank you so much! :):):)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 15**

It was an indescribable feeling, that sense of weightless freedom that fell over Elena when she flew across the sky. She was aware of the shape she was in, but somehow it didn't terrify her as much as she thought it would. It had seemed bizarre and impossible, but only until she felt the wind all around her, carrying her through the air, through the rain. Her mind was intact, and when she looked below and above only the space mattered. There was no mirror she could look into, and so everything that she felt came from the outside, from the cool darkness, misty clouds, heavy raindrops and the sable sky that seemed endless and deep like an ocean. It felt so peaceful, soaring above the world that suddenly became so small, that felt so far away, the distance causing the pain in her chest to ebb. Even the soundless, nagging voice in her head became less audible.

Yet it was only when she found herself back in her body and in Damon's arms that she felt not only free, but also safe. She briefly thought the latter was actually what allowed her to appreciate the former.

Elena stumbled, feeling dizzy after the flight. The ground seemed to move under her feet, and she would've tripped if it wasn't for Damon's hold on her. For a few seconds after they had landed in a store, having flown inside through a half-open window, she just tried to regain her sense of balance.

The store was dark, except for the nearby streetlamps illuminating the interiors. Glancing right and left Elena realized it was the store where two and a half years ago she had decided, with Bonnie and Caroline, to buy their prom dresses. Two and a half years ago felt like a century to her, and for a moment she got lost in her thoughts.

_Turn it off… _

"Elena?" Damon propped her chin with his hand and looked at her searchingly. "How are you feeling?"

"Weird," she admitted, drawing a deep breath, blinking back the raindrops and trying to focus her gaze on him. Water was dripping from their clothes onto the floor, and she could still hear the rain outside, pounding against the walls, against the windows and the empty road. "But OK."

His mouth twitched. _"Is that your definition of OK?"_ "I'm so sorry, Elena," he said, his voice firm and faltering at the same time. He cradled her face in his hands, and looked at her with such sad intensity that this alone could bring tears to her eyes. "I should've-"

"It's not your fault," she interrupted him in a low voice. "I don't want you to think that even for a second," she said with a frown.

"But it is," he retorted grimly. "I shouldn't have left you alone."

"This has nothing to do with what happened, and besides, you didn't leave me," she said, widening her eyes at him. "It was just a moment… It was… I think I know what it was," she said, looking away, her eyes scanning the dark store interiors. "I felt so… so guilty," she winced. "I should've known that would be it," she said with a mirthless smile.

Damon looked at her with a pained expression on his face. "That _is_ my fault that you feel guilty. You feel guilty because of me."

Elena's eyes darted to him. "No, no, it's not like that," she shook her head. "Damon-"

"I don't want to talk about me, Elena," he cut her off, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I want to talk about you. I want you to tell me everything. Everything that happened, everything that you felt."

Elena flinched, visibly shaken by the idea, and he sat her down on a small stool near the window, and knelt on one knee next to her.

"You can't keep it to yourself," he said, taking her hands in his. "It will eat you up from inside. It will…" he trailed off, looking away, diving into dark memories.

Leaning down, Elena kissed him softly on the lips. "I want you to tell me everything too."

He smiled, although the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I don't remember most of it," he said dismissively. The remnants of tears shone in her eyes when she squinted to demonstrate that she didn't believe that. "Let's start with you," he said in a warm voice that for a moment made her forget the cold grip of guilt that still weighed heavily over her heart.

She suddenly felt like what she was going to say wasn't dreadful or horrifying because when he looked at her she knew she'd never see contempt in his eyes, or disgust or even plain disappointment that she was someone else than whom he thought she was.

"I couldn't breathe…" she started, and the words seemed to transport her back in time, her fingers intertwining with his as she was trying to remember all of her thoughts, all of her feelings. She scratched at the wounds of her memories with imaginary fingernails, fighting the fear ignited by them with tears, with the touch of his hands over hers, with his eyes boring into hers, unblinkingly, when she was whispering shredded sentences, her mouth inches from his.

"Look at me, Elena. Look at me."

She struggled to keep her eyes open, not to bury even a single moment somewhere deep inside, in some isolated corner of her mind where no one would ever be able to find it, where it would clandestinely cling to her like a dark veil, the invisible cause with roots as sharp as thorns. At some point she realized it wouldn't hurt less, now that he knew. It wouldn't take away the pain, but it was taking away the fear.

Slowly, the wish to disappear, to erase every memory, _erase_ _herself_, began to fade away. She was getting back the belief in who she was despite the horrifying realizations that seemed to put that to doubt, that were rendering her silent every time they came back to her like a wave high enough to drown in. He would call her name then. Bring her hands to his lips and brush kisses across her knuckles. And with her heart hammering in her chest she would say through clenched teeth that for a few moments there, when her fangs had pierced through the skin and the blood had been flowing into her, more and more until she had _known_ it was _too much_ – it hadn't felt horrible. It had felt _good_.

"Of course it did. You're a vampire, Elena."

She stared at him, fleetingly bewildered by his calm, reasonable voice. She pondered the words, her eyes drifting to their interlaced hands, the diamond ring glimmering faintly in the dim interior, the other ring looking like a shadow over her finger.

She shook her head. "But I don't want to feel like that, Damon. I _can't_ feel like that."

He wiped the tears off her cheeks with the backs of his fingers. "It won't happen again," he said, but then Caroline's words echoed in his head. _"Maybe you shouldn't make promises you can't keep."_ He gritted his teeth. "Not like that. Now that you know what triggered it you can learn to control it. We'll work that out."

"That's why I could change into a crow," she suddenly said, struck by the thought. "Because I murdered someone," she said in a hollow voice, the words causing her eyes to sting with tears, a fever rising in her head, making her feel as if it was burning.

"You didn't murder anyone, Elena," Damon said, sliding his fingers into her hair and cradling her face in his hands. "You fed on a human and he died."

"That's the same thing," she whispered with a grimace, leaning into his touch, a part of her thinking that she didn't deserve comfort right now, another part greedily seeking it.

"No, it isn't. We don't have an instinct to kill, Elena. We have an instinct to feed. Until the last drop," he added in a lower voice. "That's why it's so hard to stop. Because it feels unnatural to stop. It leaves you… unsatisfied. Unhappy. Learning to control it means learning how to reconcile with a constant sense of unfulfillment. That's why I've always been so good at it," he added with a small smirk, hoping to make her smile.

She did a little, even though she didn't find this funny at all, but then her expression became grim again. "What if I won't be able to learn how to control it?" she asked in a sad, quiet voice.

"You can learn to control whatever you want to control, Elena."

She shook her head, and he frowned. "Once upon a time I wanted to control _this_," she said, and leaned down to kiss him. "Didn't work at all."

He smiled faintly against her lips. "But that's because you didn't _really_ want to control it." His arms shot out to catch her when they tumbled to the floor, and she landed on top of him, her damp tickling his neck when she kissed him.

Without breaking the kiss, he rolled them over, keeping one of his hands underneath her, so her head and her back didn't hit the floor. Their hands roamed feverishly over each other until, after planting a series of open-mouthed kisses across her collarbones, Damon whispered.

"Not here."

"Why not?"

They both smiled briefly at the question.

"Because…" Damon started, his eyebrows furrowed, "it's not beautiful enough here," he said with a small pout, glancing around the store critically.

Elena suppressed a smile, but then looked at him very seriously and placed her open palms on either side of her face. "Yes, it is," she said softly. "Because you are here."

She felt a tremor run through him and he looked down at her with so much light in his eyes that she almost forgot how dark a place her mind had become. And even that she could no longer believe, because it wasn't what she saw in his eyes. What she saw was the person she thought she was, the person she wanted to be. The person she really was.

She slid her hands over his shoulders and through his hair, letting her eyelids flutter shut when he trailed feathery light kisses across her neck, and then lower, over the skin not covered by the white fabric of her nightgown. It made so little sense keeping her eyes closed, she thought, because the only image she could conjure up in her head anyway was his face, his eyes, his hands.

Through half-lidded eyes she saw his fangs protrude out of his mouth, and she shivered, turning her head to the side, leaving her neck exposed, but to her surprise the bite never came, because he merely used his fangs to rip off one of the straps holding her nightgown in place. With it gone, he outlined the contour of her shoulder with kisses.

She was soaring again, struggling to catch her breath, only what she had been feeling as a crow didn't even compare to what she was feeling right now. Every kiss made her shudder and fall apart; every kiss made her whole again. She felt _everything_ at the same time-

_Turn it off… _

A flurry of colors behind her eyelids was replaced by sudden darkness and her eyes snapped open, meeting Damon's concerned gaze.

"Elena? Are you OK?" He asked, his chest heaving.

"Yes," Elena whispered quickly, but he heard a note of distress in her voice. _Turn it off._

"Kiss me."

Something was clearly wrong, but turning down such a request was not an option. He leaned down and kissed her. It was a slow, thorough kiss, and when they broke apart she seemed calmer.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He looked at her searchingly, and she stared up at him, her face suddenly very pale.

"I don't know," she admitted uncertainly.

He gently pushed them to a sitting position and ran his hand across her face. "Elena?" He prompted, holding her chin in his hand.

"I hear that… voice in my head," she said at last.

Damon blinked. "What voice?" he demanded in that intimidating tone that she both liked and disliked, because it eventually always made her answer his question.

"I don't know," Elena said helplessly. "It's not even a voice… I mean… I hear some words. Over and over again," she trailed off, the sound of Klaus shouting the exact same words incrusted so painfully in her memory that even recalling that moment hurt.

"Elena." Her eyes drifted back to Damon. "What words?" he asked in a voice as steady as he could muster.

She drew a shaky breath. "Turn it off," she breathed. "It says _turn it off_." They stared at each other, and she knew they were thinking the same thing, half a fear that it could happen, half a vow that it never could. "Maybe it's just me?" Elena said after a pause. "Maybe it's just an instinct, not really a voice. I can deal with that," she added with a hint of determination in her voice, slightly thrusting up her chin.

"You can deal with _whatever_ that is," Damon corrected, holding her gaze, and she bit her lip, feeling cold shivers running down her spine at how certain he had sounded. She remembered her own certainty that love was stronger than such demons, that giving in was unforgivable, but now when those words, mere words, were seeping through every fiber of her body and she felt so helpless against them she wasn't sure anymore.

"What if Klaus did something when he attacked us?" she asked, trying to get ahead of all the possibilities, wishing to hear even the flimsiest reassurance that would put her mind at rest, at least for some time.

Damon's eyes flickered away from Elena before returning to her face, and she realized that he had thought of that but probably hoped she wouldn't. "We'll figure out what it is, and then we'll get rid of it."

Somehow the shift of focus to "we" instead of just her made her more anxious, because it went to show that the situation was dire. "Do you think it's some kind of compulsion? For a second I did wish that the pain would stop, but it was just a thought. I don't want to turn _anything_ off," she added in a low voice, blinking back the tears that began welling up in her eyes. "It can't happen. It can't."

"Elena." Damon took her face in his hands, and looked at her seriously. "It won't." He paused, scolding himself inwardly for his inability to stop making those definite claims. On the other hand, _eternity_ was the most definite notion of all, so why shouldn't all other absolute concepts be possible and true as well? "It won't," he repeated, wondering if he should rather say something that began with 'and even if it will…'

But then she smiled and he thought he might've actually said the right thing, after all.

"It won't," she echoed, with a strangely enthralled expression on her face. All of a sudden she knew, she _understood_ that it wouldn't. She was Elena. Not a vampire Elena or a human Elena. Nothing could make her turn her humanity off, because it wasn't her humanity that defined her. It was her who defined her humanity.

Damon gathered her into his arms and they remained in an embrace for a longer while. Elena closed her eyes, and almost waited for the voice to reverberate in her head again, but it didn't. She was about to comment on that when they were both caught off guard by the sound of a key turning in the lock. Scattering to their feet, they hid in one of the dressing rooms.

A girl walked into the store, talking loudly on her cell phone, saying something about bills and deadlines, searching the desk and apparently finding what she was looking for.

Elena couldn't really see anything through the small space between the dressing room's wall and the curtain, but it suddenly seemed like she could, the faceless image of a _human_ sprung up to her mind, and she could _see_ every vein, _hear_ the heart pumping blood, _smell_ the scent of it.

Damon felt Elena's hand twitch in his, but a fraction of a second wasn't quite enough for him to stop her from dashing, with a brief ominous swish of her nightgown, out of the dressing room.

He followed immediately, and so the scream that pierced the silence was cut short, turning into a wailing sob.

Damon pulled Elena away from the girl who stared at them with eyes wide from shock and fear, her hand stained by blood that was oozing from her neck. She must've caught the sight of herself in one of the mirrors, because she started screaming again, horrified by the sight of her injured neck even more than by the pain.

Catching the girl's gaze, Damon compelled her to forget what was happening, make up some mundane explanation. Elena was thrashing in his grip, and he wasn't sure if getting out of the store was the best idea right now. He tried to talk to her, but she didn't seem to hear him. Her eyes were wild, almost as red as the blood around her mouth, her fangs extended, her breathing jagged.

"Elena." He seemed to be barely stronger than her. That alone was strange and alarming enough. She was writhing furiously, and when he tried to hug her she tossed her head to the side, and raked her teeth across his arm.

He hissed, but didn't let go of her, wrapping his arm tighter around her back, pressing her to him. She growled, and bit him again, her fangs sinking into his neck with such ferocity that he staggered backwards.

"Elena," he chanted her name, trying to make her focus her attention on him, on his voice, but she seemed oblivious to everything around her, intent only on snatching herself free. He noticed that his hold on her was so strong bruises began showing up, and even knowing they would be gone didn't make him feel better about hurting her. She winced, and he feared that he was squeezing her arms hard enough to break her bones. "Elena." He succeeded in pressing his lips to her ear and whispering her name, and she stilled her movements for a second. He let go of a breath he'd been holding, but what he took for a good sign was only a conscious or unconscious trick, because she immediately took advantage of the lapse of his attention, and pushing him violently against the row of hangers, broke free from his embrace and blurred out of the store.

Damon jumped back to his feet, and followed her in a flash, but when he got out into the street Elena was nowhere in sight.

He felt icy-cold shivers run up his spine, and he looked around frantically, refusing to believe she could disappear just like that. The rain was lighter now, almost a drizzle, with solitary raindrops swinging into different directions at the touch of weak gusts of wind.

Clenching his jaw, Damon turned into a crow and shot up into the sky, scanning the dark, mostly empty streets below.

He found Elena soon enough. She was running along the streets, passing the crossroad on the outskirts and then flowing across the road like a ghost, her white nightgown fluttering around her.

He caught up with her when she entered the forest. She took a hasty step back, bewildered by his sudden appearance in front of her. There was a glimmer in her blood-shot eyes, something like tears, and he looked at her with all intensity he could muster, hoping that he could get through to her, to those tears.

"Elena." There was nothing else to say but her name. He didn't know what was happening, why she lashed out in such a way moments after they had talked everything through. She certainly hadn't turned anything off either, because her face was contorted in pain.

Grabbing her hand, Damon tried to pull her toward him, but she resisted, twisting his hand so hard that it bent on an unnatural angle, allowing her to regain her freedom of movement, which resulted in her running away once again.

Damon readjusted his twisted forearm, and rushed after her, chasing the ethereal white shape that kept running further and further away, passing the dark trees with vampire speed.

He was so engrossed in thinking about what was happening that the sound of voices that was gradually becoming louder reached him only when he saw flickers of flashlights and colorful silhouettes between the trees. Under a makeshift roof a group of people were having a picnic.

Gathering all of his energy, Damon threw himself forward, reaching the clearing only a second later than Elena. She was standing motionlessly in front of the campers, all eyes fixed on her in confusion. There was a moment of silence, interrupted by a laugh and a comment about throwing Halloween parties in the summer. A few people seemed to pick up on the apparition being a joke, but when Elena's face became dark with thickening veins, and one person screamed, everyone else jumped to their feet in panic.

Damon wanted to pull Elena to him before she pounced, but he was left with nothing but a shred of white fabric in his hand, while Elena attacked one of the campers, and chewed a hole in his neck. Not really seeing another way to tear Elena away from the man, Damon resorted to catching her off guard by biting her shoulder, albeit not very hard, from behind. When because of that she released the hold on her victim, he sneaked his arms around her, and pulled her to him. There was no point in trying to compel the camper, for the others had already ran away screaming. The man stared up aghast with fear, and only after a second collected his wits, scrambled to his feet, and ran away as well.

Elena hit Damon's chest with her elbow, gaining enough space to move, but then she tripped on the slippery, damp ground and fell down into the mud.

Damon fell to his knees next to her, and grabbed her shoulders to prevent her from running away once again. Locking his arms around her, he clenched his jaw when she started thrashing in his arms, punching him everywhere she could reach, piercing through his skin with her fangs.

It started raining hard again, and he had to dig his nails into her skin, so his hands wouldn't slid off her while she kept writhing in his embrace.

After a moment, with a twinge of relief he realized she was losing strength, her movements becoming more erratic and weaker. He buried his face into her hair tainted with blood and mud and rain, and whispered her name over and over again, told her that he loved her, that he was here, everything that came to his mind, everything he could think of, everything that could make her feel, know, remember that he was here, that he wouldn't leave her alone.

He didn't know how long it was until she uttered a stifled cry and shuddered in his arms, and when he looked at her he saw, thanks to the rays of lights provided by the abandoned flashlights scattered all around, that she was crying, her eyes wide and terrified, still blood-shot, but there was clear recognition in her eyes now, and when she spoke his name in a raspy whisper he knew that she heard him.

"What's happening to me?" Elena asked in a cracking voice, looking at Damon in dismay, her eyes wandering around his face, taking in his torn shoulder, her own disheveled, nightmarish appearance. "Oh my God," she moaned. "What have I done?" she asked, everything she had felt during what had happened at the gas station coming back to her with double force.

"Nothing, Elena," Damon reassured her ardently, cradling her face in his hands. "You bit two people, but they will be fine."

"Did I do these to you?" she asked in a louder voice that sounded hollow and strained with tears. She stared in horror at the rain that when it was dripping off his shirt had the color of blood. There was a _hole_ in his shoulder, and deep bite marks on his neck and the side of his face, too many to count.

"These will heal," Damon said dismissively, grimacing at her even wasting the time to ask about that. "Elena-"

"It's happening again," she gasped, horrified, and then her eyes reddened in a flash and she pounced over him.

Turning around at light-speed, Damon caught Elena's foot, and pulled her back toward him.

All kinds of thoughts were spinning wildly in his head as he was trying to decide what to do. There was no doubt she wasn't just out of control right now. It was either some kind of compulsion or a spell. A spell. Maybe Bonnie could figure that one out.

But there was no way to get to Bonnie with Elena behaving like that. It was hard enough to merely hold her in place. She seemed to regain her former strength and was precariously close to quite literally tearing him apart before he would be able to carry her anywhere.

His frantic train of thought came to a momentary halt when he realized there was only one thing he could do. He gritted his teeth, his heart sinking at the idea, even if it wouldn't really hurt her. It wasn't anything irreversible. Most importantly, it was necessary, it was the only way to get her out of this forest, out of the streets, take her to safety, and buy himself some time to find a cure, to figure out what was going on. Still, there was something he couldn't stand about this, something that almost made him doubt if he'd be able to do this at all. It just seemed like an act against everything he felt for her, even if it was only temporary, even if she wouldn't really die.

Elena was squirming and writhing like a wild animal trying to break free at all costs, and Damon desperately tried to make eye contact with her for a moment long enough to make her understand what was going to happen.

"Elena." He pushed her to the ground, and she gasped in surprise, a strange gurgling noise coming out of her throat. Her bloodied fangs were inches away from his face when he leaned over her. "Elena," he repeated in the quietest tone while pinning her to the ground with steely strength. Her red eyes were boring into his, and she struggled in his grip. Determined to wait until he could be sure she heard him, he buried his face into her neck in such a way that no matter how she was tossing her head she couldn't really bite him anywhere.

It felt like an entire night, a hundred of nights, or a thousand. And thousands of words he whispered into her ear, thousands of kisses he pressed to the skin of her neck. It took thousands of heartbeats for her breathing to calm down, but when it did, he slowly lifted his head, and saw in her eyes a faint glimmer of consciousness, followed be tears.

Quickly propping himself on his elbows, he gently brushed the hair off her face, the veins from around her eyes disappearing, but only a second passed before they started appearing again, and then even more tears sprung to her eyes, and he knew everything was going to start all over again.

"Do you trust me?" he asked earnestly, his eyebrows furrowed in a desperate but determined grimace, his eyes boring into hers with utmost tenderness and intensity. "Elena."

She nodded erratically, and held his gaze when he pulled them to a sitting position. He slid his fingers into her hair. His hands reached the back of her head and stopped there.

She could hear his heartbeat loud in her ears, her tears reflected in the mirrors of his eyes.

The movement was so quick she didn't feel it and it was only the dull, snapping sound of her neck breaking that registered in her mind along with him wincing, and closing his eyes, and she remembered thinking abstractly, the thought as quick as a lightning, that it must've been one of her own tears that escaped from under his closed eyelids.

Damon cradled Elena's limp form in his arms, stood up, and carried her out of the forest.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! :):):)

Apparently, S4 is going to have 23 episodes! Yay! That's got to be the first non-frustrating _TVD_ spoiler I've ever encountered lol (This story, however, is still going to have only 22 chapters, just so you know ;)

Beta: **arabian** – Thank you so much! *hugs*

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 16**

"I hate this thing," Jeremy muttered into his cell phone at the sound of the voice mail ring. "Hey Matt, did you get a chance to talk to Bonnie? Call me when you get this. Or any of those previous messages I left," he added after he had hung up.

The doorbell reached his ears when he was walking down the stairs, and he stopped for a moment, wondering who could it be. The bell rang once again, and then a few times more before Jeremy was close enough to open the door. When he did, he dropped his phone at the sight, his eyes widening almost to the point of no return.

"What's happened?" he whispered, staring in shock at Damon who carried an unconscious Elena inside. His eyes shifted between them, taking in their horrifying appearance. Both were drenched by the rain, covered in blood, smudged with mud.

"Not the best time for a Q&A session," Damon retorted grimly. "Do you have a bathtub down here?" he asked, hoping to avoid splashing blood and mud all over Elena's room and her bathroom.

Jeremy swallowed. "Yes," he gasped, quickly locking the front door, and leading the way. "Here."

"I need sponges, towels," Damon muttered, gently placing Elena in the tub. "A pillow." Hearing no movement behind him, he glanced at Jeremy over his shoulder. "And for you to stop looking like I just told you Santa didn't exist."

Jeremy shook himself out of shock, grabbed a sponge, and a stash of towels from the cabinet, and went to get a pillow from the guest room. He hadn't really been prepared for that kind of return, especially after the phone call that had reassured him that Elena was feeling well. Now his mind was producing all kinds of gruesome scenarios as he tried to figure out what had happened.

He ran back to the bathroom as fast as he could, handing Damon the pillow. Damon slid the pillow under Elena's head, having rinsed her hair while Jeremy was gone.

"Is she going to be OK?" Jeremy asked, wincing in dismay at the dried blood around Elena's mouth, cold shivers running up his spine at the only plausible reason for this that sprung to his mind.

"Of course she's going to be OK," Damon said in an impatient voice, seemingly taking offense. He unclasped a bracelet from around Elena's wrist and tugged both daylight rings off her fingers, putting them away on the basin shelf behind him. "She's just… I had to break her neck," he said tonelessly.

"What?" Jeremy gasped, stunned. For a few seconds only the rush of water disturbed the silence. No explanation followed. And somehow he knew that even if he asked more questions he wouldn't get any answers right now. "Is there anything I can do?" he finally asked in a low, strained voice, glaring at the back of Damon's head.

But then Damon looked at him over his shoulder, and the grim seriousness in his eyes made Jeremy's anger fade into sadness. "No. Wait outside. Don't tell anyone she's here," he added when Jeremy turned to leave.

Jeremy nodded imperceptibly, his eyes flickering to Elena's lifeless form. She would've looked like that had they let her not to complete the transition, he thought abstractly closing the bathroom door and leaving Damon alone with Elena. She would've been lying like that in a coffin, limp and pale, with her eyes closed. He felt a wave of cold wash over him at the image, and for a moment he could only feel towering relief that she would wake up, no matter what had happened, no matter what she had done.

It made him feel a little ashamed, that momentary disregard for anything and anyone else, but it also, somehow, made him understand Elena's motivation for having him compelled in the past. He had been so angry with her. But now he could see that she had just done what she had believed was best for him, because that was a _human_ decision to make. That relentless, self-righteous kind of love was what made people human.

It was a strange revelation, and he wasn't even sure if it was true. But in some weird way it all made sense. That's why his sister, vampire or not, would always remain human. That's why she was drawn to Damon of all people, because he was like that too. If anyone was in need of becoming human again to survive it wasn't them, because what made them human was strong enough to burn bright in them even when they weren't human anymore.

The sound of the bell made Jeremy look toward the door with a frown. Maybe it was just Matt, Jeremy thought, picking his phone from the floor on his way to check who it really was. When he opened the door, he was greeted by two grim, concerned faces.

"Thank God you're home," Caroline said, as soon as Jeremy opened the door.

"What's happened?" Jeremy asked, looking between Caroline and Stefan. He hoped that maybe he could manage to get the answer to his question out of them.

"We came back..." Caroline started, not really knowing what to say. "We're looking for Elena. She's... out of control," Caroline said with a grimace, unable to choose better words while stressing over the entire situation so much. "You should stay home in case she comes here," she hesitated for a second before adding. "But she may be dangerous so don't let her anywhere near you, just let us know she's here."

"Wait, wait," Jeremy shook his head, waving his hands to silence her. "Why is Elena out of control? She was fine when I talked to her."

"Seriously, Jeremy?" Caroline lost her reasonable tone. "She's a vampire. She may sound fine one moment and lash out in the other."

"What do you mean by lash out?" Jeremy pressed, squinting.

Caroline huffed and glanced at Stefan.

"Elena... killed someone," Stefan said barely above a whisper, his eyes dim with sadness.

"Who? When? Where?" Jeremy asked, his throat dry even if he had expected to hear that ever since he had seen the state Elena was in. He could only imagine- No, he couldn't imagine how she must've felt, how she was going to feel when she woke up. That's what he had feared most of all, Elena killing someone, because that was the one thing that could destroy her, that could break her. "Here?" He continued with the questions, making a mental note to think about what Bonnie had said, about Klaus believing he could break everyone.

"No," Caroline said, biting her lip.

"While she was away?" Jeremy demanded, annoyed that he had to drag each answer out of them, as if they couldn't just tell him the whole story.

"On our way back," Stefan said.

Jeremy shook his head in a mirthless grimace. "I knew it wasn't a good idea, bringing her back before she decided to come back."

Caroline widened her eyes at him. "That's your conclusion? Do you think it happened because we'd gone to bring her home?"

"So why did it happen?" Jeremy retorted with a hint of irritation in his voice. "And what's going on now? Why is she running out of control around Mystic Falls?"

"We don't know, Jeremy," Stefan said levelly. "Maybe the killing triggered something."

"She didn't really hurt anyone here yet," Caroline cut in, and Jeremy's eyes shifted to her. "She just scared some campers, bit one of them. Nothing fatal," she added quickly, "but they alarmed the whole town. My mom and Tyler's mom barely managed to get the atmosphere under control after what Alaric had told the Council. And now _this_." Caroline shook her head with a helpless grimace. "Maybe this could pass as a group hallucination, a prank, I don't know, but only if we find Elena before she attacks someone else. Alright," Caroline interrupted herself, looking Jeremy straight in the eye. "Just stay here and call us if something happens," she said in a determined voice in case Jeremy would argue against it. "OK?"

* * *

Having turned off the water, Damon tore away the remaining strap of the nightgown from Elena's shoulder, and tugged the entire garment off her. He was so wrapped up in thinking about what he should do to help her, that it was only when the sight of her actually registered in his mind that he realized he was seeing her naked for the first time, and she wasn't aware of that. Not to mention how sad the circumstances were.

Sponging the blood and the dirt away, he held on to the sound of her heartbeat. She would wake up in a few hours. Only waking up wouldn't solve anything. He had to find a way to make her wake up free of that dark madness that had fallen over her, and he didn't have a clue what to do.

He put the sponge away, and took the diamond ring from the shelf. He scrubbed the blood off the ring, and slid it on Elena's finger. Holding her hand in his, he rested his forehead against the rim of the tub and closed his eyes.

"Is everything alright in there?" Jeremy's voice resounded from the other side of the door, and Damon lifted his head.

"Yes," he answered tiredly. "Who was it?" he asked, deciding that if it would take Jeremy more than one second to form an answer-

"Stefan and Caroline," Jeremy said, but there was a hint of a question in his reply. "They were looking for Elena," he amended when no reply came. "I told them to let me know when they find her," he added after another pause.

Damon turned on the water to rinse the soap off Elena's shoulders. "And just when exactly did I get elevated to the top of your trust list?" he asked, putting away the shower head, grabbing the biggest towel and wrapping it around Elena. He then draped another towel over his bloodied shirt to avoid transferring the blood and the dirt from it onto her when he picked her up to carry her in his arms.

"Not mine," Jeremy answered after a few seconds. "Elena's."

Damon knocked on the bathroom door with his foot, and Jeremy yanked the door open, letting him through. Kicking off his muddy shoes, Damon headed up the stairs to Elena's room where he laid her down on her bed.

"Are you on speaking terms with your living ex too?" Damon asked, adjusting the pillows under Elena's head.

Jeremy narrowed his eyes at Damon's back. "Bonnie isn't talking to anyone lately. Matt went to see her a few hours ago, but now he isn't picking up his phone either."

"What's up with her?" Damon straightened up and went to Elena's closet.

Jeremy slightly raised his eyebrows, watching him rummage unceremoniously through Elena's clothes. "She's working on a spell… I think. I don't know exactly. She isn't telling anyone what she's doing."

"That doesn't sound very reassuring," Damon said, picking the clothes and throwing them on a chair near the bed.

"Klaus wanted us to find a spell to turn Elena human again and Bonnie found that spell. I think she's trying to tweak it, so it, I don't know, kills Klaus or something," Jeremy thought out loud.

"Shocking," Damon said, pulling a large drawer open. "No wonder she isn't telling _anyone_ about it."

"She doesn't want Klaus to know," Jeremy said dryly, squinting.

"Yes, I'm sure he believes that somewhere between killing your aunt, getting Stefan reacquainted with his crimson past, and nearly bleeding Elena to death, we started caring about his well-being. It's not like we tried to kill him ten times before," Damon added with a humorless grimace, picking the lingerie pieces and closing the drawer.

Jeremy sighed, trying not to become irritated by the arrogant treatment of Elena's clothes. "So why do you think she's being so secretive about it?" It struck him that something had changed though. It wasn't so much arrogance as it was self-confidence and he blinked. "Are you and Elena together?" he asked on an impulse in a voice more stern than he had intended when Damon was showing him out of the room in order to get Elena dressed.

Damon looked at him and for a moment Jeremy didn't know what to make of the unprecedented expression on his face. He looked a little surprised, a little confused, a little breathless. Jeremy began to think the answer was 'no,' but then what seemed shaded as uncertainty flickered into a shadow of a strangely timid smile. Something bright glimmered in his eyes when he said in a gentle and solemn voice.

"We're engaged."

* * *

It wasn't a good idea to split up, Caroline thought dully, walking across the cemetery. It was an even worse idea to come here of all places, although it was as likely a place for Elena to be as any other. Well, maybe not as likely, but she had used to spend so much time here that it made sense that she would come here now, especially if she retained enough common sense, or enough _Elena sense_, to try staying away from the living.

"What are you doing here?"

Caroline whirled around, coming face to face with Bonnie, which caused the fear to throttle into irritation. "You scared me!"

"What are you doing here, Caroline?"

"I'm looking for Elena," Caroline answered, the seriousness on Bonnie's face not calming her nerves in the slightest. "What are _you_ doing here?" she asked incredulously, glancing around.

"Why are you looking for Elena?" Bonnie asked with a frown.

"I'm not answering any of your questions until you answer some of mine," Caroline said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's probably not going to prove being the most effective technique, is it?"

Caroline froze, her eyes fixed on Bonnie who hadn't spoken the words. "What's going on here?" Caroline asked with as much annoyance as she could muster, trying to convince herself that being afraid of someone who was sending her drawings of ponies was ridiculous. "Bonnie?" she asked, thrusting up her chin, ignoring the sense of his presence behind her, refusing to give him the satisfaction of making her turn around.

Bonnie just held Caroline's gaze, her expression unreadable. There was a brief sound, shuffling of feet, and then very slowly, Klaus stepped from where he was standing behind Caroline. He walked very near her, keeping his eyes on her. She gave him an ostensibly bored look.

"I hope this means you'll leave Tyler alone now," Caroline snapped, looking him up and down condescendingly, and then shot Bonnie a glare.

Klaus smirked. "You have two more wishes left, love."

Caroline shifted her eyes between Bonnie and Klaus, glaring at them both. "So what, you're now a team or something?" she asked sardonically, trying to understand what was going on. Her intuition screamed at her that it was all a ruse, that Bonnie couldn't possibly really be on Klaus' side. But then again her intuition didn't even work with multiple-choice history questions.

Klaus seemed perfectly amused by the entire situation. "Why so grumpy?" he asked with fake concern, and then grinned. "You're welcome to join our team," he said reassuringly in a business-like tone, extending his arms.

Caroline huffed in irritation. "Is that really worth it? All the fuss to turn Elena into a human, so you could continue creating your stupid hybrids for the next sixty years?"

Klaus tilted his head to the side. "Why sixty?"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Seventy. Eighty. Whatever."

Klaus looked at her with a smirk she definitely didn't like even if she didn't have the faintest idea what it meant.

"Oh the suspense," Klaus chuckled, glancing at Bonnie who wasn't smiling but didn't look outraged either. "Well, I won't keep you in the dark for long. And actually, since you're here, why don't you forward my invitation to Elena," he said, extending his hand with a red envelope to Caroline, who looked down at it, and then back at his face, making no movement to take it from his hand. "I didn't prepare invitations for anyone else, but they'll probably all come running anyway, so…" he said, laughing under his breath. "Saving forests and all that."

"What is it?" Caroline asked in a steely voice.

"Well, it's an invitation," Klaus said with a small pout, flipping the envelope a few times in his hands. "To a farewell party," he said with a smirk that sent icy cold shivers up Caroline's spine. "This Sunday. It's going to be an _unforgettable_ night."

* * *

Completely dumbstruck by Damon's words, Jeremy went downstairs to get the guest bathroom back in order. He threw away the bloodied, dirty gown, cleaned the tub, and then grabbed a bracelet and a ring that were left on the shelf. He wrinkled his forehead, looking thoughtfully at the ring, remembering that Elena was wearing a different ring when Damon had carried her upstairs. He blinked, beginning to believe Damon wasn't joking. But the idea of Elena _marrying_ him was right up there with… he tried to think of something that still belonged in the realm of the impossible, UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster. Yes, somewhere between these, most definitely.

Before going upstairs, he went to the freezer and grabbed a couple of blood bags that he had gotten for Elena. For a moment he stared into the freezer, contemplating the weirdness of blood bags lying side by side with ice cream and frozen dinners. He wondered what their parents would say. Drawing a hasty breath he shut the freezer and headed back upstairs.

When he walked into the room Elena was already dressed. Damon pressed a kiss to her lips and stood up, and only then did Jeremy notice that Elena's hands were tied to the box spring.

"Stay here. She shouldn't wake up for a few more hours, but if she does call me _immediately_, and… try not to get in the way," Damon said, hoping it wasn't too foolish to hope that Elena's state didn't change the usual length of staying unconscious after having one's neck snapped. "I'm going to get Bonnie."

Jeremy dropped Elena's bracelet and the ring from Bonnie on the nightstand near the bed. "Wait," he said turning to look at Damon. "Do you think she's under a spell? That she didn't just... lash out?" he asked with a frown.

"The faster I leave, the faster I come back," Damon said, walking past him.

"Do you think these will hold her?" Jeremy asked dubiously, glancing at the ropes made out of linen sheets.

"Long enough for you to get out of the room and block the door with a wardrobe," Damon replied with a sour smile and went to the room adjacent to Elena's room. Pushing the wardrobe out into the hallway, he placed it next to Elena's door.

"Wouldn't vervain-" Jeremy started but stopped at the look Damon gave him.

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes. There is no way she wakes up earlier than that," Damon said decidedly, heading down the stairs, but stopping in his tracks when Jeremy called his name. He glanced over his shoulder just in time to catch a blood bag that Jeremy had thrown to him.

"You look like you need one," Jeremy said, glancing at the wound on Damon's shoulder and going back to Elena's room.

* * *

Damon raised his hand to knock on Bonnie's house door, but before he did, the door opened and his eyes met Abby's grim gaze.

Blinking instead of rolling his eyes, he asked about Bonnie, but when Abby shook her head almost before he finished the question, he briefly explained the situation.

"I wouldn't ask Bonnie for help with that anyway," Abby said in a low voice.

Damon frowned. "And why is that?"

Abby looked away, a flicker of a humorless smile flickering across her face. "Let's say she has enough on her mind right now." She regarded Damon in silence for a second. "I could go and see if I can help. A witch without powers is better than no witch," she added when Damon looked skeptical.

"Where's the catch?" he asked with a small smirk that didn't reach his eyes.

"An answer to one question," Abby said, squinting. Damon gave her a questioning look. "Why did you do it?"

This time Damon did roll his eyes. "I'm afraid I don't have time for that tonight."

"I'm not asking why it happened. I'm asking why did _you_ do it?" Abby repeated her question, the new emphasis drawing Damon's attention back to the question.

Abby leaned against the door frame, casting her eyes to the sky. "Witches aren't immune to death, but when it comes, the details concerning our death are revealed to us." Slowly, she shifted her eyes back to Damon.

"Fascinating. Only that I still fail to see the point to this question."

"Is it so hard to answer?" Abby asked with more interest than Damon thought reasonable.

He could almost hear the clock ticking in his head, wasted seconds passing by. "Let's say it didn't drastically change my bad deeds record," he said at last. "Can we go now?"

But Abby didn't move from where she was standing. "It might've changed it for the better if you didn't do it."

"Maybe," Damon said, wrinkling his forehead. Beginning to lose patience. He tried to think of somebody else whose help he could enlist. But that would require more time and he inwardly cringed at the idea of locking Elena up in the boarding house's cellar until he figured out what to do. He looked at Abby, but she was still stubbornly waiting for some kind of definite answer. "Maybe my brother needed _not_ to do that more. Is that helpful?" he asked sardonically.

Abby gave him a faint smile. "Perhaps." She took a step forward and shut the door behind her. "Let's go."

* * *

"And?" Jeremy asked impatiently, looking between Elena's sleeping face and Abby who was squatting near the bed, looking at her very intently.

"Could you leave me alone with her for a minute?" Abby asked, catching the sight of the ring on the nightstand, her gaze flickering between this ring and the one on Elena's finger.

"Nope," Damon said, tilting his head to the side, watching the entire scene from where he was standing with his back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.

Jeremy glanced at him before looking back at Abby, interested in her reaction to that, but the expression on her face didn't change in any significant way.

Standing up, she propped herself on the nightstand, her hand briefly covering the ring, and when she withdrew her hand the ring was gone.

"She's going to be OK," she said with unsmiling confidence.

Jeremy blinked in confusion. "How do you know?"

"I can't be more detailed if you're standing here, blocking the energy flow. It's hard for me to read it anyway. I'm no longer a witch," she said, not really explaining anything at all.

"I'll show myself out," Abby said, leaving the room and walking down the stairs.

Damon waited a few seconds, his eyes fixed on the nightstand. When he heard the front door open, he followed Abby in a blur.

"Why did you take the ring?"

The question stopped Abby when she was already out in the dark street. Gusts of cool, rain-soaked wind brushed against her. She turned around. Damon looked at her, his eyes glimmering in the darkness.

"Do you know how excruciating that pain was when I realized my powers were gone?" Abby said after watching him for a few moments, her voice quiet, devoid of any negative intensity. "It was like having my heart torn out," she spoke in a thoughtful voice, without a trace of anger in it. "One night," she started after a pause, drawing a slow, shaky breath, "I couldn't sleep. I was walking around the house, thinking about that. Bonnie was staying with me. She was asleep. I stopped at the foot of her bed and looked at her and… I was floored by how stupid I was." Her eyes drifted back to Damon who clearly didn't expect that kind of conclusion. "I should've felt like that when I had left her. That was when I should've felt like my heart had been torn out."

"I don't suppose this is a foreword to a thank you note?" Damon asked in a low voice, eyebrows furrowed.

A small, bitter smile flickered across Abby's lips. "What I'm trying to say is that different people need different things. Maybe I, for one, needed to stop being a witch to understand what I didn't understand before."

Damon studied her face for a second and then blinked, struck by a thought. He took a step toward her. "Was that done on purpose? Bonnie made a ring for Elena that made her do what she did? Was making her kill someone meant to make it easier for her to agree to killing someone later on so she could become human again?" he asked incredulously, glaring at her.

"I'm sure Bonnie didn't do it on purpose," Abby answered calmly, thrusting up her chin and withholding Damon's gaze. "But it sounds like this reasoning could be applied to Klaus."

"Klaus?" Damon frowned. Klaus' attack in Pennsylvania had happened before Elena got the ring from Bonnie and Abby was more or less confirming that the ring was to be blamed. Chronologically the story made no sense. He opened his mouth to ask another question, but Abby raised her hand in a silencing gesture.

"I've already told you more than I should. Let it go. The ring is gone now. She should be OK."

"_Should_ be OK?"

Abby drew a breath. "There are different kinds of spells. Some of them are fully tied to an object," she said glancing at the ring in the palm of her hand. "Some of them are tied only remotely, and they may leave a trace of the spell behind. But she was wearing it only for a short time, so even if something will linger it shouldn't affect her much. She may just feel a little confused or tired," Abby added reassuringly with utmost seriousness. "This is a risky route that Bonnie's taken. But she'd never intentionally hurt a friend."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," Damon said through his teeth.

"All roads lead through hell," Abby said in a low voice. "It's just important to eventually get out of it."

Still glaring at her, but feeling like he wouldn't get any real answers, Damon turned around to walk back to the house.

"It could've been much worse," Abby said, stopping him in his tracks. "These kinds of spells don't leave room for reflection or even a glimpse of consciousness. If it had worked the way it was intended you wouldn't have been able to stop her."

"So we should thank Bonnie for not making the effects more severe?" Damon asked mockingly, turning around.

Abby glanced at the sky. "I told you it isn't Bonnie's fault. And no," she looked back at him. "What I meant was that the other ring blocked the original spell a little." Damon's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "The oldest and simplest magic of all," Abby said quietly, a shadow of a smile flitting across her face, "comes from anything that's given with love and received with love."

* * *

From Elena's window, Jeremy watched Abby and Damon talking, regretting that he couldn't hear a word. He contemplated going downstairs, but leaving Elena alone was not an option-

"Jeremy?"

Jeremy jumped away from the window, his eyes darting to Elena who slowly pulled herself to a sitting position, leaning back on her bent elbows.

"Elena," he whispered, his eyes studying her carefully.

"What's time is it?" she asked, rubbing her eyes, and glancing around the room.

There was nothing alarming in Elena's face or behavior and Jeremy relaxed a little. "I don't know," he said, suddenly remembering that he had completely lost track of time. "Late. How do you feel?" he asked, walking around the bed and squatting next to it, looking up at her with concern.

Elena hid her face in her hands for a second and Jeremy held his breath, but then she dropped her hands to her lap and looked at him with a weak smile. "I'm OK. I just feel a little sleepy, I guess." Her expression became thoughtful and she wrinkled her forehead, trying to sort out her jumbled thoughts. It wasn't that she didn't remember what had happened… Or rather one moment she remembered and then she didn't. Then she remembered everything at once and nothing at all. Her head hurt. "Where is my phone?"

"I don't know," Jeremy said uncertainly, pulling his own phone out of his pocket. "You can use mine," he offered, and Elena clumsily took the phone from his hand. "Who do you want to call?" Jeremy asked with a hint of bafflement in his voice, glancing between her face and the phone.

She seemed to ponder the question for a split second, but perhaps it was just a surge of headache that made her grimace a little. She drew a breath, her eyes darting right and left before she focused on the phone again, hitting the numbers with her fingertips as she answered his question in a steady tone. "Stefan."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Thank you so much for your support & for all of your wonderful reviews! :)

Beta: **arabian** - Thank you sooooo much! :]

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 17**

Damon stood in front of Elena's house for a few more moments after Abby had went back home. He was shaken out of his reverie only when his eyes were hit by the headlights of a car. He squinted and upon recognizing the car took a breath, trying to keep himself from rolling his eyes.

"How long has Elena been here?" Stefan asked, getting out of the car.

"Well, if you guessed that she's here, maybe you can also guess for how long," Damon said with a wry smile.

"I didn't need to guess," Stefan said shooting him a pointed look when he walked passed him. "She called me."

Damon blinked.

* * *

"Bonnie." Abby tried again, watching Bonnie pace around the room glancing left to right with unseeing eyes.

"I should've known I wouldn't be able to keep it under control," Bonnie muttered angrily to herself.

"Don't say that. You _are_ keeping it under control," Abby said with quiet firmness that reminded Bonnie of her grandmother's voice. She stopped in her tracks, momentarily overwhelmed by the memories. "Better than anyone would."

"But not good enough," Bonnie insisted, shaking her head and shooting her mother an incredulous look. "You were the one who was saying I shouldn't be doing this." Abby stood up and opened her mouth to speak, but Bonnie cut her off. "You were right. What happened with Elena... it's my fault," Bonnie said, biting her lip to prevent it from quivering. "I didn't even _know_ he did something to the ring."

Wordlessly, Abby shook her head and moved to stand in front of Bonnie. "You knew you wouldn't be able to know everything. But you know more than enough to make it work. You know what he's planning, and you know how to stop him. It's sad what happened to Elena. It's sad that someone died. But you can't give up now. I know it may sound harsh but," Abby sighed, "don't think about lives already lost. Think about all the lives you're going to save. Klaus must be stopped. You can stop him."

Bonnie crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes dim with skepticism, although a part of her was listening intently, wishing to believe.

"Now it's too late to give up, Bonnie," Abby continued, trying to catch Bonnie's gaze, look her in the eyes and extinguish that glimmer of uncertainty in them with her words. "There always comes that moment – and that moment is now - that no matter how everything is going, no matter how you feel, it's too late to give up. You have to keep going. You have to see it through," she smiled faintly and Bonnie returned the smile, although her eyes remained solemn. "And I know I don't have a right to say it…" Abby trailed off, taking a slow breath, "and that you have no reason to care to hear it, but…" She looked away, and then back at Bonnie. "I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you decided to do it."

Bonnie stared at her, and then her eyes brightened with tears and she reached out for Abby's hand. "I'm proud of you too," she said quietly, a small smile flitting across her face. "I'm proud that you stayed."

* * *

It felt very much like an alternate reality, entering the house after Stefan, following him up the stairs. Or he might have just been time traveling into the past. Damon stopped on top of the stairs, looking toward Elena's room with a small frown on his face, for a moment fearing making a few more steps and seeing something he didn't want to see. He recalled what Abby had said about the ring's possible aftereffects, however the thought wasn't comforting enough. But then the sound of Elena's voice drifted to him, bringing back all of her words, all of her smiles and he smiled briefly to himself wondering how he could even consider the possibility of anything coming between them.

When he walked into Elena's room, Stefan was standing in front of Elena, asking what had happened and if she was OK. Jeremy shifted his eyes between them in mild confusion. He glanced at Damon when he entered the room. Elena's eyes darted to him as well. Something flashed in Elena's eyes when she saw him and she made an immediate step toward him, but then stopped and looked as if she forgot why she had made the step.

"Elena?" Stefan prompted, but her eyes wandered between everyone.

"What happened to you?" Elena asked, looking at Damon. The wounds were mostly healed thanks to the blood bag Jeremy had given him, but his clothes were still muddy and bloodied, and he suddenly realized he hadn't even got his shoes back on.

"You said you remember everything," Jeremy broke into the conversation, giving Elena a questioning look.

She looked at him. "I do… I just…" She brought her hand to her head and Stefan gently grasped her arm.

"You should sit down," he said.

"I feel a bit dizzy," Elena admitted.

Damon suffered through the exchange for a few moments longer, but then without saying a word approached Elena and unceremoniously swept her into his arms. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips accidentally brushing against his chin when he turned his head to look at her.

"You broke my neck," she whispered the words with a mixture of surprise and confusion in her voice, but nothing more than that. She sounded mildly astonished by either forgetting about it or remembering it right now.

"You what?" Stefan asked the inevitable question, but Damon ignored him, carrying Elena out of the room and down the stairs.

"You were right. It was Klaus," Damon said in a low voice, slightly amused by Elena keeping her eyes fixed on his lips when he spoke. "He did something to that ring from Bonnie," he added, watching Elena's face for the reaction to his words.

She didn't seem clueless as to what he was talking about, but she didn't seem particularly receptive either. She lifted her gaze and looked into his eyes with some kind of wonder. He gave her a small smile that she returned. The only thing that worried him was that her arms around his neck were draped rather loosely, as if she wasn't sure if she should be keeping them there at all.

"The ring," she echoed with a small frown, slightly twisting her hand to look at the heart-shaped gem of her diamond ring.

"Not this one," Damon whispered, somewhat saddened by the gesture, but the feeling dispersed when Elena gave him a pointed look.

"I _know_."

Their eyes locked for a second, but then once again he had the impression that the intensity of her gaze that contained everything she knew, everything she felt and remembered, wavered into confusion.

Heading for the kitchen, Damon sat Elena on the counter, and placed one of his hands on her jeans-clad thigh. He opened the freezer with his other hand and grabbed a blood bag from there. When he popped the bag open with his teeth and handed it to her she was still looking at his hand on her thigh. Her eyes flickered to his and he held her gaze.

"For now this will have to do," Damon said, handing her the blood bag.

Elena's forehead creased for a moment, but then her eyes flew to his neck and then back to his face and she seemed to choke on her breath.

"Could you perhaps just leave her alone for a few moments?" Stefan said, walking into the kitchen with Jeremy following close behind. "She didn't even have time to collect her thoughts," he added, giving Damon a serious stern look.

Damon rolled his eyes without turning away from Elena, who slowly took the blood bag from his hands, her fingers lingering over his for longer than necessary and Damon's heart skipped a beat at the message conveyed by the gesture.

"I'm fine, Stefan," Elena said, glancing at Stefan before bringing the bag to her lips. "My head is beginning to clear up," she added, shifting her eyes to Damon who smiled a little. "Everything is falling back into place," she said, giving Jeremy a reassuring look.

"_That's too bad,"_ Damon thought with the intention of Elena hearing the words and from the way her eyes darted to him he was sure she did. _"I was hoping I could help with that by kissing you senseless."_

Elena kept on drinking but her eyes were sparkling with laughter.

Stefan's mouth twitched slightly when for the first time he saw the veins appear under Elena's eyes. Jeremy stiffened, and averted his eyes for a second before looking at Elena again. He had thought he would've found it bizarre or appalling, but now that he was seeing her like that it just made him sad because it reminded him of the moment when he had realized she was dead.

"I don't remember how I got dressed," Elena said, throwing the empty blood bag into the sink, and wiping off the remnants of blood with the back of her hand. She then looked at her hand as if she didn't know what to do next.

Damon took her hand and wiped the blood off against his shirt. "How do you feel?" he asked, keeping her hand clasped in his.

Stefan's eyes flickered to their hands before returning to their faces.

"Drowsy. Tired." Elena shook her head with a sigh. "There are these... thoughts, images piling up in my head. They were blurred at first but now they're becoming clearer." She drew a breath, frowning a little. "When I woke up all my memories felt... compressed," she said with a shrug. "And I remembered the most recent ones last."

"Elena," Stefan interrupted her, placing a steadying hand on her arm. "You just need to get some rest," he said with a small smile.

After committing a minute trying convincing himself to ignore the gesture and not act childishly, Damon swatted Stefan's hand off Elena's shoulder.

"I'm sorry if I bother you," Stefan said levelly, shooting Damon a glare. "But I'm here because Elena called me, so if you don't mind I'm not leaving until Elena tells me to leave." He said and shifted his eyes to Elena. "Do you want me to leave?" He asked in a low, serious voice, the glimmer of anger in his eyes turning into a glimmer of hope.

Before Elena had a chance to answer, Caroline marched into the kitchen and went straight to Elena, closing her in a hug.

Jeremy blinked and then went to the hallway to lock the front door that someone had apparently left open.

"Careful," Stefan said, squinting into the distance. "You should probably ask Damon for permission first."

"Permission to what?" Caroline asked, confused, releasing Elena from the embrace. "I brought you these," she added with a small, gleeful smile, showing Elena the shopping bags from Pennsylvania that had been left in her trunk.

Elena tilted her head to the side with a smile.

"Alright," Jeremy said in a loud voice, attracting everyone's attention. "It's been a very long day for Elena and I think you should _all_ go home and give her a break until tomorrow."

No one moved.

"Is that safe? Leaving you here all alone?" Caroline asked dubiously after a pause, crossing her arms over her chest, looking between Elena and Jeremy. She then wrinkled her forehead, feeling something peaking from her jacket pocket. She pulled a red envelope out of it.

"We'll be fine," Jeremy said decidedly.

"What's that?" Damon asked, giving Caroline a questioning look.

"I don't know," Caroline said, her forehead wrinkled in confusion as she tried to remember where the envelope had come from. "I-"

Damon snatched the envelope out of her hands. Caroline narrowed her eyes at him.

Elena straightened up, peering over Damon's shoulder at the black card that he had slid out of the envelope. When she inhaled, she shuddered inwardly at the scent that was spiced with blood staining his shirt, but underneath the blood there was something else, something familiar and exhilarating, a scent in which she wanted to get lost. She closed her eyes, imagining kissing him. Imagining it wasn't good enough, but hopefully it was enough to stop her from really kissing him right now, regardless of everyone's presence.

"I don't even remember when, where, _how_ I got this!" Caroline exclaimed in indignation, glaring daggers at the envelope.

"He must've compelled you to forget," Jeremy offered, causing Caroline's face to drain of all color.

"Today's Thursday," Stefan said grimly. "So we have two days until Sunday."

"Anyone else wishing to state something obvious?" Damon cut in with mock-cheerfulness, his eyes on the card.

"We knew we had seven days," Caroline said, annoyed. "What's the purpose of the stupid invitation?"

Damon looked at Elena, who took a sharp intake of breath. "Are you OK?" he asked concernedly, propping her chin with his hand.

Her eyes snapped open. "Yes," she gasped. "I just… I just feel a bit dizzy, that's all," she said, blinking quickly. Damon looked at her for a moment longer and she wondered if he suspected what she was thinking about.

"Listen, I really think you should go," Jeremy repeated his former plea. "Nothing's gonna happen. If Klaus' planning his big showdown on Sunday, then we have a couple of days off."

"You actually trust him that much?" Caroline asked sardonically.

Jeremy sighed. "I just want Elena to finally get some rest and some sleep. You can come here tomorrow," he added to pacify Caroline who looked very reluctant to go.

It took a few more minutes of convincing, reassuring and explaining that Klaus had somehow added a spell to the daylight ring that Bonnie had made for Elena, so without it she was safe, and that _all_ of them needed to rest, before Jeremy with Elena's help managed to get everyone out.

When they were left alone they looked at each other, simultaneously realizing that it was the first time they had actually seen each other since Elena's transition. Elena grimaced, blinking back the tears that welled up in her eyes and Jeremy pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so glad that you're alive," he whispered, drawing back and looking at her with a weak, both happy and sad smile.

"That's not an entirely correct assessment," Elena said, smiling back at him.

"Would you want to be human again?" Jeremy asked on an impulse, and Elena's expression became pensive. "I'm sorry," Jeremy said with a humorless snort. "I wanted everyone to go, so you could clear your head, and now I'm bothering you with questions."

Elena shook her head. "No, Jeremy, you don't. I'm just..." She subconsciously laced her fingers together, twirling the diamond ring around her finger. "I need time to-" She broke off in the middle of the sentence and looked at her hand, momentarily stunned into silence.

"What is it?" Jeremy asked, regarding her worriedly.

Elena looked up at him, her eyes wide. "Everything just…" She shook her head, not knowing what to make of it. "Everything just calmed down," she said wondrously, quickly going through her thoughts and memories that suddenly felt perfectly clear and intense in her head. She didn't even feel particularly tired or drowsy anymore. Then a shadow of fear passed through her face. "Oh my God, I-"

"What?" Jeremy looked at her, terrified by how pale she became.

"I attacked Damon, I bit him, I-"

"That was you?" Jeremy blurted out before he managed to stop himself. Elena's eyes darted to him. "He looked pretty horrible when you got here," Jeremy said cautiously. "Well, in fact you didn't look too good either." Elena looked at him with unseeing eyes, recalling what had happened in the forest.

"I know that's probably not the best time to ask, but…" Jeremy trailed off, and Elena made an effort to break away from her thoughts, and look at him, prompting him to continue. "Damon said that you're… _engaged_ to him?" he slightly grimaced to indicate his willingness to discard the idea as ridiculous, but the look on Elena's face answered his question better than any words could. The expressions that passed over her face were exactly the same as the expressions that had swept across Damon's face when he had told him about the engagement.

* * *

Damon slammed the door to his room shut and with a grim, thoughtful expression began to undress, throwing the torn and bloodied clothes away.

He stepped into the shower and for almost half an hour just stood under the rush of water, going through everything that had happened in the last few days. Then he thought about Klaus, and how it _so_ wasn't going to work to rely on secret shenanigans of the Bennett witches. They couldn't just go to Klaus' 'farewell party' without a plan that would be better than that.

Grabbing a towel, and wrapping it around his waist, he walked out of the bathroom, eyes fixed on the floor as he was trying to think of a two-fold plan that would ensure-

"Cute… towel."

Damon stopped abruptly in his tracks, his eyes darting toward the window, where leaning against the sill was Elena, a soft smile glimmering in her eyes, the wind brushing her hair against her face.

He had imagined her coming here like that, on that very night after he had told that he loved her. He had been lying in bed, dreaming that the compulsion hadn't worked, that his words had changed something, awakened something.

And for a second he thought it was only an apparition that he was seeing now, but the way she was looking at him convinced him otherwise. No dream could conjure up that unmistakable light in her eyes.

Fighting a smile, Damon did his best to mimic her tone from that night. "I'm tired, Elena."

She laughed briefly under her breath, but quickly regained her composure. "I brought you..." she said, pushing herself away from the sill, flashing toward him and pressing a kiss to his lips, "_this_."

"I thought that was gone," he whispered without opening his eyes. "Thank you." He opened his eyes, a smile flickering across his lips.

She kissed him again. "I just have to say something," she said, unfolding a tiny piece of paper that she had in her hand.

"Why do you have to say it with... " He squinted, "a note that you found in your bra?"

Elena stifled a smile, straightening the slip of paper that read: _'Elena. I love you. Marry me. XOXO. XOXO. XOXO. Damon. RSVP.'_

"Well," Elena said, biting her lip, "because what I'm about to say is probably the most _overdue_ thing I've ever said in my life."

"_Elena_," Damon said, trying to duplicate the hint of warning that had echoed in her voice then, "are you sure you want to go there?" he asked in a low voice with a small smirk, but also a sincerely curious look in his eyes.

"I just have to say it once, you just need to hear it," Elena said, narrowing her eyes at him. For a moment she just looked at him, amusement slowly fading into seriousness. She cupped his face in her hands and said in a warm whisper. "I love you, Damon, and it's because I love you that… I will marry you." She smiled against his lips. "Don't you ever forget this," she muttered between the kisses in a mock-threatening tone.

Damon pulled her toward him and closed her in his embrace, smiling into her hair.

* * *

Elena was very proud of jumping up from the ground and straight into her room, but she didn't have time to rejoice in that achievement, because as soon as her feet touched the floor, the light in her room went on and she flinched in surprise.

Jeremy narrowed his eyes at her.

"You scared me!" Elena said, letting go of a breath. "Why did you do that?"

"Why did I do that?" Jeremy widened his eyes at her. "After everything that had happened you disappear from your room a moment after telling me that you're going to sleep and you wonder why I'm not cool with that?"

"I'm sorry," Elena said with a small smile. "I just…" She sat down on the bed, tugging off her shoes. "It was a spur of a moment," she said, tucking her hair behind her ears, sliding her feet into the slippers and standing up. "I just… had to say goodnight to Damon," she explained in a soft voice, glancing at Jeremy who rolled his eyes.

"You could've called him."

"I had to see him."

Jeremy sighed, shaking his head in amusement. "Yeah, that's what I thought," he said with a snort. "And that's why I didn't raise an alarm," he added pointedly.

Elena smiled, but then gave him a questioning look. "How did you know where I went?"

"I figured you wouldn't have tried on so many clothes," Jeremy said, glancing meaningfully at the closet and then at the heap of clothes laying all over the bed "if you'd just gone a killing spree," he said lightly, but then his expression changed immediately. "Elena, I'm sorry," he said, taking a few steps toward her. "That was the stupidest thing to say. I'm sorry," he repeated earnestly.

Despite having actually blanched at his words, Elena quickly shook her head. "No, Jeremy. You're probably right anyway," she added, trying to smile but failing.

"I really didn't want to bring that up. I'm sorry," Jeremy looked at her worriedly, angry at himself for ruining the moment of her looking genuinely happy. "But you know it wasn't your fault, right?" he added quickly. "It was the ring-"

"Jeremy…" Elena cut in with a grimace. "Yes, I know the ring had something to do with it, but I doubt it was only its fault. I don't think blaming the ring's going to help. I think that if I'm to learn how to keep, how to be…" she glanced around the room frustrated, unable to find the right words. "I know what can drive me to that… breaking point, and even if what happened didn't happen only because of that, it _was_ a part of it. And regardless of everything… I did it," she said in a whisper, her mouth twitching. "Nothing's going to change that."

Jeremy closed his eyes for a second and then looked at her with a grim but understanding expression on his face. "What about the re-transition?" he asked after a pause. "Are you going to go through with it?"

Elena swallowed. "No," she said in a firm, low voice.

"I know you don't want to… hurt anyone again. But if Klaus somehow leaves you no choice… maybe it wouldn't be that bad. I mean," Jeremy quickly shook his head at the look on Elena's face. "I know it'd be horrible if you had to… But maybe that's what Bonnie is trying to figure. How to turn you back into a human without anyone dying to make the spell work. And if that would be possible-"

Elena took a deep breath, slowly rising to her feet. "Jeremy, I want you to know that even if this happens, even if I become human again…" she trailed off, and glanced around the room before shifting her eyes back to Jeremy. "It won't stay that way," she said in a quiet voice.

Jeremy's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean? I thought you didn't want to be a vampire," he said hesitantly.

Elena gave him a faint, rueful smile. "I didn't. But everything is different now."

"It's not really different," Jeremy observed tentatively, squinting. Elena gave him a questioning look. "Damon's a vampire," he said, and from the way Elena's eyes fluttered he knew he had guessed her motivation correctly. "But so was Stefan, and you _never_ wanted to be a vampire before."

"It's different," Elena said evasively, crossing her arms over her chest.

"How is it different?" Jeremy pressed, even though it was clear Elena would rather avoid answering the question.

"It's too strong," she said at last in a strained whisper. "It's like… a tidal wave," she smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "And I feel like I'm drowning in it, but I know I won't drown. It's this constant feeling of exhilaration," she said, not sure if it was even remotely possible to describe what she was feeling, but she thought she needed to at least try in order to make her brother understand. "It's like that moment on a rollercoaster, when it goes up or down _so _fast and _so_ steeply, and for a split second you think you're going to _die_, but at the same time it just feels-"

"Alright," Jeremy broke in, trying very hard not to laugh. "I think I get the idea." Elena blinked. "Besides, I wasn't asking about _that_."

Elena looked at him in confusion for a moment, but then blushed, grabbing a pillow from the bed and hitting him on the head with it. "I wasn't talking about that either," she said with half-hearted indignation, swatting him with the pillow until she pushed him out of the room.

* * *

Stefan shut the freezer and for a moment just stood motionlessly, lost in thought. The basement was dark and cold, like a grave. At least that's how a grave ought to look like, he mused. Instead, the entire world was a grave in which blood and daylight rings created the illusion of life.

The sound of footsteps and Damon's voice shook Stefan out of his reverie.

"Well, I'm calling because I forgot to ask you if you'd like to go on a date with me tomorrow, Elena," Damon said in the most official tone he could muster, a smirk flickering across his lips, as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "I can't tell you. It's a surprise." He produced a key out of his pocket and opened a small door. "Of course it's a pleasant surprise," he said with mock-indignation. "It has _me_ in it," he smiled. "Can I pick you up at five?" He slightly lowered his head, sniffed the vervain and grimaced. "No, _Elena_. Five _a.m._" He grabbed one of the vervain boxes, and carried it out of the small compartment. "Why would I be joking?" he said firmly, smirking to himself. "Alright. Seven?" He sighed. "Nine. OK. But you're going to miss full four hours of my presence, just so know." He closed the door shut with his foot, and leaned against the frame, his expression changing from amused to serious, happy, tranquil. "I love you too." He smiled. "Goodnight, Elena."

Slipping the phone into his pocket, Damon was about to mount the stairs when he noticed Stefan standing a few feet away.

"If you really cared about her you'd leave her alone," Stefan said, looking him straight in the eye.

Damon suppressed a half-grimace, half-smile. "I was going to say 'nice try,' but to be honest, it was kind of lame," he said, turning away.

"She may be a vampire, but she still wants to _live_," Stefan continued, and Damon stopped in his tracks. "You can kill for her or die for her. But you have no idea how to live for her."

"Oh and of course you do," Damon said through his teeth, turning around.

Stefan snorted mirthlessly, looking away before shifting his eyes back to Damon. "Let's say I'm capable of trying."

Damon squinted in mock-curiosity. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that I want to be a part of her _life,_" Stefan said in a low, serious voice. "I understand that she has a family, I don't antagonize every single one of her friends and I don't make her choices for her."

"And let me guess," Damon cut in, raising his hand. "Your greatest wish is world peace."

Stefan shook his head. "See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. You don't even try to see past this illusion that you've created for yourself and now you're trying to fit Elena into it and the only reason why she's falling for it is because everything she knew, everything she loved and believed in fell apart." Stefan took a few steps toward Damon. "She wanted to hold on to something, so she's thrown herself into this gilded fairy tale of yours. What happened at that station only proves it. You make her believe things that aren't true, aren't real. Being a vampire is about blood and death, not about moving at light-speed, puffing fog, soaring above the clouds. All of these are only possible because of blood and death. There's nothing fun about that. Nothing good."

"Do you really think I don't know that?" Damon asked, irritated, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes at Stefan. "Do you really think I _like_ being a vampire?" he said through his teeth. "Do you _really_ think you're the only vampire on the planet who misses being human?" He glared, but Stefan noticed a flash of a different emotion in his eyes.

"I've never tried to convince Elena that this is the best thing that's happened to her," Damon continued, resuming the stern tone, "but it doesn't mean I'm going to help her get a degree in self-loathing." He fell silent for a moment before he made to leave. But then he stopped and turned around. "You know what your biggest problem is?" Stefan raised his eyebrows, giving him a questioning look. "That you actually consider any of this relevant to the fact that she loves me," he said in a voice that almost faltered at the end of the sentence, the last words spoken with so much emotion, so much effort, they were hardly audible. They left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. He felt like saying them out loud made it sound like some hopeless kind of assertion and the look in Stefan's eyes only strengthened the impression.

"This may work," Stefan said when Damon was already half-way up the stairs. "There is a big chance Klaus will die of laughter when you start throwing vervain grenades on him."

Damon mounted the remaining steps and shut the door leading to the basement with a loud thud.

* * *

Bonnie stood up and looked down at the table, scanning the cards with a wary expression on her face. Nine candles flickered, a wind coming through a half-open window tugging lightly on their orange flames. Bonnie reached out toward a small plate with herbs, flowers petals and leaves in it and narrowed her eyes, watching the ingredients burn until all that was left was a red stone that glimmered too brightly in the candlelight.

"One more session tomorrow and we'll be all done," Abby said in a low voice, giving Bonnie a small smile.

Bonnie looked at her from under her eyelashes, slightly nodding her head. "I wish Grams was here," she said in a hollow voice, watching Abby's face fell as well.

"Well," Abby said, drawing a shaky breath, her eyes drifting to the family pictures hanging on the wall, draped in the midnight shadows. "You'll have to do it on your own," she said, looking back at Bonnie who sighed.

"Yes," Bonnie whispered, moving one of the cards on the table aside. "One witch." She moved another card. "One hybrid." She took a small stash of cards and put them in two rows. "Five vampires," she said thoughtfully, running her fingertips across the five cards in the lower row. "Two humans." She adjusted the two cards in the upper row. She then covered all of the cards with her open palms, glowing, colorful lights peering from underneath her hands until the colors faded away and Bonnie, very slowly lifted her hands, her eyes resting on the two rows of cards – each row consisting of four cards.

"Maintaining the balance is our duty," Abby said, coming closer toward the table. "But it's also our strength and our hope."

Bonnie shifted her eyes to her and then surveyed the cards once again. "By the end of this, there will be four vampires and four humans," she said firmly, her eyes boring into each candle in turn with determination. "Klaus is right," she added with a ghost of a smirk flitting across her face. Abby stepped to stand next to her, lightly squeezing her shoulder in a reassuring gesture. Bonnie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, exchanging a faint smile with her mother before becoming utterly serious again. "This Sunday is not one to be missed."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! :)

& I just wanted to give you a heads up that the final updates might be a bit slower. I'll be going on vacation soon and while I'm taking my computer with me, I'm not sure if I'll have as much time for writing as I have now (because having fun is obviously a more time-consuming activity than school and work haha ;)

Beta: **arabian** - Thank you sooo much! :]

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 18**

"I'll get it!" Jeremy called, heading out of the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in his hand.

"Tell him it's preposterous, coming two hours earlier than planned," Elena said with mock-haughtiness, leaning over the banister in her bathrobe and then scurrying back to her room.

Jeremy snorted, pulling the door open and narrowing his eyes at the sight of flowers. For a moment the bouquet blocked the view of the face, but when it was slightly moved to the side it revealed the visitor.

Jeremy raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything and just let Stefan walk inside. "Elena!" he called, closing the door.

"Tell him I'm _indecent_!" Elena shouted back from upstairs.

A small frown passed over Stefan's face and he turned his gaze to the floor for a second before regaining his composure. "I'll wait in the living room, if you don't mind."

"Sure," Jeremy said noncommittally, turning his attention back to his breakfast.

* * *

Prompted by Jeremy's worrisome account that they decided to keep secret from Elena for the time being, Caroline walked around Matt's house, calling his name but to no avail. All the doors and windows were closed and he didn't seem to be home. It couldn't be good, especially that the last thing they knew was that he had gone to see Bonnie who unhelpfully continued ignoring their calls.

"Looking for someone?"

Caught off guard, Caroline whirled around. Klaus was leaning against the car, arms crossed over his chest. He tilted his head to the side, watching her with a smile on his face.

"What did you do to him?" Caroline asked in the most threatening tone she could muster, half-hoping her suspicions were wrong, but to her distress Klaus only confirmed them.

"I just gave him a head start, so to speak," he said with a speculative look that quickly turned into a smirk. "But don't worry," he added with a hint of mock-reassurance in his voice. "No limbs missing, as of yet. And actually, I have very nice things planned for him. I'm like his personal fairy godmother, really," he said after a moment of consideration with a thoughtful expression that was soon replaced by a grin.

"Psychopath," Caroline muttered, glaring daggers at him as she marched passed him, got into her car, shot her phone a frustrated look and drove off.

* * *

"I'm sorry for coming so early and unannounced," Stefan started when Elena took the flowers from him. She held the bouquet in such a way as if it was a grenade about to go off and he also didn't fail to notice a change in her expression. He thought that, paradoxically, it wouldn't have been so bad had she just stopped smiling. But she hadn't stopped smiling. Instead, her smile had changed. It had become less bright and more self-conscious, as if she had hidden a part of her at the sight of him and it sent cold shivers down his spine. "But I thought the chances of you speaking to me would be greater that way," he said softly with a brief smile.

Elena grimaced. "Don't be absurd," she said with the faintest hints of impatience and embarrassment in her voice. "Why wouldn't I speak to you?"

"It's more than that, actually," Stefan continued, taking in her appearance, the sunny yellow dress he'd never seen, her hair tied up with a ribbon that seemed better fitted for a costume party than a casual morning. A casual date, he reminded himself, clenching his teeth. "I wanted to ask you… I know it's a very selfish request considering that you've just come home and that on Sunday-"

"And on Saturday I'm taking Elena away from here for one day," Jeremy cut in the conversation, grabbing his backpack from the couch and also relieving Elena from the burden of holding the flowers.

She gave him a small smile and he smiled back, exiting the room. "Jeremy's got something planned for Saturday," she said, looking back at Stefan, clearly glad she was able to focus on a more placid subject matter. "I don't know what it is and where we're going," she said, trying to sound lighthearted and conversational, "but apparently it's going to be great."

Stefan smiled. "That sounds like a good idea."

"It does."

They looked at each other in silence.

"What happened to us, Elena?" Stefan asked wistfully after a pause, his voice low.

Elena blinked and looked at him with a sullen expression on her face. "Stefan-"

"What I meant to ask…" Despite his calm demeanor Stefan interrupted her in an almost desperate manner and she fell silent, letting him speak, "is whether you'd let me spend some time with you… today." Elena seemed taken aback and a little confused. "We didn't really have a chance to talk," Stefan said, taking a step toward her, his eyes boring into hers with the intensity of all the memories he believed must still mean something to her. "Everything happened so fast. So much happened. Don't you think we need to talk about that, about us? I'm sorry about the pain I've caused you," he continued quickly just in case she would try to interrupt him. "All those months you spent looking for me, trying to help me. Even if it seemed to you like it didn't matter, because of how I continued to act for longer than it was perhaps necessary, it did. It did matter, Elena. It pulled me through. _You_ pulled me through."

"Stefan-"

There was sadness, but also a hint of warning in her voice that sounded alien to him which made it easy to ignore it, so he continued.

"Give us a day, Elena. We may be able to fix it yet. Or at the very least," he added seeing no change in her expression, "I want to be sure that you know what you're doing."

"I am sure," she said quietly with certainty that pierced his heart like a needle, but he tugged it out.

"I know you think that. I'm not trying to say that you aren't. I just… need to understand what happened." If compassion was the only available restarting point, he would start at compassion. He felt like he was climbing up an iceberg, sliding down inch by inch unable to hold on to anything, but it was surely only an impression. If unearthing his darkest memories hadn't made her stop loving him how anything else could have?

She seemed conflicted and he felt like he was taking advantage of her now certainly amplified disinclination to hurt anyone. But if there was even a slightest chance for them, he was going to find it and fight for it. "Elena?"

* * *

With a sigh, Jeremy opened the door and one look at his face was enough for Damon's expression to change.

"What's happened?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing in alarm.

"Nothing," Jeremy said, shaking his head. "It's just that… Elena's not home."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Where is she?" He almost groaned. "She didn't go to see Bonnie, did she?" He asked with a frown. He knew that too much free time in the morning would only result in Elena coming with a plan on her own, a plan that would obligatorily include putting herself in harm's way.

"No, no, she didn't," Jeremy grimaced. "Stefan came in the morning and-"

Damon cast his eyes to the sky. "Of course," he snorted mirthlessly. Making use of eavesdropping. He probably should've seen that coming.

"It's not like that," Jeremy protested, feeling that the comment was somehow directed against Elena. "She didn't even want to go, but he insisted they should talk. He thinks she doesn't know what she's doing."

"I know," Damon said, his eyes narrowing in a brief smile. "That's what _everyone_ thinks." He looked away, feeling dispirited that the day wouldn't go as planned. It surprised him a little. That he didn't feel angry or jealous or upset. But there was that strange feeling surrounding his heart like a warm blanket that made him feel like she was with him. Like her thoughts, her heart was with him. And he didn't feel threatened by her absence, by her spending time with Stefan. He just felt sad, so sad it hurt, that it would be another few hours before he would see her.

"Does it matter?" Jeremy's voice broke into his reverie. "What anyone thinks?"

Damon shifted his eyes to him. "What do _you_ think?"

Jeremy sighed, raising his eyebrows. "I'm still processing," he said after a moment of consideration.

Damon's mouth twitched into a smile. "I'll come back later," he said, making to leave.

"Wait," Jeremy stopped him. "What are we going to do about Klaus?" He asked and then squinted, slightly irritated by the look on Damon's face. "I'm not going to sit here and do nothing. So I can either help or do something on my own," Jeremy said in a determined voice.

"Is that a threat?" Damon asked, amused.

"I'm just saying that I'm going to come up with a plan on my own," Jeremy said levelly, his expression utterly serious.

"Yup. Definitely a threat," Damon said decidedly, squinting into the distance. Then he shifted his eyes back to Jeremy and looked him up and down. "Come on," he said after a moment of consideration. Then he turned around and walked to his car. "But no grumbling and no questioning _anything_ I say or do unless you want to hitchhike your way back home."

Jeremy blinked and then quickly grabbed a few things, locked the door and headed for the car parked on the curb of the street. "What's happened to your old car?" He asked, jumping into the passenger seat.

"Klaus happened," Damon said, starting the engine.

"Where are we going?"

"To Berryville."

"Battle Town," Jeremy said more to himself than out loud, wondering if now every historical detail would always make him think of Alaric – and of the fact that he was dead. But since most things tended to bring back painful memories, why history should be any different? "Why? What's there?"

Damon looked right and left before turning into the main road. "And you have the limit of ten questions per hour."

Jeremy gave him a mildly exasperated look before searching the pockets for his phone that had started buzzing.

"Hey, Elena," Jeremy said, glancing at Damon who kept his eyes fixed on the road, but his expression clearly indicated that he was listening. "Yes. Yes, _yes_, I did," Jeremy said, stifling a smile. "I'm in the car." He sighed. "No. Actually… he's here, so…" He rolled his eyes, extending his hand with the phone to Damon who looked at it, but then shifted his eyes back to the road, squinting into the distance.

Jeremy waited a few seconds longer, perplexed, but at last he reluctantly drew back his hand. "Elena…"

"He doesn't want to speak to me," Elena said on the other side in a voice that sounded bitter and annoyed although he could hear more sadness and hurt than annoyance in it.

Jeremy glanced at Damon again, but he stubbornly pretended to ignore the entire situation, appearing very much engrossed in reading the road signs instead. Only his eyes were giving him away and Jeremy wondered if he could strain his hearing well-enough to hear what Elena was saying. "Elena-"

"It's OK, Jeremy. I'll call you later. Bye."

Jeremy didn't even manage to reply, because Elena finished the call so abruptly. He looked at the phone in his hand with a small sigh and then put it away. "That wasn't fair to her," he said, shooting Damon a glare.

"Ah, ah, ah." Damon shook his head without turning it to look at him. "Refer back to the 'no questioning anything I do or say' rule."

"She felt bad about going, so instead of making her feel even worse you should rather-"

"Are you _really_ going to lecture me?" Damon interrupted him in a gruff voice.

Jeremy regarded him carefully for a few seconds before replying. "You're as upset as her about not taking that call, so what did you do it for anyway?"

Damon's mouth twitched. "A+ from psychoanalysis. Now quit the investigation," he said, shooting Jeremy a grim look.

Jeremy threw his head against the headrest in exasperation. His phone buzzed again and he pulled it out of his pocket with a huff, wrinkling his forehead on Caroline's name that appeared on the screen.

* * *

Stefan watched Elena draw a hasty breath after she had finished her phone call.

They had gone to a café, because he was certain she hadn't been to such a place since the transition, or even longer than that, and he wanted her to feel normal again, at least for a few moments.

He had gone to place the order and somehow wasn't really surprised she had taken the opportunity to make a call, only that it apparently caused her mood to deteriorate instead of improving it.

Stefan was standing near the counter, waiting for the coffees to be prepared, feeling sadly disconcerted by the sight of Elena impatiently drop her phone back into her purse and scan the surroundings with unseeing eyes. She bit her lip to stop it from quivering.

"Damon's not happy about our meeting," Stefan said, placing the coffee in front of Elena. She straightened up, startled a little.

"I was talking to Jeremy," she answered somewhat sternly, without looking at him.

Stefan sat down across from her and looked at her for a moment before speaking. "You're angry with me for taking you out."

Elena shifted her eyes to him. "No," she said with a humorless, exasperated smile. "I'm just… I'm not sure what you expect me to say," she added after a pause, her voice gentle, but her eyes dim with seriousness.

"I don't expect you to say anything, Elena." Stefan said with a small frown. "I don't expect anything. I just want to understand. Because I want you to be happy."

"I don't know why everyone thinks they need to understand what _I _am doing," Elena blurted out with a mirthless smile. "Or why I _am_ happy." She looked up at Stefan who averted his eyes for a second before shifting his gaze back to her.

"Because everyone's worried about you. Because everything seems to have changed overnight," Stefan continued in a low, calm voice.

Elena listened to him, suddenly realizing that she was listening to him with inexplicable rigidness. She tried to take apart the feeling, tried to find its source. It surely wasn't his intention to make her feel guilty, so why she was setting guilt as the default emotion for their conversation? Maybe she was reading too much into everything. His voice was soft and calm, but that's because it was how he usually spoke. It didn't necessarily mean he was grieving, and even if there was sadness in his voice, it wasn't her fault – or at least there was nothing she could do about that. He had a right to be sad. She couldn't expect him not to be sad just because it'd make being happy easier for her.

"It didn't change overnight," Elena observed cautiously.

"I know," Stefan replied with the faintest hint of irony in his voice.

"I just don't want to be afraid anymore," Elena said in a soft but resolute voice. "Ever since my parents died," she whispered, losing her breath for a second, her gaze drifting away into the distance. "I was afraid that I wouldn't make it through, that my life was over, that nothing good would ever happen to me. That I would lose someone again," she paused, her eyes focusing on Stefan, and she seemed to hesitate before continuing. "I was terrified when you told me that you were a vampire. But I was also… glad," she smiled weakly. "I was relieved because it meant I wouldn't lose you. Because you'd never die."

Stefan listened to her in utter concentration although from the expression on his face she could tell he was also reading between the lines – and didn't like what he was reading there. "Then with Katherine and Klaus and everything else… I was afraid again. I was afraid for Jeremy, Bonnie, Caroline. You," she glanced at him, and then laced her fingers around her coffee cup. "Damon," she whispered. "And I don't want to be afraid of losing any of you. I want Klaus to be gone, so I won't have to be afraid of that anymore. But I also don't want to be afraid of what I feel." She drew a breath. "When I turned, somehow everything I felt broke through this dam of fear and that's what made all the difference. I didn't start feeling differently. I just… stopped being afraid. Of myself."

"Sometimes it's better to be a little afraid," Stefan pointed out in a hollow voice, regarding her with thoughtful eyes.

Elena shook her head. "No, it's not better. But yes, it's probably safer… and easier… and… Only that's not what I want," she said with a small grimace.

Stefan smiled sourly, looking away. "I wanted to talk about us and it seems we're talking about Damon instead. He ensnared you," Stefan said gloomily, but not angrily, unconsciously prompting Elena to say something that hit him like a gust of arctic air.

"He stole me," Elena said without thinking with all the genuine innocence of someone in love. "Piece by piece. I don't even know when it happened," she added with a tiny smile that lit up her eyes.

For a split second, when Stefan concentrated on the words only and not on the fact that it was Elena who was saying them, he felt sincerely glad to hear such warmth, such ardent emotion in someone's voice in regard to his brother. But the moment broke like a bulb and it was dark again.

Elena's smile vanished and she blinked in embarrassment as if she suddenly remembered with whom she was talking.

"Is it this moment when people agree to become friends?" Stefan said tonelessly, attempting to smile but the muscles in his face barely twitched.

"I'd like that," Elena whispered earnestly, her eyes glimmering with tears.

"I'm not sure I can do that," Stefan said after a pause, holding her gaze.

She grimaced and nodded. "I understand."

"I love you," he said, sneering bitterly at himself for looking at her expectantly as if telling her what she already knew could change anything. "I'll always love you." He wondered if she really blinked so slowly, if she really tucked a strand of hair behind her ear so slowly. Or was it only his eyes, his mind processing everything in slow-motion.

"We want to get married."

Not only was it dark; it was also cold; and the silence lasted for a long, long time. "Why are you telling me this?" Stefan asked barely above a whisper, looking at her as if she was sitting on the other side of a glass wall.

Elena thrust up her chin a little. "You said you wanted to know if I was sure what I was doing," she said quietly, gently but her voice couldn't be further from faltering. "That's the best proof of certainty I can think of," she added under her breath.

* * *

There was an old church in Berryville and that was where they first stopped. Under a ruined stone wall there was an opening, covered by grass, with steps leading underground into a long, murky tunnel.

"You were going to take Elena here?" Jeremy asked incredulously, following the faint ray of light emitted by the flashlight. "It's a rather spooky date idea."

"She's a vampire. _That_'s spooky," Damon replied, shifting the light left to right, scanning the walls with his eyes narrowed.

They found a glass door that led to a room Jeremy had expected to be the size of a cell, but instead it turned out to be a cave as vast as a house. The gust of wind that rushed out of the room nearly knocked Jeremy to the ground before he stepped inside. When he entered the room after Damon, his eyes widened at the sight of a lake in the middle of it.

"It's not the Fountain of Youth, is it?" Jeremy asked jokingly, looking around.

"Do I look like I need one?" Damon asked, taking the first of several empty vials from Jeremy who had started taking them out of his backpack.

"What is it?"

Damon bent down, submerging the vial into the water and waiting for it to fill up. "That's the eleventh question this hour."

Jeremy rolled his eyes.

* * *

It was only eleven o'clock when Elena got back home and she wasn't surprised no one was there. Caroline called and she agreed to meet her in the park. But when they met, Elena quickly picked up on all of her questions concerning Bonnie or Matt being dodged and it only made her more anxious, although she hoped that if something was really wrong Caroline wouldn't have the nerve to keep it secret from her.

"You're not cheerful," Caroline stated accusingly when they went out of the Grill after lunch.

"I'm not cheerful," Elena agreed in a cranky voice, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at her shoes as she walked next to Caroline, thinking back to her meeting with Stefan.

"_Could I ask you one more question, Elena? What would you do if the situation was reversed? What if it was me and... Lexi in that car? Would you get her out first if I asked you to?"_

_She repeated how glad she was that he had gotten Matt first, but Stefan insisted on her answering the question. She tried to argue that there was no sense in discussing it any further, that she'd never, not even for a second, felt anything but gratitude that he had listened to her and saved Matt, but she didn't manage to convince Stefan to let her get away without answering the question._

"_I know that, Elena. I know you meant it with all your heart. But I also think that somewhere deep, deep inside you felt disappointed."_

"_No, that's not true."_

"_So tell me what you would do? Would you save Lexi first? Or would you save me?"_

_She kept shaking her head, the more determined not to answer the more he pressed to hear her answer. But at last she gave up and with tears rolling down her cheeks she admitted that she wouldn't have listened to him, that she would have saved him first._

"_That's what I thought," Stefan said as if he had just found the last missing puzzle piece and the picture he was trying to put together was finally complete. "That's what I should've realized a long time ago."_

"You could at least _try_ to look cheerful," Caroline said with a sigh, shaking Elena out of her reverie.

Elena shot her a sidelong look. "Caroline, what's wrong?"

Somehow ceasing to think about the conversation with Stefan didn't make Elena feel any better. On the contrary, it left her free to concentrate on nothing else but that overwhelming, uncomfortable, harrowing sense of yearning. Clandestinely she slid her hand into her purse to check if she hadn't missed any calls.

Caroline stopped in her tracks, throwing her arms in the air and letting them fall to her sides while she tried to put her thoughts into words. "He didn't call. Not even once. And he doesn't answer his phone."

Elena looked startled then clueless for a second but after a moment she understood that Caroline was talking about Tyler.

"He's staying away to protect you," Elena said reassuringly.

Caroline tilted her head to the side, giving her an exasperated look. "You don't actually think that."

"I do think that," Elena said defensively, perplexed.

"But you don't think it's how it should be, do you?" Caroline demanded.

Elena sighed. "I'm sure he does what he thinks is best."

Caroline groaned. "Seriously, Elena. You should run for office. That would allow you to make most of your diplomatic speaking patterns." She walked to stand in front of Elena and looked her straight in the eye. "We've been best friends since the first grade. You owe me an honest answer. Do you think Tyler should be here right now with all of us or not?"

* * *

They visited a few more places and people in Berryville and although with only ten questions per hour at his disposal Jeremy couldn't make the most of his analytical skills and wasn't sure what was going to come out of the entire trip, he found himself thinking that it was the first time in a long time when while riding in a car he felt like he was on a trip and not on his way to or from a funeral.

* * *

It was at five o'clock that Elena began to worry. Jeremy had sent her a text message an hour earlier saying that everything was fine, but she would rather see for herself. She also couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling of missing something... missing _someone_. It manifested itself in the strangest way: every breath she took made her feel like she was pulling on an invisible thread that was tied to her heart. Every intake of breath _hurt_.

When the clock struck seven Elena was sitting in the kitchen, sipping on a blood bag and beginning to feel annoyed. She had done two loads of laundry, dragged a vacuum cleaner upstairs all the way from the basement, rearranged the plates in the cupboard (and accidentally breaking one or two in the process). Still, none of these activities made the time run any faster. Not to mention that she felt ridiculous doing laundry two days before all of them could potentially die.

Finally around nine she heard the car engine stop near the house, headlights lighting up the windows from outside before fading into the dusk. Elena jumped to her feet.

Jeremy opened the door with his key and walked inside, giving her a smile as if everything was in perfect order. She narrowed her eyes at him, preparing to glare with utmost-

Jeremy shut the door, looking at the bewildered expression on Elena's face questioningly.

"Where's Damon?" she asked, perplexed, her eyes darting to the windows where she noticed the headlights flash once again.

Forgetting about the necessity to appear indignant, she rushed outside, where the relief that swept over her upon the realization that Damon hadn't driven off yet was quickly replaced by irritation when she saw him leaning against the car, apparently waiting for her to dash out of the house like that.

She stopped abruptly in her tracks and then swirled around to head back home.

When she was on the porch he appeared in front of her and she looked up at him with a frown.

"How was your day, Elena?" Damon asked in a low voice, a crooked smile flickering across his face, even though his eyes were boring into her with so much intensity and seriousness that it made her breath catch in her throat.

"You didn't want to speak to me on the phone, you didn't talk to me all day and now you just wanted to drive off without a word," Elena said through her teeth. "Is that some kind of punishment?" she asked with an irritated grimace.

"Which part, you mean?" Damon asked with fake cluelessness. "And punishment for what?"

Elena crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. She tried to retain the glare even when he pulled her toward him, but when his lips began hovering inches away from hers she forgot how to glare.

"How was your day, _Elena_?" he repeated in that alluringly urgent voice that demanded an answer and she found herself leaning into him, her lips missing his only because he slightly tilted his head to the side.

"It was awful," she whispered, her eyes fluttering shut when his hand skimmed across her cheek and into her hair.

His breath ghosted across her neck. "Why?"

"Because," she slid her fingers into his hair, pressing on the back of his head, causing his lips to touch her skin. Still, he didn't kiss her. "I didn't see you, I didn't even hear from you all day." She didn't think she could sound any more helpless if she tried.

Her hands flew to his shoulders when he lifted his head and crashed his lips against hers, kissing her feverishly. She subconsciously realized they were clinging to each other, not just holding each other. They were slaloming between bonfires with fistfuls of matches. The abstract image came to her and it just felt fitting, it seemed to reflect the way in which he was reading her with his hands, as if she was porcelain-fragile, but at the same time like she wouldn't break no matter how roughly he was pressing her toward him, how her hair tangled in between his fingers, how his lips imprinted hot kisses all over her face.

"Where have you been?" Elena asked, finding it suddenly completely thrilling to ask mundane questions with her hand under his shirt, his lips wandering lazily across her cheek. It was alluring, the haziness of borders, the lack of need for catalysts and intermezzos. No regrets or apologies. No explanations. A smile for a glare. A kiss for an argument. It was a neverending circle and the order didn't matter, because each was done _in love_.

"In a church," Damon replied, smirking at the skeptical look on her face. "I have a witness. Ask him."

Elena smiled but then her expression faltered a little. "I promised Jeremy… He's got something planned for tomorrow. A short trip somewhere. A surprise trip. I don't know where."

Damon ran the backs of his fingers over her cheek. "And now you're waiting for me to throw a tantrum."

"No," Elena smiled. "I'm just sad that we lost an entire day today and tomorrow… and then it's that Sunday already," she sighed, glancing away. She looked back at him when he cupped her face in his hands.

"Don't think about that now, Elena. Go and have fun." He kissed her.

"Are you going to at least pick up when I call tomorrow?" She asked, resting her forehead against his.

Damon smirked. "Unless I'll be occupied otherwise."

Elena narrowed her eyes at him and then smiled against his lips when he kissed her again.

* * *

Ripping a piece of paper from a note on the refrigerator and grabbing a pen from his backpack, Jeremy quickly wrote down a few words and looked at them with a sigh.

His eyes darted to the front door when he heard Elena walk inside with a dejected look on her face. Jeremy smiled to himself and waited for Elena to walk upstairs before he ran outside through the kitchen door.

* * *

Damon was already getting into his car when he heard Jeremy call his name. He turned around and waited for him to catch up.

For a moment Jeremy seemed to search for the right words. "Elena and I are going to Sandbridge tomorrow," he said at last in a casual tone. "I thought she might like a day by the sea, away from Mystic Falls."

Damon opened his mouth to reply, but then froze at the sudden realization that he was just told the exact destination of what was supposed to be a surprise trip.

Jeremy nodded and for a moment seemed to ponder something again. Then he just wordlessly handed a piece of paper to Damon. "That's where we'll be staying."

Damon looked at the address and then at Jeremy who smiled briefly before turning around and heading back to the house.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Thank you so much for all the beautiful reviews! :):):)

_Warning:_ This chapter should probably be rated T+ (or M- lol), so if you're not comfortable with that, please read the first four sections and then skip to the last one ;)

Many thanks to my wonderful Beta: **arabian** (aka **arabean** who, btw, just posted the first & totally amazing chapter of her new DE story: How to Make a Better Vampire :)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 19**

"Don't tell me you're taking your computer with you," Elena said, giving Jeremy an incredulous look. "It's a one day trip, family bonding, quality time, remember?" she added, mimicking him.

Jeremy smiled, placing the laptop in the trunk and closing it shut. "Yeah," he squinted, "I just... don't like going anywhere without it."

Elena shook her head with an amused sigh and got into the car. "So. Where are we going?" She asked, starting the engine, putting her hands on the steering wheel in a ceremonious manner and giving Jeremy a questioning look when he slumped into the passenger seat.

"It wouldn't be a real surprise if I told you," Jeremy said, unfolding a map in his hands.

Elena laughed briefly under her breath. "I see it's going to be a _really_ surprising surprise."

Jeremy smiled to himself, his eyes fixed on the map.

* * *

Stefan lifted one of the vials from the table to the level of his face, scrutinizing the transparent liquid inside against the sunlight.

An exaggerated gasp made him look up and he watched Damon walk into the room.

"No surprise early morning visits planned for today?" Damon asked with mock-astonishment. "It's almost six, Stefan. You better hurry up if you don't want to miss an opportunity to ruin someone's day again."

Stefan looked at him unsmilingly. "Well, I figured it'd be more economical to learn how to ruin someone's entire life instead. Any tips?"

"I'd love to share my expertise with you, however… I have to run," Damon said, putting on his jacket. "But you can try asking that guy in the mirror over there," he said with a brief smile. "This is for you to drink, by the way," he added, pointing to the vial.

"What is it?" Stefan asked tonelessly.

"If you drink it, you'll save me the trouble of pouring it into your ear while you're sleeping," Damon replied with a wink.

"Really, Damon, what is it?" Stefan asked tiredly, his eyes grim.

Damon rolled his eyes. "It's the _scutum_. Pass the rest to the others." He slid the phone into his pocket. "You know," he wrinkled his forehead, making circular motions with his hand, "these people I antagonize on a daily basis," he said in a matter-of-fact, explanatory tone.

Stefan's eyebrows rose slightly. "Where did you get it?"

"Three-day sale at Wal-Mart. I've been clipping these coupons _forever_," Damon said with a sigh of exasperation, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Stefan asked in a voice that was still essentially toneless, but not quite and for some reason he regretted the question as soon as he asked it.

Damon seemed to hesitate for a split second before he glanced at Stefan over his shoulder. "See you tomorrow." He pulled the door open and walked out.

The door closed behind him with a thud and the dull sound echoed in Stefan's ears for a long time.

* * *

"I don't remember the lyrics!" Elena insisted with a chuckle, shifting her eyes between the road and Jeremy.

"Oh come on, Elena. Of course you do," Jeremy laughed, turning up the volume, loud music filling up the car, deafening their voices.

Shaking her head, Elena grimaced at Jeremy singing-a-long louder and more off-key than he had to. He kept that up until she at last joined in. Only then he slightly lowered his voice and they sang together the remaining part of the song.

When the song ended, for a moment they just listened to another song without speaking and then Elena turned off the radio and Jeremy looked at her questioningly.

"I want you to promise me that you won't go to that meeting with Klaus," she said in a low, firm, utterly serious voice, looking at the road.

Jeremy widened his eyes at her. "No, Elena, you're not doing that to me again. You have to stop with this big sister act. Seriously. I'm two years younger than you. It's stupid."

"I'm not doing this because you're younger than me, Jeremy," Elena said, shaking her head with a nervous laugh. "I'm doing this because I love you and I don't want you to get hurt." She looked at him intensely for a second before turning her eyes back to the road. "And there is no reason for you to get involved in any of this anyway," she added quietly with a wry grimace. "You're not a doppelganger or a vampire. You should and you can have a normal life. Or at least definitely more normal than mine," she added, glancing at Jeremy's ring.

"Oh there _is_ a very good reason for me to get involved, Elena." Jeremy huffed in exasperation. "And the reason is that I love you and I don't want you to get hurt."

Elena sighed, glancing at him with sad eyes. "Promise me," she said in a determined voice, "that you stay… wherever it is that we're going now. I'll call when it will be over."

"I'm not going to just sit somewhere while all of you-"

"Jeremy, please," Elena interrupted him. "If you really want to help, that's the best thing you can do. Nothing will help me as much as knowing that you're safe."

Jeremy kept grimacing and shaking his head.

Elena drew a breath, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. "Don't make me compel you," she whispered in a hollow voice and Jeremy darted his eyes to her.

"You wouldn't."

"We did before," she muttered.

"Yeah," Jeremy said with sigh, turning to look out of the window. "You and your _fiancé_."

Elena stifled a smile and tried to look indignant instead. "Stop making fun of my engagement."

"I'm not making fun. It just… freaks me out," Jeremy said both amused and serious. "Doesn't it freak you out?"

"What?" Elena glanced at him, perplexed.

"That he'll always be able to pull the 'we're married' card on you?"

Elena's eyelids fluttered quickly and she glanced away, biting back a smile, not sure how to explain without embarrassing herself that she actually found the prospect ridiculously exhilarating.

* * *

"And good morning to you too," Damon said, pushing on the door with his hand before Bonnie managed to close it.

"Go away."

"As soon as you tell me what's your plan of action."

Bonnie opened the door a little bit more ajar. "First, I'll make your head hurt so much you'll wish to be beheaded, then I'll throw you against that tree," she said, pointing straight ahead and Damon turned to look at the tree, "and as a finishing touch I'll set you on fire."

"I hope you mean that literally because I'm already spoken for," Damon said, turning back toward her.

"Maleficent finally said yes?"

They exchanged narrow-eyed, humorless smiles.

"I really don't have time to chat right now, so why don't you just highlight the main points?" Damon tried again, looking at her intently.

"The main point is that I'm not going to tell any of you anything," Bonnie said through her teeth, glaring at him.

"Why?" Damon asked with a grimace, losing patience.

Bonnie's irritation on the other hand seemed to fade into utter seriousness. "If I require the nature to help, I can't manipulate it. You can't just play your parts. It doesn't work that way." Damon looked at her, his forehead wrinkled, eyebrows furrowed. "Magic is not about pretending or faking anything," Bonnie continued in an agitated whisper. "It's about endowing the truth with power. That is all." She added in a louder, blanker voice and looked at him for a moment before slamming the door shut.

Damon knocked again and Bonnie opened the door giving him an exasperated look.

"You have your plan then and I have mine." He handed her a small vial, shot her a grim look and turned around.

Bonnie looked at the vial with a frown on her face. "Don't _do_ anything," she said through her teeth. "Leave it to me."

Damon turned around. "Define 'it.'"

"I know it's going to be hard for you, but I'm afraid you'll just need to trust me," she whispered dryly.

Damon averted his eyes with a half-snort, half-grimace. "Give me one good reason why."

Bonnie looked at him, a flicker of an amused smile tugging on her lips at the expression she expected to see on his face when he would hear her answer. "Because I trust you." Damon blinked. "All of you. Myself included," Bonnie added almost grimly, straightening up and taking a step inside the house. "And that's pretty much all we've got," she said, closing the door shut.

* * *

After collecting the key from the lobby and leaving their belongings in a small vacation house near the sea, Elena and Jeremy went straight to the beach where they stretched a blanket over the sand and slumped down onto it to gaze at the ocean.

The afternoon sun draped a wide strap of sunlight across the water and all the way toward the horizon. Elena buried her feet deeper in the warm sand and closed her eyes, the breeze brushing over her face, the scent of the sea enveloping her anew with every gust of wind that tugged on her hair. She smiled to herself imagining that it wasn't the wind, that it was Damon who was twirling her hair around his fingers, trailing feathery-light kisses over her face. No, no. She sighed. Too light, too gentle. It merely grazed her skin. It didn't make her shiver. It couldn't imitate the warmth of his lips.

Her eyes snapped opened at the sound of Jeremy's voice. Unable to recall what he had just said, she only managed to notice that he rose to his feet, brushed the sand off his jeans and went off toward a canteen. Blinking quickly to shake herself into consciousness, Elena deeply inhaled the refreshing air, taking in her surroundings. The beach was almost empty save for a few people in the distance, their small silhouettes barely visible.

Pulling up her legs, Elena rested her chin on her knees and looked at the ocean, letting the sight and the sound of the waves swallow her, fill up her heightened senses.

How strange that death should lead to eternity, she thought, trying to think about the future but somehow the constant memory of what could happen on the next day kept thwarting any plans she was trying to make. So she focused on thinking about the past instead. _"You knew I wouldn't let you do that. You know I won't let you die. I will never let you die." _Elena tilted her head to the side, smiling to herself. Everything felt so mysterious and magical when she was thinking about that now. Even that dark night when she had completed the transition. Maybe it was wrong to feel that way... But she didn't want to think it was wrong. It didn't feel wrong to her. She drew an unhurried breath. Love could make everything right. Love always made the right choices.

Suddenly, Elena heard a faint rustling noise behind her and she stiffened. At first she thought it was an illusion caused by prolonged looking straight into the sun, but after a moment she realized it was something else. Glancing around herself she noticed white fog slowly wrapping itself around her.

She was baffled for a split second, caught off guard by the sight but then a thought crossed her mind. Drawing a hasty breath she sprung up to her feet and whirled around. When she did, she found herself face to face with Damon.

He smiled, tilting his head to the side like he had done when they had met the second time for the first time and all of a sudden it felt completely superfluous to even question his presence. Elena flung herself into his arms and he locked her in an embrace, pressing his cheek to the side of her head and closing his eyes when she wrapped her arms around his neck as tightly as possible.

"I'm so happy you're here," she whispered against his neck, feeling him smile into her hair, hugging her close to him.

"I'm happier."

Elena drew back to look at him. "Is that a challenge?"

For a while they stood looking and smiling at each other, but then a gust of wind from the ocean sent strands of Elena's hair flying against Damon's face and they stopped. It was neither day nor night, it was impossible to tell the color of the sky and the sea was just a figment of imagination. All that was real - was them. The rest was just an accidental stage, an empty movie set.

Damon propped Elena's chin with his hand and pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth, his breathing replacing the wind, his scent taking over the scent of the sea, the sound of his voice deafening the waves.

It was a story in which there were moments that happened, those that didn't, some that happened twice. There were cloths of memories slashed with knives and no amount of trampled stars had ever proved quite enough to tear them apart. It hadn't felt right back then, Elena thought, memories flickering across her shimmering memory, trying to run away only to end up in a car with him. Or in her room. Or in his. Hundreds of places where they hadn't belonged, not together, at least. And then at some point she had realized, without actually ever realizing it, that he had been everywhere. His face in her nightmares and in her dreams, until she couldn't tell the ones from the others. Running away meant meeting again. It was like a chart, a list of all imaginable feelings with empty check boxes next to them. And to their mutual, unshared bewilderment she had started ticking them all off, one by one. I care about you. I hate you. I like you. I trust you. I love you.

"Elena." Damon whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. They didn't kiss, but his voice was made of thousands of kisses and she smiled, outlining the contour of his lips with her fingertips. "_Elena_."

His lips brushed against her fingers when he spoke and she shivered, clenching her other hand around his shoulder.

"I thought there was life," Elena whispered, grasping on the shreds of thoughts, looking at him, her eyelashes tickling his eyelids, "and within... and beneath life there was love. But it isn't like that at all." Damon's hand slid across her back like a fiery shadow. "There is love and everything else is within, beneath, below." She had wanted to say something completely different, something bright, but the words came to her on an impulse and she spoke without caring if she made much sense.

He kissed her cheek, drew a breath. "There is only _you_ and everything else-"

"Yes," her eyes lit up, for he seemed to understand. "Yes, yes, I know," she whispered feverishly, tilting her head just enough to touch his lips with hers, his mouth hovering suspended over the skin of her cheek. "That's why you can't turn it off. Love is not a part of humanity. It doesn't disappear with it. It doesn't die. It can't be turned off. It is humanity that is a part of love."

"Elena." Damon's hands cradled her shoulders, her neck, her face. "He can't make you turn it off," he said quietly through his teeth.

Elena blinked, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You didn't see that happen," she whispered, the ticking of that clock still pulsating on the outskirts of her memory. Damon grimaced, his eyes wandering around her face. "I did."_ Like a car crash_, Elena thought with a twinge of numb pain in her chest. When you think of it it's _impossible_, but then you lose control of the car and it's just happening, you're falling, you can't breathe... and then it's over.

"You just said yourself why it can't happen," Damon said under his breath, a faint, warm smile ghosting across his face.

Elena smiled through her tears. "Promise me it won't happen to us," she whispered after a pause, her voice faltering, because it was an impossible request, because it wasn't fair, because she had no right and because she knew he would promise her that in a heartbeat.

Damon nodded imperceptibly, running his thumb over her lips. "I promise," he said, because making promises was a part of it too, just like conquering it all, like never leaving, like dying. Like a happy ending.

Elena smiled, lifting her forehead, the cool wind taking place of his warm skin, making her flinch. Damon kissed her hand and looked at her and it only took her a moment to understand the question. Her fingers closed around his hand, nails digging into his skin.

He pulled her hand, invisible chains falling soundlessly into the sand as they broke into a run. The wind was pushing against them, the sand tripping them. They fell once, twice and then laughed, ran again, walked hand in hand by the water edge.

They stopped a few times to look around, to stare at the sea, to shift their hands in each other's grasp, fingers entwined, inseparable.

When they reached the pier it was almost completely obscured by sunlight and Elena had to shield her eyes while walking toward one of the boats. Damon stepped aboard a white yacht and before Elena raised her foot to follow he scooped her into his arms and placed her back on her feet inside the boat where she sank softly into the cushioned deck.

She continued holding his hand, leaving the task of untying the boat to his other hand alone. When she realized that, he looked up at her with a smile and she smiled back, squeezing his hand even tighter, dismissing the idea of letting go.

Slowly, the boat drifted away from the pier. Damon started the engine and Elena's breath caught in her throat when they rushed across the water. He draped his arm around her and she contemplated the immaculate color of the ocean. After a few minutes, however, she buried her face in his chest to hide from the impact of the wind.

"Look around, Elena," Damon whispered into her ear. "It's a beautiful day."

Elena slightly tilted back her head and opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. Damon's eyes darted to her, searching her face and then suddenly eternity shrank into that one moment when she looked back at him.

Without averting his eyes from her, he turned off the engine and the yacht slowly drifted to a halt. Damon gathered Elena to him and her hands flew to his shoulders, trembling so much it made them both smile.

"Don't make fun of me," she warned in a soft, amused voice.

"How could I?" he asked, taking her hand and placing it flat over his racing heart.

"Mine... too," she whispered, expecting him to place his hand on her heart, but instead he bent his head and pressed his ear to her chest.

She gasped, her hands sliding from his shoulders to his head, into his hair. Awkwardly, she tried to pull his lips to hers. But instead of just lifting his head, he dragged his lips upwards very slowly, lingering on her collarbones, leaving a trail of kisses along her neck. By the time his lips were tracing her jawline she had his shirt mostly unbuttoned, her hand still covering his heart, but the black fabric no longer separating his skin from her touch.

Drawing back barely enough to look at her, Damon cradled Elena's face in his hands and gazed at her for such a long time she started to laugh.

"If you're waiting for me to faint, it may happen sooner than you think," she whispered, choking on the words, her breathing shallow and uneven.

"That's the last thing I want you to do, Elena," Damon said with a small smirk, sifting her hair through his fingers and caressing her face with open palms. "I'm just writing this down in my memory."

She smiled, her eyes glimmering with cheerful solemnity. "Journaling made simple. I like it."

They looked into each other's eyes and then the sea and the sky collided and crashed, burst into the darkness and millions of lights interlaced together when they kissed, impatiently, hungrily, with too much hope, too much love.

Somehow it was easier to breathe now, drawing only hasty intakes of breath in between the kisses. His arms were warm around her and she snuggled as close as possible, getting lost in the taste of his mouth, so sweet with a dram of something tangy she couldn't name and it tormented her. The harder she kissed him, the closer she thought she was getting to defining what it was, but then they would draw apart for a split second and everything would start all over again.

But she wasn't lost, Elena subconsciously corrected herself. She was drowning and falling, but didn't feel lost, couldn't feel lost with him chanting her name. It sent shivers through her every time, because it sounded like he meant it, every time. He wasn't just repeating it in abandon. He was saying _her name_. He was kissing _her_. They didn't blend into the moment; it wasn't about what was happening. It was about _them_ together.

She didn't know if it was something she guessed or a broken thought of his that she accidentally heard in her head, but it suddenly occurred to her that it was the first time he was being kissed like that by someone who loved him. The realization stung her, angered her, hurt her and she tore her lips from his and panted the words into his ear, against his skin, against his mouth before they kissed again. The kiss was gentler now, slower and more thorough and she dug her fingernails into his arms, squeezed her eyes shut as tight as possible to keep hot tears from falling down her cheeks. She had never felt such unbounded joy that made her feel so light, so alive without a trace of fear that it would end, break, fade away.

They stumbled backwards onto the main deck, tripping over their shoes. Damon pushed Elena's dress off her shoulders and buried his face in her neck, kissing and nibbling but not drawing any blood. When she pulled him in for another kiss there were no labyrinths of veins on his face, neither was there any on her face, she knew, and she silently marveled at that for a second before her thoughts shattered at the touch of his hands cupping her breasts through the thin fabric of her blue dress. He deftly pushed down the zipper on the back and when she felt the dress pool around her feet he closed her in his arms again and she struggled to open her eyes.

It had a dizzying effect on her - his touch, the waves rocking the yacht, the sunlight. Blindly, with half-hooded eyes she reached out to tug his shirt off him. Running her hands up his arms she imprinted a few open-mouthed kisses over his chest. She felt his blazing eyes focus on her face when with trembling hands she began fumbling with his belt.

He interrupted her by crashing her against him, kissing her, his hands roaming over her bare skin, fingers getting caught in the straps of her bra and in the next moment it was gone and her breath caught in her throat when her breasts were smoothed against his chest, his embrace tightening, his mouth finding hers again and they kissed like they had for the first time, lips locking in a soft, motionless kiss.

When it ended, everything else that separated her skin from his was cast aside and her heart began pounding furiously in her chest when he looked at her - with his eyes, his hands, the merciless scrutiny that made her gasp and writhe underneath him as they sank to the white cushion-covered deck. His mouth kept returning to hers and the kisses were calming her down, balancing the heat and the frenzy like a recurring love confession.

Elena ran her open palms over Damon's back, pulling him closer as if there was no proximity that would be good enough, close enough. His lips skimmed across her chest, coming back to her mouth through the path that led along her neck, over her chin. His face hovered above hers and her eyes fluttered open, mouth quivering when a shudder ran through her at the touch of his hand, all of her senses drawn to the light movement of his fingertips brushing the inside of her thigh.

Their eyes locked and fervently, she cradled his face in her hands when they shared an unhurried kiss, eyes blinking close before opening again.

She could hear his heartbeat in her ears, the sound of his voice floating over her and she was once again struck by the spellbinding intensity of his gaze that left no doubt that he was looking at her, that he wasn't caught up in a moment, entranced by a feeling alone. He was entranced by her.

He whispered her name and her hands clutched his shoulders; they looked into each other's eyes for as long as it was possible before the sudden loss of any remaining distance between them caused their eyes to flutter shut, the overwhelming feeling of complete closeness making them shudder.

His name left Elena's lips in a moan and Damon buried his face in her neck, in her hair, laying very still for a second before lifting his head and pressing a breathless kiss to her lips. With the greatest effort, she wrapped her arms that felt so incredibly heavy around him, the sway of his hips scattering stars behind her eyelids. When she started matching his movements there were flames flaring up and rushing across her skin, lingering on the tips of her fingers and her toes.

He kissed her and she parted her lips, thrown off balance by the lack of rhythm that made every movement unexpected, electrifying. Slow, deep thrusts interspersed with fast, almost jarring strokes that made her cling to him, cry out his name, her voice as hoarse as his when he whispered her name into her hair. Relentlessly, he was moving inside her and she let the enthralling sensations carry her into the place where there was only him and her, him and her. She tossed her head to the side, shivers running through her when she felt his lips trace hot kisses up and down her neck.

She struggled to open her eyes and when she did she saw that he was looking at her, eyes dark and glimmering and she could see a glimpse of her own reflection in them. His mouth wandered over her damp hairline, her half-open lips and only when she felt his lips skim over the skin near her eyes did she realize he was kissing away her tears. She didn't even know there were tears on her face. And then between her eyes fluttering open and shut she noticed that glimmering in his eyes were tears as well and she wanted to cry, to laugh, to scream at him and at herself for being so fragile, so mad.

"I love you."

Elena smiled weakly at their voices blending together. The words filled the air, filled every fiber of her body. There were flames and a flood, a storm after a storm rushing through her for a moment long enough to make her shatter and burn and drown and soar until she couldn't breathe, couldn't live, couldn't die.

He crashed into her arms and she held him, held onto him until he rolled them over and gathered her into his arms.

They gazed at each other until the dusk, gazed at the stars kissing and whispering, their embrace so tight not even the moonlight could glide in between them when at last they closed their eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

After spending a couple of hours on the beach by himself, Jeremy folded the blanket, grabbed his laptop and took one more look at the sea before heading back to the vacation house.

He sprinted up the steps, opened the door with the key and walked inside. The setting sun was flooding the room through the unveiled windows.

Nothing seemed off to him at first, but then he suddenly felt somebody's presence behind him. When he abruptly turned around he saw Klaus standing near one of the windows, his smile broadening proportionately to how Jeremy's eyes widened in dismay.

"And where would our lovely Elena be?" Klaus asked, glancing toward the door with a mockingly expectant look on his face.

"I don't know," Jeremy said through his teeth.

Klaus chuckled with exaggerated amusement. "I knew you'd say that."

"It's not Sunday today," Jeremy said in the coldest tone he could muster.

"That's a very good point," Klaus agreed immediately with a falsely apologetic look on his face. "But you see, I forgot... in the invitation, I should've probably put it there," he sighed, his forehead wrinkling in thought, "I forgot to mention the party was happening on Sunday, but before the party there always have to be some, some... preparations, right?" Klaus smiled, tilting his head to the side, regarding Jeremy for a second with mockingly laughing eyes before repeating his initial question in a voice that now sounded slightly less amused and more menacing. "So... where's Elena?"

Jeremy clenched his jaw. "I don't know," he said, pronouncing each word with exaggerated distinctiveness.

Klaus smiled, but this time the smile was overtly sour. "You may want to reconsider being difficult."

"She's eighteen. She went for a walk. Didn't say when she'd be back," Jeremy said sardonically.

Klaus dropped his gaze to the floor nodding pensively. Then, all of a sudden he pounced toward Jeremy and gripping his throat he slammed his back against the wall.

"Then I guess we'll just have to leave her a note and hope she'll join us," Klaus hissed, throwing Jeremy to the ground. "It's a shame, though," Klaus continued, while Jeremy was very slowly getting up from the floor, his face contorted to validate the slowness of movements meant to conceal his attempts to put to a better use his furtive texting skills mastered at school. "I was going to grant you a few hours of family time before..." Klaus trailed off and then before Jeremy realized what was happening his hand got twisted at an unnatural angle and his phone landed in Klaus' hand.

"You spelled my name wrong," Klaus said with a sad expression on his face and then shoved the phone against Jeremy's head so hard that it left a deep, bloody mark. "I hope ungratefulness doesn't run in your family," Klaus said, walking off and grabbing Elena's new journal from the table. "I hope your sister will at least appreciate the fact that instead of making her search for a lamb herself I'll provide her with one," he continued, thumbing through the empty pages, "so the spell could be performed without unnecessary delay."

Straps of pictures fell out from between the pages of the journal and Klaus picked them up and looked at them with a chillingly gleeful grin on his face.

Jeremy blinked. "You want her to kill Matt?" He asked in dismay struck by the idea.

Klaus grimaced. "No. You see, that's yet another gracious gesture of mine that I hope will meet with due appreciation. I could just resort to some," he waved his hand, "random options instead. After all, my only concern should be to ensure that the donation line won't end. For all I care, any human would do, but I figured that Elena might prefer… what's his name again?" He wrinkled his forehead. "For sentimental reasons." He smirked.

Jeremy felt like he was losing the ability to comprehend the words being spoken. He thought he knew what Klaus was talking about, but then he didn't because it was just too ridiculous and in a way too appallingly simple.

"I just want her to have a happy, human life," Klaus clarified, amused by the bewildered expression on Jeremy's face. "Well, I also want her blood and the blood of all the future doppelgangers, but it's a pretty decent trade-off, don't you think?" He placed the open journal down on the table, tore off one of the pictures and dropped the rest of them over the empty pages.

"I don't think he'll understand, though," he added, tapping his fingers over one of the photos. "So we may need to run a stake through his heart." He sighed. "But to answer your question," he continued with renewed enthusiasm and Jeremy couldn't even remember if he had actually asked any questions, his mind reeling in growing horrification. "She's not going to kill Matt," Klaus said, taking a lighter out of his pocket and setting the pictures and the journal on fire. He glanced up at Jeremy. "She's going to kill _you_."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! :)

I'm back from vacation, so the remaining two chapters should be posted within the next two weeks :) I won't be adding an extra chapter, however, this chapter below is VERY long, so it shall make up for the lack of ch.23 ;)

Also, I'd like to give a shout out to Katie from tumblr :) Thanks to the de_daily community on livejournal I came across your wonderful home_is_where_delena_is blog and was completely amazed by a certain gorgeous graphic that you made AND WITH THE FOG TOO *faints*

Beta: **arabian** – Thank you SO MUCH! :)

Please note: any instances of OOC-ness that you may find in this chapter are all mine. Elena, Klaus and especially my amazing Beta are not to be blamed lol

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 20**

He knew he arrived too late the moment he saw the door being left open, the wind swinging it back and forth allowing the faint early morning light creep inside.

With a grim expression Stefan walked inside the vacation house, closed the door behind him and looked around, a half-charred journal and an abandoned laptop making the frown on his face deepen. When he noticed a piece of paper nailed to the kitchen door he flashed toward it, grabbed the note and read it with his brows furrowed.

He pulled a phone out of his pocket, but before he managed to make a call, the door was pushed open and Stefan instinctively stepped back into the kitchen and into the shadows. The small kitchen window was still dark, the cloudy sky at five in the morning emitting little light.

Two people walked inside making noise despite hushing each other. Stefan froze at the sound of laughter, both familiar and entirely foreign.

"I don't want to wake Jeremy up," Elena whispered, trailing soft kisses back and forth across Damon's lips, her hands clasped behind his neck.

"We can compel him if he happens to walk in on something he'll consider too disturbing to remember," Damon said dismissively in a matching tone, closing the door with his foot all the while holding Elena in tight embrace, his arms around her waist.

Elena buried her face into Damon's shoulder to muffle her laughter. He smiled into her hair and then started pressing kisses all over her face. She turned her head and placed her forefinger across his lips.

"Shhhh" Elena said through her teeth, her eyes sparkling with laughter.

"If you want me to be quiet, _Elena_," Damon said, narrowing his eyes at her in a smirk, "you need to stop doing _this_."

"Doing what?" Elena blinked in amused confusion. "I'm not-" she trailed off and giggled under her breath when Damon took her hands in his and guided them under his shirt.

They stumbled across the room kissing. When they knocked down a small lamp in the process, they broke the kiss and Elena gasped. Somehow when the lamp fell, the ceiling light went on and the room brightened around them.

She looked up at Damon and then quickly turned to follow his gaze.

"At the risk of sounding unjustifiably rude, what are you doing here?" Damon asked wryly, squinting.

"I tried to call," Stefan replied tonelessly, his eyes flickering toward them but then darting away as if the sight burned his eyes, "but none of you was answering." He was grateful for the bright, artificial light making the glow in Elena's eyes less noticeable, but he could still see her tousled hair and that was enough to make his heart clench repeatedly to the point at which he wasn't sure he could take it anymore.

Elena blinked, any embarrassment she might feel because of the situation turning into panic. "Where's Jeremy?" She rushed to one of the bedrooms, then to the other, but both rooms looked just like they had upon their arrival on the previous day.

"Elena." Damon called her, flipping the note that Stefan had handed to him toward her.

She read it quickly, a look of despair appearing on her face. "We have to go there immediately," she said, choking on the words.

"Go - yes, we - no," Damon said, whirling her away from the door.

"Can we discuss this in the car?" Elena asked through her teeth.

He should've noticed this before, Stefan thought dully. When she was glaring at Damon or arguing with him it didn't mean they were at odds. She was just expressing her emotions at the moment. She was being herself with him at all times without worrying what he would think or say or do. Stefan looked away. She was never that brash with him and strangely enough, the realization hurt him. It hurt him almost more than the way Elena's fingers slid in between Damon's when after turning her away from the door he kept her hand in his grasp. Almost.

* * *

Jeremy slowly opened his eyes and looked at the dark ceiling above, blinking a few times while trying to remember what had happened. _Klaus happened_, he told himself with a chuckle that turned into a cough because of how dusty the air around him was. He sat up and giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness he looked himself up and down. His arm was twisted or perhaps even broken, he thought running his other hand over the boned. It was difficult to tell since he couldn't feel any pain.

He glanced around the small room he was in, suddenly noticing someone lying on the floor not very far away from him.

"Matt!" Jeremy leaped toward him, trying to shake him out of unconsciousness as he had no doubt he wasn't dead, considering Klaus' plans. "Matt!"

After a longer while Matt began to stir and at last his eyes snapped open. "Am I dead?" he asked, sitting up with a grimace.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're still alive. And still human," Jeremy added, squinting. "Sorry."

Matt chuckled but a severe headache quickly turned his smile into another grimace.

Jeremy went on searching his pockets, smiling when he found something in an inner one. "Here," he said, unwrapping a cloth from around a small glass vial with transparent liquid inside. "Drink this," he said, giving the vial to Matt.

"What is it?" Matt asked, scrutinizing the vial with one eye closed.

"It's called _scutum _or something like that. If you drink it, you won't be able to feel pain for three days," Jeremy explained and then seeing a half-skeptical, half-amused look on Matt's face added. "It works. I drank it yesterday," he said, pointing to his broken arm.

Matt frowned and drank the contents but then his eyes widened slightly. "Bonnie gave it to you?" He asked in alarm.

"No. It's from Damon." Jeremy gave him a questioning look. "Why?"

"I'm not sure we should've drunk it had it been from Bonnie," Matt said dejectedly, remembering the circumstances of being brought... wherever it was that they were right now.

"Why?" Jeremy asked again, feeling a twinge of cold at Matt's words.

Matt looked at him for a moment as if he hesitated if he should say what he was about to say. "Because I think she's on Klaus' side."

"Why would you say that?" Jeremy asked after a pause, sounding more annoyed than worried.

Matt sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I heard them talk."

"Bonnie and Klaus?"

Matt nodded and fell silent for a second. Jeremy prompted him to explain giving him a questioning look. "It was Bonnie's idea. She suggested it to him," Matt said in a low voice, wrinkling his forehead in an oddly compassionate grimace that annoyed Jeremy even more.

"What was her idea?" Jeremy asked impatiently.

Matt sighed. "For you to be brought here."

* * *

The sky was colorless when they were leaving Sandbridge behind. Elena leaned her head against the window, narrowing her eyes at the gray ocean vanishing in the distance. She pushed her hair behind her shoulders and for a moment felt incredibly sad about leaving this place so soon.

But then she told herself that the main reason for this town acquiring such a prominent place in her heart was sitting right next to her, so there was no real reason to feel sad. She smiled to herself, leaning back in the passenger seat, but deliberately not turning her head toward Damon. There was something so soothing about _knowing_ he was there without the necessity to actually look and check that he was. She wondered if it was because of her heightened vampire senses that she could so intensely _feel_ his presence. Or maybe it was because they had passed all thresholds, crossed all the bridges, made all invisible walls between them crumble into ashes – and millions of glittering stars.

Or maybe it was because his presence made her believe that everything was going to be alright, that Jeremy was going to be alright.

"What does Klaus want with Jeremy?" Elena asked grimly, forcing herself out of her reverie.

Out of the corner of her eye she looked at Damon's hands, his fingers curled up around the steering wheel, black cuffs rolled up above his wrists. She wondered why it made such a great, overwhelming, thrilling difference that now she knew how his hands and his lips felt against every inch of her skin.

"Do you really want to know the answer to this question, Elena?" Damon said in his grim, focused voice that made Elena shot him a sidelong glance.

"Klaus won't do anything until we get there," Damon added reassuringly, prompted by Elena's lack of response to his question. "Well," he drew a breath, "until _I_ get there," he said and just like he had expected Elena's eyes darted to him.

"I _am_ going there, Damon," Elena retorted calmly, smoothing out her dress. "End of discussion."

"There's no discussion," Damon agreed in a mockingly lighthearted tone. "You aren't going," he repeated seriously.

Elena huffed in exasperation. "You can keep repeating that if it makes you feel better, but I'm going anyway," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"This isn't a good idea, Elena," Damon said firmly. "This isn't even a bad idea. This is a _not-gonna-happen_ idea."

"Do you think making Klaus angry is a better idea?" Elena asked with a grimace. "How do you think he'll react when I won't show up?"

"If it interests you so much I'll take notes and relate to you his reaction to that in great detail," Damon snapped, blinking in irritation.

Elena was silent for a second. "This is my fault Jeremy-"

"I was waiting for this," Damon muttered under his breath and looked at her. She was staring at her hands. "_Elena_. It's not your fault. Had you shipped him to Iceland Klaus still might have found him." Elena didn't look any happier at the suggestion. "Everything that's happening around you – none of it is your fault or your achievement. It's what you _do_ about what is happening that is."

She shot him a sidelong glance and then turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were brighter for a second but then they dimmed again. "But I don't know what to do."

Damon watched her out of the corner of his eye and seemed to struggle with his thoughts before saying. "I'd say walking into the fire is good enough."

Elena's eyes darted to him. "Caroline said Bonnie has a plan," she said with hope in her voice, feeling better now that the issue of her going to the meeting with Klaus was settled.

"Yes," Damon said with a sour smile. "_A_ plan about sums it up."

"Either way, you do know only Bonnie can find a permanent solution to this?" Elena argued in a determined voice. Damon looked away with a frown on his face. "What can _we_ do? Negotiate a delay? Run? We have to trust Bonnie."

"That's what she said."

"You spoke to her?" Elena widened her eyes at Damon, turning in her seat. So many road trips, she thought, so many times they had been driving somewhere like that but only now she could just simply lean toward him and kiss him wherever she wanted and all of a sudden it was the most comforting thought in the world and nothing could threaten the sense of safety that came with it.

"Let's say I didn't feel particularly enlightened by that conversation," Damon said, squinting into the distance again and Elena wondered if he was also juggling two discussions at the same time.

She tilted her head to the side, looking at him intently. "Damon."

He glanced at her. "Don't do that," he said warningly.

"Do what?" Elena widened her eyes at him.

Damon shifted his eyes to her. "That... eye-thing that you do," he said furrowing his brows and imitating her tone.

Elena chuckled and pressed her cheek to her hand after placing it against the back of the seat. "We'll survive this," she said in a low, convincing tone, reaching out and brushing some strands of his hair from one side of his head to the other. "Someone's got your feathers all ruffled," she said, pursing her lips.

"You've no idea," he said, fighting a smile.

Elena leaned across the space between them and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Whatever Bonnie's planning on doing, if I won't show up I'll ruin it." She looked away, for a moment following the changing landscape in her window. "Because if there was anything she could plan ahead of time, it'd be us showing up," she shifted her gaze back to Damon who was pondering Bonnie's words that indeed had suggested something to that effect.

"So much for being sneaky and unpredictable." Damon glanced at Elena with a stifled sigh.

"We tried that," Elena said with a shrug. "It didn't work." She fidgeted in her seat, a small grimace appearing on her face.

Damon watched her out of the corner of his eye for a few moments before leaving only his left hand on the steering wheel and extending his right hand to Elena. "Feeling like breakfast?"

Momentarily caught off guard, she blinked and then shifted her eyes between his face and his hand.

"Eat your breakfast before it eats you," Damon said in melodic voice, running his fingers down Elena's cleavage.

She smiled, glancing at him in amusement. Taking his hand in hers she fondled it for some time before she closed her eyes, bent her head and bit into his wrist.

She had had two blood bags on the previous morning and once again she found herself subconsciously comparing the blood she was drinking now with all the different kinds of blood she had tried. While there was not much difference as far as quenching the thirst was concerned, the difference in taste seemed even greater now and she allowed herself an additional sip or two beyond what she felt was enough.

Drawing back, her fangs retracting, she watched his skin heal. "This is better than blood bags," she said under her breath, running her fingertips over the disappearing wound.

Damon smirked. "Careful. It's a limited edition if you don't drink it wisely."

Elena shot him a look and they smiled at each other.

"Now as for your breakfast..." She unfastened her seat belt and propping herself toward him, placed her right hand on the level of his mouth.

Damon opened his mouth to point out that doing this while he was driving wasn't a good idea, but Elena took this opportunity to press her wrist against his mouth and the scent of her skin and the blood underneath combined with the thirst made him reconsider any protestations. He slowly kissed and ran his tongue over her skin a few times before sinking his fangs in it.

When they had done this before, they had always drunk from each other's necks, so now it was the first time Elena could actually see Damon's face, the veins under his eyes spreading over the upper parts of his cheeks, his eyes turning redder and redder, something she probably wouldn't have seen even now if it wasn't for him keeping his eyes open in an effort to continue paying attention to the road.

It had made her flinch mentally in the past, because it was just too vivid a reminder of someone close to her not being human and it had always made her sad. But it was different now. She didn't flinch, but it still made her sad, even if for a different reason.

"_You should've met me in 1864. You would've liked me." _What had he meant when he had said that? She had a vague idea, or perhaps not so vague, all things considered. But she wished she knew more. What she could deduce by herself was that he missed it. That he treated being a vampire like a job. He might not like it, might even hate it, but he'd still get up every day and do what he was supposed to do and with a flair too.

"Did I hurt you?" Damon's muttered words shook Elena out of her reverie and she blinked at him in surprise.

"No, no. Why?" She asked, slowly retracting her already healed hand.

"You're frowning," he said, studying her face, shifting his gaze between the road and her.

Elena smiled faintly. "I was just thinking..." she hesitated, and then leaned her head on his shoulder, lifting it again for a second to let him wrap his arm around her. "Would you want to be human again?"

"Why do you ask?" Damon asked after a pause, glancing at her with the faintest shadow of uncertainty in his eyes.

"Because you didn't bite me yesterday," Elena blurted out the first thing that came to her mind that should make it clear she wasn't trying to suggest she was thinking about voluntarily going through with the re-transition.

Damon's eyes darted to her and he seemed surprised, but also mildly amused by her explanation. "Neither did you," he said softly, squinting a little.

She smiled without looking at him, his tone sending her a few hours back in time when the world was safe and calm, because his arms were the world.

But it didn't really change, Elena thought, the world didn't have to be bigger than that. Lifting her head, she pressed a few kisses across Damon's face. It made her feel so absurdly happy and carefree that she could just lift her head and kiss him like that. He kissed her back, briefly touching her lips with his, again and again.

"It just didn't feel..." she continued, trying to answer her own question, "didn't feel... necessary."

She felt him rest his head on top of hers. "Didn't feel right," he murmured.

Elena bit her lip. "So would you want to...?

"No," he answered neither too fast nor too slow.

"Why?"

"Because you're a vampire."

Elena rolled her eyes. "I'm asking," she sighed, searching of the right way of posing her question, "theoretically. If I wasn't a part of the equation."

"But you are."

She swatted at him playfully. "You're just evading answering the question."

Damon groaned under his breath.

"So?" Elena prompted when he didn't say anything for a while. "Would you?"

He was silent for a moment longer and then in a low, somewhat resigned voice repeated. "No." She shifted her head, peering up at his profile. His eyes were fixed on the road. "These kinds of questions are never plain, Elena. There always are _some_ parts of any equation."

Elena bit her lip and then smiled when she understood. "That's a good one to remember in case we decided to participate in the _Newlywed Game_," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not sure looking after baby brothers can count as a common interest," he said, catching her a bit off guard by guessing so quickly what she was about to say.

Elena smiled but then her smile faded into a frown. She drew back into her seat and slowly adjusted and fastened her seat belt. She glanced at Damon noticing he had been watching her intently throughout.

"I know this expression," he said, eying her warily.

"You do?" She asked, arching an eyebrow, trying to sound lighthearted but failing.

Damon's made an incoherent confirmatory sound. "It's a 'don't interrupt my suicidal plans, _please_' look."

Elena rolled her eyes. "No," she said, leaning her head against the head rest and lulling it toward the window and then toward Damon. "It's a 'please remember that I'll do anything for my brother' look."

Damon twitched his nose. "That's the same look," he said, pointedly widening his eyes at her.

Elena narrowed her eyes at him and opened her mouth to retort, but his hand shot out toward her and she fell silent under the touch of his fingertips against her lips. After a moment his hand slid down her body landing over her own hand in her lap.

"We're all going to get out of this unscathed," he said with calm determination and gave her a slow, lop-sided grin when she smiled.

They kissed but the kiss was brief, the traffic not really allowing for it to last. The sight of Stefan's car in front of them prevented Elena from blurting out a suggestion they stopped for a moment. She looked at Damon who seemed to read her thoughts and she hoped it was just a special ability of his and not the fact that her thoughts were so easy to read.

His eyes lingered on her for a moment longer before he wordlessly reached for his phone, flipping it open.

"Don't know about you," he started without an introduction, "but we're feeling a little filthy here. Can't give Klaus the satisfaction of beating us on appearances, can we? See you in a beat."

Elena blinked in slight confusion, following Damon's hand when he put his phone away and then redirecting her attention to him taking an abrupt turn and pulling off the road, heading toward... a car wash. Even though she still wasn't sure what was going on, she found herself holding her breath. Damon unfastened his seat belt and she automatically followed the suit. The car rolled into the car wash, the deafening sound of water splashing against the car accompanying the world being obscured by rotating brushes spreading soap all over the windows.

Without exchanging a word, they simultaneously fell into each other's arms and started kissing feverishly.

"I thought it's called a touchless car wash," Elena said breathlessly.

Damon smiled against her mouth, his hands roaming wherever they could reach. Then he suddenly pulled away. Elena's eyes snapped open and she looked at him in confusion.

"I'm sorry, Elena," he whispered with a hint of dismay in his voice. "What a stupid idea," he said in a self-scolding tone, glancing around.

Elena followed his gaze, realization hitting her. For a moment she watched the swirling water splashing against the car before looking back at Damon, cupping his face in her hands.

"It's OK," Elena said and when she blinked her eyes were glimmering with tears. "It's kind of symbolic, really," she said, trying to smile and nestling her face into his chest.

Damon wrapped his arms around her, one hand holding the side of her face when she pressed her cheek to his shoulder looking at the whirlwind of water and soap through the back window. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, sifting his fingers through her hair. She slipped her hand under his shirt, placing her outstretched palm over his back.

"I died because I ran away from you," she said so quietly that her voice was barely audible above the buzzing of water. She couldn't decide if the realization was age-old or brand new. "But you saved me anyway," she said with a brief half-sob, half-laugh, snuggling closer.

He tightened his embrace so much she could feel every fiber of her body pressing against him, his hand caressing her hair, his cheek leaning against her head.

"_You_ saved _me_," he said in a low voice and she thought he meant it as a metaphor, but then he added. "I was... He was... He was out of... He would've..." Damon trailed off with a hasty sigh. It didn't feel right to make it sound as if it was intentional on Alaric's side, so he couldn't bring himself to say it, but Elena understood.

She lifted her head from Damon's shoulder and looked at him. He ran his fingers over the side of her face and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Their foreheads touched and for a few moments they just clung to each other.

After a longer moment of comfortable silence Elena asked. "Is this the drying part already?"

Damon tilted his head, peering out of the windshield. "I think so," he deadpanned.

As soon as he looked back at Elena she crashed her lips against his smiling ones.

* * *

"I'm sorry, I wasn't quite prepared for early arrivals."

Caroline tilted her head to the side and very slowly turned around, her well-prepared bored expression failing her as soon as she noticed the person standing next to Klaus.

"What are you doing?" Caroline asked, staring at Bonnie who was looking back at her unblinkingly. The question was pointless but at least it provided an outlet for her thoughts.

Out of the corner of her eye Caroline could see a row of tall windows located so high the light coming through them barely illuminated the interiors. The large room looked like a ruined ballroom decorated with ridiculous amounts of withered flowers and black ribbons and balloons.

"This is for the best." To Caroline's surprise Bonnie spoke and it made Caroline cringe, because it somehow made Bonnie's presence and her apparent alliance with Klaus more real. "Vampires are an abomination," Bonnie continued in a calm, resolute voice, thrusting up her chin. "It's in Elena's best interest to be human again."

Caroline blinked. There was something odd about these words. No. There was something odd... about Bonnie's voice; Bonnie's calm, resolute tone that reminded Caroline of something...

"She'll be able to have a normal life," Bonnie continued in that voice again, her face perfectly composed, her eyes unfathomable.

Caroline glanced at Klaus' smirking face and then shivers ran up her spine.

Bonnie's voice didn't remind her of _anything_, because it was _fake_. A part of an act. Caroline drew a breath, switching on her combat mood, shooting Bonnie the most perfect glare she could muster. The whole situation would've been thrilling if it wasn't for the fact that at the end of the day all of them could just end up _dead_ dead.

"How do you know a normal life is what she wants?" _OK, that was stupid_, Caroline told herself deciding that getting carried away by the act was not a good idea.

Luckily, someone emerged from the shadows breaking into the conversation. "It's about the balance, Caroline," Abby said with rueful solemnity.

Klaus glanced away from them all. "I think our main guest has arrived," he said, squinting into the distance. "It seems everyone's early. If I knew this party would be such a hit I would've ordered appetizers," he said, strolling toward the door. "Bring the rest here," he added over his shoulder looking at Bonnie.

Caroline was afraid to look at Bonnie after Klaus had left the room in order not to ruin something... whatever that something was. Of course it was equally, well, it was _somewhat_ probable that it was just wishful thinking she was holding on to, but regardless of that she tried to occupy her attention with something more practical, like scanning her surroundings in search of a quick escape route- Her breath caught in her throat when she was suddenly pushed to the side of the room by an invisible force. Hardly keeping her balance she shot Bonnie a stunned look. Bonnie shrugged with a smug expression Caroline didn't even try to analyze and then left the room.

Caroline looked around the room noticing nine circles of dim light marking spots on the dark-tiled floor. When she tried to reach out of her own circle her hand collided with an invisible barrier. "Of course," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

* * *

Elena couldn't help sighing with relief when they finally arrived in front of the house where Klaus' absurd farewell party was going to take place. She didn't feel guilty about the slight delay, because it couldn't possibly matter, nonetheless she was impatient to see Jeremy.

"How do you feel?" Damon looked her up and down, holding the car door open for her.

"Unreasonably energetic," Elena said pointedly, holding his gaze.

Damon's mouth twitched into a smirk. "Sounds like an appropriate attitude for the occasion."

"Are we going in?" Stefan cut in, hands in his pockets as he looked at them with a desolate expression on his face.

Damon shut the car door and took Elena's hand in his. "Let's go."

* * *

The spelled circles were glowing faintly in the dimly lit room. _Like spotlights_, Caroline thought in annoyance. Fixed spaces, each reserved for one person, spelled to keep the person from moving outside of the circle. The dark floor tiles dully reflected the surroundings, the ribbons and balloons making the room look like some kind of a failed, cheap Halloween party.

Jeremy stared intently into one of the floor tiles as if checking if the looks of sympathy that Matt was sending his way every time Bonnie and Klaus exchanged a word were justified by the expression on his face.

"Maybe he compelled her," Matt offered from his circle.

Jeremy shot Matt a silencing look, feeling bothered enough by his own thoughts and not wishing to have them uttered out loud at all. He was grateful when Caroline broke into the conversation, redirecting Matt's attention to her.

"What is Bonnie's mom doing here anyway. She isn't even a witch anymore," Caroline said, crossing her arms over her chest. Matt shrugged. Caroline glanced at him. "Invaluable input. Thanks."

Matt slightly widened his eyes at her. "Hey, you don't need to lash out at me just because Tyler skipped town."

"Really, guys?" Jeremy looked between them, shaking his head in exasperation. "Shouldn't we like stick together or something?"

Matt snorted.

"Stick together," Caroline repeated in a sardonic tone. "We're _stuck _anyway," she said, glaring at the outline of her circle.

"Yeah, whatever," Jeremy said grimly. "Arguing won't help, that's for sure."

"Wow," Caroline said wryly. "One month in Denver and you're full of worldly wisdom."

Jeremy shifted his eyes to her but didn't have the time to answer, because Klaus returned to the room, followed by Stefan, Damon and Elena.

"A happy reunion, at last," Klaus said with a smile and then suddenly a gust of wind swept across the room and before anyone realized what was happening, the three latest guests found themselves trapped, each in a separate circle.

Very slowly, Elena shifted her eyes to Bonnie who lowered her hand and seemed to be looking at her without recognition.

Klaus' smile widened. "I see everyone found their assigned seats, so let us begin. It's a farewell party, after all, so it shouldn't be long. Or should it?" He seemed to silently debate over that for a while. "Here's what's going to happen," he continued after a pause. "We'll do our little," he waved his hand, "ceremony and once you, my dear, will become your good, old human self, we'll grab Matt and hit the road."

Elena and Matt exchanged bewildered looks.

"I think you've got some serious plot holes in that scenario," Damon observed wryly.

Klaus snickered. "Have I?" He asked, whirling toward Damon. "Or maybe you have. I'm sorry if my plans don't seem lucid to you. It's not like they need to," he added as an afterthought, "but since I'm feeling gracious today I'll explain it to you in greater detail. Remember our chit-chat over dinner the other night?" He asked looking between Damon and Stefan. "I voiced my concern over Elena's future and it turns out I couldn't have been more right. She ended up a vampire even sooner than I thought."

"You have Rebekah to thank for that," Stefan said coldly, his eyes fixed on Klaus in a dark stare.

"Oh, let's not go all the way back to who put my sister in such a bad mood," Klaus said with a mirthless sneer. "The fact remains that I'm not going to risk my doppelganger becoming a vampire again."

"We could sign an agreement with a liquid of your choice," Damon said through his teeth. "Ink, blood. Wolfsbane potion."

Klaus looked to the floor, absentmindedly tapping the dark tiles with his boot, a smile flitting across his face. "No, no, you see, been there, done that." He grimaced and looked up. "And who would guarantee to me you wouldn't just shove your wrist into her mouth as soon as you got out of here? Certainly not Stefan," Klaus added, chuckling under his breath in exaggerated amusement as if he had just said something hilarious. "So," he continued at last in a matter-of-fact tone, "I really think I'll rather take her out of town with me."

"And in your spare time you're planning on coaching your own football team," Damon said, widening and then narrowing his eyes at Klaus who gave him a confused look but then understanding dawned on him and his face brightened again as he glanced over his shoulder at Matt.

"You're so bad at this guessing game," Klaus said gleefully. "What I'm going to do is help two nice humans start a happy little family that restores my peace of mind concerning the recurring supply of doppelgangers in the future. I also consider this something of my personal redemption arc," he added with a smirk.

Elena stared at Klaus in incomprehension while a shadow passed across Damon's face settling in his eyes in the form of a glare that amused Klaus greatly.

Abby glanced at Bonnie who closed her eyes, mouthed a few words and then opened her eyes again drawing a slow, almost painful breath.

"Go to hell," Matt said from his circle on the other side of the room and even if it didn't help or change anything at all it made Elena feel a tiny bit better.

Klaus laughed soundlessly. "I knew you'd all freak out," he said, spreading his arms in fake boredom and making a mock-horrified look that quickly changed into a series of chuckles only to dwindle into a cold, serious expression. "Of course we can do it the hard way. I don't really care whether the next generation is going to be all uniformly blond hair and blue eyes. If you catch my meaning, sweetheart," he whispered menacingly, squinting at Elena.

That turned out to be one sentence too much, because before Klaus shifted his eyes away from Elena he was punched in the face by Damon, the blow catching him off-guard and sending him down to the floor.

Everyone looked around themselves in bafflement and in the next moment Stefan, Caroline, Jeremy and Matt also tried to break through their spelled circles, but it seemed just as impossible as before, which confused them even more.

Klaus blurred back to his feet, shooting a brief glance at Bonnie whose eyes were unreadable, but from the way her jaw clenched Caroline read a warning that something had gone wrong... _or just the opposite_, she thought with frustration. There was no way in hell to tell.

"That was... pointless," Klaus said, producing a dagger out of nowhere and stabbing Damon in the chest with it.

"No!" Elena crashed against the invisible wall surrounding her, unable to get out of her circle.

"Don't worry, love," Klaus called to her. "This wouldn't be so entertaining if it was to end so soon," he said, twisting the dagger a few times before tugging it out and then, taking advantage of the supernatural speed of movements, stabbing Damon in dozens of places within a span of a second.

Elena's broken scream pierced the room and she fell to her knees pounding helplessly against the invisible barrier. Stefan's eyes darted to Bonnie who stood with her eyes fixed on the floor. Caroline looked intently at Abby, trying to find something reassuring in her expression but ending up alarmed instead by the hint of fear in her face.

Damon didn't scream, but with a stifled groan tumbled to the floor, into a pool of his own blood, his face contorted in pain, suddenly covered in sweat, his teeth clenched.

Caroline tossed her head away from the sight, her eyes meeting Jeremy's horrified expression. "How does he even feel that?" she hissed. "That stupid potion thing _clearly_ doesn't work."

Jeremy's eyes darted to her and he swallowed. "It does," he said with a grimace. "It just doesn't work for the person who fills up the vials."

Caroline froze, staring at him in silence. Matt looked away with a frown.

Klaus flashkicked Damon's bleeding form back into his circle and looked to Bonnie. "I think you need to fix this one," he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice, wiping the drops of blood that had sprung from Damon's wounds during the attack off his face.

Not watched by anyone, Abby slowly straightened up her fingers, noiselessly dropping a red stone to the floor.

Bonnie raised her hand, apparently fixing the barrier surrounding Damon's circle.

"Now onto the night's main event," Klaus said, regaining his composure and walking toward Elena who scrambled to her feet, swallowing up her tears and glaring at him as he approached.

"I hope that wasn't the gist of your plan," Stefan said under his breath, trying to keep the dismay out of his voice as he looked at Damon whose clothes were soaked with blood and he seemed to struggle to even keep his eyes open.

"That was an extracurricular activity," Damon whispered in a raspy voice, coughing up blood.

Stefan looked toward Elena's circle with a dark frown, watching Klaus grab Elena by the hair and toss her out of her circle. Caroline cringed despite knowing that Elena couldn't feel the pain. She kept her eyes fixed on Klaus, glaring at him when he proceeded to Jeremy's circle and pushed him out of it.

"Now," Klaus spoke in a voice that sounded as if he was dictating a recipe to an annoying cook's apprentice. "You'll kill him, the witch performs the spell and you'll be human again."

Elena's face drained of all color even before the words fully registered in her mind. "What?" She whispered with unmoving lips.

Klaus bent over her, thrusting a stake into her hand. "Oh, come on. It's not like you've never killed anyone before. I'm sure you can find it in yourself to actually enjoy it, at least a little."

Stefan looked at Bonnie while pushing against the invisible blockade around him with all his might, but Bonnie's eyes were fixed elsewhere.

Abby watched her daughter out of the corner of her eye allowing herself to breathe only when she noticed a small smile play about Bonnie's lips as she gazed at Jeremy, an imperceptible shiver rushing through her, leaving her eyes one shade brighter.

Damon propped himself on his hands, so slick with blood that they kept sliding over the smooth surface of the black floor, making it difficult for him to push himself to a sitting position.

"I won't do it," Elena said through her teeth, throwing the stake away.

Klaus rolled his eyes, heading to pick it up. "I really hoped you'd cut on the dramatics, Elena," he said, strolling toward Jeremy and stabbing his thigh with the stake.

In the back of his mind, Jeremy promised himself not to ever make fun of singers faking live singing. Perhaps it wasn't as easy as it seemed, because faking to feel pain turned out to be harder than he thought it would.

Caroline and Matt exchanged a look at the strange sound that Jeremy made. Luckily, Klaus didn't seem to care. Elena on the other hand was so overwhelmed by what was happening that it wasn't until she noticed the look between Caroline and Matt that she remembered that Jeremy couldn't feel the pain.

Klaus brought the stake back to Elena handing it to her. "If you won't do it, I'll do it and then find another human to kill and then another. This may go on forever if you want."

Thrusting up her chin Elena said in a low, shaking voice. "I'm not going to do it." She tried not to think about anything else, push all other thoughts away. "I'm not going to do it."

For a moment the entire room fell silent and Klaus regarded her with his head tilted to the side as if he was trying to estimate the number of times she would repeat her words before giving up.

"I see you might need an incentive," Klaus said barely above a whisper, narrowing his eyes at her and blurring away only to return a moment later with Damon.

Elena jumped to her feet, her heart breaking over and over again at the sight of him. Had he been human, he wouldn't have survived such injuries and the thought made her panic. For a split second her mind feverishly wondered if a vampire could bleed to death.

Her eyes fixed on Damon, her mind reeling. It was only when the words that had haunted her since she had first heard them reached her and she felt a wave of suffocating fear wash over her when Klaus' dark voice reverberated in her ears.

"Turn it off."

"No," Elena mouthed the words, shaking her head, refusing to believe that this was really happening.

"_Promise me it won't happen to us."_

"You know the drill, Elena," Klaus said with a theatrical sigh. "Although it won't be as drastic this time. I just want him to feed on you. A little."

Suddenly, the fear was gone and for a brief moment all she could feel was anger. Rolling her hands into fists Elena's eyes pierced into Klaus.

"Do you think this will do anything to us?" She said through her teeth, eyes ablaze, tears drying out. Klaus watched her with an amused smirk tugging on his lips. "He can drink from me," she pushed her hair over her shoulders in agitation, exposing her neck with trembling hands. "We fed off each other before."

Caroline blinked and Jeremy stared at Elena with wide eyes but it was Bonnie's eyes that Elena noticed first as they focused on her with an unreadable expression in them. Only then her attention shifted to Klaus who suddenly stiffened, the smirk wiped off his face so completely that it seemed almost impossible to imagine he could ever smirk at all. Taking one, slow step toward her he asked in a voice so low, so chilling that it sent icy-cold shivers up Elena's spine.

"You drank his blood?"

Elena's eyes flickered to Damon whose head was tilted back, his eyes fluttering open and shut, his labored breathing pulsating in her ears. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Caroline, Matt and Jeremy's startled faces. Stefan stood with his eyes cast to the floor. But there was something in Klaus' voice that boded ill and she couldn't find it in herself to repeat her statement.

"You drank vampire blood after the transition?" Klaus asked again his tone now quite obviously sizzling with rage and Elena glared at him trying not to look confused.

"Yes," she said, clenching her fists, stealing a glance at Bonnie, desperately trying to decode the expression on her face but to no avail.

The moment seemed to stretch across time, Klaus' eyes almost vacant when he whispered tonelessly. "You're off the hook, then." There was a shadow of a smirk again, but it was much more frightening now, the finality of the moment hitting Elena before he clarified. "You can't be turned back into a human if you've ever drunk vampire blood as a vampire."

Surreptitiously, Elena let go of a breath she didn't known she'd been holding. She felt a pang of dull relief at Klaus' words yet nothing seemed over and she froze, waiting for him to continue.

Klaus walked toward her, his eyes wandering all over her face. He studied her for a few moments in silence. "You're useless to me," he said quietly in a mockingly rueful tone and suddenly, she saw a blur of a stake in front of her, but then she was pushed out of the stake's way and her stifled cry blended with Damon's quiet groan when he pulled the stake out of his arm and threw it away.

Klaus sneered, half-turned to one side and then back toward them again, shoving Damon against the wall with unnatural force. He picked up the stake again but it was knocked out of his hand by a purse tossed with all the vampire strength Caroline could muster. Klaus glanced at the contents of the purse that now lay scattered on the floor. A lipstick, small mirror miraculously unbroken despite the fall, hairbrush, cell phone... A slightly crumpled piece of paper. He squinted.

"Since this entire hybrid deal is clearly over." Stefan broke the moment of silence speaking in a loud, steady voice. "Maybe we could work out some kind of a treaty."

"A treaty." Klaus chuckled mirthlessly, shooting him a glare. "You suppose that you can just ruin a millennium of preparations and then work out a treaty?" He spoke in a low voice before turning to Elena. "I guess I'll just have to drain the last doppelganger dry and save the blood for special occasions to create a hybrid from time to time."

Caroline darted her eyes to Bonnie giving her an incredulous look. She had thought Bonnie was waiting for a moment to strike, to make something happen, but she just seemed detached, watching everything from the distance like an indifferent spectator. Her eyes moved to Abby who held her gaze for a second in such an intense way that it made Caroline reconsider her disappointment and realize that what she was taking for detachment might be a trance.

"But then again..." Klaus trailed off, his eyes lingering on Damon before shifting to Elena. "Among the many things that I learned from you," he said with a fake smile, turning to look at Stefan, "I'm beginning to appreciate the superiority of revenge." Stefan froze. "And I guess I'm going to sacrifice a coterie of monsters for one hell of a fun evening. _Carpe diem_, they say," he whispered almost to himself.

"So," he said in a loud, cheerful, sardonic voice. "Elena," he turned toward her. "I think it'd be only right for me to kill you since it's technically your fault more than anyone else's here that we're in this unpleasant little mess right now. But that would be a boring kind of death, don't you think? So let's do something more spectacular," he said, tilting his head to the side and watching her for a second before moving in a flash toward Damon and grabbing his throat. He caught his gaze and muttered the words, eyes dark with the intensity of compulsion being projected onto him. Despite the fact that in his weakened state and because of the significant blood loss it wouldn't probably require much strength to compel him, Klaus made sure to make it as intense as possible. "When I say 'kill her' you'll feed on her until she dies."

Elena's eyes widened, tears welling up in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks when she shook her head. "Don't do this to him," she said brokenly, drawing a hasty breath. "If you want to kill me just do it. What difference does it make to you? Don't do this to him." She gritted her teeth. "Please."

Klaus turned toward her, stepping away from Damon and Elena's eyes flew to his face, his half-hooded eyes dilated, droplets of sweat on his forehead.

"Did you miss the part when I mentioned 'revenge'?" Klaus asked, widening his eyes at her in mock interest. "What kind of revenge would it be if I just ran a stake through your heart?" He spoke, walking toward her. "I want you to die knowing that your love is dead... or rather that it never existed in the first place, because would it really be so easy to break if it truly was unbreakable?" He sighed, pretending to look pensive for a few moments before giving her a slow sneer. "And let the knowledge that once compulsion wears off he'll know _exactly_ what _he_ has done be an added bonus. Well," he clasped his hands together as if to announce the beginning of a show, "if you asked me nicely I suppose I could promise you to stake him afterwards, but then again I think it will be more fun to have him live with that," Klaus said with a wink.

Elena closed her eyes for a second, the insides of her eyelids burning, her entire body on fire with a strange, overpowering mixture of fear, anger and so much pain she didn't know how it was possible for her to stand. She opened her eyes, her gaze immediately darting to Damon and for a second she thought he was looking at her, really looking at her, but she wasn't sure if she could trust her eyes any longer. The room was spinning around her, she was shaking and she thought she'd be able to just block everything else, forget about the morbid circumstances and find solace in dying in his arms, if it wasn't for the certainty that he'd never recover from that.

"You seem to think that I don't like you," Klaus said, putting on a hurt expression. He glanced at Jeremy and kicked him back into the spelled circle before returning his attention to Elena. "Let me prove you wrong," he said in a humming whisper stopping next to her. She was standing straight and rigid like a statue, her hands balled into fists, tears streaming down her face, eyes glittering with stubbornness that made Klaus smile sardonically. "You're not obligated to stay here waiting to have your throat ripped out, collapse into your own blood and let out the proverbial last breath," he said in a theatrical tone, looking between her and Damon. He smirked, watching her taking in Damon's battered form, clothes all torn, soaked with blood. His eyes were closed and he seemed able to stand only because Klaus' compulsion required him to do so.

Klaus leaned very close to Elena's ear and whispered. "You can run."

She cringed. The darkish space around her blended into a dimly lit room for a second, her own earnest voice ringing in her ears. _"You can trust me." _It might not have mattered that much then. Or perhaps it had, it had a lot, but so differently, only simply so. Now there were no words to be spoken or taken back. All words were ingrained into them. When Elena's eyes fluttered shut she could feel the wind tugging on her hair, the sunlight on her back when she was signing each kiss with a love confession. They couldn't die.

"I won't run," she said, oblivious to everything but at the same time completely aware of the wordless pleas permeating the room, everyone's eyes fixed on her.

Klaus looked at her with mocking sympathy before a smirk broke onto his face, ghosting across his features. "Well then. I'd think you learned something from the last time, but it looks like even as a vampire you wish to hold on to your petty human beliefs."

Elena's eyes drifted to the floor, black tiles mirroring her face, tears rolling down her cheeks and falling back onto her, onto the reflected image of her.

She didn't know what she should think at a moment like this. Perhaps it was easier to just be caught off guard, perhaps she should've drowned those two times before. Death was only a matter of time. As it should be.

Memories didn't flood back to her when she lifted her eyes to meet Damon's bloodshot gaze. She regretted that she couldn't just fall into the past and die thinking about all the beautiful moments... Why weren't they flashing before her eyes?

She drew a breath and held it, held it, held it.

She wasn't going to die.

The thought was soft and feather-light. It was ash pink like her mother's dress, green like the forest she had run through with Bonnie and Caroline on each first day of school, crystalline blue like Damon's eyes.

"_You know I won't let you die. I will never let you die."_

Why would she need to recall anything if everything was happening right now?

Klaus' voice rang loud and sharp with certainty, with amusement. "Kill her."

Words hot like tears were crashing across her memory. Oh let's not begin, let's not go there, let's never end. She could die. He could die. But they couldn't die.

It was just a thought, just a thought, like a smile, like a tear. _"You want passion and adventure and even a little danger." _There was a road and the beginning, so many beginnings marked by death. She wanted death no more. For a moment brief and strong like a hurricane she was that girl again, the one who never thought of death, the one with life in her eyes and a heart strong and pure and young enough to believe in mysterious strangers, love at first sight and happy endings.

They couldn't die.

Damon moved, from the other side of the room, a net of veins spread under his eyes, over the upper parts of his cheeks. He ran to Elena, a flash of black and red, a gust of wind and there was the scent of blood – and the scent of him all around her.

Had she wanted to, she wouldn't have been able to utter the words out loud. They just flickered through her mind because they were made of his scent, of his touch.

He stopped right in front of her, his hands grasping her shoulders, lips parting, head tilting to the side.

"_I would rather kiss you,"_ she thought, closing her eyes.

And she would never know how it was possible she didn't die when the world around her burst into millions of lights at the sound of his voice in her head:

"_That makes the two of us."_

He kissed her then. His lips hot and feverish as they molded against hers, his palms moving from her shoulders to her face, her hands unconsciously mirroring his gesture and they made the kiss last for as long as it was possible before they broke apart, gasping for air, like people saved from drowning.

They looked into each other's eyes with invisible smiles edged into every pore, every line, but then Damon's legs failed him and Elena slid to the floor with him, trying to wrap her arms around him, trying to hold him.

"Impressive." Klaus' icy-cold, sardonic voice drifted to them, but Elena didn't even look into his direction, her determination restored, courage mended.

Willing her fangs to come out, she made a deep, long gash with them in her hand and pressed her wrist to Damon's mouth.

"Drink," she whispered softly, her eyes wandering all over his face, flickering back and forth between his parched lips and his half-hooded eyes.

He was barely conscious but managed to obey, sipping the blood while she kept her arm around him, preventing him from collapsing onto his back.

She thought he probably needed more blood than she could give without passing out, but any amount had to be better than nothing and she was gratified by seeing the color return to his skin and his posture becoming a little straighter.

Carefully, she drew her wrist away from his mouth. "Limited edition," she said quietly and he gave her a weak smile, his eyes fluttering open.

Elena pressed a lingering kiss to Damon's cheek and he made a mental note to tell her later that he thought he could pull off being a hero if all that was expected of him was kissing her.

They pulled each other into an awkward, mutual embrace, their cheeks touching when Klaus spoke again, regaining everyone's attention. "After such a touching display I'm sorely tempted to let you live."

Elena's jaw clenched and she felt Damon's arm hold her more firmly, the ominous look on Klaus' face emphasizing the mocking graciousness of his words. Very slowly, he made his way toward them.

"On a second thought, I think killing you wouldn't really serve the purpose," he said in a low voice, tilting his head to the side. "If I killed him, you'd just love him more," he continued, shifting his seemingly blank gaze between Damon and Elena. "If I killed her, you'd still love her. So what do I do?" He asked in a sincerely troubled voice, looking at the ceiling. After a pause, he looked down at them. "How do I make your eternity a living hell?" He asked in a menacing whisper.

Elena's breath caught in her throat when she saw Klaus' eyes shift to Jeremy. After a moment he looked at her again. "You and I have something in common, Elena. We both understand the importance of a family." His eyes moved to Damon. "Or rather shall I say the three of us have something in common?" Klaus sighed, turning away from them and surveying the room. "Do you know what my favorite weakness is?" He asked no one in particular but when he answered his own question it cut through Elena like a knife. "Guilt."

Klaus turned around. "Such a trifling, human weakness," he said, looking Elena straight in the eye and she felt the memory of the dark parking lot and the cold rain fall over her like a heavy shadow. "Yet it can drive a vampire _insane_." A small smirk flitted across Klaus' face and Elena felt he knew exactly what she was thinking about. "I wonder," he said with a mockingly sincere look of pure curiosity on his face, "will you be able to live with that?" Casting a nonchalant look around Klaus picked up a stake from the floor and turned it in his hand. "Will you forgive yourself for this?" He asked and Elena just stared back at him, trying to guess what he was going to do but getting lost in the maze of all the horrifying possibilities. "Do you think _he_ will forgive you for this?" Klaus asked, his eyes flickering to Damon before returning to Elena.

It was a moment barely long enough to draw a breath and then everything shattered.

In a flash, Klaus moved to the other side of the room and in one, languid movement ran a stake through Stefan's heart.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Thank you so much for all of your fantastic reviews! :] The last chapter should be posted next week... unless it turns out I need more time to choose an ending... I have way too many ideas at the moment haha

& As I'm sure everyone suspected, Stefan is not really dead. I'd be too scared of Katherine's reaction to that lol

Beta: **arabian** – Thank you so much! :]

Warning: A bit of Klaroline... but with a twist ;)

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 21**

It was so, so strange, because he couldn't feel the pain at all. His eyes widening from pure shock and from the subconscious realization of what was happening, what it meant to have a stake run through him, through his heart.

It felt like falling in love... a little... It felt like losing someone... a little... He wondered if it felt a little like drowning too...

In the absence of pain he could focus on remembering all those feelings that rushed to him like a storm of memories. Strangely enough, he could only watch the images flicker across his mind, impossible to reach, impossible to hold.

Stefan's eyes darted to Elena and even if he couldn't feel the physical pain, he could feel a different kind of pain at the sight of dismay and despair in her eyes. She looked so frightened and bereaved and he wished he could tell her not to... And on the edge of his vision he could also see his brother's eyes, as clear, as wide as he remembered them from all those years and years and-

Stefan collapsed to the floor. It was dark and he thought there should be a rule that forbade dying in darkness.

"_No rules, Stefan. Don't you remember? No rules."_

_How strange_, he thought blankly before the silence washed over him like a sable sea, how strange that he should die with _her_ voice resonating in his head.

Elena's scream caught in her throat when along with everyone else she was pushed backwards by a gust of wind that suddenly erupted out of nowhere interweaved with Bonnie's strong voice, chanting the words.

The stake in Stefan's chest was glowing, the glow spreading over his entire body as well as Klaus' who tried to remove his hand from the stake, but from the expression on his face it was clear that he couldn't.

Jeremy looked around, noticing the spelled circle disappear and he leaped forward followed by Caroline and Matt.

The wind intensified and Elena felt Damon's arms close around her to keep her from being swept away. She felt the tears gather in her eyes and roll down her cheeks and on an impulse her hand shot up seeking his. She wouldn't be able to consciously acknowledge the thought, but a part of her feared, while expecting and understanding it all along, that at such a moment he wouldn't be able to devote any attention to the gesture. Nonetheless, when his fingers closed around hers almost crushing her hand, she felt a twinge of indescribable relief, selfish as it was, and she held on to his hand, watching Bonnie through half-lidded eyes, through the wind, the dust that suddenly appeared obscuring everyone's vision.

And then as suddenly as it had begun, everything stopped.

Stefan and Klaus were both lying motionlessly, remnants of silvery dust falling over them.

Bonnie fell into Abby's arms and Jeremy scurried toward them. Matt and Caroline approached them as fast as Damon and Elena got to where Stefan and Klaus were. Hastily, Damon pulled the stake out of Stefan's chest and threw it away. Elena's frantic gaze darted between Stefan and Bonnie.

"What happened?" Caroline asked in a shrill, desperate voice, noticing Bonnie's eyelids fluttering open as she tried to gather enough strength to speak.

"Are they dead?" Matt asked, glancing over at Stefan and Klaus, meeting Elena's frightened eyes that seemed to glaze over at his question.

"No," Bonnie managed to choke out, blindly reaching for something to prop herself into a sitting position.

Elena and Damon looked at each before their eyes shifted to Stefan again.

Bonnie opened her eyes, momentarily distracted by Jeremy's hand clasping hers. Then she lifted her gaze, tilted her head to the side and said in a barely audible but calm and steady voice:

"They're human."

* * *

Damon squinted against the sunlight pouring through the windows, illuminating the interiors of Stefan's room.

Bonnie didn't know how much time it'd take for Stefan to wake up, so they were watching over him in shifts since the night they had brought him home.

One day had passed, now the second day would begin and even though Stefan's breathing was steady and Meredith had confirmed his state was a state of a person casually asleep, not even comatose, everyone had started to worry, especially since late last night Sheriff Forbes had called to tell them that Klaus had woken up in his jail cell.

An all too familiar sound of a hasty intake of breath caused Damon to turn around from the window.

Stefan sat up in bed, gasping for air. He blinked several times, his head bent down as he was trying to catch his breath over and over again.

Soundlessly, Damon slowly approached the bed, watching Stefan with attentive intensity.

Stefan held his head in his hands but must have caught a sight of movement out of the corner of his eye because very abruptly he looked up. Damon stopped at the foot of the bed. For a moment they just looked at each other and for a split second Stefan abstractly expected to hear their father's sharp voice drift to him through the half-open window.

"Good morning, brother," Damon said at last in a slightly strident voice, a ghost of a smile flitting across his face.

Stefan looked at him with his brows furrowed. "What happened?" he asked and then slightly shook his head. His voice sounded strangely quiet to him, almost as if it was muffled.

"Klaus stabbed you," Damon said after a pause.

Stefan nodded slowly. "I remember that." He looked up. "Did Bonnie..." He rubbed his eyes, slightly annoyed by how pale all colors seemed. "Is Klaus dead?"

"He's..." Damon squinted, considering the question for a moment, "incapacitated." He decided on the answer at last, flashing Stefan a brief smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, remaining filled with a curious glimpse of worry instead, and that disconcerted Stefan most of all.

"Last time he was supposedly incapacitated-" Stefan started grimly.

"Yeah, I know," Damon said, averting his eyes from him for a second. "But it's different this time. Liz got all his evil deeds from across the country piled up on her desk, so he probably wouldn't have gotten out of prison for the next thousand years... if he had a thousand years to spare."

Stefan blinked and frowned, apparently trying to figure out the meaning of the words on his own. "You mean his and mine deeds," he said dejectedly after a pause in a low, hollow voice.

Damon rolled his eyes and almost groaned finally losing his calm demeanor. "Really? That's your first thought after what I just said?" He asked, giving Stefan an incredulous look. "Not to mention your first thought after waking up?" He added in a slightly different tone.

"How long have I been unconscious?" Stefan asked, suddenly uncertain of his own memory. There were so many thoughts rushing through his head it was difficult to make sense of them all and Damon's explanation concerning Klaus was still echoing dully in his head, not making much sense, which he was sure was the effect of the pain-

He blinked again.

"Almost two days," Damon replied carefully. "That must have been one hell of a long night for you," he added quietly in an oddly thoughtful tone that made Stefan shift his gaze back to him.

"Yes... It kind of feels that way," Stefan answered slowly, feeling like he was missing on the meaning of his own words; as if he managed to endow them with meaning he was yet to understand. "What do you mean Klaus is in jail?" He asked, pushing the bed cover slightly away to find the source from where he felt the pain radiate.

"Oh, you know. These things always get out of control," Damon spoke, attempting to sound casual, but his eyes followed each of Stefan's movements and expressions with great intensity. "It turns out Bonnie got a bit creative with the notion of balance."

Having moved the bed cover aside, Stefan stared down on his bandaged chest as if it was the strangest sight. "What did she do?" He asked barely above a whisper, raising his hand and brushing his fingers against the bloody stain marking the layers of bandages. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered why he couldn't smell the scent of blood at all.

"She..." Damon wrinkled his forehead and inhaled, "turned him into a human."

Stefan's hand froze in the air, inches away from his heart.

"The original spell," Damon continued, "required a vampire to kill a human in order for the vampire to become human. But Bonnie managed to tweak the spell a little, so it would work for any species killing a different species." Damon trailed off for a second, watching Stefan stare down on his hands as if they belonged to someone else. "So that's why it worked for a hybrid killing a vampire."

The room was still and silent and Stefan's gaze wandered around the floor, following the sun rays all the way out of his room's windows. "But I'm not dead," he said in an oddly detached, indifferent voice that nonetheless trembled a little.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Damon's lips twitch into a faint smile. "No," Damon said just as quietly but his voice seemed to reverberate in the room like a sound. "I suggest you hunt Bonnie down about the details," he added in a somewhat lighthearted tone, but his eyes were still serious when Stefan looked him straight in the eye.

They looked at each other and Stefan marveled silently at how a look could feel like a journey. He was plummeting into the past, falling all the way down to some indefinite, abstract beginning with a house white like a book not yet written, gardens so green and the sun above so bright... and then he was being sucked back into the present, through the darkness and moments of such intense beauty he hardly believed they were real. Everything was falling into place, the last minute of a movie, the last second of a race.

"I think I'm hungry," Stefan said in a strange voice, with a strange expression on his face. His room looked strange to him and there was that strange gash in his chest that for some _strange_ reason hadn't healed itself yet.

A shadow of a smile passed across Damon's face again. "There is a bunch of people demolishing the kitchen just now in hope of fixing you the best breakfast of your life, so why don't you freshen up and meet everyone downstairs?" He said with a mixture of seriousness and humor that made Stefan's mind spin even more than it was already spinning.

Glancing at Stefan over his shoulder, Damon slowly made his way toward the door.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Stefan asked in a low, uneven voice, his eyes fixed on an unidentifiable point in space.

Damon turned toward him. "Yes," he answered immediately, his eyes full of light and concern that he quickly turned into mild amusement when Stefan shifted his gaze to him. "I'm afraid you'll finally have to graduate from high school."

* * *

Grabbing her purse from in front of the mirror in the hallway, Caroline hastily pulled the door open.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed almost tripping over her own feet at the sight.

Tyler gave her a tentative smile. "How are you?" He asked softly, his eyes wandering greedily all over her face.

Caroline stared at him for some time in silence, conflicting emotions fighting for dominance before she apparently made her choice and shook her head with a humorless snort.

The smile on Tyler's face faded into a hesitant frown.

"How am I?" Caroline asked, widening her eyes at him in amazement. "How am I?!"

Tyler blinked, automatically stepping aside when she just stormed passed him, heading for her car.

"Caroline!" He called after her with mixture of astonishment and dismay.

Without turning around Caroline got into her car, slammed the door shut and drove off.

* * *

"Are you sure it's a good idea, leaving him alone in his room?" Jeremy asked, taking the frying pan from Bonnie. "What if he freaks out?"

"He might when he tries these," Damon said, giving the plate in Elena's hands a meaningful look.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "This is the best souffle you've ever _not_ eaten," she said indignantly.

"I meant it as a compliment," Damon said defensively, following Elena to the table. "After all, it must taste delicious," he said with a smirk, "if the taste of the cook is any indication," he added, wrapping his arm around her waist from behind and nuzzling her neck. She giggled.

Bonnie rolled her eyes, glancing at them over her shoulder. "I don't envy you having that on a daily basis," she muttered, looking back at Jeremy who slid the chopped vegetables onto the frying pan.

"At least I don't get killed anymore even if I do walk in on something," Jeremy replied smilingly.

Bonnie didn't look amused by the joke.

"One thing I still don't understand," Damon spoke in an exaggeratedly thoughtful voice, sauntering back toward them.

"Only one?" Bonnie arched an eyebrow at him.

Damon smiled briefly. "How did you know Klaus would kill Stefan, of all people?"

Bonnie smiled, placing the frying pan on the stove. "I didn't."

"You didn't?" Elena glanced at her in surprise while looking around for a dishcloth.

"I knew Klaus would kill someone either to punish you for refusing to kill Jeremy, and of course I knew you wouldn't do that, or in a fit of rage for a different reason. But I had no idea who he'd kill," Bonnie said with a small shrug. "Anyone he'd have chosen would've remained or become human."

"You mean there was a remote possibility it would've been me?" Damon asked in mock dismay, snatching the dishcloth before Elena grabbed it and moving it _just_ out of her reach every time she tried to take it from him.

"To be honest that was my first bet," Bonnie admitted with a small smirk. "Although either of you would've probably been a waste of the spell," she said under her breath, shifting her eyes between Elena and Damon who stuffed the dishcloth into his shirt, forcing Elena to reach into it to get it out. "Considering your kinky ways, you would've probably become vampires again on the very same evening."

Elena widened her eyes at Bonnie in half-hearted offense. "Well, I'd like to remind you that our... ways made Klaus' plan impossible to execute to begin with."

Jeremy laughed under his breath, grabbing coffee cups and taking them to the table. Bonnie smiled as well.

"What?" Elena demanded, confused. Damon took her hand in his and placed a folded dishcloth over it. She shot him an amused look and he kissed her on the cheek.

"I made that up," Bonnie said with a sigh and a complacent smile, leaning against the counter. "The fact that you drank vampire blood didn't mean that you couldn't go through re-transition. I just made sure much earlier that Klaus believed there was such a rule."

Elena blinked, still looking puzzled.

"You're just _that_ predictable, Elena," Damon offered with a smirk. "Even Bonnie knew you'd munch on me the first chance you got."

Elena hit Damon playfully on the shoulder.

"That was too dangerous," Jeremy said, returning to the kitchen. "Getting into Klaus' head? Letting him into yours?" He shook his head in amazement. "Only you could come up with something that crazy."

"It was a bit of a challenge, yes, but clearly nothing I couldn't handle," Bonnie said, thrusting up her chin with pretended haughtiness before giving Jeremy a simple, happy smile.

"But you still needed some sort of insurance," Jeremy said with a smile on his own alluding to what Bonnie had told him earlier, explaining that should the worst had happened, his involvement was meant to keep her from toppling over the edge. He wasn't quite sure what to make of that just yet, and he suspected Bonnie didn't either, but it still made him strangely joyful to simply think about that.

Bonnie only smiled at him in response.

The bell interrupted them and Damon went to open the door.

"Maybe I should go check on Stefan?" Bonnie proposed, looking between Jeremy and Elena. "Explain everything to him first. He's probably in shock and after all, it's my... well, fault, so-"

"I'm not in shock," Stefan said with a weak smile, walking into the kitchen. "I just feel... a little strange." He looked at Bonnie and then slowly shifted his eyes to Elena.

She smiled in genuine relief, a half-happy, half-sad grimace, and went to hug him. When she drew back, Damon had already returned to the kitchen with Meredith.

"I came to check on you and here you are out and about," Meredith said, giving Stefan a warm smile.

Elena glanced at Damon who held her gaze for a second before proceeding to search for something in the cutlery drawer with that irritating expression she thought they were done with. Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Elena turned to the toaster and pushed the button ignoring the already ready toast. When they popped up a moment later they were burned. She sighed and glanced at Damon who glanced at her but then went back to rearranging spoons and forks.

"Wow. I didn't know this amplification thing applies to cooking skills too," Jeremy said, giving the toast an amused look. Elena looked at him questioningly. "You're worse at it than ever," he said and quickly jumped away to avoid being smacked with a dishcloth.

* * *

"Mom?" Caroline walked into the Sheriff's office, glancing around the empty room with an impatient sigh.

Turning on her heels, she was going to leave the building when a voice coming from the cells stopped her in her tracks.

"I believe your mother just went out for lunch. She should be back soon."

Taking a single step into the direction of the corridor Caroline said dryly. "Thank you for the information."

"I was hoping you came to visit the vile prisoner."

Caroline didn't even know why she stopped walking again. And she truly had no idea why she turned to look at him. Maybe it was because it was a gratifying sight, seeing Klaus helplessly human and safely behind the bars.

"I have better things to do than visiting everyone on death row," she said unsmilingly. He was sitting with his back against the prison cell, not looking at her, a small smirk playing about his lips.

"I wasn't bluffing about that bloodline thing, you know," he said, squinting into the distance.

"We know that," Caroline said dismissively. "Bonnie's already found a way around it."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear it," he said with irritating amount of amusement laced into his tone.

"I hope you don't mind if I don't share the details with you," she said sardonically and whirled around to leave.

"Why did you keep the drawing?"

Caroline froze, cold shivers running up her spine and she was sorely tempted to start hitting her forehead with her purse repeatedly. She really hoped he hadn't noticed the drawing falling out of her purse. Lost in angry thoughts it didn't even cross her mind to dismiss the question.

"I just completely forgot about it," she said through her teeth, turning away with a firm intention to really leave this time.

"What about my last wish?" Klaus asked in a sincerely curious tone.

Caroline snorted out loud. "Your what?"

"You've mentioned, and you're most likely right, I'll end up tied up to that fancy chair you lovely contemporary people invented so I think I deserve a last wish?"

"Well, as a matter of fact you don't deserve anything at all, except..." she trailed off in mock-consideration, "to die," she concluded darkly. "Maybe." Not really knowing why she was even talking to him at all, why she was still standing here looking at him and feeling mildly annoyed by the fact that he wasn't looking at her, she said (not knowing why she was saying it either). "OK," Caroline said with a grimace. "So what do you want? A cigarette? A doughnut?" She asked with a shadow of an ironic smile, crossing her arms over her chest.

Klaus laughed soundlessly and she frowned at the disconcerting impression that he laughed because he _really_ thought she was being funny. She opened her mouth to add something sharp and leave, _at last_, but then he stood up, not without difficulty because of his feet being chained together and also clasped to the bars of the cell.

She stared at him, suddenly terrified when for a split second before it happened she realized he was going to look at her.

Leaning his also handcuffed hands against the bars he looked at her with a flicker of a smirk. "A kiss."

Tossing her head backwards a little Caroline laughed sourly. "Not funny," she said, holding his gaze for a second before averting her eyes. A part of her was wondering why she didn't turn around and leave. But the other part, that part she hardly seemed to have met, told the first part to shut up. "And you're awfully cheery for someone who after living for a thousand years is going to die in a few weeks," she added sternly, attempting to change the subject.

Klaus smiled briefly, that most intriguing kind of smile a person could smile, a smile that betrayed nothing because it wasn't a smile at all. "Maybe I'm bored by now," he said with a small shrug, his eyes dancing around her face in a way that for some reason irritated Caroline to no end.

She wanted to retort, but realized that the retort she had in mind would rely on what he had told her and bringing up any of their previous conversations was the last thing she wanted to do. "Lucky you, then," she said instead, glaring at him, "you won't have to suffer from boredom for much longer."

He tilted his head to the side, his attitude unchanged. "What about my last wish?" He asked, undeterred, watching her.

Caroline's expression faltered a little. "What about it?" She asked in a blank voice, mentally stomping her foot at her own behavior. She didn't know what she was waiting for. What she expected to happen. She seemed to know less and less of anything with every passing moment. _"I enjoy you."_

"The spare key to this cell is in one of the desk's drawers," he said, his eyes fixed on her.

Caroline snorted mirthlessly. "Nice try. You want me to open the cell?" She shook her head in disbelief.

"It's hard to kiss through the bars," Klaus said simply, seemingly offended by her suspicions. "And as you might have noticed I'm thoroughly chained. Not to mention that you can compel me not to leave this cell. If that's what worries you," he added as an afterthought in a low voice, regarding her with increased intensity.

Huffing in humorless exasperation Caroline strolled across the corridor and back into her mother's office. She couldn't understand why she was still here, discussing something completely absurd. It made no sense. She was inwardly screaming at herself, trying to extinguish that ridiculous flicker of... meaningless excitement was the closest to a definition she could come up with. She drew a breath. It would've been merely ridiculous if it wasn't so severely _wrong_.

Her eyes widened at the sight of the key in her hand. She stood leaning over an open drawer trying to remember the moment she had decided to approach the desk. Her mind was blank and she couldn't remember a thing. What the hell she was doing.

It was his fault. It was because he was implying that she was scared and she wasn't scared. She was being brave for a long time now. And she wasn't doing things that somebody else wanted her to do. She was only doing what _she_ wanted to do... which wasn't the most reassuring conclusion, she thought grimly finding herself in front of Klaus' cell again, glaring daggers at the lock.

Her eyes darted to him when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. But he didn't move, merely turned his head standing where he was standing before, looking at her with that strangely curious expression. _Like I was a bug under the microscope_, she thought firmly. _Like I was strong and beautiful and full of light_, the memory flashed across her mind like a stupid shooting star. She was grateful the grinding sound of the key turning in the lock at least managed to deafen the words in her head a little.

Caroline stepped inside the cell, hoping her mother wouldn't walk in here right now. It would've been pretty much completely impossible to explain to her mother, or to anyone else for that matter, what she was doing. She didn't have the faintest idea what she was doing herself. Or maybe she did. It was just a flight of fancy. An anecdote she could tell at a boring party. Right. Like there was _anything_ funny about kissing a monster.

She was suddenly paralyzed by the realization of what she was about to do. She tried to calm down by telling herself she could still walk out and forget about it. It's not like anyone would believe Klaus even if for some inexplicable reason he'd decide to tell anyone that she _almost_ kissed him.

But the almost part became invalid soon enough because as Caroline was struggling with her tumultuous thoughts, Klaus took a step toward her, suddenly looking utterly serious, almost solemn, almost reverent and she was beyond certain it was all a ruse, so she was looking at him, staring at him searching his face for that smirk that was _surely_ there, hidden somewhere in his startlingly deep, sad eyes with all those stories she didn't care about, because they couldn't possibly justify such cruelty, such evil-

"Caroline..."

She suddenly realized she liked her name. It sounded like a melody, like a song.

With the chains restricting his movements and her standing rigid and still, the scene seemed to Caroline decidedly, soothingly unreal.

She was still looking at him when he closed his eyes. As long as she kept her eyes open she could run, she thought dully. As long as she was aware of her surroundings she was able to turn around and leave. As long as he didn't kiss her yet-

But he did.

It was dark when she closed her eyes. There was nothing she could hold on to. And he was kissing her so maddeningly slowly the ground was beginning to slip from under her feet, faster and faster, and so she had no choice but to blindly reach out with her hands and hold on to something, anything, even his shoulders if there was nothing better to hold on to. She didn't want to fall, so even if the only anchor was poisonous she was going to hold on to it.

No one had ever kissed her like that. It was a dreadful, silly, ominous thought, she could tell even if she couldn't think, because her mind was a blur, her heart a thornbird, her lips betraying her more... and more... and more...

She felt like she was a bundle of threads that were tightening inside of her, breaking her bones, suffocating her, threatening to destroy every cell, every thought, every emotion-

She opened her eyes for a split second, meeting his gaze, what a _grievous_ idea, what a _horrible_ mistake, she thought feverishly, fighting for breath. He kissed her again.

And suddenly all the threads broke loose, everything was gone, she was free, she could breath, nothing hurt, nothing was wrong.

With a silent scream Caroline broke the kiss and ran out of the cell, closing it with hands stiff from her effort to keep them from shaking. Flashing to her mother's desk she threw the key into the drawer, slammed it shut and blurred out of the room, the building and into the street.

Only when she was outside did she start to breathe. She stood for a moment completely befuddled and then she just started to walk. She passed her car in the parking lot and walked ahead. The day was so bright. Everything seemed so bright that she had to squint. She crossed the street marveling at the brightness of the red light, not even hearing the honking cars. _"Caroline..."_ She stopped in her tracks. Dropped her purse. She smiled, _smiled_... and then _screamed_, covering her face with her hands.

* * *

Elena waited with great impatience until they got into the car so she could finally start the conversation. Throughout the breakfast she had tried to catch Damon's gaze to reassure herself that _she_ was being paranoid and he wasn't really being ridiculous. But to her increasing aggravation he had kept avoiding meeting her eyes and so she was left hoping it was at least accidental and not deliberate. As if he could ever accidentally avoid looking at her.

"You do realize you're upset for no reason?" She said as soon as Damon started the engine, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

Damon shifted his eyes to her. "What makes you think I'm upset, Elena?" He asked with theatrical amount of confusion in his voice.

"You didn't answer my question."

"And you didn't answer mine."

Elena sighed. "I hug people, OK?" She said and rolled her eyes at herself, finding it impossible to put her thoughts into coherent sentences when he was making her almost shake with annoyance. "It's a natural gesture. When a friend is sad or when a friend suddenly becomes human after a century and a half of being a vampire," she said pointedly before adding in a calmer tone. "I hug Bonnie and Caroline all the time."

To her surprise Damon immediately gave up on his pretend-clueless attitude and retorted sardonically. "You can hug Bonnie and Caroline all you want, Elena."

Elena shifted in her seat so she was almost facing him. "So it is about that," she said with a small snort. "You can't react in such a ridiculous way every time I hug Stefan-"

The scent of burned rubber so intense it almost made Elena faint filled the air along with the screeching sound of the tires grinding against the asphalt. The car skidded to the side of the road and stopped so abruptly the breath hitched in Elena's throat.

Damon got out of the car, flashed to her door, opened it and practically dragged her out of the vehicle.

"Do you mean you intend to keep doing that in the future?" He asked, trapping her between him and the car behind her.

Elena stared at him before quickly regaining her composure. "What? Of course not! That's not what I meant! I just meant that... that, I don't know... that it _may_ happen and in case it happens... I can't believe I'm actually explaining why I hugged someone in a house full of people, with my best friend right next to me and you in the other room," Elena said through her teeth, shaking her head in sardonic bafflement.

"Maybe because it wasn't _a_ someonethat you hugged," Damon said, widening and narrowing his eyes at her.

For a moment Elena wasn't sure if she was more angry with him for being ridiculous or with herself for shivering under the tone of his voice and not from fear of any kind at all.

"So is there like a list of people I'm allowed to hug? Or see? Or speak to?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes glimmering with what she hoped was coming across as anger.

A shadow of a smirk passed through his face. "It's a very short list, Elena. And Stefan's not on it," Damon said in a voice that sounded perfectly serious, but there was something in his eyes that almost made her smile. He glanced down to her lips before focusing back on her eyes.

"You're joking, right?" Elena asked, stalling. She could almost _see_ all anger evaporate like steam from the little space between them, but she felt it was important to come to some kind of conclusion before they would proceed to reconciliation.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Damon asked, his eyes wandering around her face with such intensity she was grateful for being able to lean against the car.

"No," She said sternly and then added before she managed to stop herself. "You look like you want to kiss me."

He blinked and then his arm was around her, his other hand in her hair. "So do you," he whispered before crashing his lips against hers.

She kissed him back without hesitation, sliding her hands over his shoulders and pressing herself closer to him.

"We can't even argue properly for three minutes anymore," Elena whispered in a falsely complaining tone, gasping for air.

Damon smiled against her lips, his ragged breathing ghosting across her skin. "I was doing my best," he said, nibbling on her lower lip before kissing her tenderly.

"So you _were_ joking," she stated with a lingering hint of doubt that dispersed as soon as a lop-sided smile began creeping onto his face.

"I _was_ hoping for a heartfelt apology complete with 'Damon, please tell me _how_ can I earn your forgiveness?'" Damon said, brushing her cheek with the backs of his fingers.

Elena stifled a chuckle, locking her arms around his neck. "Well, don't give up on the idea so soon," she said in the most matter-of-fact tone she could muster, despite her eyes glimmering with utter amusement. Damon smirked, narrowing his eyes at her, moving his hands so they were securely wrapped around her. "You can pretend to be still mad and I'll see what I can do about the heartfelt apology," she whispered with a small smile.

He kissed her, his mouth warm against hers, the kiss both soft and unyielding. There was not a trace of hurry in the kiss and with sudden exhilaration she remembered that they had, quite literally, all the time in the world.

Slowly, Damon drew back and Elena wanted to kiss him again but he shook his head. "I agree to the first part. As for the second... the choice of apology is up to me."

Elena looked away with a smile, pretending to contemplate whether she was going to give her consent.

"Think quickly, Elena," Damon murmured smilingly, lowering his lips to her shoulder and grazing it with his fangs. "Because I'm about to get back into the jealous mode."

"Does that entail tickling me?" Elena asked laughing briefly under her breath.

"_Elena_," he whispered against her skin in a playfully threatening tone.

"Alright, alright," she said quickly, struggling to stop smiling. She cleared her throat. "So... where did we leave off?" She asked, running her fingers through his hair as he continued nuzzling her neck. "Oh yes. I was saying that I was going to hug whoever I wanted, as often as I wanted..." She trailed off waiting for something to happen. "Damon?"

He trailed open-mouthed kisses across her face before capturing her lips in a soft kiss. "What?"

She raised her eyebrow at him. "_This_ seems more like a fluff mode to me."

"I'm lulling your alertness," he explained in a hushed tone, squinting.

Elena widened her eyes at him in mock-realization, but then smiled brightly and kissed him. He twirled them around and continued kissing her.

"We keep disrupting the traffic," Elena said, amused at the sound of honking cars, but when she actually looked up she noticed that the reason for the commotion was different. She blinked at the sight of Caroline picking up the scattered contents of her purse from all over the crosswalk not very far away from them.

Damon followed Elena's gaze and after exchanging a look they crossed the road and walked toward the traffic lights. Caroline picked up the last item from the ground and stepped onto the sidewalk.

"Caroline," Elena rushed toward her, looking at her concernedly. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Caroline answered quickly, looking between Elena and Damon as if they had been standing nearby all along. "I just dropped my purse."

Unceremoniously, Damon snatched Caroline's purse from her hands but before she had the time to react, he took a packet of issues out of it and handed it to Elena who tugged one of the tissues out of the packet. Caroline looked between them both in confusion.

Elena gave her a comforting smile, reaching out into the direction of her face. Brushing the tissue over her mouth she said the words that made Caroline's blood freeze in her veins. "You cut your lip."


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Here it is, the last chapter :) I can't believe I actually managed to finish this story before the S4 premiere! Mission accomplished at least as far as timing is concerned ;)

**Thank You Note :)**

I would like to thank **arabian** for being the most amazing, helpful, encouraging, fast Beta EVER! **Thank you ****so much****, Jennifer :)**

& I would like to** thank very, very,** **very ****much**:

22lusy22, ahjland, ailuj14, Amala Eve, Angeljque, Anna Clara, AnnemiekSalvatore, Arnela, beverlie4055, BHC, bluestriker666, BornForThe70's, carillon14, cherryblossom1031, DamonsBourbon, dancingirl87, DefyTheImpossible, Deleroux, delena123, delena1997, dothk, East Coast Captain, El loopy, elmerodeador, emmapetran0990, eternityisntenough, ghysanie, Girl96xoxo, GoSpikey, gottaLoveLOVE, gufsmile, Hanasc, Heather M, helenamtavares, Holly581, iatak3310, jozac, jukeboxbri, KaceyO, Karolina94, kat st james, Katarina, kfulmer7, Kimberkids, Kittykat2609, KlarolinexDelenaxx, Kymberleii, lapointe15, Lillie, LokYa, LurveDreamer, LustfulAngel00, Maia's Pen, Mallory, Mallory Lynn, MarieeSalvatorelover, midnightjen, mlb388, MorningAngel9, mrs. sam winchester, MrsSeminara, MydnytAngel, new lights, nia4n, NinaProdz, NinjaKitten3.0, ohmypreciousgirl, Ohyeahsalvator, parisdamour, PaulaElizabeth, Perfect Pirate Captain, Polia, queen88, QueQuowle, rjjoupa, Sad Olive, scarlett2112, Serene-A-Cordova, Shaneaadialevesque, Sk8ernv, skeezixx, spygrl007, summergurl48, sweetserendipityxo, thecalisunshine, The Tears-Of-Heaven, Tiffanie, Tiffboskie01, TopSecret101, toxicgurl169, UnbelievinglyRandom, vaniaamonteiro, Wicked Empress, Willofthewisp, Windchimes of Maple, -Damon-Salvatore.x, xxMidnight-Rain-Melodyxx, Y0uNMcK33, Yourself, and all the Guest Reviewers

for all the beautiful, inspiring reviews! :]** *hugs***

& Now I'm going to focus on watching the show and reading fan fiction :) Speaking of, I'm obsessed with **How to Make a Better Vampire by arabean & Gleaming the Cube**** by Deleroux**! They are the best, most amazing DE stories I've ever read. I love them to pieces :]

& Let's hope S4 will be more amazing than our battered hearts could ever hope for ;D

Disclaimer: _TVD_ belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

**Chapter 22**

"No, Caroline. We're not going to tell Elena anything," Bonnie said decidedly, getting out of the car and shutting the door close.

"Don't you think she should know?" Caroline flung the strap of her purse over her neck and grabbed the boxes from the back seat.

"Do you think she doesn't know by now?" Bonnie arched an eyebrow. "That you're a lunatic," she added levelly when Caroline gave her a confused look.

Caroline huffed in exasperation. "If I knew you'd be so mean about this I wouldn't have told you at all!" She abruptly turned around, securing the boxes piled up in her arms with her other hand.

Bonnie grabbed the biggest box from the trunk. "You only told me because you weren't sure if he was fully human and if it wasn't a werewolf bite," she said in a low voice.

Caroline twirled toward Bonnie, the content of the boxes rattling in her hands. "That's not true!"

Bonnie ignored her. "You said he left you a letter saying he was going to leave us alone?" she said, slightly changing the focus of the conversation.

"I said he left a _note_ saying he was going to leave us alone for the time being," Caroline said through he teeth almost dropping the boxes she was carrying because of all the irritation coursing through her. "And since when do you trust Klaus anyway?"

Bonnie stopped in her tracks, giving Caroline a mildly incredulous look. "I'm just trying to be logical. Unlike some other people trying to pull kissing a frog stunts on serial killers."

Caroline put on the most hurt and offended look she could muster, but Bonnie just continued her previous train of thought.

"Don't you think it will kind of ruin Elena's mood if we tell her about it right now?"

"Don't you think it will ruin her mood_ more_ if she runs into Klaus during her honeymoon?"

Bonnie seemed to ponder this for an additional moment or two before saying. "Then we'll tell Damon tomorrow before they leave," she muttered at last, heading toward Elena's house.

Caroline stopped walking, but after blinking a few times, she quickly caught up with Bonnie. "But you're not going to tell him it's my fault?"

"Of course not," Bonnie said, stepping onto the porch. "Killing you would probably make them miss their plane," she said flatly, flashing Caroline a brief smile that she received with an utterly unamused frown.

"This is not my fault!" Caroline argued in a frustrated whisper. "If you just killed him instead of going all epic human justice on him-"

"I'm sorry, Caroline, but no matter how you put it, kissing him still remains a decidedly more of a stupid idea than locking him up in a jail cell!" Bonnie said under her breath, shooting her a look. "Not to mention that locking him up was definitely smarter than letting him out."

"I didn't let him out!" Caroline said helplessly, stomping her foot. "I locked the cell before I left!" Bonnie arched an eyebrow. "I think I did," Caroline whispered brokenly with a grimace. "But I was in _such_ a hurry to leave I might have-" She trailed off and her expression brightened at a lightning speed when the door was pulled open.

"You're half an hour late," Elena said with a laugh, blowing a party whistle at them.

Caroline gave her a radiant smile which quickly changed into a mocking glare.

"Don't think I don't know why you told her to pick me up," she muttered, walking inside.

Elena widened her eyes at Caroline, putting a party hat on her head. "I have no idea what you mean." She turned to Bonnie to do the same.

"She was half-way through booking a private strip show when I caught her," Bonnie said, squinting, exchanging a look with Elena who closed the door, stifling a chuckle.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "I can't believe we're having a bachelorette party in your living room," she said in genuine dismay, looking around. "I failed as a friend," she said miserably, shaking her head.

"It's all about the balance, Caroline," Elena said with a small smile, slumping onto the couch and kicking off her slippers. "You and I are dead, and Bonnie and the room are living."

Bonnie smiled. "Besides, we're going to spend it doing what we didn't have time to be doing for a _very_ long time." She placed the gift boxes on the carpet near the table and sat down on the couch, grabbing a pillow.

"Homework?" Caroline offered wryly.

"Talk," Elena clarified with a smile, pushing a plate with waffles, fruit bowls and whipped cream toward her guests. "We're going to talk."

Caroline sighed, sitting down on the couch next to Bonnie. "OK. But only as long as we stick to _relevant_ subject matters," she said, trying to push all the troubling thoughts aside and brighten the mood to the level appropriate for the occasion.

Bonnie and Elena exchanged questioning looks.

"Like what?" Elena asked, wrinkling her forehead and chewing on a waffle.

"Like you and Damon having sex against every wall of this house."

"Caroline!" Bonnie widened her eyes at her.

Elena coughed, almost choking on the waffle. "Well," she said, quickly regaining her composure, "we _didn't_, so I think we need to find a different subject-"

"You didn't have sex against every wall of this house or you didn't have sex at all?" Caroline investigated dispassionately.

Bonnie gave her another incredulous look.

"What?" Caroline looked at her, apparently sincerely confused by the tone of her voice. "This is supposed to be a bachelorette party! That's what you talk about at a bachelorette party!"

"How do you know?" Bonnie asked with sincere curiosity. "You've never been at a bachelorette party before."

Caroline shrugged. "But unlike the two of you, I treat my social life seriously," she said, thrusting up her chin. "I watch TV. I know _everything _there is to know about such things. So-" She turned to Elena.

"OK," Elena raised her hands stopping Caroline before she was able to say anything more. "Let's get this straight. We won't be talking about _that_ at all. I'm not talking about that," she added firmly under her breath in a slightly strained voice.

Caroline squinted. "So you did have sex."

Bonnie buried her face in the pillow. Elena just looked at Caroline.

"Elena, I'm sorry," Caroline said after a moment of silence, as if she was suddenly hit by a realization. "Of course. What was I thinking?" She said with a grimace and for a second Elena and Bonnie thought she really decided drop the topic. "So... have you ever _made love_?"

Elena threw herself against the back of the couch, wordlessly shaking her head in exasperation, the only audible sound at the moment being Bonnie's laughter muffled by the pillow.

* * *

Liz looked around the Grill taking in the usual Friday night crowd, the whirlwind of voices, music, clinking glasses. She tilted her head to the side upon noticing a familiar face occupying one of the stools at the bar.

"Shouldn't you be at the bachelor party right?" Liz asked with a smile flickering across her face.

Damon looked at her over his shoulder, gesturing to the raw of bottles in front him. "I _am_ at tbe bachelor party," he said, squinting.

"And you're celebrating with...?" Liz slightly raised her eyebrows, glancing around the room.

Damon raised a glass. "With the bachelor."

"I see." Liz said with a smile, accepting the silent invitation and pulling herself onto the stool next to Damon. "And why is that?"

"Let me think." Damon propped his chin on his hand, putting a thoughtful expression on his face. "My best, well, my only friend is dead, my future brother-in-law is not legal to drink and my own brother is presently at the stage when he'd rather carve out my heart and make a stew with it," he said, widening his eyes for a second before taking a sip from his glass. "Not to mention that technically he's not legal to drink either."

"Well," Liz looked away before shifting her eyes to him again. "Since you seem to have a moment. I was meaning to ask you... I understand from what Elena told Caroline that you'll be staying in town at least until Jeremy finishes school-"

"This is getting interesting," Damon said, turning more toward her, his eyes sparkling with humor. "Let me guess. Gotham City needs me."

Liz couldn't help but smile. "And how did you arrive at this conclusion?"

"Because I know _exactly_ whose idea it is," Damon said, returning her smile and wordlessly offering he a drink.

She slightly shook her head. Damon shrugged, pouring himself another drink.

"That's not entirely correct." Scanning the bottles, Liz acknowledged in amusement that none of them contained alcoholic beverages.

"Oh, so it's worse." Damon sighed dramatically, twitching his nose. "It's the effect of general brainstorming."

"Something like that," Liz allowed with a smile.

"There's no way I'd pass the psych evaluation, Liz. Sorry."

"Come on Damon," Liz said, suddenly endowing her voice with more seriousness. "What else you'd rather do?"

"You're right," Damon said, slowly spinning the empty glass around on the counter. "Even now, all I can think about," he grimaced in mock-intensity as if he was going to say something deeply emotional, "is that instead of wasting my time in this bar I could be somewhere out there... writing speeding tickets," he concluded with a sigh and then shot Liz a smirk.

"I do mean it, you know," she said, tilting her head to the side.

Damon's brows furrowed.

"And not to brag," she said, sliding off the stool and glancing around the room, "but I'm the coolest boss you can hope for," she said, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

Damon smiled. "I easily believe that," he said sincerely.

"Give it a thought," Liz said in a matching tone, making to walk away, but then she turned around once more as if remembering something. "Oh and that comment about the only friend was you being a bit overdramatic, don't you think?" Damon blinked. "See you tomorrow," she said with a small smile and walked off.

* * *

Smiling to herself, Elena climbed up the stairs heading for her room. She pushed the door open and switched the light on-

"Damon!" She jumped up at the sight of him, lying comfortably on her bed with her teddy bear in his arms.

He smirked. "_Elena_. May I point out that five hours of sleep won't be enough to prepare you for such an intense day _and_ night that awaits you upon the break of the next morning?" He said, grabbing her alarm clock, positioning the teddy bear in such a way that it seemed to be looking at the clock and subsequently dropping dead from shock at the time displayed.

Elena closed the door behind her. "So you came here to make sure I go to bed early?" She asked skeptically, walking toward the bed.

"Well, I thought that I could at least make your bed look more appealing to you," Damon said with a crooked smile.

Elena sat down on the edge of the bed, laughing under her breath.

Damon leaned forward, reaching out and so lightly she could barely feel it, he smoothed out her hair with the palm of his hand while she slowly slid her feet out of her slippers.

"In addition to that, I came here to hear all about your bachelorette party and tell you about my party... and my job interview," he said, resuming his former position.

"A job interview?" Elena asked innocently, scooting to lay on the bed next to him.

He draped his arm around her. "If you wanted me to wear a uniform and... _arrest_ you, all you had to do was ask." He whispered with a lop-sided smile.

Elena bit her lip, stifling a chuckle. "So what do you actually think about this idea?" She asked, looking up at him, her eyes glimmering with amusement but there was also a glint of seriousness in them.

Damon looked away with a mute sigh. "I can't really picture that, Elena," he said with a thoughtful frown, looking back at her.

She brushed his hair off his forehead and ran her fingertips across his face."There are lots of things I couldn't picture, yet here I am," she said with a small smile.

"Do you mean you never pictured me in your bed?" He asked disbelievingly.

She buried her face into his shoulder and laughed. "I didn't actually need to imagine that. I kept finding you here," she said in mock exasperation.

"See? Some dreams come true before you even dream them," Damon said narrowing his eyes at her in a smirk.

Elena leaned in for a kiss, but in the last moment she drew back. "I'm not sure you're actually allowed to be here tonight," she said with exaggerated solemnity, wrinkling her forehead.

"Ah!" Hastily, Damon grasped her shoulders and rolled them over so he was hovering over her. "I did a thorough research and the only thing I can't do is seeing you in your wedding dress before the wedding," he said, brushing his lips against hers. "And I have no intention of looking at your wedding dress tonight. In fact... I don't really want to look at _any_ of your clothes tonight," he whispered into her ear.

"I hope it won't come across as harsh, but you're taking up my time that I was going to devote to packing for my honeymoon trip," Elena said with a small pout, pretending not to pay attention to him undressing her and placing kisses all over her exposed skin.

She felt him smile against her shoulder. "I could help you with the packing," he said beginning to draw back.

Fervently, Elena pulled him back toward her. "On the second thought," she said, unbuttoning his shirt, "I don't really need to pack right now."

"That's what I thought," Damon whispered with a smirk, slowly leaning down and pressing his lips to hers.

"I didn't lock the door," Elena said suddenly, breaking the kiss.

Damon considered this for a moment before getting off the bed. He grabbed a large piece of paper from Elena's desk drawer and wrote something on it. He then wordlessly showed it to Elena who after quickly reading the words, fell back onto the bed in a fit of laughter.

Damon opened the door and taped the piece of paper to it:

"NOT INTERESTED IN GOING TO KANSAS."

* * *

Stefan tried to sleep but somehow the sleep wouldn't come. He laid wide awake all night and didn't move even when the morning sun flooded the room. He glanced at his daylight ring on the nightstand before shifting his eyes to the sun rays reaching his feet.

When he heard the silence of the house break into a collection of quiet noises he considered turning on the music to drown all the stifled but strangely distinct sounds he could easily discern. But that would demand getting up and he felt like he couldn't move a muscle, couldn't even blink.

And so, with numb intensity he listened to the sound of footsteps on the carpet, a slight creaking of the wardrobe door being pulled open. There was also the dull sound of opening a window, the humming and splashing of water, more footsteps and brief, soundless noises made by a person getting dressed.

The preparations didn't last for more than an hour after which Stefan heard Damon's room door open and he subconsciously frowned, holding his breath as slow footsteps grew steadily quiet, then stopped, then became more audible again and without any help from supernatural senses Stefan guessed someone's presence just outside his door. For a second, his eyes drifted to the invitation at the table. Then back to the door. He hoped the knocking would never come.

It didn't.

After a moment of complete silence the footsteps resumed again.

Stefan felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders when he finally heard Damon descend the stairs and after a couple of more minutes the front door was shut closed, followed by the sound of a car, loud at first and then gradually fading into silence.

Stefan threw his arm over his head and closed his eyes. It had crossed his mind to go to the church today. For a moment he had thought that maybe in fifty years or so he would consider his absence a mistake. But he could not convince himself to go. The very thought hurt too much.

Several more minutes passed and with the greatest effort he sat up in bed-

He froze at the sight and stared at the visitor, his heart rate accelerating from almost non-existent to frantic.

Her brown eyes were fixed on him and without breaking the eye contact with her Stefan, very slowly, afraid of what he half-expected to turn out being just an apparition, slid off the bed and stood up.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed. "I was thinking... I don't know what you'll think about this but... since I have all eternity and you're human... maybe I could spend this one lifetime with you?" She looked at Stefan in silence for a second, determined to retain a serious expression at least until he would say something, but the task apparently proved more demanding than she had thought it would be and soon she burst out laughing, taking a few, agile steps toward the bed.

Stefan's jaw clenched and he angrily turned around.

"You should've seen your face," Katherine said, stopping in the middle of the room and watching him with her head tilted to the side.

Stefan walked away, not looking at her.

Katherine squinted. "Did you really believe it could be her?" She asked with a hint of anger in her voice. "Are you that pathetic? Or did you just get completely lost in that favorite tragedy of yours? Holding on to the illusion which you believe makes you into who you should be, keeps you from being who you are. You can't live your whole life as your own alter ego, Stefan."

Squinting out of the window, then staring frowningly at the floor Stefan finally shifted his eyes to her. "I don't understand what you mean."

Katherine smiled briefly. "Of course you don't. Our story is different," she said after a pause with a glint of something simultaneously childish and dark in her eyes. "It's pure love. You don't get me, I don't get you, yet here we are."

Stefan snorted under his breath, shaking his head in mild exasperation. She tilted her head to the side, watching him with a smile playing about her lips.

"Love? You compelled me-"

She cut him off with an impatient huff. "Do you really think it's possible to compel someone to fall in love? If you could control whom you love, love would just be like everything else," she said, glancing away with a grimace of disgust and for a moment he saw those five hundred years flash in her eyes. "Why would anyone want to live then?"

Stefan briefly widened his eyes at her, for some reason unable to keep irony off his expression and his voice. "I didn't know you had such deep, spiritual beliefs, Katherine."

There was an imperceptible shadow of hurt in her eyes, but she only tilted her head more to the side in response and looked at him with calm curiosity.

"I'm wearing vervain," he said with a flicker of a smile.

Katherine returned the smile but continued looking at him with utmost seriousness. "I have to hand it to Elena," she said after a longer moment of silence as if she had just solved a challenging riddle. "Clever move. She might have just cured you. By dumping you," she added, undeterred by the change of expression on Stefan's face that saddened and hardened at the mentioning of the name. "I don't think you ever lost anyone before," Katherine said almost thoughtfully. "You've never lost me, never lost Damon..." she trailed off, struck by another thought. "That's why I turned him. Did you know? I bet you never guessed that," she said wistfully with a mockingly amused smile that was only grimness and dejection when it reached her eyes. "Did you?" She asked with mocking interest, leaning toward him. "I'll tell you a secret," she whispered in a lighthearted tone, her eyes dark with bitterness. "I turned him because I knew you wouldn't want to see him die." She drew back with a hollow giggle.

Stefan turned toward her, resting his head against the wall behind him. "You think you did it out of love. But you don't know what love is, Katherine."

She smiled, that five hundred year old smile again. "Yes, you keep lecturing everyone on that," she said absently, running her fingertips across the books on one if the shelves. "Yet, it is you who have no idea," she said through her teeth, her eyes lighting up when she turned to look at him. "I'll tell you what love is, Stefan," she said, taking a step toward him. He looked at her with wary eyes but didn't move an inch. He could feel the warmth of the sun on his back. _It doesn't burn_, he thought while listening to her, _it doesn't burn_.

"Love is thinking about a baby you'd never see again _every_ _time_ you draw a breath," Katherine spoke in a low, uneven voice. "Love is spending a century and a half trying to get a cheating liar out of a tomb. Love is stomping all over someone's free will in order to save them." She drew an imperceptible breath. "Love is coming here and speaking to you even if you don't give a damn." She waited for a split second and as short as heated was a flash that rushed through her eyes before drowning in the sarcastic expression. "Are you going to the wedding?"

Stefan blinked. "Are you?" He asked with a mixture of disbelief and anxiety in his voice.

"Conscience cleaning for the price of a party?" Katherine said speculatively, pursing her lips and then smirked. "Of course I'm going." she said, her eyes twinkling.

"Didn't know you had a conscience," Stefan said noncommittally.

Katherine shook her head with a coy smile. "Have you ever wondered why you're always ever only being mean to me?"

"Because I hate you?" Stefan offered with a wry smile.

Katherine snorted but then the flicker of exasperation burst into a flame of curiosity and she looked at him, tilting her head to the side. One, two, three steps and she was standing right in front of him. "Why _do_ you hate me, Stefan?"

He looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed, caught off guard and visibly displeased by the question. Turning around, he took a few steps into the opposite direction, but Katherine flashed in front of him, blocking the way.

"I'll tell you why," she said, squinting. "You hate me because of how similar we are, because I remind you of what you're trying so hard to push out of your mind. Of course you also hate me because I left you, because I disappeared," she continued after a brief pause.

"But of course you did it out of love too," Stefan guessed with a flicker of an ironic smile, unable to understand why he was even having this conversation. He felt so tired.

"Yes," Katherine agreed immediately. "I did it out of love. For myself. I had to keep myself safe. I had to look out for myself. I always will." She inched her face closer to his. "But you should understand it well enough," she said, her tone falling to a whisper, "that's what you do. Trying to be in control so desperately. Letting others make their choices, so they could never blame you for anything. You learned that it's an easier burden to bear." She trailed off, waiting for him to say something but he didn't. "I used to think you didn't love me enough. But you just don't love enough as a rule. The problem is... if you don't love too much you don't love enough, Stefan. You have to pay the price. _You_ are the price and you were never willing to pay that. Not with me, not with her."

Slowly, she stepped away from him, turned around and went to the door.

"So..." she said, her hand on the knob. "Do you want to go with me to the wedding?" She pulled a blond wig out of her purse and put it on. Stefan looked away with a mirthless smile, shifting his eyes back to her when she threw a ginger wig at him. "And after that we could embark on an epic journey. Only me and you and white oak. We could track down Klaus and kill him, since he's only an original vampire now and you're conveniently human-"

"I'll give you a heartfelt advice, Katherine," Stefan cut in, his voice blank. "Drop the revenge act. Look where it got me."

"Do you think Klaus had anything to do with them getting together?" Katherine retorted as soon as he had finished his sentence. "When I went to your house with the cure, do you remember? Your little Elena was all over Damon already, snuggling with him in his bed, kissing, telling him how much she _liked_ him. How did it go? Oh yes. _'I like you now. Just the way you are.'_" Katherine said breathlessly in her best Elena's voice and then laughed while Stefan stared at her in grim bewilderment. "What?" Katherine asked, noticing his expression. "Surprised they were at it long before your sweet, innocent human girlfriend discovered you had a dark side?" Katherine shook her head in mirthless amusement. "I knew something was up as soon as I arrived in town," she pursed her lips and sighed. "But of course you didn't," she moved toward him, reached out and started walking her fingers up his chest. "Because you're a denial boy."

Stefan gently but decidedly pushed her hand away. "Do you really have nothing better to do than come here and bother me with your commentaries on..." he swallowed, "them?"

Katherine looked at him for a moment and then clapped her hands. "You're right. I bet they don't talk about us quite as much. Let's go," she said, extending her hand before Stefan grimaced yet again at her words.

"Go where?"

Katherine smiled, shaking her head at him. "To the wedding," she repeated patiently. "If you don't go, you'll regret it. Not now, perhaps, but in three hundred years or so."

Stefan smiled ironically. "Did you miss the part when the number of years at my disposal became significantly lower?"

Coming up very close to him she tilted her head to the side. "Well, if you'd ask nicely..."

He snorted soundlessly. "No, thank you.

Katherine tossed her head to the side, smiling under her breath. She twirled around and walked toward the table. Having picked up the invitation, she waved the card at Stefan. "Never say never."

* * *

Elena took one more look at herself in the mirror, smoothing the layers of white lace with her palms. She smiled to herself, adjusting the thin tiara holding the veil in place.

She slowly turned around, taking a long look around her room. Her eyes lingered on her parents' pictures, on Jenna's picture. And she wasn't quite sure why but her mind also drifted for a moment to Isobel and John.

"_Because he's in love with you."_

"_...whether you're now reading this as a vampire or as a human..."_

She thought it was rather strange how even though they hadn't really known her at all, they had seemed to interpret, know, predict things she would've never considered meaningful or possible at the time and somehow this made her feel like she could think about them, in some vague, opaque, uncertain way, as her parents.

Closing her eyes for a second and opening them again with a sigh, Elena went out of her room and rushed down the stairs.

"Look who slept in," Jeremy greeted her with a chuckle.

Bonnie smiled, looking Elena up and down.

"Is everything OK?" Elena asked with utmost seriousness, looking Bonnie straight in the eye.

"Except for..." Jeremy spoke before Bonnie managed to say anything, " that ink stain over there..."

Elena's eyes widened in dismay and she twirled around in search of a mirror.

"Jeremy!" Bonnie shot him a scolding look and they both laughed. Elena narrowed her eyes at her brother. "You look wonderful," Bonnie said with a warm, reassuring smile and Elena relaxed, smiling back at her.

"How about me?" Jeremy asked, straightening his dark gray suit.

Bonnie barely glanced at him. "You look fine," she said, turning around so Jeremy couldn't see the smirk on her face.

"_Fine_?" Jeremy looked to Elena for support but she was already heading to the door, her attention focused solely on the veil, making sure she wasn't stepping on it while she walked.

* * *

"I don't know if Elena will find it funny," Caroline said skeptically, her eyes fixed at the newly renovated by Matt, old white car with bells and cans tied to the back with red ribbons.

"The 'F' is actually removable," Matt said reassuringly. "There _is_ a 'W' underneath."

Caroline still didn't look too convinced as she looked with raised eyebrows at the NEWLYFED registration plate.

"It's funnier than vampire pajama sets with fang buttons anyway," Matt observed matter-of-factly, keeping a smile off his face.

Caroline squinted. "At least those are practical."

Matt looked back at the car. "Removable 'F' is practical too," he said with a shrug.

They looked at each other and after a moment laughed.

* * *

Green, white, red – Damon looked at the traffic lights remembering the night a mere month ago when he had driven across the same streets, finding bleakness in what now seemed eternally bright. What had seemed like colorless shades looming in the darkness were now the most vivid of colors glittering in the sun.

He parked the car on the road across from the church and walked toward it smiling to himself.

* * *

Jeremy looked around the church with a confused expression on his face. "I'm pretty sure Elena wanted to invite only the closest friends and I have never even seen half of the people in here. I didn't even know that many people lived in this town," he added.

"Well, if Elena put Caroline in charge of the preparations she has only herself to blame," Bonnie replied, glancing at him with a small smile. Standing near the altar as the best man and the maid-of-honor, Jeremy and Bonnie had the best view of the church. "I thought you were going to walk with Elena down the aisle?" Bonnie asked, when Elena appeared at the entrance of the church drawing everyone's attention.

Jeremy gave Bonnie a mysterious smile. "Yeah, well, somebody else will."

The priest looked at them with a good-natured smile that however seemed to imply they should lower their voices, so Bonnie refrained from asking for an explanation, noting in slight confusion that Elena started walking down the aisle alone.

Glancing at Jeremy, Bonnie tried to figure out the meaning of his words and then suddenly, when Jeremy looked back at her with a smile it dawned on Bonnie what was going on and she smiled as well.

They both looked at Elena and Bonnie wished that like Jeremy, she could see Alaric walking down the aisle with Elena. She shifted her eyes to Damon and couldn't help but smile at the enthralled expression on his face.

"_When I touched you I saw a crow... there was fog... a man... It's just the beginning."_ Bonnie's own words drifted back to her and she drew a slow, deep breath at all the memories that flew across her head. So many beginnings, so many endings happened since that day. Yet the story was far from over. It would never end. It would continue on long after she was gone, across different times and different worlds, a timeless, unpredictable journey. And she was worried.

But then Elena stepped in front of the altar and looked at Damon and he looked at her and Bonnie thought that there was nothing to worry about or be afraid of as long as there was such invincible magic in the world.

* * *

The road was dark, dimly lit, the dark shadows of the trees hovering on both sides of it in what looked to Elena liked the most poetic sight. She snuggled deeper in the passenger seat, gathering the veil to one side and resting her head against the window. She looked at Damon, readjusting the angle at which her hand was clasped in his. He turned his head giving her a smile and she leaned toward him but then they heard a loud, gritty screeching noise and the car stopped, the engine going completely silent.

Elena frowned while Damon tried to restart the car several times, but to no avail.

"The revenge of Matt Donovan," he said in a dramatic voice and Elena stifled a chuckle.

"He wouldn't," she said, amused.

"Oh, he would," Damon said. "We should've taken our car," he muttered, getting out of the car.

Elena watched him open the front of the car and after a moment of consideration she got out of the car as well. Her eyes immediately took in the surroundings that reminded her of the night when she was in transition. There was similar scent in the end. There was-

She wrinkled her forehead, scanning the road more closely. She blinked repeatedly at the realization and almost started to laugh, ceasing to hear Damon's commentaries regarding the state of the engine.

What had seemed like a mere impression at first was now a certainty, and she walked toward the forest line, enchanted by the memory and the current coincidence.

"You won't like what I'm thinking," Damon said under his breath. He looked up, his eyebrows knitting in confusion upon noticing that Elena wasn't standing next to him. He quickly looked around.

She was standing a few feet away with her back to him, her head slightly tilted upwards. He smiled pensively at the sight, at the contrast between her white dress and the black sky. He was about to call her name when he suddenly realized the reason for her reverie.

Soundlessly, he made his way to her and slowly draped his arm around her waist whispering into her ear. "So, Elena, did you find everything you were looking for?"

Elena smiled, leaning into a kiss that he placed on her cheek. "Let me think..." She said with a sigh, turning in his arms and sliding her hands over his shoulders. Damon tilted his head to the side, looking at her with a smile. "Love that consumes me..." She pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. "Check," she said with a small smile, squinting. Damon brushed a few strands of hair off her face and tucked them behind her ear. "Passion-" She barely managed to speak the words before his lips captured her in an ardent kiss. "Check," she whispered breathlessly.

"Adventure?" He asked with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes, brushing his thumb across her lips.

She rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. "Check," she said, images flickering across her mind and she was certain he could see them too.

"And a little bit of danger?" He questioned again.

Elena chuckled and opened her eyes. "Double-check," she said, arching an eyebrow and smiling against his mouth when he kissed her again. "And let's not forget a mysterious stranger with all the answers," she said, drawing back and cupping his face in her hands. "So yes," she said softly in a serious, tranquilly happy voice, "I found everything I was looking for."

"So did I," Damon said in a matching tone, returning her smile and looking at her with so much light in his eyes that she was certain all the lights in the world couldn't compare to the brightness and intensity of his gaze.

But then something strange happened. Something strange...

She heard a noise... like a humming of water underneath... underneath her feet... and in her ears...

Elena blinked.

And coughed.

"Elena?" Damon's voice acquired a note of concern that became more prominent with every repetition of her name. "Elena?"

She coughed again, bringing her hand to her mouth. When she coughed, water spilled out of her mouth falling over her hand. Her eyes darted to Damon who stared back at her with wide eyes, his face contorted in a grimace of bewilderment, fear and despair.

"_Maybe if you and I had met first..."_

Her eyes were wide from fear and she couldn't understand why these words sounded so clear in her head while everything else was fading away...

...like a dream.

Elena tried to draw a breath and if she could, she would've screamed from the excruciating pain that radiated from her chest onto every part of her body.

But she couldn't scream and couldn't breathe, coughing up water, feeling it in her throat, in her lungs. The more she tried to breathe, the more water kept spilling out of her mouth, the pain numbing her senses, making it impossible to think. She was choking on the water, unable to stop herself from swallowing it which only intensified the pain.

A sudden surge of cold rushed her attention to her feet and in horrified astonishment she noticed that there was water on the road. She looked up at Damon to see his reaction to that, but to her utter dismay he just looked back at her in silence, his eyes so sad, so sad, just like she had imagined them-

_No._

He was looking at her as if there was nothing bizarre about the green water raising up from the ground, from the road on which they had met for the first time; the water was slowly submerging their feet, reaching their ankles, moving past their shins, their knees, their thighs.

She couldn't feel it. She didn't feel her clothes beginning to soak. All she could feel was pain. All she could see was his eyes.

"_I will see you soon."_

His features began to shimmer, as if he was a painted portrait being slowly wiped away by the water. She felt Damon's hand clench around hers and she held on to his hand in frantic desperation, her eyes widening when the murky water rushed past the level of their heads, completely blurring her vision.

And then she could see him no longer. She was twisting her hand in deafening silence, reaching out but finding nothing.

There was only cold water all around her and she closed her eyes tightly shut as a result of sharp pain lacerating her like thousands of daggers, cutting through every inch of her skin.

Behind her closed eyelids she saw herself and Damon standing in the middle of the road again. She tried to hold on to the image, but suddenly it was as if someone snatched the picture away from her and she felt herself falling into more images, running backwards into her most beautiful memories. Him kissing her instead of giving in to Klaus' compulsion. The night on the boat. Him taking care of her throughout her attack of inhuman fury. Running barefooted through the rain and into his arms. Them dancing on the rose petals. The love confession in the fog. The day at the mall.

She was chasing the ever-rewinding tape, watching everything happen in reversed order, unable to stop the mad rush into the direction that was beginning to frighten her more and more with every passing moment, with every breath she could no longer take.

"_Elena."_

There he was, standing next to her, telling her that he would never let her die-

And then... she opened her eyes.

And then-

It was as if everything stopped, as if the world came to a halt. She had never felt such searing, incomparable, incurable pain in her entire life.

She wasn't breathing. Her heart wasn't beating.

She was in a car. Surrounded by water. The greenish, murky water was everywhere, everywhere around her, filling up the car she was in, filling up the world. And she was drowning in it.

She felt her eyes sting with tears that would never flow now, because-

In that last, agonizing moment that tore her dying heart into shreds she realized, and it was the most painful, the most impossible, the cruelest realization of all, that none of it had ever happened, that she had been here all along, drowning in Matt's truck that had fallen off the Wickery Bridge, dreaming herself to sleep.

And then... and then...

She screamed.

"Elena!"

His voice.

His voice registered in her mind like a solitary star in a dark, silent universe and she thrashed around trying to locate it, praying to hear it again. Death wasn't so terrifying, wasn't frightening at all if on the other side she could still hear his voice. Or if she could, at the very least, die while hearing his voice in her head.

"Elena!"

Suddenly, she could _feel_ his arms around her and the pain was gone. She tossed her head to the side and when she opened her eyes she could make out his silhouette in the dark room... room! His eyes were glimmering with concern in the faint light coming from the window.

Elena gasped and with a broken cry fell into his arms, threw her arms around his neck and held on to him so tightly that he could hardly catch his breath.

"Elena," Damon whispered into her ear, holding her, stroking her hair. "Elena."

She just clung to him more, risking only a quick look around the room. No water. No water. She wasn't underwater. She wasn't in a car.

"Where are we?" She asked in a raspy voice, burying her nose in his hair, inhaling his scent, frantically running her outstretched fingers over the bare skin of his back.

"In a motel," Damon replied in a soothing tone, trying to calm her down by cradling her in his arms as tightly as possible.

"What happened?"

"We left after the wedding, after the party-"

"And then?" She demanded impatiently.

"Our car broke down, on that road where we first met. Elena? Do you remember?"

She couldn't answer, once again overwhelmed by fear but she tried to push it away. "And then?"

"And then we decided to take a walk."

"And then?"

"Then we walked for a while and stopped in this motel to spend the night here. Elena?" Gently, he tried to draw back and look at her, but she refused to move an inch, her arms firmly locked around him.

She touched his shoulder with trembling lips. "And then?"

He slid his fingers into her hair, leaning his cheek against the side of her head, lightly running his fingertips down her back. "Then we made love," he said quietly. "You do remember that, don't you?" he added in hope of making her smile.

But even if she did smile, the smile was taken over by tears that he could feel rolling down her face and onto his shoulder.

"Elena." This time he drew back determined to look at her and understand why she was being like this. He firmly cupped her face in his hands. "Elena. Did you have a nightmare?" He asked, and she grimaced and nodded, causing more tears to escape from her eyes.

He was relieved by her answer a little. "Elena," he said gently, gathering her into an embrace and wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"We were standing in the middle of that road..." she whispered feverishly, snuggling into his chest. "Like we really were. But then there was water... the water was everywhere and when I opened my eyes..." She slightly straightened up, her eyes searching the dark interior. "When I opened my eyes I was... I was in a car, in _that_ car. I was drowning and I thought..." she stammered, choking on her tears, "I thought that none of it had ever happened, that I just dreamed it all while drowning in that car!... Oh my God," she gasped, losing her breath at the mere memory of the feeling and the pain accompanying that realization. "I was so scared that none of it had ever happened, that _we_ never happened!"

He cradled her face in his palms again and kissed her lips before scattering kisses all over her face. "But we did, Elena. It was only a bad dream. _This_ is real."

She nodded, looking at him through her eyes filled with tears, pressing her hands to his cheeks, tracing the outline of his lips with her fingertips. "I know." She drew a breath. "But if I'd have really died then-"

Damon shook his head. "You couldn't have," he said in a low, ardent voice, looking deeply into her eyes. "One would think you ought to remember your vows so soon after the wedding," he said, arching an eyebrow.

Elena smiled through the dried tears on her face. "I do," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

They kissed and smiled against each other's lips, silently repeating the vows, Elena's voice resounding in Damon's head, and his in hers.

"_...and not even death shall ever do us part."_


End file.
